Thoughts of torturous orgasms

For a guy that is trying to set a personal orgasm free record I am surprised on today's fascination with ruined orgasms along with post orgasm torture.  One down side to long term denial is the eventual orgasm isn't as good as one every few days.  

There are several ways that I find arousing.  The best one is a long slow tease.  Without even getting close to the edge.  Going mad because even the feeling of orgasm is so far away.  After a sufficient amount of time, some edging.  

I can't say for sure as I don't remember, but it seems the best torture is to be edged close enough to the edge but with zero intention of allowing an orgasms.  Working my cock time and again until I end up dripping several seconds after Mistress stops stimulating my cock.  The goal being that I leak several times with never approaching orgasm until I am completely drained.  

The next worst would be similar to above, but eventually allowing an orgasm, but with us both knowing that when I do orgasms, the stimulation will not stop, no matter how much I scream and beg.  I love to think that Mistress could force a 2nd orgasm to torture me again.

Now I know I would hate either one of these.  The first I would hate the most as I wouldn't even get the pleasure of an orgasm.  I am guessing it's also the way I would be ramped up the soonest afterward.  

Having zero control over how Mistress would drain me is the only reason I find this concept so hot.  Knowing that my orgasm would suck would be such a mind fuck.  

I also believe that either option would necessitate the use of a chastity device for a few days afterward.  I don't think I could resist the desire for a real orgasm until my libido got built back up.  In addition to removing the desire to cheat, it would also make me hornier faster.

Here are some videos of ruined and tortured orgasms.

Maitresse Madeline Compilation

https://xhamster.com/movies/7376911/handjob_ruination.html

The best one ever

https://xhamster.com/movies/2775417/amber_rayne_femdom_handjob_ruined_orgasm.html

https://hcbdsm.com/video/ruined-orgasm-with-post-orgasm-torture-6881.html

http://www.xtube.com/video-watch/Absboi-intense-edging-and-cum-explosion-27289371

https://xhamster.com/movies/2737244/milked_from_behind.html

https://xhamster.com/movies/2644448/heavy_tied_in_plastic_to_post_orgasm_hj.html

https://hcbdsm.com/video/post-orgasm-torture-8712.html

https://xhamster.com/movies/6710740/5_orgasms_from_handjob_post_orgasm_torture.html

https://xhamster.com/movies/2635591/heavy_tied_9_mn_post_orgasm_handjob.html

https://xhamster.com/movies/3390799/handjob_on_tied_guy_with_post_orgasm_torture.html

Update on the experiment

Mistress and I have had sex for the last 4 days straight.  I believe this to be rare with couples that practice chastity and male orgasm denial.  My goal when starting this experiment was to have sex for as many days straight as we can, but with 100% of my focus on giving Mistress orgasms.  My pleasure is to take a back seat to hers and my orgasms are up to her.  In addition to increased intimacy, I really wanted to build up my stamina to where it was when we first met.  Mistress primary way to orgasm is with my cock inside her, and when I was only being stimulated every 7-14 days, I was too sensitive to please her in the way she desires.

The last 4 days Mistress has as many orgasms as she wants, how she wants.  Once she is pleased, then she tells me she is done with me and I am to clean up.  The first 3 days she had me lock myself up chastity, but last night she didn't.  It's about all I can do to not touch myself as I write this.

During this period I have noticed that I can please Mistress better than I had before.  I am still not where I want to be, but I am working on it.  I believe that if I had an orgasm and we kept on the plan I would last longer.  As it is now, my testosterone and libido are through the roof.  Because of that I think I am more sensitive than I would be if I had recently cum.

A big part of trying not to cum when the body is demanding it is to have some sort of penalty for doing so.  The penalty for me used to be that if I came without permission I had to clean it up with my mouth.  That no longer works as well as I now have to clean up after every orgasm that I have.  It still works, just not as well.  I read a blog about a guy that gets an immediate whipping if he cums without permission.  This is particularly cruel as since he has just had an orgasm, he has lost the ability to use his horniness to mitigate the pain.  His beating is non sexual at all.  Here is more on the topic CLICK HERE   

While being less sensitive is a nice goal, I am afraid that an orgasm would take me out of this space that I am in.  I am so full of sexual chemicals.  I am in such a suggestive state that any thing Mistress says to me or makes me do goes straight to my core.  I want to be more and more under her thumb.  I want to obey no matter how much I don't want to do something.  With the chemicals I have running through my body right now, I could easily be coerced into just about anything.

