Uh-Oh

Mistress appears to have taken my recent blog postings to heart.  Yesterday afternoon, we had another intense scene.

I went upstairs and get things ready.  I puled the bondage straps out from under the bed.  I put my wrist and ankle restraints on.  I pulled out several toys and striking implements so Mistress could decide what she wanted to use.  I put towels on the bed, put some music on and dimmed the lights.  I laid on the bed, blindfolded myself and tied 3 of my limbs to the bed straps.

Mistress came in the room.  She restrained my 4th limb and tightened the straps down TIGHT.  Mistress put 8-10 clothespins on my scrotum as well as clover nipple clamps on my nipples.  I had recently added the clover clamps to the toy drawer as the clothespins are not intense enough for me. Mistress stroked my cock while lecturing me about my recent attitude.  She continued lecturing me and telling me how things were going to go from now on as she pulled the clothespins off of my scrotum causing me to gasp.

Mistress added rubber bands to my upper thighs and proceeded to snap them.  Out of all the implements we have used so far, these leave the best marks.  I was fortunate that Mistress put 3-4 bands together.  Combined, the pain they created was less sharp than a single band.

Mistress would hit the insides of my thighs and when the pain got too much she would stroke my cock to bring me back to my desperate horny state.

I lost track of time as Mistress continued to alternate between torture and pleasure.  Mistress told me how she intends on taking me to a local drag queen event.  First to observe, with the goal of taking me out in public the next time we go.  The thought scares me to death but also excites me.  At some point I will end up being fully feminized in public.  

Mistress also talked about putting me on a points system.  The more I serve her, the quicker I get to have scenes I enjoy.  Mistress also told me that she was going to start holding me much more accountable and enforce punishments much, much quicker.  I assured her that I want to be held to the highest standard and am willing to pay dearly for not serving her well.  I need to be doing more around the house.  To me this means I need to be doing chores while Mistress relaxes on the couch.  I would like there to be a 'honey-do' list every day.  I would like Mistress to remember that I am wired differently.  Having a list of tasks and being held accountable to complete it would really reinforce our D/s dynamic. There will be some challenges and push back from me, as she pushes me harder, but we both know I will be more fulfilled the more totally I am controlled.

At one point Mistress climbed on my face with her facing my feet.  She planted her pussy on my mouth.  I licked her as furiously as I could.  I tried to reach her asshole with my tongue.  I probably went about this the wrong way.  My intention was to show her how much I want to orally serve her.  I want to be consumed by her pussy.  I want to earn the privilege to be allowed to put my tongue in her asshole.  What I think I did is I went too fast and it wasn't doing anything for her.  I really do want to casually spend an hour or more between her legs worshiping her pussy.

I believe I almost got fucked in the ass with a strap-on, but I think a wardrobe malfunction occurred so instead of an ass fucking Mistress just put the dildo in my ass.  I kept wishing it was bigger and deeper.   

I am guessing after about 30 minutes, Mistress removed one of the nipple clamps and immediately rubbed the nipple.  OMG!  It was probably the most painful thing she did to me all afternoon.  Which is surprising considering how many times she hit my balls, smacked the rubber bands and hit me hard with implements.  That was until she the took off the second nipple clamp and rubbed my nipple which again was intensely painful.  On a scale of 1-10, my nipples are still sore at a level 1.  I was hoping for a residual pain level of 5-6.   

The longer the scene went on, the more I confessed my total and complete surrender to Mistress.  I confessed that I have totally embraced chastity.  For years I have resisted it unless it was for entertainment purposes, but now I believe it is in my best interest to be locked 24/7 for the rest of my life.  Release should only be for Mistress' pleasure.  I also confessed I have now accepted my feminine side.  I truly believe I am more subservient when I am dressed, perfumed, erotically shamed, etc.  My bad attitude is when my masculine side tries to take over.  I begged Mistress to keep pushing my feminization so that I naturally choose feminine over masculine.  I need encouragement if not outright force in the afternoons and evenings, when my libido is lower, as deep down I want to be dressed.  I just need help getting me over my last bit of resistance.  Lastly I confessed how much I want to kneel at her feet.  I think this act alone is a very powerful one.  Much like a queen asks her subjects to 'bend the knee' to show they serve her, and her alone.  It might feel uncomfortable the first few times, but I would bet a large sum of money that she would get used to it and eventually love the symbolism of me kneeling before her.  I would go into subspace very quickly with just this act alone.  It also a good position to orally pleasure her.

