Today

As I write this I have a large plug in my ass and a lingerie set on under my clothes, waiting for my fingernail polish to dry.

My head is spinning and I am soooo horny.  Today I edged to the idea of Mistress making me wear more and more items and outfits.  Things that make me uncomfortable or fear being found out.  I imagined her verbally taunting me about what I am wearing or having me tied down and making me admit how much I love it.  I imagined her not letting me change out of my day lingerie until bed time.  Essentially I have to be in some form of femininity 24/7 as I do tend to be in male clothes in the mornings and evenings.  I imagined her telling me how much she likes pushing my buttons and how it turns her on to see me dressed (if it does) and humiliated (if it does).  I keep dreaming of more elaborate outfits both under my clothes and actual outfits.  There are some companies now making some pretty sexy clothes for men that wear women's clothes.  All I can think of is being MBB's naughty slut slave.

Mindset this week

I have been ordered to wear something sexy under my clothes this week.  Yesterday I chose pink leggings.  These were by far the sexiest feeling garment I have worn all week.  The leggings were thick and tight.  I almost felt like I was restrained while I was wearing them.  Every step I took I could feel them (even more than garters).  They smashed my cock down, so where I would normally have a bulge I had none.  That was a little emasculating, but in a good way.  All I could think of is "what if the person I am talking to knew what I was wearing".  While I was physically relieved to get out of them, mentally I was not.  It was kind of like being untied.  The discomfort went away, but the stimulation did too.

In addition to wearing something sexy under my clothes during the day I also have to wear a nighty to bed each night.  There is something different this time about having a standing order.  I have to think about what I want to wear.  I have to plan it and make it happen.  There can be no excuses or MBB will punish me by taking away D/s.  It's a mind fuck because I have to overcome my inhibitions and insecurity and just do it.  I have to own it and I have to accept that I like dressing up.  I am emasculated in a way that is so sexy to me, especially when she sees me in something sexy or naughty.  It affects me deeply in a very good way.

One thing about this week is I keep thinking "I wish I had this or that to wear".  I have imagined several outfits and sleeping clothes.  I can't help thinking this way.  I go into sub space just thinking about it.

Today's edge was me fantasizing about everything above as well as the concept below.

   

What I would have edged to...

I am extra motivated today so I didn't take the time to edge.  If I did I would have edged to the pics below.  What's interesting, I don't want to be in chastity or willingly open my mouth to eat cum, so how I find this so hot is beyond me.  Maybe it's because I don't want it that it's hot.  The last pic is today's under clothing sexiness.  It's pink, super tight and restrictive.  I will not be forgetting this today.

Today's edge and pics of me

So far I have been following my instructions without fail.  Yesterday I was to wear something "sexy" under my clothes.  I chose these lace leggings.

Today I chose white panty hose.  I'm not sure if they are "sexy" or not, but I feel pretty slutty in them.

I also wore a nighty as instructed.  It's hard not to have feminine thoughts when you are a guy sleeping in a nighty.  Now that I have cum recently, I still think about all the femme stuff, but my focus is back to immovable bondage and relentless teasing and denial.  Just thinking about being close to the edge and begging to cum and not cum at the same time.  Spouting off at the mouth, agreeing to anything.  Taking pain, wanting humiliation and discomfort.   My head just spins thinking about it.

I also edged to the thought of my cock buried deep in Mistress.  Making her cum again and again.  Holding her down and not letting the sensitivity go away while I keep fucking her.  Wow!  I could do this all day.  I need to get to work.

Obedience

On Friday afternoon Mistress was kind enough to initiate sex (because I still have such an issue with it).  It was quick, hot and messy.  And awesome.  There was no kink to it, which is fine as we needed to connect emotionally.  However Saturday morning we again had sex, and this time Mistress was whispering lots of kinky stuff to me.  She also gave me a list of demands.

First off me me start by saying THANK YOU MISTRESS.  Second, I have a habit of forgetting what Mistress mentions in the heat of the moment and apparently so does Mistress sometimes.  That being said I have started to ask clarifying questions and am also doing my best to follow instructions.  MBB has shown me that disobedience means we can go very long times without D/s, so my goal is to do everything and anything she tells me to do without question.