Another benefit I have seen over the last 4 days is that Mistress has become much more demanding.  Her comments and actions both in and out of bed surprise me.  She is much more confident in punishing me.  She comes up with consequences I won't like as a deterrent for not obeying.  She has been calling me her bitch quite a bit which I like way more than I should.  She has escalated my feminization much faster than I expected.  I am in a wig for the first time in years.  The wig has only been used for scenes and sex, but now I'm afraid it's going to be part of my day-to-day routine.  She has had me using a very feminine body wash and very soon we are going to be finding me my own feminine scent for bathing and wearing out of the house.  While I have reservations about dressing, Mistress is pushing me in a way that is very erotic and will likely have me doing things I have reluctantly fantasized about for years.

On the non sexual front, I have been in much more of a service frame of mind.  In the morning, I find myself making sure Mistress coffee is ready and that the dishes are done before I do anything for myself.  When Mistress asks me to do something, I do it immediately instead of putting it on my mental list to do later.  I truly enjoy it when she asks me to do a particular task, and I especially like it when it's an order vs. a request.  I feel submissive serving in non-sexual ways, so being ordered to do things becomes a turn on.      

In closing, this experiment of increasing our sexual time together seems to be working well.  I know I am much happier and hornier and by all accounts Mistress seems to be happy and more sexually satisfied than I have seen in some time.  I am very excited to keep experimenting and see where this goes.    

Orgasms for her and not for me.

A friend told me that stats show that the average person has sex 89 times a year. He went on to say that he's excited for all the sex he will get in December.  That's my joke for the day...

I have been giving a lot of thought to orgams, or the lack thereof.

Last year at this time I had 36 orgasms and this year it's 26.  This pales in comparison to my pre-chastity (and pre-long term relationships) days when I likely came 400-500 times a year, 98% of them by myself.

Also, I went 46 days without an orgasm this year which is less than my record of around 75 days.  I have been yearning to break my old record as I really enjoy the high I get from denial.  There is also something cool about breaking personal records.

There are countless women that keep their men in chastity and forbid orgam for long periods.  They are still intimate and get pleasure from toys or their partner's tongue and fingers.  There are many others that do not ever allow a man's penis inside them. I have read of men that have gone years without being inside their Mistress and some that haven't had an orgasm in over a year.  Some of this is very hot to me.  The level of submission it takes for a slave to give up orgasms or to give up pleasure at all is incredible.

On the flip side, I recently read a blog (click HERE) where the woman has her sub cum every 5-7 days (or up to 9 days if he misbehaves), but they have sex almost daily.  When they do have sex she cums 10-30 times and he doesn't cum at all.

I think she has it right.

The more I think about it, the more I want to be as sexual with my Mistress as possible.  Mistress loves having my cock inside her and I can make her cum quite easily.  In fact when we first started dating I could make her cum time and again to the point where she would get so sensitive that she would have me stop.  Back then she would try to make me cum and I could stop it from happening.  I believe the reason is back then I was inside her constantly.  If we were apart, I would edge.  My cock was always being stimulated and therefore I had more control.

Today things are a bit different.  Unfortunately chastity and orgasm denial have also been stimulation denial.  I understand Mistress not wanting me to touch myself and I have no problem with that rule.  However lately when we have had intercourse, I am ready to cum in no time.  I want to change that.  I want to be able to go as long as hard as Mistress desires without needed to stop every 10th stroke.  Her sexual satisfaction means everything to me.

I think we should be having intercourse daily.  The best part is we can still incorporate everything else we do into this way of life.  I imagine Mistress and I setting aside 10-30 minutes every day for the sole purpose of me pleasuring her.  In fact, by setting a daily requirement, we can make it my job to initiate on a daily basis.  Mistress of course decides if we proceed, but it could be up to me to do the daily initiation.

