A little fuzzy...

Yesterday Mistress and I watched the early NFL game at a friends house.  Afterward we came home and got in our hot tub.  After a good soak and some cocktails we headed for the bedroom.  I had enough to drink that looking back some of what happened is a little fuzzy.  I remember Mistress wanted to start with me tied up.  While I certainly wanted to be tied up, I wanted to pleasure Mistress first.  I love having her naked in front of me and last night was no exception.  I remember having my cock and fingers inside of her.  I remember tasting her yummy pussy wishing she would let me devour her and get her juices all over my face.  After a short while I found myself tied down to our bed.  Mistress stroked me to the edge many times.  I remember running at the mouth but don't remember much of what I said.  I know I convinced Mistress to feed me champagne via her mouth.  Lately I have had such a spitting fetish, but this was the closest I could get to having her spit on me much to my chagrin.  I asked her to let me taste her pussy after she used the bathroom.  Denied.  If I recall correctly she asked me what I should have to do when she is out of town on business in a couple weeks.  I told her I should be locked in chastity.  Then she said she may make be dress feminine that entire week when I am home.  We have cameras that she could keep an eye on to ensure I am dressed this way.  We also talked about me taking her to the airport or picking her up while dressed feminine.  That would be a huge mind fuck.  If we talked about anything else I don't remember, but I do remember wanting to consume her and be consumed by her as I was a mental mess.  Mistress gave me the impression she was going to force me to cum, even though I didn't want to, and then when I got it in my head I was going to be able to have an orgasm, she stopped.  Bummer.  

Now this morning I am in haze.  I am a little hung over and when I am hung over my mind goes into kinky over drive.  I am super horny right now a little bit of a mess.  Good thing I can be chaste without being locked up.  Looking back there was probably nothing I wouldn't have done last night.  The state of mind I was in could have made me do some things I would be humiliated about this morning, but still turned on.  Had there been another guy here, Mistress probably could have had me do her bidding.  While I still have a hard time imagining sucking another guys cock, I can imagine one sucking me off while I was tied up and Mistress watched.  I can't believe I just wrote that...

The past few days...

Saturday Morning Mistress removed my chastity device.  She said if I was good I would be free until the next afternoon.  We went about our normal weekend routine.  It was weird being free.  I was able to wear some jeans that were tighter.  I wore panties when we went to the movies.  I still slept in my nighty as that was not discussed.  I would like to say I slept better, but I can't say for sure.  I think I got adapted well enough to sleeping in the device.  Mistress didn't tell me to lock up on Sunday even though the device was on the counter after being ran through the dishwasher.  I moved it to the dining room table to get it out of the way Sunday evening.

Monday morning came without me being locked.  I was torn.  Physically I was very happy to be free.  I was able to wear anything I wanted and had a freedom I hadn't experienced in over a month.  Mentally I was confused.  While happy to be free, I was missing something.  I was missing the ache, the desire and the submissiveness I had been feeling.  Insecurity slipped in.  Was Mistress happy with me.  Was chastity too much of a pain for her?  My insecurity built and I decided to edge myself to try and get back the horny needy submissiveness I had been feeling for so long.  I was able to edge about 8 times in less than 5 minutes before I decided to work out.  I put on some slutty red satiny boxers I had and worked out.  I kept debating with myself back and forth of whether it was good for me to be unlocked or not.  I then felt guilty about edging and decided to keep myself busy the rest of the day.  I ran errands and did some chores around the house.  We had some people coming to work on the house so I moved my device from the dining room table to my nightstand.  At bedtime I wondered if I should wear a nighty as I still had insecurities about being a grown man with my particular kinks.  I decided to wear it so that Mistress would know I was committed to our recalibration.

Tuesday came and went without me being locked.  At work I wore pants I could never have worn with my current device.  I also wore some cute Victoria's Secret panties.  All day my mind ran with insecurities about kink, chastity, etc.  I know it's not rational, but it still happens.  Last night I wore a nighty again but for the most part I was felling pretty asexual all day.