First, On Sunday I was to remove my pink toenail polish and put on some purple polish.  I did this yesterday without her having to remind me.  I have to admit, it looks pretty good and I liked the mental aspect of removing one color just to put on another.

Second, Starting last night I am to wear nighties to bed.  Now in the past I have asked her to not make it a standing rule as I find it hot to have her specifically telling me when to wear such items.  Recently though I have come to the conclusion that while it's hotter for me to tell me directly, it's me being a pushy bottom.  Once I got rid of that pre-conceived idea I have a new mindset.  I may very well be wearing nighties every night for the rest of my life.  I may like it, I may not.  Doing something the way she wants me to and not the way I want to is submission, and I want to submit.  Either way, I just got a mental buzz and a hard-on writing those last few sentences.

Third, I am to wear something sexy (which I take to mean feminine) under my work clothes each day this week.  I don't yet know what they will be, but the very prospect makes me feel owned as well.

Lastly, Mistress has mentioned chastity again.  Now anyone that has read this blog knows how I feel about chastity.  It's ok, and even be fun with an active participant, but it's easy to feel sorry for yourself when there is little activity.  Because there is a fair level of discomfort, it's easy to get cranky.  That being said, it's the same thought I had as above.  If Mistress does things the way I want, it's really her submitting and not me submitting.  If Mistress wants me in chastity, I want to be in chastity.  I want to please her, I want to demonstrate my obedience to her, and I want her to feel confident in her dominance of me.

MBB is a very good Domme, however I have pushed back too much in the past.  I cannot and will not let that happen again.  I will be as obedient as I possibly can no matter what she makes me do.  I love how wet she gets when she knows she owns my mind, body and soul.

Stockings and Spankings

Yesterday Mistress had me wear stockings under my work clothes.  Initially I was planning on wearing pantyhose as they are easier to deal with, but then I realized she specified stockings.  If I have learned anything over the last 3 years is to do more, not less when she asks me to do something like this.  My first instinct was to go for black ones that fit great, but then the submissive sluttiness that my brain is currently producing had other things in mind.  I chose a pair of white and pink panties that have built in garters.  To that I added pink stockings to attach to the garters.  As much as garters and stockings can be a pain, there is no mistaking their ability to keep reminding you of their existence.  Pantyhose can be ignored somewhat, but I was constantly reminded of the tightness of these particular stockings.  I was reminded that they stopped at mid thigh.  I was reminded of the garters not only with every step I took, but also every time I sat down.  I could see the straps pushing through my pants.  In short there was no escaping the mind fuck of wearing them  I was proud to take a picture for MBB as requested and humiliated at the same time.  I loved it.

I was planning on edging to something based on the above post, but before I could I stumbled across this post in my blog list.  I edged a good 30+ times reading it as it was so hot (and a little scary)

View on her blog or see below.  http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2013/09/sex-with-my-husband.html?zx=f3a59ca12de15b40

Sex with my husband

Yesterday night, watching X-Factor on TV at night with my husband. After the show... SEX. Not fantasy or fiction this time. The real thing. This is what sex is like between me and my husband (sometimes... and embellished with some things I wish I would have said). You will get a good general idea, however. It isn't exactly what you might call Vanilla...

Me: Go upstairs and get into your panties, I want to fuck you tonight.
Him: [says nothing... gets a gleam in his eye... does as he is told]

I give him a few minutes and then walk slowly upstairs. david is naked except for a pair of sheer pink panties. He has chosen the panties from a drawerfull we keep for him for this purpose. He has chosen to put his nose in the corner and wait for me like that. I can totally see his ass and ass crack through his sheer panties. I get an immediate, visceral urge to beat that ass.

Me: Lie on the bed, ass high across the pillows, you're getting a beating, bitch.
Him: [says nothing... does as he is told... him cornering himself meant he wanted a beating tonight before his fucking]

We have four pillows on the bed, he piled two of them on the left side of the bed, in the middle, and lay across them submissively, pantied ass nice and high. He is presented like an offering. He has asked for this beating, so he will receive it on the spot where nature intended slutty submissive husbands to catch their beatings: ass and thighs.

