I got tied up last night!!!

Last night I got tied up!  It was a reward for a gift that I recently gave her.  The last time Mistress had restrained me was on January 29th, when she strapped me face down to the bed to give me a quick caning before a business trip.  208 days (nearly 7 months) without being tied up and I sure did miss it.

Mistress had put our session on the calendar the day before.  I made sure to have my body fully shaved, a nice spray of the perfume she bought for me and I even wore panties, although I don't know if she noticed.

Mistress had me put on my restraints while she pulled implements of pain out of the night stand drawer.  Once I was secure to the bed and blind folded, she used some liquid coconut oil to stroke and tease my cock.  Mistress alternated between causing me pain and teasing me to the edge.  To cause pain she used rubber bands on my inner thighs (cheap and effective) and other instruments on my inner thighs and on my balls.

From last night's session

I went back and forth from extreme ecstasy and extreme pain.  The endorphins built up quickly and I was high off of them.  Mistress kept me on the edge very well and the frustration was maddening.  When I get high like that, I can't control myself from talking too much.  I begged Mistress to lock me in chastity afterward.  Not because I wanted to be locked up, but because I tend to cheat and masturbate after an orgasm or a ruined orgasm.  Mistress mentioned that my toenails would soon be painted 24/7.  That prompted me to ask for night-time feminization which she readily agreed to.  She also mentioned that I should be tanning in a g-sting before our upcoming vacation.

The back is much smaller and gives naughty tan lines

As Mistress kept torturing me, she made sure to mention that her coffee needs to be ready to go before we go to bed at night.  My desperate mind made me yell out "and the dishes too".

As we progressed I thanked her for being mean and implored her to increase her control over me.

Mistress said we had 2 minutes let to play and that instantly got me to the edge.  I'm pretty sure Mistress knew it but she stroked a few strokes longer than what I thought she would.  That did it.  I leaked an unknown amount (I was blindfolded) but I soon found cum covered fingers in my mouth feeding my cum to me.  I didn't even come close to an orgasm but Mistress was done with me.  She untied me and told me to get cleaned up and into chastity.  

At bed time I was torn on what to do.  I wanted to be told to put on my nighty, but I also wanted her to know how desperate I am to do anything she tells me to do so I put it on.  

I had a rough night of sleep.  I hadn't been overnight in chastity in 6 months.  My mind was racing with erotic thoughts.  I had a dream that Mistress hired a personal coach to help her push me even further.  I also dreamed that I was serving a ladies group in a cocktail outfit.  

This morning I woke up so very horny.  My inner thighs hurting.  Still in chastity.  I put on a bit too much perfume and went about my day.  My head is spinning due to the smell and the left over libido I have.  It's all I can do to keep from begging Mistress to torture me some more. 

   

Denial, Edging & Inescapable Bondage

Recently I have been wondering just how few orgasms I have had this year.  So far it has been 5.  That number is a bit deceiving because I had a long period of chastity and denial at the end of last year.  To be more accurate I have only had 5 orgasms in the last 7 months and 12 days.  Last year at this same time I had 15 orgasms.  Talk about a serious drop. 

This morning Mistress got out of bed before me.  I was able to edge a few times before getting up myself.  I got myself so worked up that I leaked a bit and licked up what I could.  Some still leaked that I was unaware of and it ended up on the sheets.  It would be interesting if Mistress found out and punished me for it.

Since I was so worked up, I locked myself in chastity.  It kind of back fired as when Mistress went to the store I could have edged myself, but didn't want to go get the key.

While I was edging I was thinking about being tied in extreme ways.  Here are some images as to what I would love to try.

Strappado

This morning I had some edging time before Mistress got out of bed.  Mistress has instructed me to not leak, but I can't really help it.  I have started leaking before I realize it's happened.  It't not much, just barely enough to cover my finger tip to lick it off. 

Today's edging was inspired by some pictures I saw yesterday of women in a predicament bondage position called strappado.  At first I could only find women that were tied like this.

I love the how helpless and vulnerable they are.  While the position is extremely tough to endure for long, I love how easy it is to make the position even harder.  High heels.  Spreader bar.  A ball gag to drool from.  Neck tied to knees or the ground.  Only being allowed to stand on one leg.

