Depraved

I am currently on a short trip away from home for work.  The last 36 hours I have been on submissive brain overdrive.  Yesterday morning I woke up after barely sleeping.  I have a hard time sleeping when I have to catch a flight and the other night was no exception.  On top of that I planned on wearing my chastity device to see if I still have skin issues with it.  So my mind was already in a suggestive state of mind.  In addition to my chastity device I packed a nighty and a couple pairs of panties.  I got up very early yesterday and as soon as I did I put on my panties and chastity device.  I was ready for the day.

I went about the rest of my day, very aware of my device and panties.  Unfortunately, my device did cause me some issues and I have remove it about 12 hours after putting it on.  I need to try my stainless steel device and see how that goes.  Very soon!

I went out to dinner with my co-workers last night and afterward for some additional drinks.  When I got back to my hotel, I had a pretty good buzz and was horny and drunk.  I decided to torture myself. 

Now writing this down is very hard for me.  My first instinct is to hide it.  At the same time, I need to confess so to speak.  I am very ashamed about the things I did to myself, but at the same time want Mistress to know as well as readers of this blog.

When I got back to my room I stripped off all of my clothes.  I found my favorite torture device in the closet.  A coat hanger with clips on it.  I proceeded to clip the clamps to my nipples and then I hooked it to the bar on the closet.  

After about 30 seconds I decided to escalate the stakes.  I looked into my bathroom dopp kit looking for ideas.  I saw a small tube of tooth paste.  I know how it stings so I put a large dollop on my finger and spread it all over my asshole and made sure to get a liberal amount inside me.  I expected it to sting right away but it didn't sting quite yet, so I decided to up the stakes again.

I saw some flossers and came up with an idea from a blog I read.  HERE IS THE LINK  I took something similar to what is in the link and pushed it into the open tube of toothpaste. I got a liberal amount of toothpaste on the bristles and proceeded to slowly push it into the hole in the head of my cock.  WOW.  That stung quickly.  

At this time my ass started to sting. I went to the closet and put the clamps back onto my nipples.  I took the hook and pushed it into the louvers in the door, forcing myself on my tip toes.  I put my hands behind my back and proceeded to count to 100 before I released myself.  

While on my tip toes, I dreamed of Mistress being there with me.  She would come up behind me and tie my arms behind my back.  She would tell me the only way I would get out of my predicament is by pulling my nipples out of the clamps.  My cock was burning as well as my ass.  I was in drunken, horny heaven.

After I got to 100, I undid the clamps allowing blood to rush to my nipples.  Ouch!  I then told myself to remove and insert the flosser 20 times in my cock head.  It was painful, but not too much, but I think that may be due to my drunken state.

I removed the flosser and after a short rest I put the clamps back on my nipples.  I went to the closet and found a clothes iron on a shelf.  I tied the cord to the hanger that was attached to my nipples.  I put my dirty panties in my mouth like a gag (so I wouldn't scream out)  I put my hands behind my back and started to pull back from the shelf.  The iron fell off the shelf and quickly yanked the clips off of my nipples.  Fucking ouch!!!

After that I went to the bed and lied back on the bed.  I belted my thighs together with my balls behind me, and redid the hanger to my nipples.  I pulled my knees up to my chest and hooked the hanger to the belt.  I held this position for another 5 minutes putting constant pressure on my nipples.  My ass and pee hole were still stinging.  I was a horny mess.  All I could think of was Mistress torturing me.

Through all of this I didn't touch my cock in any erotic way.  It was too sore from my chastity device. 

At this point I remembered a handful of podcasts I had downloaded months ago.  I put my headphones on and picked a couple to listen to.  The podcasts are "erotic hypnosis" recordings.  I listened to them when Mistress was away on a business trip.  They didn't have much of an effect on me before but I was curious again.

It was time for bed.  I cleaned up the hangers, toothpaste and everything else.  I put on my nighty and crawled into bed.  I picked a hypnosis track that I thought was about eating cum.  It played, I got into a trance.  About 20 minutes in I realize its a track about drinking piss from my Mistress.  With the mood I was in, I was quickly aroused by this.  I'm generally not aroused by piss play, but occasionally, I am.  Last night I imagined Mistress doing this to me.

I picked one more track to listen to.  This one was about being a man and getting comfortable about being feminine.  I put it on a loop and listened.  I fell asleep listening while it played for a couple hours.  While I can't say it was the hypnosis track that did it, I am in such a feminine mood today.  Probably more feminine than I have felt in a long time.

I am sitting my my hotel chair wearing only my nighty while I complete my this post.  I am wishing my toiletries in the bathroom were feminine toiletries.  I wish I could wear feminine deodorant.  Some perfume.  Nail polish.  While I brought panties, I wish I had a bra or camisole.  I wish I had some stockings.  I wish I was fully feminized under my clothes while I travel back home to my Mistress.  

My nipples have a nice residual soreness.  I have actually pinched my nipples quite a few times while writing this.  My cock is sore, but mostly from my device.  It hurts a bit when I pee from the flosser, but in a really good way.  I think I found a new CBT technique!

Writing this post has been deliciously humiliating.  I'm actually nervous to hit the publish button.  Admitting to Mistress what I did last night puts butterfly's in my stomach.  When I look into her eyes later today I will be erotically shamed and aroused beyond belief.