Randomness

Here are some images that I’ve saved over the last few days in my terribly horny condition.

I've been begging for a HARD birthday caning.  The above picture is only 30 strokes and I really want 50 hard ones.  I'd love for my ass to look like this or worse.  I'd love to not be able to sit for a couple of days. 

Mistress is pretty good at busting my balls, but I saw this and loved how inventive it is.  His balls are bound and forced between his thighs.  His thighs are then tightly tied together.  His balls are a perfect target, especially with his hands bound.  Would love/hate to try this sometime. 

 

Apparently, I need it.

 

I got tied up last night!!!

Last night I got tied up!  It was a reward for a gift that I recently gave her.  The last time Mistress had restrained me was on January 29th, when she strapped me face down to the bed to give me a quick caning before a business trip.  208 days (nearly 7 months) without being tied up and I sure did miss it.

Mistress had put our session on the calendar the day before.  I made sure to have my body fully shaved, a nice spray of the perfume she bought for me and I even wore panties, although I don't know if she noticed.

Mistress had me put on my restraints while she pulled implements of pain out of the night stand drawer.  Once I was secure to the bed and blind folded, she used some liquid coconut oil to stroke and tease my cock.  Mistress alternated between causing me pain and teasing me to the edge.  To cause pain she used rubber bands on my inner thighs (cheap and effective) and other instruments on my inner thighs and on my balls.

From last night's session

I went back and forth from extreme ecstasy and extreme pain.  The endorphins built up quickly and I was high off of them.  Mistress kept me on the edge very well and the frustration was maddening.  When I get high like that, I can't control myself from talking too much.  I begged Mistress to lock me in chastity afterward.  Not because I wanted to be locked up, but because I tend to cheat and masturbate after an orgasm or a ruined orgasm.  Mistress mentioned that my toenails would soon be painted 24/7.  That prompted me to ask for night-time feminization which she readily agreed to.  She also mentioned that I should be tanning in a g-sting before our upcoming vacation.

The back is much smaller and gives naughty tan lines

As Mistress kept torturing me, she made sure to mention that her coffee needs to be ready to go before we go to bed at night.  My desperate mind made me yell out "and the dishes too".

As we progressed I thanked her for being mean and implored her to increase her control over me.

Mistress said we had 2 minutes let to play and that instantly got me to the edge.  I'm pretty sure Mistress knew it but she stroked a few strokes longer than what I thought she would.  That did it.  I leaked an unknown amount (I was blindfolded) but I soon found cum covered fingers in my mouth feeding my cum to me.  I didn't even come close to an orgasm but Mistress was done with me.  She untied me and told me to get cleaned up and into chastity.  

At bed time I was torn on what to do.  I wanted to be told to put on my nighty, but I also wanted her to know how desperate I am to do anything she tells me to do so I put it on.  

I had a rough night of sleep.  I hadn't been overnight in chastity in 6 months.  My mind was racing with erotic thoughts.  I had a dream that Mistress hired a personal coach to help her push me even further.  I also dreamed that I was serving a ladies group in a cocktail outfit.  

This morning I woke up so very horny.  My inner thighs hurting.  Still in chastity.  I put on a bit too much perfume and went about my day.  My head is spinning due to the smell and the left over libido I have.  It's all I can do to keep from begging Mistress to torture me some more. 

   

Dressing up, edging and ball busting.

Yesterday after my post, I decided to do a bit of self feminization.  I put on a pair of black panties, black bra, my silicone inserts, a dress and a pair of heels.

It had been some time since I had worn heels so they hurt fairly soon.  Apparently I need to keep my feet conditioned for heels.  I worked for a few hours and then went to shave.  Before shaving I wanted to see if I could edge myself with the Hitachi with such a small chastity device on.  I could.  

I took turns running the Hitachi on the chastity device and on the prostate stimulator in my ass.  I think I could have milked myself if I had time.

I got ready and met up with Mistress.  I snuck off my device when she wasn't looking.  She's got a lot going on and I didn't want to bring any of this to her without her asking for it.

Mistress is occupied today as well, so I decided to do a bit of self-bondage.  I put on my humbler device on the front.  I also tied up my ankles, below my knees and above my knees.  I promised I was going to hit my balls 100 times with the thick plastic paddle or the thick strap.  My stroke #20 on my balls I could feel an orgasm starting.  I had to stop.  Holy cow.  I am so horny I could come from a ball busting.