Of course I could only find two pics of guys in strappado type bondage.

As I edged myself I found myself gravitating toward the pictures of women.  Their heels, skirts, and other feminine attire, I wanted to be them.  I found some good cross dressing strappado bdsm.

Most of the pictures I chose have the victims dressed.  I like the imagery.  That being said, naked strappado leaves victims at their most vulnerable.  Every hole is available and nipples and cock and balls are free to abuse.  They have to take whatever is dished out as moving causes too much discomfort.

I have to stop now before I lose control!

Heading in the right direction

After many years of fits and starts I truly believe we are heading in a direction that will put me further and further under Mistress' control.  I'm very excited.

Since we both work from home now Mistress truly has the ability to control me 24/7 if she so chooses.  Gone are the days where she would head off to work and I would be able to do whatever I wanted.  I am incredibly excited about the direction this can go and hope that there is no turning back.

Last night as Mistress and I were about to get into bed, Mistress threw something on the bed.  I looked down and it was a pair of keys.  Mistress told me to remove my chastity device as she wanted to use her cock.  I went into the bathroom and removed my device and used a wet wash cloth to clean any scent from her cock.  I went back into the bedroom and Mistress was lying on a couple of towels and was playing with herself.  Almost as soon as I climbed back into bed, I got very hard and I was inside of Mistress almost instantly.  I thought for sure that I would be in the edge in no time, but I was able to go longer than I expected.  Even though I went longer than expected it still wasn't long enough to get Mistress off.  When I stopped to keep myself from cumming, Mistress had me use my fingers on her G-spot.  I teased and edged her a couple times before giving her an orgasm. 

After her orgasm she told me to put my cock inside her.  I did and as I got closer to the edge, Mistress asked me when my last orgasm was.  I told her that it was November 22nd or 8 weeks and 1 day.  I added that I was in chastity the entire time less 2 days.  Mistress told me that she felt it was time for me to have an orgasm.  I pathetically begged her to not make me cum and that I would to anything to avoid that fate.  I then told her flat out that I was going to refuse her order and accept any punishment she decided to dish out.  After a few minutes of her telling me to cum with my cock inside of her and me refusing, Mistress  told me to giver her another orgasm with my fingers.  This time I got her off in less than 30 seconds.  I then put my cock inside Mistress and after a few strokes she told me to stop.  I didn't.  She commanded me to stop a few more times before I relented.  She told me she was done with me and to lock myself back up.  I offered to give her another orgasm but she refused.

I went into the bathroom, washed my cock off again and locked myself back into chastity under Mistress' supervision.  Mistress hid the keys as I went back to bed.  When Mistress got back into bed, she teased my balls and told me to put the cane on her bathroom vanity when I got up in the morning.  She plans on caning me and she also plans on restraining me for it.  I asked her to not restrain me and see how much I am able to take, but she refused saying she didn't want to have to deal with me being unrestrained.

To be fair, her concern is warranted.  I believe that a proper beating requires restraints.  A fight or flight response will happen if she beats me the way I need to be beaten.  I need to be pushed past that point and the only way is with restraints.  There will be a point where I will get mad and if I am tied up there is nothing I can do about it.  I need to stay tied up until I have recovered from the anger and frustration and am back into my submissive mindset.  I'm not big on aftercare, but some tenderness and discussion while I am still tied up and recovering is the way I imagine being the most beneficial.  Being given a verbal reminder that I have asked for this a long time and I am finally getting the cruelty I have begged for, for so long.

As we drifted off to sleep I thanks Mistress for not making me cum.  I didn't want to be the guy that I am after an orgasm  I also assured Mistress again that I am very excited about where we are headed and that no matter what, I am hers to do with as she pleases.  I let her know that she doesn't need to worry about pushing me to hard or being too cruel.  No matter what she does to me I will take it.  I am here to serve, be her domestic slave, her sex slave, her sissy slave and do whatever she wishes.

Side note.  For whatever reason I can't think about a spanking without thinking of a pair of panties I have like these.  It seems like the perfect target as the butt is framed and exposed.  However, I have been reading about how important the spot where the thighs meet the butt is such a good punishment spot and these cover that spot. 