I feel excited watching him do this for me. I can feel my own panties dampening. I open the bedside drawer and pull out my strap. He groans in a sexy way, knowing what is coming.

Me: You're getting a beating now. You want to know why? Because you're a man who wants to be dressed in panties and fucked like a woman. So you want to act like a submissive little cunt? I'll beat you like a submissive little cunt. Simple math, baby. [He likes when I talk dirty to him... he tells me any bad words one might think of applying to a woman can be safely applied to him!]

I whip the strap down hard low across his pantied ass cheeks, right at the panty line. He groans. I do it four more times just like that. His wiggles and moans turn me on even more.

I reach over and lower his panties to just below his cheeks. No reason this bitch will get to keep her panties up for her beating. Part of her humiliation will be to display her anus during her spanking. I am rewarded with a bird's eye view of my husband's now bare and totally exposed asshole. He's getting a fucking in there later and he knows it. No reason I shouldn't see it now.

I give him five more. I target two of them to wrap around between his ass cheeks, near his sensitive little puckered hole.

I put away the strap. His ass is nicely red and marked in places. I reach under my bed to get the riding crop.

Me: Reach behind you and pull those cheeks apart for me.
Him: [says nothing... does as he is told]

Me: Pull them apart harder. Really reach in there. Pull harder. I mean it.
Him: yes ma'am [as he struggles to obey me]

His little boy hole is gaping open now. I take my crop, crouch down a little to get the right angle, and whip the tip down onto his hole. He half moans half ouches. I repeat this over and over again. I am fascinated by the clenching and unclenching and puckering of his hole as I whip it.

As I whip, he loses the grasp of his cheeks, but immediately scrambles to reaffirm it. I love watching him in pain from the whipping, but still submissively pulling his cheeks wide apart for me over and over again in order to submit to my painful stroking. Paradoxically, the worse the whipping, the wider he pulls. Seeing him pulling himself wide for me, waiting for the next whipping stroke, I'm thinking I want to fuck that ass.

I put the crop down.

Me: Are you going to let me fuck you in the ass?
Him: yes ma'am
Me: I'm using Adam, you know that don't you? [Adam is my biggest dildo - realistic looking - large]
Him: yes ma'am.
Me: Are you going to be my little ass bitch, tonight, huh?
Him: oh yes ma'am
Me: Are you going to take it like a woman for me?
Him: yes ma'am
Me: I'm 'gonna flip you over, raise you legs nice and high, and take you missionary style. Will that make you feel like a proper woman, baby?
Him: yes ma'am
Me: Is your ass beaten enough?
Him: yes ma'am
Me: I don't think so. Not yet anyways. Put your hands in front of you and hang on.

david releases his deathgrip on his ass cheeks and puts his hands in front of him. He clutches the covers, knowing what is coming. Knowing that quite a lot may still be coming.

I open the drawer and take out the little souvenir hardwood paddle. I put my left knee up on the bed. I put my left hand down on the small of his back. With my right I pull his lowered panties right down to his knees. Then I start paddling his ass. I count out two hundred strokes to myself in my head. Each one hard and stinging. I get to watch his ass redden to a deep crimson as his knuckles whiten grabbing the bed covers for dear life. About half way through his paddling I get what I want.

Him: No please! No! No more! Please! It hurts!

This is the part where I start to really get excited. I love his begging. I love his begging when I can see the damage I'm doing to his ass! I can feel the sweat on his lower back. I can smell it. I can watch his legs convulse, especially as I paddle the backs of his thighs. Targeting the insides of his thighs when his legs inadvertently spread which makes him clutch them together again. The next time they part, which they do, he gets a harsher lesson. A light paddle stroke to the undersides of his genitals. A gurgling scream and he shuts his legs tightly together. They do not come apart again. Ha Ha! I finish off the padlding to his ass. Hard and fast. His reactions are genuine. My man cries little tears.

I leave him there, in his little puddle of tears. I strip down to just my panties. They are kind of wet. I pull on the strap-on harness over them. I have a big dick now!

Me: Lie on your back, one pillow under your hips.
Him: [says nothing... does as he is told]

I pick up his legs by his ankles and hold them high. I pull the panties up to around his ankles. I stretch them and loop them around his ankles. His ass is really, really red. Dark cherry red.