You can see a bit of cum that leaked out.  I hungrily licked it up.  I hit my balls another 10 times and the same thing happened with a bit more leakage.  I decided to stop before I went over the edge.  

As I write this I have the shocking dog collar on my balls.  I edge myself and then give my balls a quick shock.  I stop doing this as I can feel the pain is going to push me over the edge.  My goodness  I am so horny.

Gotta Run!

Wrecked

This morning I woke up with the lingering effects of a tease and torture session with Mistress last night.  Mistress and I went out with friends for happy hour and on our way home Mistress told me she was going to make me pay for recent transgressions.  When we got home, Mistress instructed me to put on some music and for me to take off my chastity device and clean up her cock.  While I did that, Mistress got out some implements for pleasure and for pain.  

As I was putting my restraints on, Mistress had me put the big rubber bands on my thighs.  I really wish I never introduced those evil rubber bands to her.  Once my restraints were on, Mistress tied me down spread-eagle to the bed and blindfolded me.  The first thing Mistress did was put her lips on her cock.  It had been so long since I have had any sensation on her cock, the sensation was kind of confusing, but it did feel good.  Next Mistress clamped my nipples with something but I wasn't sure if it was clothespins or clover clamps, but the first one she put on was just on the tip and it hurt for more than the one that had a bit more skin.  I tried to suck it up and deal with it but I had to ask her to reposition it which she did.  Mistress didn't leave them on very long and when she removed them the pain was intense.  Unfortunately I can't feel any residual pain this morning.  There is something very hot about having nipple pain for a day or 2 after a scene.

Mistress also put a glass dildo up my ass and held the Hitachi to it.  It seems like it was against my prostate. I thought for sure that I was going to have cum milked out of me or have an actual anal orgasm.  I think Mistress' goal was to have me leak enough to have something to eat, but I was able to resist.  I forget how much I love having something in my ass.  I feel like such a slut as I try to take it deeper.

The rest of our scene is a blur to me as I got super high off of the combination of happy hour drinks and the endorphins from her abuse.  For about an hour, Mistress edged me multiple times.  She also snapped the rubber bands multiple times of which I have some nice residual marks.  My balls were smacked multiple times while I got scolded for my recent attitude.  The worst part is that Mistress kept me from enjoying any part of her body.  I begged for kisses, or to taste her but she refused my requests.  As best as I can tell she didn't even pleasure herself.  

During this time we discussed a plan for correcting my recent attitude.  Mistress and I are now working together in a new business venture.  I have a lot of experience in this industry and Mistress is new.  I find myself getting frustrated and I end up speaking in a disrespectful manner as well as talking down to Mistress.  This is a behavior that I hate about myself and I seriously want it corrected.  Once the plan is formalized, I will post it here.  

When Mistress was done torturing me, she undid 2 of my limbs and went to the rest room.  I undid my right hand and proceeded to edge myself one more time before she got out of the bathroom.  She had me lock myself back in chastity and then had me clean the room.  While cleaning the room I had to try something out.  I was able to edge myself one more time by holding the Hitachi against my cock cage.  We might have to disable the Hitachi 😊  

The rest of the night I was an absolute mess.  The bondage, the pain, and the edging left me in a hyper sexualized state.  I kept feeling the urge to grab her cock and get myself off, but I couldn't due to the device locked on my cock.  I don't think I will ever be unlocked again.  

We proceeded to discuss the plan to correct my misbehavior while working together.  I assured her this is something I not only want, but I need.  I have agreed that whatever she needs to do me I will accept.  I want to be owned and I cannot be owned if I treat her this way.  I said I doubted her resolve to do this.  Mistress assured me that she did, so long as I was serious about changing.  Mistress commented that she will start making me kneel when I get out of line.  That's probably one of the hottest things she has ever said to me.  Mistress isn't a big fan of kneeling but I now believe she sees how it can 'take me down a notch' and put her in a superior position.

As I was waking up this morning, I was still feeling the powerful effects last night.  I am so horny and desperate, it's making my head spin.  I so want to touch Mistress' locked cock.  I so want to service Mistress all day long with massages, painting her toenails and by giving her orgasms.  I so want to be dressed up as a little whore sissy.  I so want to be locked in a straight jacket and put away for the day.  I so want to have my current state used to push me further into submission.  I am wrecked and I love it.  