          

Wrecked

This morning I woke up with the lingering effects of a tease and torture session with Mistress last night.  Mistress and I went out with friends for happy hour and on our way home Mistress told me she was going to make me pay for recent transgressions.  When we got home, Mistress instructed me to put on some music and for me to take off my chastity device and clean up her cock.  While I did that, Mistress got out some implements for pleasure and for pain.  

As I was putting my restraints on, Mistress had me put the big rubber bands on my thighs.  I really wish I never introduced those evil rubber bands to her.  Once my restraints were on, Mistress tied me down spread-eagle to the bed and blindfolded me.  The first thing Mistress did was put her lips on her cock.  It had been so long since I have had any sensation on her cock, the sensation was kind of confusing, but it did feel good.  Next Mistress clamped my nipples with something but I wasn't sure if it was clothespins or clover clamps, but the first one she put on was just on the tip and it hurt for more than the one that had a bit more skin.  I tried to suck it up and deal with it but I had to ask her to reposition it which she did.  Mistress didn't leave them on very long and when she removed them the pain was intense.  Unfortunately I can't feel any residual pain this morning.  There is something very hot about having nipple pain for a day or 2 after a scene.

Mistress also put a glass dildo up my ass and held the Hitachi to it.  It seems like it was against my prostate. I thought for sure that I was going to have cum milked out of me or have an actual anal orgasm.  I think Mistress' goal was to have me leak enough to have something to eat, but I was able to resist.  I forget how much I love having something in my ass.  I feel like such a slut as I try to take it deeper.

The rest of our scene is a blur to me as I got super high off of the combination of happy hour drinks and the endorphins from her abuse.  For about an hour, Mistress edged me multiple times.  She also snapped the rubber bands multiple times of which I have some nice residual marks.  My balls were smacked multiple times while I got scolded for my recent attitude.  The worst part is that Mistress kept me from enjoying any part of her body.  I begged for kisses, or to taste her but she refused my requests.  As best as I can tell she didn't even pleasure herself.  

During this time we discussed a plan for correcting my recent attitude.  Mistress and I are now working together in a new business venture.  I have a lot of experience in this industry and Mistress is new.  I find myself getting frustrated and I end up speaking in a disrespectful manner as well as talking down to Mistress.  This is a behavior that I hate about myself and I seriously want it corrected.  Once the plan is formalized, I will post it here.  

When Mistress was done torturing me, she undid 2 of my limbs and went to the rest room.  I undid my right hand and proceeded to edge myself one more time before she got out of the bathroom.  She had me lock myself back in chastity and then had me clean the room.  While cleaning the room I had to try something out.  I was able to edge myself one more time by holding the Hitachi against my cock cage.  We might have to disable the Hitachi 😊  

The rest of the night I was an absolute mess.  The bondage, the pain, and the edging left me in a hyper sexualized state.  I kept feeling the urge to grab her cock and get myself off, but I couldn't due to the device locked on my cock.  I don't think I will ever be unlocked again.  

We proceeded to discuss the plan to correct my misbehavior while working together.  I assured her this is something I not only want, but I need.  I have agreed that whatever she needs to do me I will accept.  I want to be owned and I cannot be owned if I treat her this way.  I said I doubted her resolve to do this.  Mistress assured me that she did, so long as I was serious about changing.  Mistress commented that she will start making me kneel when I get out of line.  That's probably one of the hottest things she has ever said to me.  Mistress isn't a big fan of kneeling but I now believe she sees how it can 'take me down a notch' and put her in a superior position.

As I was waking up this morning, I was still feeling the powerful effects last night.  I am so horny and desperate, it's making my head spin.  I so want to touch Mistress' locked cock.  I so want to service Mistress all day long with massages, painting her toenails and by giving her orgasms.  I so want to be dressed up as a little whore sissy.  I so want to be locked in a straight jacket and put away for the day.  I so want to have my current state used to push me further into submission.  I am wrecked and I love it.  

           

Obsession and Distraction

Once in a while Mistress will make a comment that triggers something inside me that makes me obsess about it.  Not only do I obsess about it, it tends to take me to places I didn't intend on going.  Here is my latest obsession that drifted into something entirely different. 