Me: Hold your legs up like that.
Him: [he holds them up high... like a little slut should]

I walk towards his head, I make him turn and face me. I spread my legs and crouch down so that my cock is at his mouth level. I push towards him, he moves his face to the very edge of the bed and takes me into his mouth. I grab his head and face fuck my little whore. I love the sounds his mouth makes as I face fuck him. Little gurgling sounds, mixed in with the occasional gagging sound when I "accidentally" go too deep.

He tries to steer me into his cheek. I know his little tricks. I grab him by the throat and squeeze. "OPEN" I tell him. He gets Adam down his throat for his troubles. I make him gag no fewer than five times for his impertinence, until I am satisfied he has learned his lesson. This bitch will learn to deep throat me. By the time I pull out there are more tears in his eyes and he is slobbering like crazy.

Sometime during that intense face fucking he apparently got the idea it was ok to disobey me and drop his feet back down to the bed.

Me: Did I say you could drop your feet?
Him: [he quickly raises his legs again]
Me: Oh no! You need a lesson. [I say as I pick up my paddle again]
Him: No! Please! No More! Please!!!

But there is more. I push down on the backs of his thighs, practically doubling him over. His genitals, his asshole, his deep red ass, and his light red thighs are presented to me in a perfect attitude for a childish diaper position punishment.

I paddle him again. He's lucky he's not getting the strap, but I am feeling generous. I know it hurts him a hell of a lot more when his skin is stretched and tight over his ass and thighs, as it is in this position. But he does still have to learn to not lower his legs during his face fucking. I make sure he learns that lesson. I make sure he learns to obey.

I especially enjoy targeting the relatively virgin insides of his ass crack when he is in this position. I am especially excited spanking him while wearing Adam. It's a big glorious erect cock sticking out in front of me! I make sure to brush his flanks with it as I spank. His own cock is shrivelled pathetically. No competition for Adam at all (nor even at the "best of times" for that matter).

Me: Now hold that fucking pose, you little cunt! If you drop your legs again I'll belt whip your ass in that position until you can't cry anymore! [I grab his cock and balls and roughly pull them out between his legs, so they are sticking out behind him]. And that whipping will be balls out, do you understand me?
Him: Yes Ma'am!

I have great aim, but a balls out whipping terrifies the fuck out of him. I move progressively closer until he can feel the wind whipping at his balls. Haven't missed yet and don't plan to. He still gets scared for some reason, though.

I get the lube. I lube up Adam. Then I lube up his asshole. He is holding his legs nice and high for me! I dribble lube onto his genitals, and I rub some into them as well.

Then I hop up on the bed kneeling in front of him. I slide forward until the tip of my Adam touches his asshole. Then I start gently pushing in. I need to change the angle a couple of times, but then I have it right, and I start slowly exerting the appropriate pressure. david "ows" and complains, but slowly, slowly he starts opening up for me, like a flower, as I keep the pressure on. He knows it goes easier for him if he presses out, as if performing a bowel movement. I can see him straining to do that from the look on his face. Magically he opens up and I pop in. "Ow ow ow Ow" he says, but I hold my ground patiently until the cramping dies down. Then I slowly start fucking my little bitch.

I pull his hips into me as I rock back and forth, fucking his ass. His legs are high with his panties wrapped around his ankles. That is his view: his raised legs and his panties banded around his ankles. He also sees me: my face, my bare breasts, my flat tummy, as I fuck him, slowly and deliberately.

As the fucking proceeds I grab his lubed up cock and balls and rub them gently. I rub my cock in and out of him, scraping by his prostate gently, gently, as I rub up and down the length of his now rigidly erect cock. He moans. What a little slut I have on my hands! Tramp! Whore!

Me: Are you going to squirt for me, baby? Squirt as I rub your clitty and fuck your ass, huh baby?
Him: yeah! oh yeah!
Me: You know that after you squirt I'm going to scoop it up and put it in your mouth and make you swallow every last drop, don't you?
Him: yes
Me: Will you like that? Will you like being a little cum bucket for me?
Him: YES, PLEASE!