Today I got an email from Mistress with instructions.  As I write this, my prostate massager is in my ass until 9:30 this morning.  I didn't want to have to wear it to work, which means I do have to wear it while I work out this morning.  That should give me some interesting sensations, especially doing lunges :-)  Additionally I had to remove and repaint my toenails and fingernails.  My toes are a shiny deep purple and my nails are a clear coat with a tint that matches my regular nail color pretty well.  Besides a tiny bit of shine it's not really visible, but I can certainly feel them so it is a bit of a mind fuck thinking others will notice.  Lastly I will have to wear something feminine under my clothes today.  I am undecided what it will be, but am leaning toward one of these since I am unlocked.  I plan on wearing them tonight for happy hour.

All of that being said I try not to have insecurities.  My male mind gets on the way and I start to have self doubts about being the way I am.  I worry about putting too much pressure on Mistress.  I know there is no changing it since I have been this way since I was a child.  I just have to remember I have someone that loves me for who I am and is kind enough to indulge more often than not.  My head is spinning right now with submissive thoughts and my prostate is throbbing...
         

Teasing, Denial and Forced Statements

For the last day or so I cannot get the thought of a teasing session out of my mind.  Mistress is a master at being able to edge me over and over and I can't get those thoughts out of my head.  My current fantasy goes something like this...

Mistress tells me to go take a shower and to pay special attention to my cock cage.  As I shower she gets our bed ready.  I get out and she has some transsexual or gay porn playing on the TV in our room.  She has my put on my restraints as well as a black leather collar.  She ties me to the bed so I can't move.  She starts by kissing and licking and touching every part of my body and completely ignores my cock that is now straining to get out of it's cage.  She pays extra attention to my nipples, so much so that I am begging her to stop as they are over stimulated.  Mistress keeps telling me of her fantasy of seeing me with a man.  She tells me that for me to be unlocked she wants to hear me say what I "think" I could do with a man.  She makes me repeat it several times to get her to leave my nipples alone and then she gets up and leaves the room.

I am tied to our bed, thinking about what she got me to say while there is porn that is not my kind of porn playing on the TV.  Mistress comes back into the room and starts to unlock my device.  She tells me that my eyes are to remain on the TV screen no matter what.  If my eyes move from the screen she will punch my balls.  After a couple turns of the screw she tells me to repeat what I said earlier.  I repeat it.  She removes the device and proceeds to bring to the edge a few times.  Mistress uses the Hitachi to get herself off while letting my cock recover from the edges.  She edges me a few more times while talking about how she plans on making me be with a guy.

She then pulls the large squirting dildo out of the drawer and holds it in front my my face.  I look at it and get a swift hit to the balls for taking my eyes off the TV screen.  She tells me to open my mouth, I do and she interests the cock in my mouth.  She tells me to hold it there and if it comes out my balls will take another beating.  Mistress then strokes my cock until I let her know I am close cumming.  She stops stroking my cock and starts deep throating me with the dildo.  I am choking on the cock and tears are streaming down the corners of my eyes.  I quickly come down from the edge due to the mouth fucking and Mistress leaves the cock in my mouth while she edges me again.  This repeats several times along with Mistress getting herself of many times.  She again leaves the bedroom with me watching porn and a dildo sitting in my mouth.

After a short while Mistress comes back in the room and takes a picture of me with the cock in my mouth and the TV screen very visible in the picture.  She starts stroking my cock until I get to the edge.  She takes the dildo and tells me to repeat after her.  For the next 30 minutes she makes me repeat over and over what she wants me to do with a guy.  She edges me time and again while making me repeat it with my eyes on the screen.  Once she is satisfied that this session has had a mental impact on me she unties me and tells me to put my device back on.  I then spend the next few days humiliated and turned on at the same time about all the things Mistress made me contemplate.  Mistress texts that picture of me sucking cock to my phone whenever she wants to make me blush.  When she does, my cock throbs in its cage.

Here is a post I recently found about T&D that I found particularity hot.