Mistress mounted my cock and rode me.  I really thought she was going to make me cum inside her and them make me clean her out. but she had other ideas.  We are going on a long trip soon.  I tend to get stressed and snarky when we travel and having an orgasm would just increase the chance for me to have a bad attitude.  I was to have no orgasm.  Instead Mistress gave me some instructions for the week.  I am to continue to stay in chastity until we leave and had to lock myself up the second we got done.  I hope she intends to keep me locked until the morning of our trip and not release me the night before.  I truly don't want kindness and mercy.  I am also required to wear my largest butt plug for 2 hours every day until we leave (I am wearing it now).  That being said, I believe I should wear it on the morning of our trip as well.  She also mentioned that we would be having another intense scene as a preventative measure at the end of the week.  That way when I get stressed and snarky she can remind me of what will happen if I don't change my attitude.  I am wishing we have a 'daily lesson' so to speak.  

Mistress managed to edge and beat me until I was a mass of submissive putty.  I don't think there was anything I wouldn't have done at that point.  She owned me.

Before Mistress untied me I asked her if I could add a few tasks to myself that I knew I would regret.  She indulged me.  I asked to wear my bikini in out hot tub.  She told me that I could.  I also asked to wear something slutty the rest of the night and she told me no.  I asked if I could wear pink leggings and a pink camisole and she said I could.

Mistress then untied one of my limbs  She told me to untie myself and that I would now be pleasuring her.  She ran off to the bathroom while I untied myself.  I was in such a state of subspace and pure desire to serve that I untied myself and knelt on the bed awaiting her arrival.  I was still wearing my blindfold and restraints.  Mistress came back from the bathroom and laid on the bed.  She told me to use my fingers inside her.  I begged to be allowed to go down on her first.  She told me 'no'.  I am pretty sure it's because she just went to the bathroom, but I knew that.  I really wanted to lick the remaining drops of piss from her pussy.  I can't think of a more submissive way to express my true desire and devotion than to do such an act.  It is also deep rooted in my brain as it goes back to my very first submissive fantasies I had as a pre-teen.

I obeyed Mistress and started to put my fingers in Mistress and instead she changed her and and told me to fuck her.  I did, much better than I expected but still was on the edge fast.  I then made her cum several times and she squirted quite a bit.  This made me want to grab a glass and catch her juices and drink them up.  She made me fuck her again.  This time I got too close to the edge.  I should have dribbled, but somehow did not.  Mistress was not having any more of that.  She had me make her cum a few more times and then she announced she was done.  I was disappointed as I didn't want this feeling to end.  Ever.

She had me clean up the room and put everything away.  I hate having to clean up after a scene, but being made to do so put me in the right frame of mind.  I am a slave and I don't get to decide what I want to do.  We then went to the hot tub. I was wearing my bikini.  If any of our neighbors were outside paying attention, there could have been 3-4 that could have seen me.  I was in such sub-space that I really didn't care.  I could see that becoming a new requirement.  Sitting in a hot tub in a bikini is way naughtier than being nude.  The feminine reinforcement is powerful.  

The bottom half of my bikini

After the hot tub, I did put on my pink leggings and camisole and made us dinner.  Mistress did a great job of reminding me of my outfit and my position as her slave.  I forgot to wear my butt plug when we got out of the hot tub.  I am fortunate Mistress reminded me as I was able to put it in at bedtime and sleep with it in for a few hours.  If I were her, I would have let me fail so I could have punished me for it.  I'm mean like that.  

At bedtime I thanked Mistress for her abuse.  I also encouraged her to keep at it.  This morning as I write this I am encouraged where this is heading.  I am still in pretty strong sub-space and am willing to do absolutely anything.  Mistress has now had a couple scenes where she has shown an ability to be mean.  I am truly scared of disobeying which is something I can only say a few times not only in this relationship but in my entire life.  I want to live in a certain state of fear because that fear is what will get me through my resistance and disobedience.  Fear will free me.