A few days ago Mistress mentioned that I should watch my attitude, because being locked in the cage in a straitjacket with the shocking device locked on my balls doesn't sound like too much fun.  I replied something to the effect of "to you it might not sound fun".  Since then I have been obsessing about it.  Not so much about the cage, but about something similar.

My first real thought was me thinking of being put into the straight jacket I would lie in the center of one of our spare beds.  My feet would be tied so I would be forced to lie on my back.  I would be blindfolded with earplugs in my ears with white noise playing.  I would be left like this for hours.  Abandoned. 

Then of course, my mind kept going further down the path.  Instead of just being abandoned I imagined having the E-stim box hooked up to me with one set of wires going into a metal butt plug in my ass and bands around my cock.  Mistress would put the settings on the 'torment' function and leave me while my ass and genital are assaulted with electricity.

Then my mind shifted to back to being abandoned for long periods of time.  My mind went darker and realized that the need to go to the bathroom limits the amount of time a slave can be left alone.  It seems that for long term isolation bondage, diapers are frequently used.  Talk about a mind fuck.  Not only are you restricted from moving, but your can't see or hear.  Now your most basic body function is used in your punishment.  I can only imagine how long I would fight to not relieve my self in such a humiliating fashion.  One could be safely left for hours like this.  The inability to move would be excruciating, in a good sadistic way.  The mental anguish of not knowing the time, how long you will be left there and then having to relieve yourself is a very powerful reminder of the control you have given up.  

When I found the image above, I stumbled across another image that I assume only came up because of the diaper.  Apparently these onsies can be used with diapers for adult baby scenes.  These outfits are for people that have a 'little' fetish.  They are unisex and made for people of ALL sizes.  Now I am not into the adult baby fetish one bit, but these outfits do speak to my feminization and humiliation fetish.  I can imagine having to wear one around the house, to bed at night or in a scene of some sort.  The humiliation factor would be extremely high.  

So there you have a perfect example of how my brain works.  It obsesses, but it's also extremely diverse in what appeals to my submissive side.  

     

Ordeal in the cage

Shortly after finishing yesterday's blog post Mistress came downstairs around 7:30 am.  I made her coffee and she asked me what time the store opened.  I told her 10 am.  She said it was time for me to be caged and for me to get ready.

I went upstairs and inserted my butt plug.  I came back down stairs and then headed to the basement.  Mistress was to follow.  I grabbed the straight jacket from the toy closet under the stairs and headed into the room that had the cage.  I undressed.  As I was removing my bra and inserts I was wondering how they would feel under the straight jacket.  I sat on the floor and put on my 8-inch ballet heels.  They lace and have an ankle strap.  I put my feet through the loops that go between the legs to keep the jacket from being raised.  Once I was in, I arranged those straps against the butt plug and proceeded to put my arms in the jacket.  Mistress buckled the main straps and left the arm straps undone so I could climb in the cage.  Once in the cage she pulled the arm straps crossing my arms in front of me and tightly buckled it down.  I was left kneeling in the cage when Mistress latched it behind me.  She agreed that she didn't need to lock it as I was completely helpless.  She very unceremoniously turned of the lights and left the room. 

I sat on my knees for a few minutes until I realized I needed a more comfortable position.  I put my head on the ground and rolled onto my side with a thud.  After much more struggling I was able to get on my back.  I was stuck.  I spent close to the next 2 hours trying to find comfortable positions.  Once I found a relatively comfortable position it was only comfortable for about 10 minutes before pressure points would start hurting.  I also had to avoin laying my head on the bars of the cage.  I knew they went put impressions on my skull and we had to run errands when I got released. 

I repeated a phrase out loud several times about not talking back or talking down to Mistress.  I imagined having to repeat it for the entire time I was in the cage out loud.  We had a baby monitor outside of the cage so Mistress could easily require some such rule in the future.  I also tried to take a nap.  My mind was racing too much for that to happen.  I imagined putting the baby monitor on top of the cage with a rule that I am not allowed to shut my eyes. 