Ms. Rika’s Tips for Tease and Denial:

Quoted from Ms. Rika, accomplished author:

T&D is one of my favorite playtime activities :) Here are a few tips:

• I don’t tell him I’m going to tease him…I just do it.
• I don’t say, “I’m not going to let you come”. Rather I say, “Maybe this time…” Keep him hoping. The more he thinks that THIS TIME he gets to come the better - the spin off is all about making him think he’s going to get off and then suddenly, stimulation stops and he’s left hanging on
• If I want him to do something humiliating, I tell him to do it early - before I tease him in earnest. Hopefully, he’ll refuse. Then it becomes a challenge to get him to change his mind - which he will.
• When I do get that challenge, then I can take it to the next level. Using your example: If I want him to lick my ass, and he refuses at first - then after an hour of repeated denials, he says he’ll do it - I’ll tease him a few more times until he’s literally begging me to let him do it. I might tell him that his begging isn’t sincere enough and tease him again. Then I might let him do it - then tell him he did a good job so he can come…and STILL not let him come.
• Which brings up the next point, as a rule, you don’t need to be fair. The situation is not fair. You are totally in control and being “not fair” is one way to demonstrate it. You can lie. You can tell him that he’s going to get to come and then not let him. You can deliberately confuse him. You can do whatever you want to him and he will let you…because ultimately, you and only you will decide if and when that orgasm comes. Pushy victims might just suffer longer! He might suffer longer just because you feel like it. Tough!
• I never feel like a T&D session has to end - I can PAUSE a session - untie him, go about my day and then pick up later in the evening and start all over again - or even the next day. The impact of a good T&D session lasts…it’s a cumulative thing. If you tease and deny him over several days, the tension will continue to build up and the ultimate release will be that much sweeter.
• I personally don’t like the number system. I feel it gives him in too much control. I use a “beg me not to let you come” system with a failsafe. Rather than him begging to come, I tell him I want him to beg me to stop - when he’s getting close. Personally, I love the irony of him screaming, “Please stop, I’m going to come” and me saying, “OK…” :) But here’s the trick - if I choose to NOT stop, he has to come within 5 seconds - or he will not get to come at all. This way, he will not be able to cheat. He has to be REALLY close before he asks me to stop - Realize though, that this means, sometimes, you have to not stop when he begs you to stop. Sometimes you need to let him come. You have to keep him honest - which means that some sessions will be quick, because you let him get off earlier than he may have expected. It’s a payment up front for more fun later.
• Lube is your friend. A lot of lube will make him so slippery that your motions won’t create as much stimulation. As the lube wears down, you’ll see him start to feel it more and you know you’re creating that build up.
• Read up on “polishing the apple” aka “palming the knob” - a great technique for prolonging his orgasm while keeping him stimulated. A word of advice, I have found that lube is NOT your friend for this technique - the drier your palm, with just a little moisture, the more intense the stimulation seems to be. The more intense the stimulation, the “worse” his experience will be! :)
• I make a point to stop every once in a while. I’ll let him recover a little before stimulating him again. I blow on his penis, I’ll let him eat me for a while. I take my time.
• I am aware of the “power of three”. I mention this in my first book - we are accustomed in our lifestyle to things in threes: 1-2-3, a-b-c, red-yellow-green, ready-set-go, win-place-show, etc. The natural tendency is to deny twice and allow to come on the third try. I’m aware of these tendencies and try to avoid them. Or, I use them to my advantage by playing on his natural feeling that the “third time’s a charm”…but it isn’t.
• Last thought: I’ll create a fun situation where he’s begging me to stop, so he’s really close - and I’ll say, “Go ahead…Come”, but I’ll remove all stimulation. If I time it right, he won’t have reached the point of no return - and without stimulation, he won’t be able to get off. Then, I can either say, “Maybe you don’t want to come? I told you to come!” and decide to put it off to another day - or just let him beg some more to get me to start again :)

T&D is SO much fun…I hope this list gives you some good ideas!
- Rika

    

Adaptation

I have been posting to this blog for 5 years and for the most part any time wearing a chastity device was brought up I had to comment on how much I hated it.  Between my last relationship and this one I liked the concept, but not the reality.  Looking back it turns out I never gave it a fair chance.  Chastity was always about me and about how I should be getting something from my Mistress.  I felt if I was going to wear it, more kinky stuff should be happening to me.  I would get upset than kinky stuff wasn't happening to me or life would get in the way and I would want out.  That happened enough that I never actually got used to wearing the device.  I can honestly say that 3 weeks I crossed a threshold of adapting and coming up on 5 weeks I am even more adapted.