           

Uh-Oh

Mistress appears to have taken my recent blog postings to heart.  Yesterday afternoon, we had another intense scene.

I went upstairs and get things ready.  I puled the bondage straps out from under the bed.  I put my wrist and ankle restraints on.  I pulled out several toys and striking implements so Mistress could decide what she wanted to use.  I put towels on the bed, put some music on and dimmed the lights.  I laid on the bed, blindfolded myself and tied 3 of my limbs to the bed straps.

Mistress came in the room.  She restrained my 4th limb and tightened the straps down TIGHT.  Mistress put 8-10 clothespins on my scrotum as well as clover nipple clamps on my nipples.  I had recently added the clover clamps to the toy drawer as the clothespins are not intense enough for me. Mistress stroked my cock while lecturing me about my recent attitude.  She continued lecturing me and telling me how things were going to go from now on as she pulled the clothespins off of my scrotum causing me to gasp.

Mistress added rubber bands to my upper thighs and proceeded to snap them.  Out of all the implements we have used so far, these leave the best marks.  I was fortunate that Mistress put 3-4 bands together.  Combined, the pain they created was less sharp than a single band.

Mistress would hit the insides of my thighs and when the pain got too much she would stroke my cock to bring me back to my desperate horny state.

I lost track of time as Mistress continued to alternate between torture and pleasure.  Mistress told me how she intends on taking me to a local drag queen event.  First to observe, with the goal of taking me out in public the next time we go.  The thought scares me to death but also excites me.  At some point I will end up being fully feminized in public.  

Mistress also talked about putting me on a points system.  The more I serve her, the quicker I get to have scenes I enjoy.  Mistress also told me that she was going to start holding me much more accountable and enforce punishments much, much quicker.  I assured her that I want to be held to the highest standard and am willing to pay dearly for not serving her well.  I need to be doing more around the house.  To me this means I need to be doing chores while Mistress relaxes on the couch.  I would like there to be a 'honey-do' list every day.  I would like Mistress to remember that I am wired differently.  Having a list of tasks and being held accountable to complete it would really reinforce our D/s dynamic. There will be some challenges and push back from me, as she pushes me harder, but we both know I will be more fulfilled the more totally I am controlled.

At one point Mistress climbed on my face with her facing my feet.  She planted her pussy on my mouth.  I licked her as furiously as I could.  I tried to reach her asshole with my tongue.  I probably went about this the wrong way.  My intention was to show her how much I want to orally serve her.  I want to be consumed by her pussy.  I want to earn the privilege to be allowed to put my tongue in her asshole.  What I think I did is I went too fast and it wasn't doing anything for her.  I really do want to casually spend an hour or more between her legs worshiping her pussy.

I believe I almost got fucked in the ass with a strap-on, but I think a wardrobe malfunction occurred so instead of an ass fucking Mistress just put the dildo in my ass.  I kept wishing it was bigger and deeper.   

I am guessing after about 30 minutes, Mistress removed one of the nipple clamps and immediately rubbed the nipple.  OMG!  It was probably the most painful thing she did to me all afternoon.  Which is surprising considering how many times she hit my balls, smacked the rubber bands and hit me hard with implements.  That was until she the took off the second nipple clamp and rubbed my nipple which again was intensely painful.  On a scale of 1-10, my nipples are still sore at a level 1.  I was hoping for a residual pain level of 5-6.   

The longer the scene went on, the more I confessed my total and complete surrender to Mistress.  I confessed that I have totally embraced chastity.  For years I have resisted it unless it was for entertainment purposes, but now I believe it is in my best interest to be locked 24/7 for the rest of my life.  Release should only be for Mistress' pleasure.  I also confessed I have now accepted my feminine side.  I truly believe I am more subservient when I am dressed, perfumed, erotically shamed, etc.  My bad attitude is when my masculine side tries to take over.  I begged Mistress to keep pushing my feminization so that I naturally choose feminine over masculine.  I need encouragement if not outright force in the afternoons and evenings, when my libido is lower, as deep down I want to be dressed.  I just need help getting me over my last bit of resistance.  Lastly I confessed how much I want to kneel at her feet.  I think this act alone is a very powerful one.  Much like a queen asks her subjects to 'bend the knee' to show they serve her, and her alone.  It might feel uncomfortable the first few times, but I would bet a large sum of money that she would get used to it and eventually love the symbolism of me kneeling before her.  I would go into subspace very quickly with just this act alone.  It also a good position to orally pleasure her.