I also had many, many fantasies.  In the spirit of keeping from being a pushy bottom, I will generalize them here and not go into detail.  I fantasized about how to make the cage time even more uncomfortable or miserable.  I thought about Mistress making be do or say things things before I was released.  I also though about non-cage related things.  The longer I was in the cage, the darker and more depraved my thoughts became. 

At one point I was able to wiggle and shift my arms low enough to grab the the lock on my chastity device.  I was able to push and pull on the lock enough to get some friction on my cock.  I wondered if Mistress was seeing me do this through the baby monitor and whether I should stop or not.  After 60 seconds or so, my cock got hard enough that the friction stopped and my hand was cramping at the same time due to how hard I had to struggle to do this.  That experiment was fruitless.

The butt plug.  Wow.  The straps that go between the legs really pushed up against the butt plug.  Every time I moved to find a more comfortable position, the butt plug was reminding me of my situation.  It was pressed so tightly that even breathing made me feel it in my ass.  When I would sigh, the plugged pressed even further.  It was pressed so tightly inside me that when I would try to flex my sphincter it didn't move.   My ass felt thoroughly used by the time I was released. 

I have been locked in the cage 3 or 4 times before this.  This time was the worst by far.  It's the first time that the time in the cage seemed to be more than the actual time.  Mistress let me out 5-10 minutes early of the 2 hour mark and I was thinking she left me in for 30-60 minutes longer.  This was by far the most helpless I have ever felt.  She could have just as easily left me on the floor and I would have been just as helpless.  The cage just made it hurt more.  I have come to the realization that the cage is not something to joke about.  Just because she hasn't 'broken' me with the cage yet, doesn't mean she can't.  I don't think I want to try.

When she finally did release me I was in complete drunken subspace.  I could barely move to assist my own release.  Mistress had to take off the ballet shoes and come partially in the cage to release my arms so that I could get out.  She left the room as unemotionally as she started my ordeal.

Looking back on it this experience was very hot to me.  Not in a sexual way.  The cage sucked.  There was no intimacy with it.  There was no emotion with it.  It was a punishment and nothing more or less.  It was not erotic although I tried to make it that way.  It was detached.  The reason it was hot was because Mistress controlled me completely.  She was cruel.  She was emotionless.  She didn't give the appearance to care how I did with it.  The realization that she could be cruel or crueler to me is what made it hot.

The rest of the day was uneventful as far as D/s is concerned, although I was certainly worked up as much as I ever have been.

This morning Mistress and I snuggled a bit.  I was tracing my fingers on Mistress legs and butt.  I was about to get out of bed and Mistress reached out with her foot.  I stayed in bed for a bit longer.  I continued to trace my fingers along her legs, ankles and feet.  I would trace along her leg where it meets her ass.  I traced her hip area and her stomach.  I traced her arms and neck.  I purposely avoided sexual areas for quite some time.  I teased her chest and she didn't stop me from teasing her breasts and nipples.  I took that as a good sign.  I traced my way back down her body to her pussy.  She let me proceed.  I rubbed her clit for a bit.  Mistress generally doesn't let me rub her clit long as she enjoys penetration much more.  Because of this I teases the opening to Mistress' pussy.  She was nicely wet. I teased her some more and the I inserted my finger a bit more.  Mistress commanded me back to her clit, I was surprised.  I re-positioned myself on my knees and continued to rub her clit.  I nuzzled my face against her neck.  Mistress reached over and rubbed my balls.  She commented on how full they were.  I assured her that it was her cruelty that was keeping me so aroused.  In very quick order Mistress came and she stopped me.  I tried force myself on her until she made it clear I was crossing a line.  I backed off to avoid cage time.  I imagined this becoming a daily ritual.  Waking Mistress up at a set time with my fingers and if she allows with an orgasm for her.  If I am out of bed already, a text message summoning me for her morning pleasure or to deliver coffee to her upstairs. 

Mistress told me to get dressed and make her coffee.  I asked what I should wear today as it was a home office kind of day.  She said "whatever you want".  I asked for clarification and she said I didn't have to dress feminine.  I was bummed, but decided I could still dress feminine today since it was my choice.  I couldn't dress that way right away or I wouldn't have time to make Mistress' coffee so I ran downstairs my nighty to make her coffee. 