Now I have had to make some adjustments.  Wearing looser pants helps as does going without underwear.  Tight pants and underwear that doesn't allow for freer movement makes the device more uncomfortable that it should be.  I do miss wearing panties, but they don;t have room for my unlocked cock let alone a locked one.  Crotchless panties seem made for this but I don't have any.  

Working out was always a major pain.  I quit doing much cardio so that helps a lot, but even then the shorts I wear hold my device too tightly.  Since I workout from home I can revise things a bit.

Having my device full hanging out allows plenty of movement and doesn't pinch.  This would not be an option if I was doing cardio.

Sleeping can be a challenge, but I have to admit that being locked up for almost 5 weeks, I seem to have adapted pretty well.

Another thing that sucks is using public bathrooms.  In my device I must use a stall and a toilet.  When I am in a bar or restaurant I feel like such a pervert, but I guess that's part of the psychology of chastity.

  

H-O-R-N-Y

It's a little over 48 hours since I had my orgasm.  I woke up extremely horny this morning.  If I had access to my cock this morning I would have been sure to edge myself whether or not I had permission to.  I fully expected my libido to be down for a few more days, but I'm not.

I have read that some Mistress make sure their slaves get an orgasm just often enough to remind them of what they are missing.  Instead of a lifetime or year of denial they may give them monthly, quarterly or semi annual orgasms.  At first I thought that's what happened to me.  Being reminded of an orgasm makes me want another one.  However, I think just being intimate and being close to the edge is what has me going right now.  I had gone more than a couple weeks with zero stimulation and ten wham, 30-40 edges.  Being stimulated to the edge of orgasm is all I need to remember what an orgasm could feel like.  In fact, Mistress used to make me edge every morning just to keep me going.  We had even played with me unlocking before bed, edging in the morning and locking up all day until bed again.  The tease is so much more effective than the denial, and both combined...WOW.  I also think egding (self or forced) builds some stamina to avoid premature ejaculation.  Using my fingers also avoids premature ejaculation so there are alternatives.

Since this period of devoted extended chastity and devoted orgasm denial is new to me I am not trying to direct the flow of what is happening.  I am only trying to identity and communicate what is going on in my head and with my body.  I am thinking I want fewer and fewer orgasms, but with frequent edging (hopefully edging from my Mistress).  Either way this journey is very fun and I like exploring different options.  I have especially enjoyed pleasing Mistress, and really do think our last couple of sexual encounters have been some of our best.            

Awesome Sex and Resetting the Clock

Saturday night Mistress unlocked me so we could make love.  It had been 2.5 weeks since I had been out or had any stimulation of my cock.  I lasted much better than I thought I would which I am guessing is due to my desire not to cum, a little too much alcohol, as well as the late hour.  Mistress had me pleasure her with my cock and my fingers alternating back and forth.  She came at least 5 or 6 times and squirted all over the bed and my fingers many times.

This is our 2nd time being intimate since I have decided I want to experiment with no orgasms.  These last 2 times have been absolutely amazing for me.  Making sure Mistress is pleasured.  Making sure Mistress is having as many orgasms as she wishes.  Not having any focus on my pleasure.  It's been amazing for me and I'm hoping it's been amazing for her.  I am hoping she is starting to link my denial with her pleasure.  I am hoping she will become more selfish and demanding of me in bed.  Having me pleasure her several times a week before bed and not worrying one bit about my cock.  My need of having a dominant woman in my life would be met, so my cock wouldn't need anything.  I love the idea of being a true sex slave wither her pleasure being my only goal.