I will work on focusing on her pleasure full well knowing I will not have an orgasm.  When she is done, I am done.  If I am locked in chastity, I will be released until Mistress is completely satisfied and then I will happily go back into chastity.  If I am not in chastity I will still honor the no touching rule.

To keep me wanting and needing I still believe I should practice orgasm denial.  There is no reason we can't have sex daily with me only cumming occasionally.  Reading that blog some more, she references a study that male testosterone peaks (145% of baseline) on day 7 of not having an orgasm.  It appears that as men age, the peak takes longer.  I would agree that my peak is in the 7-12 day range.  That doesn't mean we also can't push me to new records, but all within the context of Mistress' needs being met.

This seems like a win-win to me.  Mistress will have a man that can last and last as long as she wishes.   Mistress is sexually satisfied.  I am constantly denied, and at the same time constantly reminded of what I am missing.  Mistress is in full control of my release and therefore in fill control of me.  Everything else we do can continue as D/s is still part of who I am.

Collars, Control and Orgasms

I've worn a collar on and off for the last 6 years.  It's very deniable and looks good, but it really shows when I wear a t-shirt.  People ask about it but no one really gets what it symbolizes.  The one I wear is this one https://wyredslave.com/product/ouroboros-collar-5mm-14-stainless-steel/  Sometimes when I wear it for long periods of time, it seems routine.  Also, Mistress never really comments on it, so I end up with doubts and negative self-talk about wearing the collar.  The result is that I will take it off for long periods of time.  Mistress may notice, but I don't really know as she doesn't mention it.  The other day Mistress told me I needed to be wearing my collar at all times except when bathing.  I keep my body shaved, so being able to remove the collar at will is a nice option.  The problem is it also allows me to remove it when I get insecure.  Since I want to delve deeper into this lifestyle I used the "key" that came with the collar to lock it on.  I then took that key, and taped it into an envelope and sealed it shut.  I gave the envelope to Mistress for her to write on it in her handwriting so that we have a tamper proof way for me to have access to the key if she wishes.  Since it is now locked on, the collar feels different.  The only way it is coming off now is for us to have a discussion.  I like that.

What this also made me realize is that for the last 6 years I have had control over when I wore the collar.  It;s a tiny bit of control, but I hadn't fully relinquished it.  That has made me realize that I tend to do that much more than I realized.  Whether it's wearing feminine items, maintaining my nail polish, doing tasks, following rules, cleaning up my cum with my tongue, I still manage to have some control over the situation.  That makes it hard to truly submit.  So now I will be looking for ways to give up that last bit of control I desperately cling to.  I think a large part of my past disobedience in the past can be tied to me fighting giving up that last tiny bit of control.  I really look forward to giving it up and seeing where that takes us.  As they say, you aren't truly submitting until you are doing things you don't want to do, just to please your Domme.

Lastly, it has been almost a month since I have cum.  The last week has certainly seen my libido increase by leaps and bounds.  Last night while trying to get to sleep I realized that my orgasms are unnecessary.  Sure, I like them, but I have learned to enjoy the lack of them even more.  The chemicals that build up in my system from not cumming.  The constant yearning.  The more deep and dark my fantasies become.  These are all more important to me than having an orgasm.  I think of TV shows and movies where the bad guys give their prisoner or hostage drugs to make them confess or to make them more controllable.  In my case, the drugs are all natural, but they certainly make me easier to control and more agreeable to what Mistress wants.  An orgasm is the only thing that seems to screw that up.  Now while I want to give up a majority of my orgasms, I don't want to give them all up.  You have to know what you are missing to really miss it.  That also doesn't mean I don't want to give up having my cock inside Mistress as much as possible.  In fact I have been reading about ways to train myself to not cum, while giving Mistress as many orgasms as possible, with my cock,  It just involves training myself to slow down and push though the need to cum.  Apparently guys can have an orgasm (or multiple) without ejaculating and the inevitable drop that occurs.  This woman talks about having her husband trained to give her dozens of orgasms with his cock and him not cumming at all for months.  http://flr101.blogspot.com/2016/07/introduction-female-led-relationship-wife-led-marriage-flr-wlm.html

To me that would be the holy grail.

