Early Submissive Thoughts - Very Early

It's quite common for our sexuality and kinks to have some sort of beginning in our youth, long before we know what sex is.  I am no exception.  My earliest memories are from the age around 4-5 when I loved playing cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, and any other childhood games that involved one party having control over the other.  While I would have no problem playing the cop or the robber, I preferred the robber so that handcuffs could be placed on me and I would be taken to jail.  

My friends had older sisters that could easily overpower me, especially when they worked together.  When they did it was intoxicating.  It wasn't sexual, at least I don't think it was.  It was something psychologically powerful to be controlled by these girls.

A large part of kids tying each other up is what happens once you are tied up.  It's human nature to mess with the one you have helpless.  To tease, tickle, or do things to them to get a reaction.

I remember my friend's twin sisters tying me and him up and putting makeup on us against our wishes.  I don't remember if I liked it then but it's one of my kinks now.

As I got older and discovered masturbation I found what pushed my sexual buttons.  One of my strongest memories from when I was around 11 or 12 is quite kinky for such a young age.  I was a late bloomer, so I was one of the smallest kids in my class.  I was shorter than 99% of my class including the girls.  One of the girls in my class was the tallest.  She was blonde, her parents had a large ranch and they had more money than my family.  I imagined she would be having a weekend slumber party with a bunch of girls from my class.  I would be the only boy invited to the party.  As soon as there were no parents around they would surround me and restrain me.  They would put me underneath the outhouse so when any of them had to pee, they would pee on me and laugh about it.  They would make me clean the barn and have turns spanking me.  I have no idea why this was a thing so early on in life.

When I was around 13, I discovered a dirty magazine in my Grandfather's bathroom.  There was one article that I remember, and it's because it's disgusting, but also mesmerizing.  The article involved a switch couple that liked piss play.  They would each pee into a bucket to have supplies for their games.  They would take turns tying each other up with restraints, gags, and blindfolds soaked in their piss so that whichever one was the bottom for that scene was covered in piss.  Again, no idea why this one thing sticks in my mind.  I am not into piss play so it's interesting that I still recall this.

Some other things that spoke to me when I was a kid even though I had no idea what kink was.

Wonder Woman and her Lasso of Truth along with her amazing outfit made me appreciate a strong and powerful woman.

The movie 9-5 where (I was 11) when the boss is tied up and kept hostage by 3 women in his office.  

Any movie or TV show with a woman tied up and gagged.  I wish there had been more men tied up in those shows, but that was the way the world was back then.

Penthouse Forum.  My dad had a couple of Penthouse magazines as did my friend’s dads.  My friends spent all their time looking at the naked women.  I did as well, but focused my attention on the Forum letters, especially with ones that involved some sort of bondage and/or power exchange.

Big hair, lots of makeup, tight clothes, high heels and short skirts were part of the popular culture of my youth. All of those things play a huge part in my fetishes. 

I was into being tied up and tied myself up a lot as a child and young adult.

I lost my virginity to a girl younger than me with a lot more experience than me.  She pretty much took it from me and I was very ok with that  

By the time I hit 18, my sexuality was pretty much set as someone who likes strong females who know what they want, know how to get it, and don't mind controlling men.  

It’s amazing to me how much our youth factors into our sexuality as an adult.

What are your earlier or more vivid memories of your childhood in relation to your sexuality now?

Thinking The Unthinkable - continued

Forced-Bi

Gotcha!  Forced Bi is still a hard limit for me.  I love playing with butt plugs and dildos.  I love having my ass penetrated and I love the humiliation of sucking on them. However, the rest of the male body and male attitude does nothing for me (not even my own).  While I am not into guys, I am super impressed with how creative and mean gay Masters can be.  I don’t ever fantasize about it a bisexual encounter, but it’s so common in the Femdom kink world I do consider how quite a few men end up in forced-bi situations.  Due to how I was brought up I believe I would have a hard time dealing with it if it did happen. That being said, I do believe that this is a hard limit that could be exceeded with the right circumstances.  I don't like the term 'forced'.  I prefer the term coerced.  Every one of my limits has been expanded with practice and being coerced to go just a little bit further than my perceived limit.  I don't see why this would be any different with enough time and patience and persistence.

I’m a huge believer in conditioning of the mind especially when it aligns with existing kinks. I don’t see it as a stretch that if Mistress wanted to me see with a man and was set on making it happen, it would, with the right training and conditioning.  Normalizing the concept in my head.

It would start with chastity. The longer I go without cumming the more my defenses get lowered. Mistress would make sure I watched lots BDSM porn that pushes my buttons but instead of Femdom it would be gay BDSM, trans or forced-bi BDSM.  