                 

        

Conditioning and Normalization

Mistress is really starting to do a good job of mentally torturing me.  Over the course of last evening, Mistress told me she had intended on letting me out for some D/s play, but I got home too late and missed out.  Of course I had no idea that was part of any plan so it's an extra mindfuck.  Mistress also mentioned that she had masturbated while I was at work.  I find that very, very hot, especially with my cock locked in chastity.  I imagine her texting me through out the day telling me she just had another orgasm.  It makes me want to be forced to track her orgasms on this blog along with my own.  Talk about a mind fuck.  Logging dozens and dozens of orgasms every month while I got months at a time without one.  Hot!  https://missbossybitchsboy.blogspot.com/p/history-of-orgasms.html

Mistress also played with my locked cock before bed.  Now that does several things to me.  It let's me know that Mistress acknowledges (and hopefully enjoys) my situation.  It gets me ramped up far more than I can ramp myself.  Having her fingers all over my locked cock, makes my head spin.  It reinforces my place in our relationship.

Being locked in chastity for long periods and having Mistress torment me, is exactly how my chastity fantasies play out.  Being locked and ignored is no fun.  Being locked and constantly reminded and tormented makes me want to stay locked forever and ever.

Last nights teasing has me pretty worked up this morning.  I woke up and my mind went straight to naughty town.  I got up and put a full spray of perfume.  I got dressed in some feminine clothes.  I have a fairly large selection (always want more) and I am forcing myself to wear things I rarely wear.  These clothes are more modest, which I am so no modest right now, but wearing more normal clothes, is an important part of normalizing my feminization.  I did put on my high strappy pumps and I tightened the straps a couple extra holes so I can feel like my ankles are restrained.

This picture I saw yesterday really spoke to me.

I recently had a dream where I have become so accustomed to being dressed that I stepped out of a hotel room to investigate something outside my door that I forgot that I was dressed.  In real life I have ventured out on the back patio in feminine attire, certainly very aware of my situation.  But the truth is that I am getting more and more conditioned to being dressed up.  I used to never wear my bras, but now I try to find a shirt where I can wear one.  Not because it's comfortable, but because it's not, and I am getting used to it.  I am too shy to wear my inserts though.  I used to wear heels for only a short period of time, but now I am used to them and walking in them.  They are not comfortable, but I miss them when I take them off.  On the weekends Mistress doesn't make me dress, but I can't resist and put on something casual but feminine when I wake up.  I do wish she "forced" me to be dressed more often or made me wear certain items to push my boundaries even further.  I love the conditioning and normalization of my feminine side as well as my chastity device.  I can't believe I can say that.        

    

Defiance

Being in a loving relationship is wonderful.  We rarely fight, are each other's best friends and everything is really good.  When things are wonderful, you want to treat each other really, really well.   And we do.  That's a problem in a D/s relationship when one person's idea of being treated well is most people's idea of being treated poorly.

Last Saturday, Mistress was pretty physically brutal with me.  He words were also tougher sounding than normal which was music to my ears.  All week she has been a bit more feisty around the house with me which has been great.  All week I have replayed not only the scene, but Mistress' comments over and over.  My bruises are fading and my libido is back through the roof, and I am yearning for some harshness.

All week I have been dreaming of being dressed feminine at night, when it's particularly more humiliating for me.  I imagined my ass being plugged while sitting on the couch.  I imagined being tied face down and beaten as well as face up and having my nipples and cock tortured.  I imagined Mistress sitting on the floor at Mistress' feet and giving her a foot massage.  I imagined her putting a tightly laced corset on me in the evenings just to make sitting difficult.  I imagined having to wear feminine items other than my nighty to bed at night.  I imagined being tide down to the spare bedroom bed all night with the smell of perfume all around me.  I imagined being tied to a chair all dressed up while we watch our evening programs.  I imagined lots of mean things happening.   