Mistress mounted my cock and rode me.  I really thought she was going to make me cum inside her and them make me clean her out. but she had other ideas.  We are going on a long trip soon.  I tend to get stressed and snarky when we travel and having an orgasm would just increase the chance for me to have a bad attitude.  I was to have no orgasm.  Instead Mistress gave me some instructions for the week.  I am to continue to stay in chastity until we leave and had to lock myself up the second we got done.  I hope she intends to keep me locked until the morning of our trip and not release me the night before.  I truly don't want kindness and mercy.  I am also required to wear my largest butt plug for 2 hours every day until we leave (I am wearing it now).  That being said, I believe I should wear it on the morning of our trip as well.  She also mentioned that we would be having another intense scene as a preventative measure at the end of the week.  That way when I get stressed and snarky she can remind me of what will happen if I don't change my attitude.  I am wishing we have a 'daily lesson' so to speak.  

Mistress managed to edge and beat me until I was a mass of submissive putty.  I don't think there was anything I wouldn't have done at that point.  She owned me.

Before Mistress untied me I asked her if I could add a few tasks to myself that I knew I would regret.  She indulged me.  I asked to wear my bikini in out hot tub.  She told me that I could.  I also asked to wear something slutty the rest of the night and she told me no.  I asked if I could wear pink leggings and a pink camisole and she said I could.

Mistress then untied one of my limbs  She told me to untie myself and that I would now be pleasuring her.  She ran off to the bathroom while I untied myself.  I was in such a state of subspace and pure desire to serve that I untied myself and knelt on the bed awaiting her arrival.  I was still wearing my blindfold and restraints.  Mistress came back from the bathroom and laid on the bed.  She told me to use my fingers inside her.  I begged to be allowed to go down on her first.  She told me 'no'.  I am pretty sure it's because she just went to the bathroom, but I knew that.  I really wanted to lick the remaining drops of piss from her pussy.  I can't think of a more submissive way to express my true desire and devotion than to do such an act.  It is also deep rooted in my brain as it goes back to my very first submissive fantasies I had as a pre-teen.

I obeyed Mistress and started to put my fingers in Mistress and instead she changed her and and told me to fuck her.  I did, much better than I expected but still was on the edge fast.  I then made her cum several times and she squirted quite a bit.  This made me want to grab a glass and catch her juices and drink them up.  She made me fuck her again.  This time I got too close to the edge.  I should have dribbled, but somehow did not.  Mistress was not having any more of that.  She had me make her cum a few more times and then she announced she was done.  I was disappointed as I didn't want this feeling to end.  Ever.

She had me clean up the room and put everything away.  I hate having to clean up after a scene, but being made to do so put me in the right frame of mind.  I am a slave and I don't get to decide what I want to do.  We then went to the hot tub. I was wearing my bikini.  If any of our neighbors were outside paying attention, there could have been 3-4 that could have seen me.  I was in such sub-space that I really didn't care.  I could see that becoming a new requirement.  Sitting in a hot tub in a bikini is way naughtier than being nude.  The feminine reinforcement is powerful.  

The bottom half of my bikini

After the hot tub, I did put on my pink leggings and camisole and made us dinner.  Mistress did a great job of reminding me of my outfit and my position as her slave.  I forgot to wear my butt plug when we got out of the hot tub.  I am fortunate Mistress reminded me as I was able to put it in at bedtime and sleep with it in for a few hours.  If I were her, I would have let me fail so I could have punished me for it.  I'm mean like that.  

At bedtime I thanked Mistress for her abuse.  I also encouraged her to keep at it.  This morning as I write this I am encouraged where this is heading.  I am still in pretty strong sub-space and am willing to do absolutely anything.  Mistress has now had a couple scenes where she has shown an ability to be mean.  I am truly scared of disobeying which is something I can only say a few times not only in this relationship but in my entire life.  I want to live in a certain state of fear because that fear is what will get me through my resistance and disobedience.  Fear will free me.

                 

        

Ball Busting and Squeezing

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Terrible Orgasms

I have been getting in a deeper state of desire over the last couple days.  Being locked in chastity and having my ass plugged seems to be a perfect cocktail to get me hornier by the hour.  Last night, after Mistress and I got out of the hot tub, Mistress was showing off her pedicure.  I tentatively licked and sucked one of her toes.  She didn't stop me so I kept going.  Then I got a bit of encouragement.  I was in heaven.  I frequently fantasize about licking and sucking Mistress' as well as kissing her feet and shoes.  I really wish I could do it more often.