Mistress would make sure I spent hours almost every day with something in my ass, and have me practice giving head to dildos. Both sweet soft blowjobs to deep-throating without gagging. 

Mistress would often blindfold me and tie me to the bed. She would tease and deny me to keep me ramped up. She would tell me what her plans were for me and tease me about how much she would love it. She would make me repeat her plans for me so many times they become my words. She would force a dildo down my throat while stroking my cock or use the Hitachi on my cock cage. 

Mistress would use her strap-on with me. She would make me kneel and give her head as long as she wanted before making me bend over and making me beg to have her fuck me in the ass.  I could no longer call her Mistress but would have to call her Sir. 

Mistress would also make me post on gay online forums asking for advice and finding a gay Dom to assist in my training. Who better than a gay male Dom to know what to do?

After several months I imagine that my mind would be slowly accepting my fate. During our tease and denial sessions, Mistress would make me tell her stories and my thoughts. She’d make me say things like “I wish I could have a real cock in my mouth Mistress”. “Please Mistress, bring me a real cock” just to be able to have some stimulation.

At some point, I’d be tied to the bed. Mistress would have me teased to a frenzy. I’d be begging for a real cock and Mistress leaves the room. After a while, an attractive, naked man with a slightly above-average cock walks into the room and sits in a chair. I’m in shock. Mistress comes back to the bed. She’s now stroking my cock and asking me if I want a real cock. I look at the man and shake my head “No”, my eyes pleading. She tells me she won’t make me do anything.  I’m going to have to ask for it.  

She keeps me on the edge driving me crazy. I keep begging to cum, but she says I’ll have to ask for his cock before she’ll let me cum. 

I refuse. She then offers, how about I meet you in the middle?  If you’re not ready to suck his cock, how about I let him suck your cock until you cum?  Then he’ll leave. That seems like a fair trade doesn’t it?  

At this point I am so worked up and am relieved I won’t have to suck this guy's cock. I reluctantly agree. The guy gets up and comes over to me. He places his naked body in between my legs and starts expertly stroking my cock. I moan. He alternates between stroking my cock and sucking on it. Mistress sits on one side of the bed by my face and looks into my eyes with a devious smile. I ask her to let me cum. She says it’s not up to her. It’s up to my new gay Master.

He then tells me he’s an expert at edging and can break me. He keeps me on the edge and asks if I want him to stop. I do want him to stop but want to cum even more.  I ask him to please keep stroking me and to let me cum. He maneuvers his body around so that his mouth is over my cock and his cock is over my head a few inches from my mouth. He tells me he will let me cum if I just kiss his cock as brings me to the edge again. At this point, I’m a mess. I’m this far in and it’s just a quick kiss to get an orgasm. I give his cock a quick peck. He says “See, that wasn’t so bad” and he takes my cock in his mouth again. As I feel an orgasm starting he stops. He says “I’ve changed my mind. I want you to reach up and hold my cock in your mouth while I get you off.”  I relent. I lift my head to place his cock in my mouth.  He says, “Good job my little sissy”  I look over and see Mistress smiling, knowing that her training has paid off.

He again starts sucking my cock again. As he brings me to the edge he stops again. He tells me that he will now get me off if I want, but he will time the strokes of his mouth to the strokes of my mouth. If I want him to go faster on my cock I’ll have to go faster on his cock. 

At this point, I’m too far gone. I go to town on his cock. He lowers his hips so that I am taking him deeper into my mouth and I speed up my pace sucking his cock. He speeds up his pace sucking on my cock. I was so close to the edge that I should be cumming by now but I’m not, I’m still riding on the edge. I notice that the faster he goes, the less stimulation he gives me. He’s edging me and not letting me cum!  

I moan in frustration at my predicament. He raises his hips and takes his cock out of my mouth. He says, “Have something to say sissy?” I reply, “Please let me cum.”  He says “Please let me cum, what?”  I say “Please let me cum, Sir”.  He says "Beg for my cock in your mouth and I’ll finish what I started." He starts sucking my cock again keeps pushing me to the edge and stopping each time he senses me getting too close to an orgasm.  

I give up in desperation. “Please Sir! Please put your cock in my mouth!” He tells me to repeat it until he’s convinced I really want it. 

“Please Sir! Please put your cock in my mouth!”

“Please Sir! Please put your cock in my mouth!”

“Please Sir! Please put your cock in my mouth!”

He looks over at Mistress and tells her “I told you I could get him to beg for my cock”. She laughs and tells me “Open your mouth you little slut”. 