All of this has had me questioning on what would happen if I acted out or was defiant.  It's a common topic in D/s relationships where it's 'topping from the bottom' or being a 'brat' all with the intent of forcing a reaction. In my fantasy mind I would say 'no' to something or not do something, or be snarky and then Mistress would take me over her knee or tie me down and beat me, etc.  That would be hot.  In reality, I don't think it would work and it wouldn't be much fun for her.  She wants to be obeyed and respected and I want to obey and respect her.

As I was writing the above paragraph, I had an idea.  What if there were certain behaviors that were agreed upon that could I could do to signify a desire to be dealt with harshly?  Pretend defiance so to speak.  A playful way for me to be a brat in a way that is good for our overall relationship.  'Forgetting' to repaint my toenails.  Sticking my tongue out when asked to do something.  I would still do what was asked, but the tongue would be a signal.  Grabbing Mistress in a forceful manner.  These could all be signs that I am wanting to act out, but also wanting to respect what we have.

I want to be hurt and treated mean, in a loving way.  Talk about contradictory!

    

     

Making things more difficult

This morning I could have chosen to wear something comfy  and casual and likely not been questioned on it.  Instead I chose my skirt and a top to go with it.  I could have just worn that, but I decided to add a bra.  Not because I like wearing a bra, but because it's more difficult.  Feeling the straps digging into me.  Making me aware of my every movement.  Making me feel humiliation at this extra feminine item of clothing.  I can ignore panties, but not a bra.

Then I decided to make my life even more difficult.  Instead of wearing my black platform heels I decided to wear my black strappy pumps.  The heels are 5 inches on both pairs of shoes, but the platform on the other pair makes the net heel height only 3 inches.  In my pumps, my heels are raised a full 5 inches.  I have to walk with smaller steps, making me that much more aware of my situation.  These shoes hurt my feet more than the others.  It's not about the shoes, as much as it's about the difficulty.

This concept explains why I wear a nighty.  I'd rather not.  However, the challenge, the difficulty, having to do something I don't like; that makes it all worth while.

The hornier I get, the more difficult I want things to be.  Today is 3 weeks since my last orgasm, so the more difficult the better.  Some of the thoughts I had about how to make life more difficult.

• Having to wear a thick leather collar when home

• Shackled all day

• Corset
• Stockings, garters, hose, etc
• Makeup
• Sitting on a spiked mat 

There are obviously lots of ways to make a slaves like more difficult.  I love/hate the thought of it!

      

Bondage As Punishment

I wasn't sure if my dressing feminine was expected to be back full time or just yesterday.  Last night Mistress indicated that it was not just for yesterday.  It's back on.  I can honestly say I wasn't it expecting it to be full time.  There are some challenges to it, but I want Mistress to challenge me more than I can put into words.  And by the hard-on in my pants I can tell you it's a good thing she is getting strict with me again!

Now for the post I created yesterday for today since I am out all day.

I am a huge fan of being tied up.  That really is #1 at the top of my list.  The tighter the better.  The other day I ran across a video of a woman tied up in an impossible position (for me at least).

http://asianastarr.com/asiana/category/whats-inside/

Listening to the banter between her and her Master you learn that she has been in this position for around 35 minutes.  She is pretty much wrecked.  It hurts to stay in this position and it hurts to move as blood moves back into numb parts of her body.  She is in tears and her breathing is labored.  I am absolutely fascinated.  Fascinated by her flexibility.  Fascinated by his sadism.  Fascinated by the concept.

He keeps taunting her.  Asking her questions.  She is in such distress she can't answer him.  He threatens her with more time and she finally answers him.   At one point he removes the rope that runs behind her neck that is keeping her keens toward her face.  While the release should be a relief, it's excruciating.  After the initial shock wears off you can see some relief, but not near enough.

The beauty of this is that he doesn't have to do anything else.  Time is the enemy.  He doesn't have to hit her or hurt her in any way although he could.  All he has to do is sit and get in her head.

Watching this I am extremely jealous.  To take something that is my favorite activity and make it my worst enemy is such a hot idea.  The most I have felt this way is with Mistress.  When we first started dating there were a couple times I was suspended to the ceiling by my wrists.  It's a difficult position but it can allow for too much movement so it because more predicament bondage than I am thinking here.  The other time I was put into the straight jacket and into the cage.  The jacket really limited my ability to reposition but I was still able to relieve the major discomfort.  I have been tied to the bed spreadeagle for quite some time, to where it hurt to be untied, but I have never been tied so long or so difficult that I have needed to use my safeword.