Much to my chagrin, Mistress made me cum after 4 weeks and 3 days of denial.  After several orgasms for her and many edges for me she decided I needed an orgasm.  I begged and pleaded for her to not let me cum for at least another month.  I promised to do anything to be denied and she refused.  I came.  It was about a 7 on a scale of 1-10.  I notice orgasms after a long period of denial are not as intense.  I suspect my mental state of not wanting to cum also had something to do with it.  Prior to me cumming I talked Mistress into letting me sleep unlocked as I thought it would help me sleep better.  In fact, I am so used to the device now, I think next time I should be locked up immediately after cumming.  Yesterday morning I put the device on immediately and I didn't feel like I experienced any post-orgasm let down.  I was super horny and would have given anything to have a repeat of Saturday night.

Today is another story.  It's the first time since December 17th I have wanted to be out.  My device annoyed me during my workout.  I am not looking forward to going in the field as I know the device will be a pain in the ass balls.  I want out.  Saying that, I remember a quote I have read a few times.  "It's not real chastity until you want out".  So today it's real chastity.   That being said, I am less let down than I thought I would be.  I am sure my change in mindset that chastity is not for me, it;s for Mistress helps.  To know she has full control over my cock and my orgasms is way fucking hot.  This is what I asked for.  Unfortunately the clock starts over for me.  I had really hoped to go 90 days without cumming which would be a record since puberty.

Right now my biggest fantasy is to draw Mistress a bath.  While she is bathing I set up the massage table in our bedroom.  I would be naked or dressed in something feminine but locked in chastity as my cock would not be needed.  I would light candles and warm some massage oil.  When Mistress is done in the bath, I would dry her and lay her down on the massage table face down.  I would get her as oiled as possible while working on her butt, back, legs, and arms.  I would get close to her asshole and pussy but purposely avoid it.  I would then have her turn over and massage her entire front before working on her pussy.  I would make her cum over and over again.  In between orgasms I would massage her shoulders, arms, feet and calves until she asked me to make her cum again.  This would go on as long as she wished.

My deeper fantasy is all of the above, but Mistress would be restrained so I can make her cum again and again without stopping in between. I would focus on her nipples and pussy until she was writhing.  I fantasize about driving her mad with sensations until she was such a mess she would give up and surrender.

        

Ups and Downs

The other day Mistress gave me some tasks.

• Plug yourself for a minimum of 2.5 hours
• Wear something naughty under your clothes today (and send me proof)
• Paint your fingernails a clear coat before heading out

I chose my prostate massager instead of my extra big plug to make it a little more interesting. Driving around every little bump in the road went straight to my prostate.  Since I haven't cum in over 4 weeks I thought I may be leaking some cum, but when I checked I wasn't.

I wore some fishnet suspender hose.  Between the hose, my cock being locked and my massager rubbing my prostate with every move, my mind was pretty much a hot mess.  I was very distracted and couldn't get my mind off of how naughty I was feeling.

Even after I was able to remove the massager, my chastity device and my stockings kept me in a very aroused state of mind.

After work I was going to meet Mistress at happy hour with her co-workers.  I came home to change clothes.  In the past I would have taken off the hose, but since I was still technically "out" I wasn't sure what to do.  I remembered that my new philosophy is to do the more submissive act if I have any doubts since I can't go wrong by over submitting.  I ended up wearing the hose until we got home later that evening.

On our way home, we ended up in a pretty strong argument.  The argument kept going after we went home and until we went to bed.  As much as I try to keep my macho side down, an argument is a sure way to bring it out.  As we were getting ready for bed, I felt conflicted about being in chastity.  I wanted to be the tough guy and not let her have one ounce of control over me.  I thought about asking to be let out of chastity.  I didn't ask because I was afraid she might actually be mad enough to do it, thereby fucking up our re-calibration experiment.  If I knew where the key was I might even have been tempted to let myself out, so I am very happy I have no clue where the key is.  

In the past being in chastity when we argued would put me in a tough place as my macho side really wants to take control.  I sucked it up and am very proud that I accepted my situation and resolved to stay locked up no matter what.  It was also a good mind fuck to be locked while we weren't getting along.  That is also another record for me.    

At the same time I am sad in one respect.  I chose not to wear my nighty.  I was already feeling unworthy due to the topic of our argument.  Putting on a nighty made me feel more unworthy than I was already feeling.  Also my macho side didn't want me to submit any more than I was by being locked.  