As I open my mouth, he lowers his cock into my mouth and presses his hips against my face. His cock goes to the back of my throat. If Mistress hadn’t spent months with my deep throat training I’d be choking right now. Instead, I relax my throat and focus on not choking and the amazing blow job I am getting. My eyes are watering as he puts additional suction on my cock. I feel the orgasm starting to erupt after months of denial. I try to scream out as I can feel my prostate release but my scream is blocked by his cock. As my body shudders and cum starts shooting out of my cock, he pulls his cock out of my mouth.  I gasp for air and scream in ecstasy.  Then I realize he's not stopping.  He's still sucking my dick and I start screaming due to the over-stimulation. Fuck!  Post-orgasm torture. I squirm and beg while he says "I am in control sissy.  Next time you shouldn't fight it so hard".  All I can think at this point is at least he didn’t make me swallow his load.

He finally stops and I catch my breath.  I'm not prepared for what happens next.  The man walks over to Mistress and tells her to kneel.  She drops to the floor and kneels in front of his cock.  He tells her to suck it and make him cum.  I am in shock.  Mistress would never let me talk to her like that.  While she goes to town on his cock he tells me that he is the guy she has been fucking on her dates.  He tells me that occasionally she likes to give up control, but she wants a dominant man and not a submissive sissy pretending to be dominant with her.  

He grabs her hair and forces her head deeper onto his cock.  I'm even more in shock. She seems to be liking this treatment.  His eyes roll back into his head as he starts to cum.  Mistress eagerly sucks every drop from his cock just like he did to me.  He releases his hold on her and as she dries her lips with her hands, she looks at me like the cat that ate the canary.  She says, "I told you I would get you to take a cock without forcing you to do it".  

Thinking the Unthinkable

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Spontaneous Orgasm - Ruined

 I have been locked in Chastity since Friday afternoon.  Self Locked.  It's been at least a couple of weeks since I have had an orgasm so I am feeling like I am due.  I have been working on my morning routine to make it less about me and more about service and learning.  I am getting up as soon as I wake up and am not going back to sleep.  I am putting on deodorant and a spray of perfume.  My perfume instantly goes to my brain and takes my submission several degrees deeper. The perfume sticks with me all day as a reminder and I truly think it helps keep my male ego down a few pegs.

I have now added a writing task to my morning.  https://writeforme.org/task/64d8c1f1953bc100370270a8

It's 80 lines that I am committed to typing every morning before I do anything else.  Yesterday when I set it up I had it set to add a line for every mistake.  I was making more mistakes than I was getting correct lines.  As I typed and watched my lines increase.  I felt an arousal but for no reason.  I realized I was cumming.  But how?  My cock hasn't had stimulation for days.  I was not hard. In reality, I wasn't even turned on but I was cumming.  What was happening?  It wasn't a little cum either.  I oozed through the holes in my chastity cage and messed the front of my panties.  How pathetic!

As best as I can figure out, as I watched my task get worse and worse the longer I went, I saw the hopelessness in what I was doing.  I imagined if this was truly a part of my life and not me doing this to myself how fucked I would be.  I would be writing for hours.  I truly felt helpless and being helpless in a Female Led relationship is absolutely what I yearn for.  Somehow it gave me an orgasm.  An orgasm with zero physical stimulation. An orgasm caused just by the “thought” of being given a hopeless task. A messy unfulfilling ruined orgasm that did nothing to take the edge off of my horniness.

Have you ever had an orgasm with literally zero physical stimulation?  If so, please tell me more.  I am fascinated by it.

For those that are commenting.  Thank you!  It makes my heart skip a beat knowing real people are reading about this side of my life.

 

Morning Ritual

 I was recently reading a post about a male slave's morning ritual.  In the post, he was required to get up 90 minutes before his Mistress. Once up, he would spend 20 minutes getting ready, 20 minutes deep-throating a dildo (om video), 20 minutes typing his slave mantra and sending it to her, and 20 minutes cleaning her bathroom and making it sparkle.  He would then prepare her tea and breakfast and take it to her.  He would be repeating his mantra (about serving and obeying her) to wake her up.  He would then rub her feet while she ate her breakfast.  If she was in the mood he would be allowed to orally service her and if not he would be forced to stand face to the wall while repeating his mantra while she took care of herself.

I am typically up 1-2 hours before my Mistress.  In the past, I would get up, get fully dressed in a feminine outfit (skirt, blouse, bra, silicone inserts, heels, and a wig), and then I would go prepare Mistress's coffee and take it to her in the bathroom while she got ready for work.  I would then prepare her lunch before sending her off.  The first hour of every day was spent in a fog of feminization and servitude.  I loved it and looking back realize that it started my day on the right foot.

Our lives have changed so I no longer have my full wardrobe, but I would like to start my day with a ritual of some sort.  If you have your own ritual or have some ideas of how I can get my day going without it requiring any effort of my Mistress, please leave a comment.