I then went upstairs to get dressed.  I sprayed on my perfume.  I went to my panty drawer and picked out a pair of panties.  I then went to my feminine closet.  I picked out a red dress but decided against it as I didn't want bra straps showing.  I put it back and grabbed a black and white dress to wear.  As I picked up a bra to wear, I got insecure.  I can't get dressed up if Mistress doesn't want me to.  Mistress has gotten me over 99% of my macho insecurity, but apparently I still need a bit of encouragement or even better, coercion.  I put the bra back down, took off my panties and instead put on some male casual clothes.

In closing, the cage was miserable, but at the same time I was in heaven. Heaven because Mistress owned me and controlled me 100% at that time.  I was completely helpless, at her mercy and wanting to serve her even more.  That's the way it should be.                     

Uh-Oh

Mistress appears to have taken my recent blog postings to heart.  Yesterday afternoon, we had another intense scene.

I went upstairs and get things ready.  I puled the bondage straps out from under the bed.  I put my wrist and ankle restraints on.  I pulled out several toys and striking implements so Mistress could decide what she wanted to use.  I put towels on the bed, put some music on and dimmed the lights.  I laid on the bed, blindfolded myself and tied 3 of my limbs to the bed straps.

Mistress came in the room.  She restrained my 4th limb and tightened the straps down TIGHT.  Mistress put 8-10 clothespins on my scrotum as well as clover nipple clamps on my nipples.  I had recently added the clover clamps to the toy drawer as the clothespins are not intense enough for me. Mistress stroked my cock while lecturing me about my recent attitude.  She continued lecturing me and telling me how things were going to go from now on as she pulled the clothespins off of my scrotum causing me to gasp.

Mistress added rubber bands to my upper thighs and proceeded to snap them.  Out of all the implements we have used so far, these leave the best marks.  I was fortunate that Mistress put 3-4 bands together.  Combined, the pain they created was less sharp than a single band.

Mistress would hit the insides of my thighs and when the pain got too much she would stroke my cock to bring me back to my desperate horny state.

I lost track of time as Mistress continued to alternate between torture and pleasure.  Mistress told me how she intends on taking me to a local drag queen event.  First to observe, with the goal of taking me out in public the next time we go.  The thought scares me to death but also excites me.  At some point I will end up being fully feminized in public.  

Mistress also talked about putting me on a points system.  The more I serve her, the quicker I get to have scenes I enjoy.  Mistress also told me that she was going to start holding me much more accountable and enforce punishments much, much quicker.  I assured her that I want to be held to the highest standard and am willing to pay dearly for not serving her well.  I need to be doing more around the house.  To me this means I need to be doing chores while Mistress relaxes on the couch.  I would like there to be a 'honey-do' list every day.  I would like Mistress to remember that I am wired differently.  Having a list of tasks and being held accountable to complete it would really reinforce our D/s dynamic. There will be some challenges and push back from me, as she pushes me harder, but we both know I will be more fulfilled the more totally I am controlled.

At one point Mistress climbed on my face with her facing my feet.  She planted her pussy on my mouth.  I licked her as furiously as I could.  I tried to reach her asshole with my tongue.  I probably went about this the wrong way.  My intention was to show her how much I want to orally serve her.  I want to be consumed by her pussy.  I want to earn the privilege to be allowed to put my tongue in her asshole.  What I think I did is I went too fast and it wasn't doing anything for her.  I really do want to casually spend an hour or more between her legs worshiping her pussy.

I believe I almost got fucked in the ass with a strap-on, but I think a wardrobe malfunction occurred so instead of an ass fucking Mistress just put the dildo in my ass.  I kept wishing it was bigger and deeper.   

I am guessing after about 30 minutes, Mistress removed one of the nipple clamps and immediately rubbed the nipple.  OMG!  It was probably the most painful thing she did to me all afternoon.  Which is surprising considering how many times she hit my balls, smacked the rubber bands and hit me hard with implements.  That was until she the took off the second nipple clamp and rubbed my nipple which again was intensely painful.  On a scale of 1-10, my nipples are still sore at a level 1.  I was hoping for a residual pain level of 5-6.   