Last night as we were falling asleep, Mistress told me that I would be plugged for 3 hours today.  My plug went in at 5:58 this morning, so this particular task should be done by 9am.  This is the 3rd day in a row of being plugged.  It's possible this is a record, but I can't be sure.  By the time Mistress' period is over it certainly will be a record.  I have also noticed it's a bit easier to get the plug in.  I don't have to push in and out as much before I push it all the way in.

Plugging myself first thing in the morning, in addition to my perfume and the clothes I have to wear, I start my day feeling a desperate form of sluttiness and erotic humiliation.  The more Mistress requires of me, the more I want to experience.  Instead of pushing back, I want to go deeper.

After I wrote yesterdays post that touched on having my next orgasm be terrible in some way, I have been thinking about other ways to make it awful.  Not because I want an awful orgasm, I just want to have zero control over what happens to me.

I have been fantasizing about having to impale myself on Mistress' cock.  At some point she would make me cum and lick it all up.

After licking Mistress' toes last night, the idea of having to masturbate on her feet and lick them off sounds humiliating, especially if I had to wait for the cum to cool.  The 3rd picture looks like a ruined orgasm to boot.

Having to cum in chastity and stay locked up seems particularly cruel.  Even worse, saving it to consume later.

Being stimulated with painful electricity during and after an orgasm would be on my list of fears.

 Having a clothespin zipper looks very hot but would be so amazingly painful.  Maybe that's a good thing.

Having my balls punched or squeezed every time I got close to orgasm would likely make me cum, but would prevent an actual orgasm.  Probably the worse kind of ruined orgasm.

I have read of this scenario many times, so I was surprised how hard it was to find a picture.  The premise is that the slave doesn't deserve to cum with a person.  He has to have humiliating sex with a doll (male or female doll).  After orally performing on the doll for an extended period of time, he is told to orgasm.  Afterward he has to clean off the doll with his tongue.  The stories I recall had the Mistress taking pictures and video so that she could use them in further humiliations.  Or even worse, doing this with others in attendance.  Some good public humiliation.

As I read back through this post and look at the pictures, I am actually disturbed by some of the ideas I came up with.  Most would be a challenge for me and some would outright suck (no pun intended).  That being said, I know I would look back when my libido recovered and be extremely turned on.  I take a certain amount of pride of having to endure something that I don't want to endure.    

Thursday night date night

Mistress and I had our date night on Thursday night.  While Mistress was getting ready, I prepared the bed.  I pulled out the straps we keep hidden under the mattress and placed some towels on the bed.  I pulled out the toys we use the most and put them on the dresser next to the bed.  Mistress let me out of chastity before I showered and so that I could clean myself well and stay clean until later.  I put on one squirt of my new perfume, and some fishnet suspender hose before getting dressed in my male clothes.

We went to a happy hour and had a few appetizers and cocktails.  On our way home Mistress told me what I was to do when we got home.  I was to light the candles we have in the room and put on some music.  Then I had to put restraints on my wrists and ankles and strip down so that I was only wearing the fishnet hose. I was to put 3 large rubber bands around each thigh, blindfold myself and then tie down my three limbs.

Once I was secured to the bed Mistress entered the room.  The started by going around the bed and tightening the 3 limbs that were already secured.  Then she went to my free arm, clicked a clip onto the restraint and tightened that limb down.  I was held down tightly and my cock was rising just from the bondage.  Mistress then left the room to change clothes or remove clothes, I don't know since I couldn't see.  The rest of what happened is kind of a blur so I don't necessarily remember the order of events.

Essentially Mistress alternated putting generous amounts of lube on my cock before stroking me to an edge.  She would hit my inner thighs with several implements from a rubber stick the width of my finger to a flexible metal rod that you snap against the skin.  It's so thin and light that it hurts like hell and leaves a heck of a mark.  Mistress would also use these implements on my balls.  Mistress put clothespins on my nipples for a good 15 minutes and when she took them off she rrubed the blood back into them causing a rush of pain.  By far the worse thing Mistress did was snap those rubber bands against my inner thighs.  It's crazy to think 20 cents of rubber bands are the implement I fear the most.