I fuck gently and rub his cock hard and I get a nice big juicy squirting for my trouble. I aim his cock towards his face. The first bit gets to his chin, the next ones dribble on his chest and tummy.

I pull out slowly, wrapping Adam in paper towels I had handy and taking my harness off carefully.

Me: Keep holding you legs up, baby, you're a bit messy back there.

That always embarrasses him, knowing that! I have some baby wipes in the dresser drawer, bought specifically for this purpose. I clean him like a baby and wrap the soiled wipes into the paper towels.

When he is clean, I move up to his chest and I use my hands to scoop up the cum and push it into his eager mouth. He licks and sucks my fingers dry, and swallows it all down. I tell him to clean my Adam thoroughly and to take a shower. He is to be quick about, he has pussy and ass licking duties waiting for him immediately upon his return!

None for me

Before I got out of bed this morning I got a text from Mistress telling me I was to wear stockings under my work clothes today and to send her a picture.  That gave me a slight subspace buzz and an instant hard-on.  Needless to say I started edging before getting out of bed.  What I edged to this morning I have been thinking about off and on for the last few days.  I am coming up on 3 weeks since I had an orgasm and almost a month since I was inside my Mistress.  She has hinted and I am fairly certain her last orgasm(s) have been much more plentiful and recent than mine.  Because of that I edged to the idea of MBB telling me each time she gets herself off while at the same time telling me it's too bad I didn't get to cum.  She might text me and tell me she did it in the bathroom at work.  She gets up super early in the morning so I could see her pleasing herself and then sending me an email morning saying she just had an amazing orgasm and it's a shame I can only edge.  I imagine her whispering in my ear at night that she had an orgasm or two that day and what she was thinking about while she did it.  It's like being cuckolded, but without a third person.

A couple days ago I commented on creating shopping carts of femme items.  Yesterday I got an email from Fredericks with this in it. 

I added the above item to my cart and was surprised to see these items from my last shopping trip.  Sometimes I feel like such a slut.

Elise Sutton

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Recent Strong Thoughts

It's been about 2.5 weeks since my last orgasm.  What I am finding interesting is the longer I go without, the less infatuated I am with cumming or teasing and denial.  I am more focused on the more extreme parts of my kink.  Lately however I am focused on feminization, a lot.  Friday I felt a little buzz in the head wearing my plaid skirt, crotchless fishnets, blouse, pink bra and heels.  I was so ready to do anything.  I kind of wish Mistress would have made we wait to get dressed until she could verbally taunt me, but at the same time was happy she didn't.  I get conflicted, but when she does see me dressed or makes me dress, I do get all mushy in my head and heart.

I get lots of emails from places like Victoria's Secret, Fredericks, corset stores, etc.  I find myself filling an online shopping cart for outfits in my size and then deleting it.  Last week I was looking for nail polish that had a slight tint for my fingers and they had their store brand on sale for $2 a piece.  I ended up buying 10 or so, some fake nails and the store threw in an eyeliner and perfume samples.  They should be here tomorrow.  I wish I could get clothes cheap.

Today's edge had me thinking about MBB having me dress up while she checks into a hotel somewhere.  I am ordered to finish getting dressed and drive to meet her at the hotel.  She gives me a room number to go to so I have to walk through the lobby in front of others.  I fantasize about being dressed up and we go through drive throughs all over town with me as a passenger.  I fantasized about Mistress outing me a girlfriend of hers.  I fantasized about Mistress locking me in our dungeon while she goes to a swinger club with her friend.  I edged thinking about being in the car with my pants off or around my knees showing off my underclothes.  I fantasized about panties and their soft feel.  I fantasized about my new diet dropping me a size or 2 and when I hit my goal of getting something super feminine and sexy.

I have a light buzz and my head is spinning thinking of me in these pictures.

Dressing Slutty - PM

After I got smooth all over I got dressed.  While I edged I thought everything femme.  I was very, very worked up by the time it came to dress.  I was going to go subtle, but I wanted to show Mistress just how horny I am and that I am willing to humiliate myself a little  I am going to stay dressed this way until she tells me otherwise.