Waking up without my nighty made me mad at myself.  I wished I had worn it.  I think wearing it would have cemented in my head my full submission to Mistress.  This felt like an act of rebellion and I don't want to be that guy any more.  Had I not had these rebellious streaks 5 years ago we would be much further along in our D/s relationship. I imagine the day where she is able to use D/s as a tool to keep me in line.  I like to think that she could have ordered me into the extra bedroom (in my nighty) and I would have complied.  I like to think our D/s life could get to a point where she could order me into the dog cage or to go stand in a corner in the middle of an argument and I would do it.  I like to think that when we have contentious times she could order me to do anything and I would still obey.  So for those reasons I am mad at myself that I chose to not wear a nighty.  It's something I think I should be punished for, but also don't want to be a pushy bottom. 

As of now Mistress and I made our peace with each other.  We actually do a pretty good job of recovering from arguments.  I am happily locked, I wore my nighty last night and I am back to being an absolute hot mess in my mind and I love it.

I did have a short dream last night.  In my dream I needed to go to the bathroom.  I was locked in chastity and wearing a humiliating sissy dress with tons of layers.

I was trying to find my device under the layers so that I could go to the bathroom.  I would find my locked cock but kept losing it in all the layers.  I woke up and my cock was throbbing.  I was thinking that I might have been having a wet dream but after checking I was perfectly dry.  As frustrating as it can be, this is the fun part of denial!

    

P.S.  When I found that picture I also saw this naugthy jewelry http://www.barbisatin.com/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=113

Counting days

I spend a lot of time counting days lately.  Tomorrow will be 4 weeks and Sunday will be one month since I have had an orgasm.  It is currently the longest I have gone without an orgasm in 8 or 9 years.  I have been in chastity 19 days which is the longest I have ever been locked up.  It's been 13 days since I have been close to the edge and that long since I have been able to be aroused without discomfort.  Again, another record.

It may sound like I am complaining, but quite the contrary.  I am amazed by it really.  Being locked certainly has its challenges, but with Mistress' encouragement and my own goals I am pushing ahead and enjoying it.  My fantasies are consumed with the thought of pleasuring Mistress.  Of giving her long massages.  Of giving her multiple orgasms however she wishes.  Of having my face buried in her pussy or the dildo gag in my mouth and my nose getting soaked in her juices. Of her using my cock for her pleasure without letting me cum.  Of me being inside her while we work to train me to pleasure her time after time without me being pushed past the edge.

My desire to go as long as possible without cumming is not about not having sex.  In fact I want as much sex with Mistress as possible. I want to see if the Tantric and Taoist theory's about being able to orgasm without ejaculation are possible.  I want to be a hot mess whenever Mistress uses me.  I want to feel pride and despair at the same time when Mistress makes me lock back up right after she has cum a dozen times and soaked the sheets.  I want to hear her taunting me of the orgasms she has without me.  I want to make her cum and cum and cum until she is exhausted.  I want to be teased until I am in tears and locked back up.

I am now at a point that if I had an orgasm, I would feel it was a punishment.  To go this far and to have to start back at zero would be devastating.  I get a certain amount of sub-drop or post orgasm drop after I cum and I can only imagine it would be a hundred times worse now.  Although I know ruined orgasms or prostate milking minimize the emotional drop and allow a sub to get back into that sub-space much quicker, even the slightest bit of release seems like would be more frustrating than the frustration I feel of not cumming.

I have no idea if what I just wrote makes any sense.  My mind is a bit of a mess.  My cock went hard a dozen times while writing that my brain is stewing in hormones.  I am in heaven!

 

The Key

Mistress didn't want to lose the key to my device, so it's sitting in the kitchen drawer.  It's not hidden as we recently had an issue with the key and don't want to lose it.  Eventually I would like to keep it in a lock box, but the one we have is currently being used for guests.  That being said it's a mind fuck to know where the key is and to have to have the self discipline to not use it.  A real mind fuck.

There is a little devil in my ear telling me to let myself out until this afternoon and relock just before Mistress comes home.  He tells me that even though I can let myself out that I still can't touch myself, or can I?   That same devil is telling me how I can wear whatever I want under my clothes since I will have the freedom to wear something tight and feminine.