At one point I asked Mistress to please put a clothespin back on my nipple(s).  That set her off.  After that I got about 3 minutes of constant smacking with what I believe to be a riding crop.  She smacked my cock, balls and inner thighs non-stop while scolding me for being a pushy bottom.  She told me that my blog posts have been too pushy, and that she was not here to fill my wish list, and that I needed to focus less on things I want her to do to me.  After that, Mistress took a pair of panties that old cum stains in them.  She poured some water into them and shoved them into my mouth so she didn't have to hear about what I wanted any longer.  I could have easily pushed the panties out of my mouth, but after what I just endured I chose to leave them in.  

So Mistress did an amazing job of stroking my cock and right as I got to the edge and told her I was about to cum, she would snap a rubber band or hit me in the balls or smack me with something else.  It was back and forth, and I would go from amazing pleasure to excruciating pain.  I wanted the pain to stop, but the pleasure was so good that I more than willing to endure the pain to keep the teasing going.

After about 45 minutes, Mistress decided it was her turn, so she unclipped my limbs so I could fuck her.  She had me rinse out my mouth and come back to bed.  When I got back to the bed I tried to go down on her, but she refused me that pleasure.  I easily put my cock in Mistress but before I could give her an orgasm I had to stop so I wouldn't cum without permission.  Mistress' expert teasing session had me perilously close to cumming.  Mistress had me pull out so I could use my fingers to make her cum which she did quite easily once my finger rubbed across her G-spot.  As soon as she would cum she would have me put my cock inside her.

As we did this, we talked.  I told Mistress that I was surprised how much I am liking being dressed up around her.  I confessed that I was enjoying it much more than I thought I would.  I told her that for the first time in my life I could see myself doing this long term.  She told me that she really likes me dressed and that she is planning on pushing me much further.  She really likes how submissive I have become.  When I am dressed up, I am less snarky, I have less male ego and machismo.  I am more open to obeying.  I don't really remember all the details but what I walked away with was that now that we are down this path, there is no turning back.  I will continue to be more and more feminized.  I will be more and more controlled.  Chastity is likely to be full time.  Not because she doesn't trust me, but because of the control it gives her and takes away from me.

As we talked, Mistress continued to have me alternate between fucking her with my cock and making me cum with her fingers.  She asked me if I wanted to cum, and I assured her I didn't.  She told me that if I did, I would be locked up in chastity first thing in the morning.  I asked what if I didn't cum and she said, "same thing", so I was in a lose/lose situation.  Mistress did assure me that she liked me to orgasm enough so that I remember how good it feels.  I entered Mistress again and she talked about how she was going to cum all over my cock.  I asked for permission to cum and she gave it to me.  I quickly filled her with my cum while I gave her another orgasm.  I mumbled about how she just won, making me so desperate that I couldn't stop myself.  Even though I just came, my cock was still rock hard (thanks pharmaceutical industry!) so I continued to fuck Mistress.  I had no fear of prgasming again.  Mistress kept cumming and I kept pushing my cock inside of her.  After a few minutes I couldn't go anymore.  Mistress let me catch my breath before she told to do me what I hoped she wouldn't .  She told me to lick my cum out of her pussy.  As I put my face between her legs to eat my own cum, I felt so owned.  I would do anything to be treated this was.  My shame and disgust were quickly overcum by feelings of arousal and submissiveness.  After I gave Mistress one more orgasm, she said she was done with me.  I cleaned up the toys and the bedroom so we could finish our evening relaxing.

Yesterday I spent the day replaying Thursday nights events in my head.  While our scene was intense and exciting, it was the communication that I was most excited about.  The fact that Mistress isn't only indulging my feminization, but that she is going to push me deeper and deeper.  To think that something I used to do a few times a year in a sexual context will now be a near full time part of my life, scares and excites me.  Seeing Mistress become more and more confident about controlling me, hurting me and punishing me is a dream come true.  I have spent almost 30 years of my adult life chasing this need of being controlled.  I have had brushes with it in the past, but this is the most hopeful I have ever been.  I think we will succeed this time because I have gotten out of my own head.  I am devoted to Mistress and the process of her owning me.  I will do my best to not pull back when things get intense and I believe Mistress will push me forward if I do try to pull back.  Things are looking great.

Here is the aftermath of my beating.  The bright red lines are from the rubber bands and the bruising from the large rubber stick.  I love wearing the marks she gives me!!!