The longer the scene went on, the more I confessed my total and complete surrender to Mistress.  I confessed that I have totally embraced chastity.  For years I have resisted it unless it was for entertainment purposes, but now I believe it is in my best interest to be locked 24/7 for the rest of my life.  Release should only be for Mistress' pleasure.  I also confessed I have now accepted my feminine side.  I truly believe I am more subservient when I am dressed, perfumed, erotically shamed, etc.  My bad attitude is when my masculine side tries to take over.  I begged Mistress to keep pushing my feminization so that I naturally choose feminine over masculine.  I need encouragement if not outright force in the afternoons and evenings, when my libido is lower, as deep down I want to be dressed.  I just need help getting me over my last bit of resistance.  Lastly I confessed how much I want to kneel at her feet.  I think this act alone is a very powerful one.  Much like a queen asks her subjects to 'bend the knee' to show they serve her, and her alone.  It might feel uncomfortable the first few times, but I would bet a large sum of money that she would get used to it and eventually love the symbolism of me kneeling before her.  I would go into subspace very quickly with just this act alone.  It also a good position to orally pleasure her.

Mistress mounted my cock and rode me.  I really thought she was going to make me cum inside her and them make me clean her out. but she had other ideas.  We are going on a long trip soon.  I tend to get stressed and snarky when we travel and having an orgasm would just increase the chance for me to have a bad attitude.  I was to have no orgasm.  Instead Mistress gave me some instructions for the week.  I am to continue to stay in chastity until we leave and had to lock myself up the second we got done.  I hope she intends to keep me locked until the morning of our trip and not release me the night before.  I truly don't want kindness and mercy.  I am also required to wear my largest butt plug for 2 hours every day until we leave (I am wearing it now).  That being said, I believe I should wear it on the morning of our trip as well.  She also mentioned that we would be having another intense scene as a preventative measure at the end of the week.  That way when I get stressed and snarky she can remind me of what will happen if I don't change my attitude.  I am wishing we have a 'daily lesson' so to speak.  

Mistress managed to edge and beat me until I was a mass of submissive putty.  I don't think there was anything I wouldn't have done at that point.  She owned me.

Before Mistress untied me I asked her if I could add a few tasks to myself that I knew I would regret.  She indulged me.  I asked to wear my bikini in out hot tub.  She told me that I could.  I also asked to wear something slutty the rest of the night and she told me no.  I asked if I could wear pink leggings and a pink camisole and she said I could.

Mistress then untied one of my limbs  She told me to untie myself and that I would now be pleasuring her.  She ran off to the bathroom while I untied myself.  I was in such a state of subspace and pure desire to serve that I untied myself and knelt on the bed awaiting her arrival.  I was still wearing my blindfold and restraints.  Mistress came back from the bathroom and laid on the bed.  She told me to use my fingers inside her.  I begged to be allowed to go down on her first.  She told me 'no'.  I am pretty sure it's because she just went to the bathroom, but I knew that.  I really wanted to lick the remaining drops of piss from her pussy.  I can't think of a more submissive way to express my true desire and devotion than to do such an act.  It is also deep rooted in my brain as it goes back to my very first submissive fantasies I had as a pre-teen.

I obeyed Mistress and started to put my fingers in Mistress and instead she changed her and and told me to fuck her.  I did, much better than I expected but still was on the edge fast.  I then made her cum several times and she squirted quite a bit.  This made me want to grab a glass and catch her juices and drink them up.  She made me fuck her again.  This time I got too close to the edge.  I should have dribbled, but somehow did not.  Mistress was not having any more of that.  She had me make her cum a few more times and then she announced she was done.  I was disappointed as I didn't want this feeling to end.  Ever.

She had me clean up the room and put everything away.  I hate having to clean up after a scene, but being made to do so put me in the right frame of mind.  I am a slave and I don't get to decide what I want to do.  We then went to the hot tub. I was wearing my bikini.  If any of our neighbors were outside paying attention, there could have been 3-4 that could have seen me.  I was in such sub-space that I really didn't care.  I could see that becoming a new requirement.  Sitting in a hot tub in a bikini is way naughtier than being nude.  The feminine reinforcement is powerful.  