Then another little devil whispers in my other ear about being faithful to this experience.  It tells me to read all I have written over the last couple weeks.  How much I have enjoyed learning to submit.  It's not about the device as much as it is about the concept of the device, to be locked no matter what.  To give complete control over to my Mistress and how important to me that is.  To truly be her slave.

With both devils in my ear I have to admit I am a little insecure this morning.  Does Mistress like me locked?  Does it still give her a rush to see my locked cock sticking out from my nighty?  Does it make her wet to think about me not being able to touch myself?  Is the control important to her or is she just placating me?  I hate feeling insecure about my submissiveness.  It's one of those things that makes my macho side rear its ugly head.

Switching gears, I had another gay sex dream last night.  There was a younger guy and from what I remember we were in a bar.  I called him a cutie (which is weird because there was nothing cute about him).  The next part of the dream is I remember being in a room and me having him on his back, legs together and I was fucking him in the ass, but as I did it I went soft.  I pulled out of him and my cock was only half hard.  I remember leaving the room but didn't dressed as I wanted to clean off first and couldn't.  He wanted me to stay and I didn't.  I then woke up wishing I hadn't had a dream like that.  I've had two dreams like this in the last year which are the only ones I can ever remember having.  I think Mistress' wish to see me with a man is allowing my brain to at least try it out.  I can only imagine if she was pushing the idea with videos, images and other conditioning.  The mind is an amazing thing.



      

Setting Records

I am currently setting some personal records when it comes to chastity and orgasm denial.  Other than a couple short times out of my device, I have been locked for 16 days straight and 10 days without being released for even one second.  I am pretty certain I have only been locked for 7-10 days before.  As much as I have written over the years about how uncomfortable chastity is I think it's because I never gave it enough time.  I have noticed over the last few days that I can't feel the device like I used to.  The chaffing has subsided and the constant need to adjust is gone.  There are times my brain knows I am locked, but I truly can't feel anything.  I was afraid I was going numb, but it appears I have simply gotten used to it.  I still wish I could feel my cock when I want to, but not feeling it is a constant reminder of my place.  We will see if it stays this way next week as we get back to normal life after the holidays.

Another record is the length of time I have gone without an orgasm with Mistress.  I am currently at 24 days since  have cum.  Looking back at my orgasm log  ORGASM TRACKER my previous record was 19 days and that was last January and into February.  This time is certainly different for me as I truly want to be sexual with Mistress, but I don't want to cum.  The chemicals running through my body right now are like a powerful drug.

Lastly I have worn a nighty for the last 16 nights and I am pretty sure I have never worn one 16 nights without weaseling my way out of at least one night.

I have to admit over the last couple days of wanting to be released from chastity.  When we had some company, we had a bunch of things to do around the house.  I was going to ask for release to make things easier but decided against it.  Looking back I am glad I didn't ask.  I got through it and now it makes me proud to have endured when I didn't want to.  It also kind of hot mentally to think I was locked when we had so many people here.  I was also going to ask to be unlocked yesterday when I manscaped.  One of the frequent things you read with guys in chastity is to be let out to clean and shave.  I can certainly clean myself (especially in a bath) and with a little extra effort I can shave while still locked up.  Again I am happy I didn't ask to be released as much as I wanted it.  It reaffirms in my mind that doing things I don't think I want to do end up being a turn on for me.

Mistress recently started her period.  It reminds me of something I have seen on a couple blogs.  When the Mistress starts her period, her slave is to go into chastity and remain there until her period ends.  It's to remind him to be aware of her situation as well as to make sure he shares in her discomfort.  Some even go as far as to have their man wear panty liners as a reminder.  Humiliating but I'm sure it's effective.

In short, I am setting records only because I have truly submitted.  It takes a certain mindset to have your cock locked for weeks as well as not orgasming. Especially when my mind is so focused on being sexual.  To be able to not only endure, but to look forward to additional denial is new for me.  For the first time in my life I feel like I am truly submitting and accepting what happens instead of forcing things.