After watching this videos I found some more ways to use bondage itself as punishment.  I tried to find pictures of guys, but there just aren't enough.  Also, any of these positions are made much harder by being made to wear high heels.

Super Simple.  The back, hips and shoulders will start hurting in no time. This one is of the chest tied to the ankles.

I have looked and looked for the male version of this but couldn't find it.  It's the same, but the balls are tied to the ceiling to prevent movement.  

A ball gag that is way too big, forced keeling, neck restrained.  Not only will her body hurt, her jaw will fatigue badly.

Trying to gain some relief.  It doesn't work.

  

Those clothespins just add to the helpless feeling.

Knees to neck is what make this so hard.

I imagine myself in this position in my office.  

He's only restrained by one thing

High heels would make this much worse.

I love how he gets in her face.

I found one with a guy.  There is nothing he can do but wait for the pain to set in.

I love how the leather straps tie her ankles to her thighs.  The knees will feel that soon.

  

Completely helpless with 3 pieces of restraint.

   

She's not tied, but she can't move either.  That will hurt soon enough.

     

Fear

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Control

Yesterday morning Mistress and I were having early morning sex.  I was in my nighty while we were having sex.  It's pretty hot for me to be in my nighty when when we have sex.  It keeps my mind focused on pleasing her and reinforces my place in our relationship.  After Mistress had a couple orgasms Mistress ordered me to fuck her harder.  I thought this indicated that she was going to let me cum.  As I got close to the edge, I asked Mistress if I could cum.  I was on a perfect pace to fill her up with my cum when she said "no".  I had to stop moving my hips immediately.  She added that she didn't want to screw up her Sunday by having a difficult to deal with slave just because she let me have an orgasm.

Now she's getting it!

I have spent the better part of 6.5 years getting her to recognize the benefits of keeping me denied (Semen Retention).    At the same time she should be getting all the sex she wants from me as it keeps me engaged and helps me build stamina.  Also her pleasure should come first and second to my third.

It had only been a week since my last orgasm and the feeling was fresh in my mind.  All week I have really wanted another orgasm.  I was so ready to cum that I had considered just cumming and dealing with the consequences.  However my mind quickly went to the cage in the basement.  Even though I have only been locked in the cage a few times, it has an effect on my behavior.  I could imagine me spending at least a couple hours in the cage if not longer for an unauthorized orgasm.  I could also imagine other punishments for cumming after being told no.

At this point I realized that Mistress has the most control over me than she ever has.  I like that.  I dress feminine every week day and some weekends if we don't have anything going on.  I wear perfume that Mistress has chosen for me daily (no matter what I am wearing)  I wear my chastity device when told.  I have a collar locked around my neck 24/7 for months at a time unless it needs to come off for medical or security reasons.

While Mistress has more control over me than she ever has, I don't fear her.  I wish I did.  In a D/s context.  If I did, her control would be complete.

I frequently think of purposely disobeying Mistress so that I can be treated badly.  Even this morning I was tempted to edge myself and then confess to it.  I didn't, but I thought about it. I think about skipping my feminine dress one day to see if Mistress will punish me.  I sometimes get snarky, wishing that Mistress would call me out on it and truly punish me.

I fantasize of being punished to the point of truly begging it to stop.  When we play, Mistress will frequently ask me if I've had enough.  At some point I will say yes.  Not because I have hit a limit, but merely because I still have control at that point.  As I think about this am reminded of a quote from another Domme's blog.

So: A true submissive needs to feel they are helplessly under the control of a sadistic dominant. That they have zero power or influence. That is achieved by two things. 