One of my many morning outfits

Sissy Service

It was a Tuesday night and we were watching TV like we usually do when Mistress hit the pause button. 

She said “I have a surprise for you this Saturday and you know I can’t keep a surprise to myself, so I’m going to tell you now.  But before I do I want you to go put your chastity device.  Once you know what the surprise is you won’t be able to keep your hands off your little cock.”

I was shocked. It’s been along time since mistress talked to me this way. There was no way I wasn’t going to obey. I went and grabbed my most secure chastity device and put it on. I came back to the sofa and handed mistress the key.

She said, “wow, you’re really a desperate little slut aren’t you?”  I blushed and said “yes, Mistress”.

“This Saturday, we’re going to get up and walk the dog like we normally do. When we get back I’m going to go get ready while you make the dog’s breakfast. You will not be eating breakfast or lunch today. Once I’m ready I’m going to Starbucks for breakfast and to read. At 11 o’clock I have a pedicure and manicure appointment. After that I’m going to lunch and have a couple glasses of wine.  I’ll be gone 4-5 hours.”

“While I’m gone you will put your prostate massager in your tight ass. You’ll then put on your heavy steel collar. Then I want you to put on one of your bodysuits.  After that, spray 2 sprays of your slutty perfume on your chest, neck and wrists so the scent is penetrating your brain all day.”

“Once you are all prepared in your sissy uniform you will clean the entire house from top to bottom.  I want the floors vacuumed and scrubbed. I want the sinks and toilet so clean you can eat off them. I want the shower glass and all the mirrors spotless.  Every surface in the house better sparks. I don’t want to find one speck of dust.”

“If you do a good job I’ll let you kneel on the floor and use lotion to massage my newly manicured feet while I read. If you do a poor job you’ll stand nose against the wall holding up a pair of your dirty panties with your nose for an hour and then you’ll correct your mistakes while I supervise.”

“While I’m gone I want you to think about what you’ve become. So desperate for attention that you’ll do absolutely anything I say just to be my sissy servant while I go out and pamper myself.  This isn’t going to be a one time thing either.  We both know you NEED to be treated this way.  This is a great way for me to have more me time, for your submissive brain to be fed and for us to have a clean home.”  

“Well sissy, tell me what you think”. 

I reply, “Mistress you are absolutely correct. I do need this. The more strict you are with me, the more I am under your spell. I hate to admit it but this, but your cruelty and harshness soothes my soul in a way I can’t describe. I can’t wait for this Saturday to come.  Not because I want to spend the day cleaning, but because I don’t want to do that and you’re making me do it. I want to not only make you proud of my cleaning but my willingness to serve you without question.  My goal is to earn more and more harsh treatment.”

I spend the rest of the week straining in my chastity cage. Sleep is difficult because of all of the thoughts that are running through my head.  Mistress teases me and keeps reminding me of Sissy Saturday. Will mistress actually do this to me? I shudder thinking about the possibilities. It truly is the paradox of the submissive male  

Watch Your Tone!

 I was raised by a father with a quick temper, the belief he was never wrong and a propensity to talk down to people. 

I do my best to avoid these terrible behaviors, but I sometimes end up exhibiting these less than desirable traits. 

As a submissive male there is no place for me to act this way.  I blame my male lizard brain and decades of conditioning. 

I’d like to break the cycle. It’s not conducive to a healthy relationship and find the more I get away with it, the more I do it. 

My Mistress will tell me to “watch your tone”. When she does this I argue that I didn’t have a bad tone (never wrong) and then I talk down to her in a way that is belittling to her feelings.  This isn’t intentional, it’s years and years of acting this way that normalizes it and makes me not realize it’s happening. 

I’d like to change my behavior with the use of corporal punishment. Here’s how it plays out in my head. 

During the normal course of the day Mistress says something to me that cause me to act out in an unacceptable manner. All Mistress has to do is say “tone”. There is no warning. When she says “tone” I am to immediately to into the bedroom, set out the ugly stick. I would then lower my pants and panties to my ankles. I would stuff a pair of my dirty panties deep into my mouth to keep the screams down. I would then lay face down on the bed with my arms crossed under my chest. My body weight would keep me from from using my hands to protect my ass. Mistress would then enter the bedroom, grab the ugly stick and sit on the back of my legs to keep me from kicking. She would then beat my ass quickly and fiercely.  I imagine no less than 10 brutal strokes delivered in 10-15 seconds and as many strokes as it takes to satisfy Mistress that my lesson has been learned.  At this point there would be a small lecture about my behavior, a reminder that this was my idea and a question as to whether she should keep going. 

I’d like to think that after a few especially brutal episodes that I would be able to control my temper better, admit to being incorrect and to watch my tone and attitude.  A bad attitude deserves a bruised ass.