Dress Slutty - AM

Mistress told me to dress slutty today.  My mind had been spinning trying to figure out what to wear.  In my mind I want to be super slutty, but I am insecure about going all out slutty.  I hate to admit how trashy I feel right now.  Since I had to work out first I decided to go with this outfit.

Now that I have worked out, I am going to take a bath and femmescape.  I will then have to pick out an afternoon outfit.  Whatever will I wear???

I'll update again this afternoon.

Ramped up

Yesterday's pantyhose and plug got me more ramped up  I thought about these kind of humiliations while edging this morning.

 



Ice Cube Tray.

Precious has asked that I post this picture of an ice cube tray partially filled with my cum, as part of a series of tasks designed to keep me entertained while she is away.

We had talked about doing something like this, but I decided to go ahead and get started, without her knowledge, one horny afternoon. Of course, when I told her, she dealt with it in her usual style….praising my sluttiness and then going on to reveal numerous uses for the cube, which left me squirming as gasping.

Her favourites included; making me hold a cube between my lips until it had melted, or dripping the melted contents into my open mouth, to mix with her juices, with the order that I was not to swallow until she gave permission.

She also described things I had never even thought of; that cum makes a wonderful lubricant, and that the smell will be perfect to remind me what a slut I am. She left me regretting my bravado at filling the cube, but also feeling like a wonderful whore. Her whore.

Yearning

Normally I post some kinky fantasy of mine or pictures that got me going.  Today is different.

I am a fairly passive guy.  I don't pick fights.  I try not to step on toes or make others feel obligated.  I prefer being an observer.  I don't initiate very well.  All of these things seem to help me feel submissive.  The flip side is that I have been told as I come across as not interested.  That's really not the case.

I am more in love with my Mistress than I have been with anyone else, ever.  She gets me on so many levels.  She doesn't nag.  She trusts me.  She indulges my fantasies.  I think about her many more times a day in so many ways.  There isn't a good way to describe my feelings.  All I know is she is my everything.

The problem is, with her I am passive and I try not to make her feel obligated and in turn I don't initiate.  My plan over the last few weeks has been to put a note on the door, asking her to come to the bedroom, so that when she comes home she knows I want her.  I chicken out.

So here is a list of what I miss.

I miss long make out sessions.
I miss lying in bed in the morning being sexual.
I miss heading to bed to be sexual when we come home from a date.
I miss being a little naughty in the car.
I miss stripping when I come into the room with candles lit.
I miss feeling like I can push her down and ravish her and know it's ok (my insecurity, not her)
I miss naked sloppy sex on a regular basis.

None of the above is to make MBB feel obligated, it's just to let her know I think about her and us constantly, to let her know I do desire her, and to let her know I acknowledge I have shortcomings when it comes to initiating.

I love her so much.

Stories I wish were male submissive instead of female submissive

I frequently find posts that speak to me, but they either end up being gay porn or male dominant/female submissive.  Below is one of those stories.  Unfortunately, now matter how much I try to consider it as a possibility, bi just does nothing for me.  If it did I would gladly trade places with the girl in the story below.  That being said, I can totally imagine me in the below story with my Mistress doing all of these things to me and in place of a real cock a squirting strap on.  I do love humiliation aspect of this all.

I can also imagine being the Master in this story.


Taken from http://lipstixxx.tumblr.com/post/60017092125/the-secret-origin-of-missy-lipstixxx

Part 1: How I Learned to Love Cock

Back when I was in my early 20s, the world was a far simpler place. The internet wasn't anything worth talking about and any fetishy socialising had to be done the old fashioned way - by going out to clubs and meeting people.

It was at one of these events that I met Master R. and Mistress S. I was immediately in thrall to them;  their experience (they were much older than me), their openness, and their obvious love for each other.

It turned out that they were looking for a part-time slavegirl. I eagerly accepted their offer, delighted that I had finally found a means of turning my increasingly outlandish masturbation fantasies into reality.

The setup was thus - I was to spend two or three weekends a month at their large house, fulfilling their every need - sexual and otherwise.

Typically this would involve a few chores and lots of chains (they were rather old-school, even for those days).

Their fondness for keeping me in tight confinement at all times meant that I was kept in a wooden box when not in use.

I was also expected to perform oral sex when required.