(A) Punishments for infractions have to be truly feared by the sub. This is achieved by not stopping the punishment until the sub is and has been truly begging with all their heart for a few minutes for the punishment to stop. My lifestyle did not click into place until I started doing this 6 or 7 years ago. It is easy to judge when the begging has reached the truly heartfelt, and then you keep going for a while. You will not break or damage him. During the punishment, he will be begging and attempting to have you stop. After it, he will be in awe of you and want to worship you. Bind him so he cannot move, gag him and then apply the punishment. It may only need to be six HARD cane strokes, if he is begging with all his heart after the first. If he has marks on his butt for the rest of the day, he will love that. If the marks last 3 days, he will love it even more.

(B) The true submissive has to undergo things they really do not like. By this, it is reinforced that they have zero power or influence, that they are helplessly under the control of a sadistic dominant.  

All of this being said, we are heading down the right path.  Mistress is kind to me and treats me very well.  I love this.  However a part of me wants to truly fear her.  I want to be scared when I am tied up.  Truly not knowing what is going to happen to me.  I eventually want a true beating.

I want to beg to the point of tears. I want to be afraid that she will do things I don't want to have done to me.  I want her to be able to verbally tell me something and for her words to put fear into my heart.  This concept excites the hell out of me.  I want Mistress have absolute control of me.  

   

Thoughts on this week

Today is the 5th day in a row of chastity and a butt plug.  When I woke up this morning I had zero desire to plug myself or to dress feminine.  Still, I have freely and willingly given up my right to decide these things for myself.  I inserted the plug, put on my rose scented deodorant and misted my chest with my perfume.  By the time I made it to the spare bedroom with my feminine clothes I was back into my slutty head space.  I am truly astounded how fast my perfume affects my mind.  Because of that I decided to wear a blue bra (Mistress has no bra requirements so far) a low cut top that matches and peeks out of the top, lace boy short panties, a too short skirt and my Mary Jane platform shoes.  Now as I write this blog, any lack of desire I woke up with has been replaced with a potent cocktail of brain chemicals such as testosterone that had my head spinning.  Add to that, being in chastity, being plugged, being dressed and being on my 70th day without an orgasm and I am kind of a mess.

By 8 am this morning I will have worn a butt plug for a required 13 hours this week.  It's likely closer to 15 hours as I didn't remove it promptly each day.  That's easily a record.  I have never been plugged 5 days in a row let alone for so many hours in such a short period of time.  The plug has gotten progressively easier to put in.  It's still not easy as it's relatively large, but it's easier.  Sitting on it is much easier than walking with it in as it doesn't move as much. One pint of interest is that I wore it in the tub the other day to shave my body.  Sitting in the tub drove the plug in even deeper than my office chair does.  As I sit here I am thinking of Mistress making me wear the plug when we leave the house together so she can frequently comment on it.    

Chastity.  No matter what I say or think about it, it certainly raises my libido.  There is literally no way to ignore my cock.  Regardless of the type of device I wear, I am hyper focused on my inability to touch myself.  The interesting thing is that if I am not wearing a device I can pretty much ignore my cock.  That being said, yesterday Mistress check out a new gym and left for about 90 minutes.  Had I not been locked in chastity, there is no way I could have avoided touching and edging myself.  

Each morning, when I get dressed I can deal with it pretty easily as my libido and testosterone is high.  Looking down and seeing my heels (and today's bra making it appear that I have breasts) make me feel super horny.  As the day wears on, I have a harder time being dressed.  Being in an outfit, walking in my heels, my feet starting to hurt, erotically humiliated, this is where the submission comes in.  Mistress could certainly make me more self conscious if she chose to, but she doesn't.  That's both good and bad.  Accepting and encouraging me to be more feminine will allow her to keep pushing me.  At the same time, occasionally making comments about my attire or groping me, is a very powerful mind fuck.

My attitude.  I have been snappy a few times with Mistress.  She has told me to watch myself a few times.  The clear idea was that I was about to spend time in the cage.  Just the thought of it brings me back to my place in our relationship.  I dislike being in the cage, but I love it when she is strict with me.  

Although I have had some challenges this week, I would call it a success.  Mistress has added items to my task list.  The result is that I am in such a state of mind I don't want it to end.  I want to go deeper.  My mind is desiring more restrictive, challenging, feminine, humiliating, painful or disgusting things to happen to me.  I am kind of addicted to the chemical cocktail going through my brain.        