Counting days

I spend a lot of time counting days lately.  Tomorrow will be 4 weeks and Sunday will be one month since I have had an orgasm.  It is currently the longest I have gone without an orgasm in 8 or 9 years.  I have been in chastity 19 days which is the longest I have ever been locked up.  It's been 13 days since I have been close to the edge and that long since I have been able to be aroused without discomfort.  Again, another record.

It may sound like I am complaining, but quite the contrary.  I am amazed by it really.  Being locked certainly has its challenges, but with Mistress' encouragement and my own goals I am pushing ahead and enjoying it.  My fantasies are consumed with the thought of pleasuring Mistress.  Of giving her long massages.  Of giving her multiple orgasms however she wishes.  Of having my face buried in her pussy or the dildo gag in my mouth and my nose getting soaked in her juices. Of her using my cock for her pleasure without letting me cum.  Of me being inside her while we work to train me to pleasure her time after time without me being pushed past the edge.

My desire to go as long as possible without cumming is not about not having sex.  In fact I want as much sex with Mistress as possible. I want to see if the Tantric and Taoist theory's about being able to orgasm without ejaculation are possible.  I want to be a hot mess whenever Mistress uses me.  I want to feel pride and despair at the same time when Mistress makes me lock back up right after she has cum a dozen times and soaked the sheets.  I want to hear her taunting me of the orgasms she has without me.  I want to make her cum and cum and cum until she is exhausted.  I want to be teased until I am in tears and locked back up.

I am now at a point that if I had an orgasm, I would feel it was a punishment.  To go this far and to have to start back at zero would be devastating.  I get a certain amount of sub-drop or post orgasm drop after I cum and I can only imagine it would be a hundred times worse now.  Although I know ruined orgasms or prostate milking minimize the emotional drop and allow a sub to get back into that sub-space much quicker, even the slightest bit of release seems like would be more frustrating than the frustration I feel of not cumming.

I have no idea if what I just wrote makes any sense.  My mind is a bit of a mess.  My cock went hard a dozen times while writing that my brain is stewing in hormones.  I am in heaven!

 

Stuff running through my mind

Instead of a topic, this post is just a bunch or random stuff going through my mind.

I was given a list of tasks today.  I enjoy being able to help Mistress with things she feels need to be done.  On top of it she added the kinky task of my butt plug.  2 times in less than a week.  I feel very fortunate.  I also vacuumed the house as I know Mistress wanted it done even though she didn't ask me to.

Chastity is still going very, very well.  I don't know my record being locked up, but believe it's in the 10-14 day range.  I have gone far longer without cumming, but that doesn't really count any longer.    Normally I feel sorry for myself or get pissy because I am not getting other D/s, but my mindset has changed.  For some reason, chastity feels right this time around.  I mention this to let Mistress know I am really ok with staying locked up or released for some fun and locked right back up.  If this changes or I am having issues, I will communicate and not let it build up.

Nighty.  Mistress is continuing to have me wear a nighty.  Here is last night's.  This one is a little tight but it certainly goes straight to my head.  I have been in such a mood the last 3 days I have worn my nighty long after I woke up.  It's too cold to wear it by itself, but I put my pajama pants and shirt on over the nighty.  I am able to still feel the straps and the bottom of the nighty.  It makes me feel very naughty.  I imagine having to wear my nighty under my clothes some nights before Mistress gets home from work as well when I get up.  In the summer, nighty only.

Errands.  With the mood I am in I can sexualize just about anything.  When I go to the dry cleaners I imagine Mistress only having me drop off my feminine clothes.  Or even worse, just one item that clearly is a little slutty and in my size.   At Walmart or Costco, I imagine Mistress telling me to buy something feminine with the other things.  Today they had women's Speedo one piece swimsuits at Costco.  I imagined having one that I would have to wear in our hot tub.

Orgasm without ejaculation.  I have been doing a lot of reading on this topic and it seems like it's something that can occur with some practice.  The best part is that it seems multiple orgasms can be achieved.  I can only imagine the mindset I would have going months without post orgasm let down.