And of course there were a great many hard and painful spankings.

Suffice to say, I was in heaven.

But alas, there was one slight problem. Although I had hitherto believed myself to be bisexual, it was becoming apparent that I was really leaning more towards the sapphic than the straight. As the months went by it was becoming harder to hide the fact that my desires favoured Mistress S considerably more than Master R.

Oh! I tried as hard as I could, but I just couldn't muster the same enthusiasm to pleasure my Master as when I was made to eat Mistress S’s wonderful, musky, unshaved pussy.

Even now I’m getting hot just thinking about it. Gooodness me!

Still, it was clear to me  that this was a failing on my part. I was a bad slave.What I didn't realise was that my owners felt the same way.

And so, one Saturday morning I arrived at the house and was immediately taken down to the dungeon. I was alarmed at this deviation from the usual routine. I hadn’t performed any of my duties yet and I yet was being punished…?

In the dungeon,  I was ordered to strip. While doing so, I nervously looked around for clues to my fate. Master R was sitting in a leather armchair. In front of him was a short pillar that had been bolted to the floor.

Mistress S ordered me kneel in front the pillar and tied me to it by my neck, facing Master R. My hands were tightly bound behind my back. My nipples were clamped and fastened around the pillar with a short cord, severely limiting my movements.

And then my beloved Mistress stood in front of me, her ever-present riding crop tapping rythmically against the top of her left boot. “We’ve noticed, slave, that your enthusiasm for sucking cock is somewhat lacking,”

I swallowed hard. Caught! I’ve been found out!

"For the next two days, we’re going to work on rectifying this unfortuate situation. Starting now."

"Tell me slave, have you ever experienced facial bondage? It’s a rather wonderful way of dehumanising the subject, as you’ll find."

Mistress moved behind me and inserted a couple of metal devices into the sides of my mouth, pulling them tight so my mouth was streteched open, and  quickly fastening them behind my head. Then some sort of metal hook slid into my nostrils and pulled my nose back. I yelped in surprise as it too was tied off behind me. What was happening? What were they doing?

Master produced a mirror from beside his chair and held it in front of me.

"Oh…" was all I managed to say when I saw what they’d done to my pretty face. I felt like crying. I had to fight the tears back.

"Look at you," sneered Mistress. "What an ugly little creature. Only useful for one thing. And she’s not even any good at that!"

She took a dildo from her bag and put it in my mouth, playing with it, pushing it back far enough to cause me to gag.

"Just a cocksucking head on a stick. What are you?"

"A ockucking ead aw a ick." I whimpered.

"Clever girl. That deserves a little treat." Mistress produced a small, powerful vibrator from her bag and held it against my clit.

And… oh! The humiliation of seeing my degraded face, the nipple clamps slowly transforming my little tits into balls of throbbing pain… This all folded up into a wave of purest pleasure which quickly started building up into…

She abruptly pulled it away. NO!

Mistress smiled at my frustration, no doubt made all the more amusing on my distorted face. “Only good little cocksluts get an orgasm. Show me how much you want cock, whore. Show me your tongue.”

I stuck out my tongue and tried to look as cock-hungry as I could. “Please…” I begged, drool running down my chin. “Please.”

Master R. rose from his chair and approached me, unzipping his pants.

"Work your Master’s cock with your tongue, little pig."

His cock hovered just outside my open mouth, my tongue danced  around it, making little flicking motions.

As I did this, Mistress placed the vibrator on my clit, triggering the delicious sensations again. But after a miserable few seconds both the vibrator and my Master’s cock was pulled away.

"Nooooo!" I whined.

"What do you want, slut?" Demanded Mistress. "Beg for it!"

"I want cock!" I screamed. "Please please please!" It came out, "I ont ock! Ease! ease ease!"

"Ar you ready to take it in your mouth this time? That’s all you are anyway, isn’t it? Just a stupid drooling mouth."

"Yes! please please!"

And then his cock, thrusting deep into in my mouth, gagging on it, choking… the vibe buzzing against my clit, hearing myself making a combination of moans and wet slurping sounds, catching a glimpse of my piglet face in the mirror and then…

And then, at the crescendo of the most intense, mind-shattering  orgasm I had ever experienced, he ejaculated his hot cum all over my screaming face.