Coercion

NOTE: I have been writing this post over the last few days so it might jump around a bit...

coerce -[koh-urs]

verb (used with object), coerced, coercing.

1.  to compel by force, intimidation, or authority, especially without regard for individual desire or volition:

2.  to bring about through the use of force or other forms of compulsion:

3.  to dominate or control, especially by exploiting fear, anxiety, etc.:


My recent post on Mistress' fantasy of seeing me with a guy or transsexual got me thinking about how susceptible my submissive mind is.  While I have a long list of turn on's and things I like doing, I have a fairly short list of things of limits or things I just would rather not do.  Having to do things I would rather not do creates a dilemma for me.  I have to override my fight or flight response and just submissively submit.  This is where the real magic of D/s happens for me.  Having my limits pushed scares me but also excites the hell out of me.

I have been submissive for as long as I can remember.  I used to have a ton of limits, but as I have gotten older and more experienced, my limits have decreased considerably.  One thing that has helped me get through a lot of my limits is persistence of my dominant.  In my current relationship, Mistress has done a good job of sticking to a plan.  Also, using the dog cage in the basement has given her more control over me.

For example, me dressing in feminine attire.  In the past it was solely a sexual act for me.  If I was horny enough or it was part of a scene I was OK with dressing up.  Now I find myself being dressed nearly 24/7 at home and under my clothes when I go out.  There are many times that I would rather not dress, but being compelled to do so is what makes my submissive heart and mind so happy.  I have gone from masturbating while wearing an item of clothing, to dressing up and really caring about how I look.  I am very self aware of just how much control I have given up to Mistress and how much more I would love to give up.  In fact I am trying to think of requirements to add to my daily routine.

Chastity is the same way.  I really dislike being in chastity due to how uncomfortable it can be.  However with persistence and encouragement from my Mistress, I could see myself in chastity 24/7/365.  Plus the fact I can;t stop thinking about it, I am starting to believe wearing a device is more mental than physical.

So back to the topic of this post on coercion.  There are 2 limits I have that I think I could eventually get past.  Cross-dressing in public and some sort same sex sexual interaction.

The cross-dressing in public limit is the easier one for me as I can actually imagine it.  That being said, if I got all dressed up and we started heading for the door I think I would lose my cool and start being an asshole.  Mistress could threaten cage time but I would likely take that over public humiliation.

So as I fantasize about how this could be done I could see us enlisting a 3rd party such as a Pro-Domme as someone who is detached as well as supportive of the goal.  I imagine Mistress and I going to her dungeon (it would be better if I didn't know what was planned).  When we arrived I would be ordered to strip and I would be restrained.  Mistress would come up and place a shocking dog collar on my balls and lock it on.  She would then tell me it's set for the highest level and that I had better obey without question.  For good measure she hits the button and I scream in surprise and agony.

As I recover from the shock, I am released from my restraints and informed that I will be getting fully feminized and taken out to a bar.  Over the next hour I am dressed and made up.  They eventually show me a mirror and I don't even recognize myself.  Mistress then places the shocking remote in her purse and announces that we are heading out.

Due to the shocking device around my balls and the fact that I actually don't recognize myself I relent and we head to a bar.  When we arrive I get nervous, but Mistress shows me the remote and I press forward.  From here my fantasy gets fuzzy as I don't know what I want to happen or not.  However I do imagine some good mind fucks to occur.  Such as the Pro-Domme having pre-arranged for me to be hit on by guys or girls for that matter.  Me being made to dance or order drinks.  The humiliation would kill me.

That being said, that's a huge leap.  In reality I imagine I get dressed and we head out to try me walking in uncrowded places.  A parking lot at a strip mall or pumping gas at a gas station.  What isn't a leap is the shocking dog collar.  I would need something to push me through my fight or flight response.  Cage time wouldn't cut it.