The bottom half of my bikini

After the hot tub, I did put on my pink leggings and camisole and made us dinner.  Mistress did a great job of reminding me of my outfit and my position as her slave.  I forgot to wear my butt plug when we got out of the hot tub.  I am fortunate Mistress reminded me as I was able to put it in at bedtime and sleep with it in for a few hours.  If I were her, I would have let me fail so I could have punished me for it.  I'm mean like that.  

At bedtime I thanked Mistress for her abuse.  I also encouraged her to keep at it.  This morning as I write this I am encouraged where this is heading.  I am still in pretty strong sub-space and am willing to do absolutely anything.  Mistress has now had a couple scenes where she has shown an ability to be mean.  I am truly scared of disobeying which is something I can only say a few times not only in this relationship but in my entire life.  I want to live in a certain state of fear because that fear is what will get me through my resistance and disobedience.  Fear will free me.

                 

        

Bondage As Punishment

I wasn't sure if my dressing feminine was expected to be back full time or just yesterday.  Last night Mistress indicated that it was not just for yesterday.  It's back on.  I can honestly say I wasn't it expecting it to be full time.  There are some challenges to it, but I want Mistress to challenge me more than I can put into words.  And by the hard-on in my pants I can tell you it's a good thing she is getting strict with me again!

Now for the post I created yesterday for today since I am out all day.

I am a huge fan of being tied up.  That really is #1 at the top of my list.  The tighter the better.  The other day I ran across a video of a woman tied up in an impossible position (for me at least).

http://asianastarr.com/asiana/category/whats-inside/

Listening to the banter between her and her Master you learn that she has been in this position for around 35 minutes.  She is pretty much wrecked.  It hurts to stay in this position and it hurts to move as blood moves back into numb parts of her body.  She is in tears and her breathing is labored.  I am absolutely fascinated.  Fascinated by her flexibility.  Fascinated by his sadism.  Fascinated by the concept.

He keeps taunting her.  Asking her questions.  She is in such distress she can't answer him.  He threatens her with more time and she finally answers him.   At one point he removes the rope that runs behind her neck that is keeping her keens toward her face.  While the release should be a relief, it's excruciating.  After the initial shock wears off you can see some relief, but not near enough.

The beauty of this is that he doesn't have to do anything else.  Time is the enemy.  He doesn't have to hit her or hurt her in any way although he could.  All he has to do is sit and get in her head.

Watching this I am extremely jealous.  To take something that is my favorite activity and make it my worst enemy is such a hot idea.  The most I have felt this way is with Mistress.  When we first started dating there were a couple times I was suspended to the ceiling by my wrists.  It's a difficult position but it can allow for too much movement so it because more predicament bondage than I am thinking here.  The other time I was put into the straight jacket and into the cage.  The jacket really limited my ability to reposition but I was still able to relieve the major discomfort.  I have been tied to the bed spreadeagle for quite some time, to where it hurt to be untied, but I have never been tied so long or so difficult that I have needed to use my safeword.

After watching this videos I found some more ways to use bondage itself as punishment.  I tried to find pictures of guys, but there just aren't enough.  Also, any of these positions are made much harder by being made to wear high heels.

Super Simple.  The back, hips and shoulders will start hurting in no time. This one is of the chest tied to the ankles.

I have looked and looked for the male version of this but couldn't find it.  It's the same, but the balls are tied to the ceiling to prevent movement.  

A ball gag that is way too big, forced keeling, neck restrained.  Not only will her body hurt, her jaw will fatigue badly.

Trying to gain some relief.  It doesn't work.

  

Those clothespins just add to the helpless feeling.

Knees to neck is what make this so hard.

I imagine myself in this position in my office.  

He's only restrained by one thing

High heels would make this much worse.

I love how he gets in her face.

I found one with a guy.  There is nothing he can do but wait for the pain to set in.

I love how the leather straps tie her ankles to her thighs.  The knees will feel that soon.

  

Completely helpless with 3 pieces of restraint.

   

She's not tied, but she can't move either.  That will hurt soon enough.