As he zipped himself up, mistress gently patted my head. “What a good little slut you are. I think we’ve made some progress here, don’t you?”

I nodded weakly, cum mixed with tears dribbling down my face and into my open mouth.

"Now, we’re going to leave you here for a few hours. I’ll leave the mirror propped in front of you so you can admire yourself. Then we’ll be back to do this again. Of course, by then I don’t think we’ll even need the vibrator to motivate you. I think a simple promise to remove those nipple clamps will inspire you to perform better, hmmm?"

"You will then be bound, gagged and put into your box for the night. Tomrrow the routine will be repeated all over again. We’ll make a cockslut of you yet, you’ll see."

"What do you say, slave?"

"Thank you Mistress."  The cum was beginning to dry on my face as Mistress S. left the room.

Before following her through the door, Master R. turned and spoke to me for the first time that day.

"Do you know what a shamanic initiation is, Becca?"

I looked up at him, surprised to hear him use my real name.

"Some ancient cultures believe that in order to transcend this state of being, it is necessary to put oneself through a series of intense emotional and physical ordeals. One must be broken… taken beyond the threshold and erased completely in order to achieve true potential. This is the beginning of your initiation, little slave."

"I wonder what will emerge from your cocoon?"

What does mean mean?

I woke up around 3 this morning.  While I was trying to go back to sleep I replayed some recent things Mistress has said to me.

Last night after dinner Mistress mentioned that the day she had me wear the camisole, she had originally intended me to wear panyhose or tights under my pants.  Her concern was that it was too hot that day and it would be mean.  Earlier this week she mentioned she had intended for me to re-do the nail polish on my toes, but thought it would be mean if I couldn't wear flip flops this weekend.  Last week Mistress called "safe" before I did.  I am guessing there are few more things she has thought about making me do but considers it "mean".

Now I am very lucky to have someone that wants the best for me and doesn't want to see me hurt.  In most cases that is a good thing.  The problem is I am wired a little bit differently than most.  I have also created some of her caution by being wishy-washy early on in our relationship.

Now she's right, it would have been very hot to be wearing stockings that day.  I might of even wished she didn't make me do it.  However I know deep down I would have loved it.  It likely would have been my edging material for the next day.  Same goes for the nail polish.  Me wearing flip flops takes a backseat to her wishes.  Flip flops are bad for my cracked heels anyhow.

That being said, I think I know a workaround as well as a way for Mistress to get her confidence back as far as being meaner to me.  Let's tae Tuesday as an example.  She wanted me to wear stockings but reconsidered and had me wear a camisole.  If as part of that task she said "either wear stockings or a camisole today" I could then choose.  Looking back I likely would have worn both.  Ultimately I don't want to have the choice.  I want her to make me do what she wants me to do.

I obviously have limits, but what I find to be the biggest turn on in the world is bumping up against my limits.  Going up to the edge and flirting with my limits is where the magic happens.  The edge of pain.  The edge of humiliation.  The edge of something disgusting.  The edge of breathing.  The edge of discomfort.  The edge of being outed.  The edge of cumming.  The edge of my insecurity.  These things are all meant to be pushed.

I'm sure Mistress is afraid of pushing me too far.  There is nothing to worry about.  Small steps and communication will allow her to be mean in the way I need without being mean overall.

I haven't had time to edge yet, but when I do this is what I am going to edge to.  Some people might consider it mean.

We have a bunch of weeds in our yard that need to be picked.  My edging will be me fantasizing about Mistress picking out my clothes for a day in the back yard.  I imagine my work boots and shorts of some sort.  I also imagine my legs being shackled as well as my wrists with a steel collar around my neck.  Mistress would be sitting on the patio reading magazines or surfing porn.  She would be playing with herself while watching me work.  After I was done with the weeds she would inspect my work, and point out weeds I missed.  I would then be taken in for a punishment for missing the weeds.

I should be careful what I wish for, but I can't.

Side Note.  Sunday marks one year of me keeping track of orgasms.  Here are the stats.

40 Total Orgasms
4  Ruined
3 By my own hand - with permission