      

More Demanding

I recently had a birthday and for the weeks leading up to it, Mistress kept asking me what I wanted.  I told her what I tell her every year and that I don't want a gift, I just want to be dominated by her.  I think she thinks I am kidding, but I'm not.  On Friday night Mistress and I went out to dinner.  She assured me that this weekend I would get my gift, but she didn't specify when.  She also told me that I was to start wearing a nighty "until I am told otherwise".  I initially assumed that was until I got my birthday domination session, but am under a different belief now.  I wore a nighty that Mistress picked out.  In my opinion, it's my most humiliating one.

That night, every time I tossed and turned, I would realize what I was wearing and then fantasize about what Mistress would do to me.  Needless to say I woke up extremely horny.  Saturday we had a lot of chores to do around the house.  Saturday night I again wore my nighty and again it had it's intended effect.  Let me note here that while I find this humiliating, I absolutely love it.  When Mistress makes me do anything feminine it goes straight to my brain.  Whether it's panties, or toenail polish, or more extreme things like a bra, or makeup, forcing me to do feminizing things pushes my buttons on all the right ways.  

Sunday we had more work to do but we stopped early and had some guests very for lunch and cocktails.  After several hours our guests left and Mistress said it was time for me to get the bedroom ready.  She instructed me to lay out all of the toys and such in her nightstand.  

I went to the bedroom and got it ready.  In my rush, I forgot a towel and also didn't have things as ready as Mistress liked.  I soon found myself blindfolded and spread eagle on our bed.  Mistress took a large rubber band and put it on my leg up around my thigh.  She put a couple clothespins on my nipples which I absolutely loved.  Mistress took turns stroking my cock, snapping the rubber band, and hitting me with various implements.  I begged her to not stop abusing me until I used my safeword.  I've really, really wanted to be abused for so long that it would have taken a lot for me to use it.  Between stroking my cock and keeping me on the edge, hitting me, busting my balls or using the Hitachi on the exterior of my prostate I was in heaven.  Endorphins, dopamine and any other natural drug BDSM creates in addition to my buzz had me riding such a high.  Additionally Mistress and put her fingers and a toy in my ass.  I felt so completely owned.  

At one point Mistress got off the bed and I heard a plastic bag.  I assumed and it was soon confirmed that Mistress had grabbed a pair of cum stained panties out of the bag.  The panties had been in the bag 2-3 years.  They were from a business trip I went on and Mistress made me cum in them a couple times.  She wet them with some water to refresh the scent and taste and shoved then in my mouth.  I was in humiliation heaven.  I would love to see this becoming a regular thing.

About half way through, Mistress pulled one of the clothespins off one of my nipples.  The pain was slow, but she sped it up by rubbing my nipple. The pain was intoxicating.  She waited to pull off the other one so I know that one was going to hurt more.  I loved it though.  

Out of everything that happened the thing that is stuck in my mind the most is what Mistress said to me.  She said that things would be changing.  She would be holding me more accountable.  That she was going to be more demanding and if necessary, meaner.  She told me that if I chose not to wear a nighty or forgot to pick up the dry cleaning, I would find myself locked in chastity and sleeping in a cage in the basement.  If I was mouthy or disrespectful, I would be tied to the extra bed all night.  If I refused any punishment, D/s would no longer exist for us.  I assured her that while I would hate to sleep in a cage, I would do it, solely because I yearn to have her take more control.  I can imagine crawling out of the cage after a long sleepless night and being so grateful to be let out and even more grateful that she cared enough exert more control over me.  Out of all the things that happened, the cage discussion was the hottest.

Eventually Mistress forced an orgasm out of me.  She was on top of me and I was in her tight pussy.  After I came, I was scared Mistress was going to sit on my face and make me clean her out.  We have had many discussions about making that my job every time I cum.  I'm pretty certain that if I had to do it every time, pretty soon it wouldn't be a big deal, but by only making me do it occasionally it's a much more difficult proposition.

Afterward, I was a molten mess.  My eyes were glassy, and I was in complete subspace.  While I had hoped to be pushed a little harder and forced to use my safeword, I was in seventh heaven.  All day yesterday I kept replaying the night before.  Even today replaying it has me so worked up.   I have managed to edge myself a couple dozen times.  I want to cum so bad and could sneak an orgasm, but not cumming is so more fulfilling.  I love my Mistress and the life we have built.          

Sexual Sadism

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