Massage.  Mouth, fingers and toys.  Until I am up to a stage where I can orgasm without cumming, I have thought A LOT about serving Mistress with my hands, mouth, and toys.  I want to tease (in a good way to build up an orgasm).  I want to make her write with pleasure and squirt all over.  I want to be able to know her body like I never have so that she can derive the most amazing pleasure.  And the best part is my needs don't matter.  If she wants my cock in her, I will do that.  If she wants me locked up I will do that.  I just want to make her cum over and over and over again until she is spent.  

Communication.  Mistress warned me the other day that she would need time to ramp up into more of a D/s mindset.  I completely understand.  I tend to get over excited, however this time around I have a different mindset.  I have no preconceived notions of things happening.  I want to enjoy my chastity and denial and focus that energy into pleasing and serving Mistress.  I am excited to focus on Mistress pleasure sexually, and while I still want intercourse I'm hoping to delay my next ejaculation as long as possible.  I can appreciate Mistress wanting to take getting back into D/s slow.  To help me with it, I just need a little bit of encouragement.  Tasks, picking out my nighty or other naughty items, and occasionally bringing up my situation in a naughty way will go a long way.  I get mentally insecure, so for me to know I am doing something that turns Mistress on in some way is a great way to take away any doubt I may have.

     

Semen Retention

My recent post on chastity in non-kink relationships had me doing more research.  One of the commentators on that blog mentioned something called "semen retention".  The short version means "no ejaculation".  The long version is that by not ejaculating you retain sexual energy which has many benefits.  Additionally, the term is for ejaculation only, it doesn't mean the man doesn't orgasm.  This practice separates the orgasm from ejaculation so that the man still has orgasms (in some cases multiple orgasms), but by not ejaculating he doesn't have the post-ejaculation let down.  I am still trying to wrap my head around cumming without cumming, but it does sound exciting.

This concept is not new.  Taoists in China have have taught semen retention for centuries.  There are different versions.  One where the man ejaculates infrequently (21 days to 3-6 months), or a different version where he never comes or never gets close to the edge.  The later version also can involve a woman, and she never gets close to the edge either.  They tout it as a more spiritual way of love making.  My goal is to make sure Mistress has as many orgasms as possible so we won't be practicing that one.

Most of the info I found was a non-kinky variety, which adds credibility for me.  As I have practiced orgasm denial for many years, I was surprised how much of what I get out of it, is what non-kink people get out of it.  The thing that surprised me the most was the amount of sleep one needs.  After long periods of orgasm denial I can't sleep a full night.  I thought that was a bad thing.  It turns out, one of the supposed benefits of not cumming is actually needing less sleep due to increased energy.

As I said, I have enjoyed orgasm denial for some time.  However D/s is a big part of my sexuality.  To make orgasm denial more D/s oriented, wearing a chastity device fits the bill.  Being unlocked for only one purpose (to pleasure my Mistress) makes me feel even more submissive.

The most exciting part of this is the possibility of having orgasms without cumming.  I remember when I was a kid and learning about my body.  I learned to masturbate before I was old enough to ejaculate.  I could go forever.  When I had my first orgasm, I was excited because I was becoming mature, but I was also bummed that I had to stop masturbating as soon as I came.  Recently Mistress had me tied to the bed.  She had me on the edge and was using the Hitachi on the area between my balls and butt.  She managed to keep me from cumming and looking back I was likely having orgasms.  It was incredibly intense and if I can learn to do that while we are having sex, I will be a very lucky man.

To conclude, semen retention is something I really want to explore.  Semen retention doesn't mean we are not having sex.  If anything it means we are having lots of sex whether it be intercourse, oral sex, or masturbation.  To train me to be able to have sex, have orgasms and not ejaculate would be a huge win for us as a couple.  Even if we don't get to the point of me having ejaculation free orgasms, I can see no benefit for us as a couple for me to ejaculate more than a handful of times a year.  

http://authentictantra.com/semen-retention-and-how-it-will-change-your-life/

http://www.therooster.com/blog/it-hurts-us-say-here-are-11-good-reasons-why-men-should-stop-orgasming

http://deviwardtantra.com/magical-power-semen-retention/

http://scandalouswomen.com/orgasmic-benefits-of-male-orgasm-denial/

http://deviward.me/2011/01/11/semen-retention-what-is-it-why-bother/