                

As far as getting me to be with a man or transsexual in some way would require a pretty concerted effort.  I imagine Mistress being stricter with me regarding my dress.  Such as requiring a bra at all times or stockings and corsets much more frequently.  I imagine being tied to the bed or locked in the cage with transsexual porn playing for hours.  I imagine having audio hypnosis tracks pumped into my ears with headphones while my cock is teased for hours at a time.  She would keep edging me and make me tell her stories if I wanted any stimulation on my cock.  Mistress would make me find videos, pictures and stories of scenes she would want to recreate.  When we had sex Mistress would talk all about what she wanted me to do.  She would make me simulate oral and anal sex with very realistic fake cocks.  She would make me cum almost daily and consume every drop so I could get mentally used to the concept.  Eventually we would get to the point of me being tied down and a transsexual girl or a guy is brought into the room.  I would be teased until I was begging to have my cock sucked by this person.  I would be brought to orgasm with their mouth and this person would leave.  And like that, my first encounter would be over.

Just thinking about it disturbs me.  As I said earlier, I am not wired for this.  That's why I think conditioning would be a huge part of making it happen.  Hopefully Mistress would let us try this with a woman for my first threesome experience.  

While I can imagine getting a blowjob from someone of the same sex, I can't imagine giving one.  I barely like my own cock and cum after an orgasm, the thought of sucking a real cock does nothing for me other than make me a bit grossed out.

Like I've said before, I have few limits, but I have learned that it's fun to play in the soft/hard limit area.  Pushing boundaries is a huge part of a D/s lifestyle.  Hmmmmm.        

Terrible Orgasms

I have been getting in a deeper state of desire over the last couple days.  Being locked in chastity and having my ass plugged seems to be a perfect cocktail to get me hornier by the hour.  Last night, after Mistress and I got out of the hot tub, Mistress was showing off her pedicure.  I tentatively licked and sucked one of her toes.  She didn't stop me so I kept going.  Then I got a bit of encouragement.  I was in heaven.  I frequently fantasize about licking and sucking Mistress' as well as kissing her feet and shoes.  I really wish I could do it more often.

Last night as we were falling asleep, Mistress told me that I would be plugged for 3 hours today.  My plug went in at 5:58 this morning, so this particular task should be done by 9am.  This is the 3rd day in a row of being plugged.  It's possible this is a record, but I can't be sure.  By the time Mistress' period is over it certainly will be a record.  I have also noticed it's a bit easier to get the plug in.  I don't have to push in and out as much before I push it all the way in.

Plugging myself first thing in the morning, in addition to my perfume and the clothes I have to wear, I start my day feeling a desperate form of sluttiness and erotic humiliation.  The more Mistress requires of me, the more I want to experience.  Instead of pushing back, I want to go deeper.

After I wrote yesterdays post that touched on having my next orgasm be terrible in some way, I have been thinking about other ways to make it awful.  Not because I want an awful orgasm, I just want to have zero control over what happens to me.

I have been fantasizing about having to impale myself on Mistress' cock.  At some point she would make me cum and lick it all up.

After licking Mistress' toes last night, the idea of having to masturbate on her feet and lick them off sounds humiliating, especially if I had to wait for the cum to cool.  The 3rd picture looks like a ruined orgasm to boot.

Having to cum in chastity and stay locked up seems particularly cruel.  Even worse, saving it to consume later.

Being stimulated with painful electricity during and after an orgasm would be on my list of fears.

 Having a clothespin zipper looks very hot but would be so amazingly painful.  Maybe that's a good thing.

Having my balls punched or squeezed every time I got close to orgasm would likely make me cum, but would prevent an actual orgasm.  Probably the worse kind of ruined orgasm.

I have read of this scenario many times, so I was surprised how hard it was to find a picture.  The premise is that the slave doesn't deserve to cum with a person.  He has to have humiliating sex with a doll (male or female doll).  After orally performing on the doll for an extended period of time, he is told to orgasm.  Afterward he has to clean off the doll with his tongue.  The stories I recall had the Mistress taking pictures and video so that she could use them in further humiliations.  Or even worse, doing this with others in attendance.  Some good public humiliation.

As I read back through this post and look at the pictures, I am actually disturbed by some of the ideas I came up with.  Most would be a challenge for me and some would outright suck (no pun intended).  That being said, I know I would look back when my libido recovered and be extremely turned on.  I take a certain amount of pride of having to endure something that I don't want to endure.