Insecurity can go both ways

A quick recap of yesterday.   I worked out in my pink outfit.  Our workout room has lots of mirrors and every time I caught a glimpse of myself in my outfit, I had the perfect amount of humiliation wash over me.  After working out, I came upstairs and had to enter the room Mistress was in.  The erotic shame hit all of my buttons perfectly.  After that I spent another hour dressed but was OK with it.  Like it was normal.  Well played Mistress.

Last night while getting ready for bed, Mistress expressed some reservations about putting me in the cage.  I have been so focused on why I disobey that I hadn't given much thought about the insecurities or other feelings that Mistress may have.  She didn't go deep into her feelings, but I imagine they are similar to mine.  What kind of woman keeps her man in a cage?  How will her slave react in real life if she goes through with it?  If she truly gets as mean as he wants, can he handle it?  Can she really do this?

At some point I will wish I didn't write this, but know it's necessary.  It's been five and a half years since I was put in the cage.  We were a brand new couple.  I was more insecure than I am now about submitting to her.  I was pissy and had an attitude.  It didn't work out.  Could it?  Possibly, but neither of us was equipped to do it at the time.

Fast forward to today.  The cage is set up.  It's inescapable as far as our needs.  She has sentenced me to time in the cage, and I have agreed that it's something we should explore.  I need real world consequences that have a D/s influence.  I need something that truly allows me to reflect, something to knock me down a peg, and something to enforce my place in our world.   Chastity and beatings are part of that, but they take effort and the bondage part rewards me.  While the cage is bondage-y, it's also very mundane.  I can't imagine anything more effective than to crawl out of the cage on my hands and knees at Mistress feet and thank her for the privilege of serving her.

Now for the logistics.  Starting small makes sense. I don't know how many hours Mistress has planned for me, but guess it's in the 8-12 range and counting.  Instead of my first time being overnight, maybe we start with me in the cage in 2-4 hour increments.  Having me use the restroom before hand for shorter duration's and providing a bottle to pee in for longer duration's.  What will I wear?  Naked? Chastity if my hands are free?  Feminine clothes?  Straight jacket?  Blindfold?  Hood? Humbler?

She could make cage time harder.  Have me put a spiked mat in the bottom of the cage.  Restrain me uncomfortable positions.  Plugged.  Use wooden rods to keep me in a position.

We live a busy life, so when is it a good time to lock me up if we don't do it over night?  When Mistress takes naps.  For the first half of our day on weekends.  For a few hours in the evenings.  When Mistress has nail and hair appointments.  It turns out there is a lot of time.  She could also lock me up during the days I work from home, but that would require my having access to my cell phone and a computer.  I have even considered the thought of being caged from 5pm on a Friday to 8am on a Monday.  Let out 3 times a day (while shackled) to use the restroom and stretch.  My meals would be served in the cage.  Talk about a mind fuck. 

Additionally we have a camera that could be put in the room to monitor me so Mistress doesn't have to enter the room I am locked in.  That can add to the isolation but also help her alleviate any guilt feelings.

Lastly I should remain in the cage until I am sufficiently humble.  Being pissy is not an option.  I am certain I will be pissy, but that just means I am working through some stuff in my head.  It means I need to be pushed past my inner doubts into acceptance of my submission.

All of that being said, I am ready and willing to start serving my sentence.  I want Mistress to feel secure in the idea that she can lock me up and I will take it as positively as possible.  I am not looking forward to the cage, but I am looking forward to the loss of control and Mistress being meaner.  I am also looking forward to Mistress being much more secure in taking control.  The cage should help with this.  

  

                

Chastity and Periods

Mistress mentioned that she liked the idea of me being locked during her periods as a reminder of what she is going through.  I was looking for some relevant blogs.  This is the most relevant one I could find.

http://flr-reading.tumblr.com/post/144909606913/chastity-and-orgasm-control-the-28-day-cycle  

This woman has it down to a science.  She has his entire month of chastity and orgasms synced with her monthly cycle.  28 days perfectly choreographed.  She goes from giving him 4 days of orgasms (5 a day) to a dead stop (the day she starts her period) to maximize his compliance when she needs it the most.  When her period is over his libido is built back up.  In the premenstrual days he is at his most obedient.  He is only unlocked 4 days a month and whenever she desires sex for the other 24 days.  His peaks coincide with hers.  Kind of hot really.    

That means he is locked 313 days a year (shudder).

A couple articles referenced in the post are linked below.

http://www.dreamloverlabs.com/harnessego.php

https://ladylubyanka.wordpress.com/2008/04/16/prostate-milking/

Teasing, Denial and Forced Statements

For the last day or so I cannot get the thought of a teasing session out of my mind.  Mistress is a master at being able to edge me over and over and I can't get those thoughts out of my head.  My current fantasy goes something like this...

Mistress tells me to go take a shower and to pay special attention to my cock cage.  As I shower she gets our bed ready.  I get out and she has some transsexual or gay porn playing on the TV in our room.  She has my put on my restraints as well as a black leather collar.  She ties me to the bed so I can't move.  She starts by kissing and licking and touching every part of my body and completely ignores my cock that is now straining to get out of it's cage.  She pays extra attention to my nipples, so much so that I am begging her to stop as they are over stimulated.  Mistress keeps telling me of her fantasy of seeing me with a man.  She tells me that for me to be unlocked she wants to hear me say what I "think" I could do with a man.  She makes me repeat it several times to get her to leave my nipples alone and then she gets up and leaves the room.

I am tied to our bed, thinking about what she got me to say while there is porn that is not my kind of porn playing on the TV.  Mistress comes back into the room and starts to unlock my device.  She tells me that my eyes are to remain on the TV screen no matter what.  If my eyes move from the screen she will punch my balls.  After a couple turns of the screw she tells me to repeat what I said earlier.  I repeat it.  She removes the device and proceeds to bring to the edge a few times.  Mistress uses the Hitachi to get herself off while letting my cock recover from the edges.  She edges me a few more times while talking about how she plans on making me be with a guy.

She then pulls the large squirting dildo out of the drawer and holds it in front my my face.  I look at it and get a swift hit to the balls for taking my eyes off the TV screen.  She tells me to open my mouth, I do and she interests the cock in my mouth.  She tells me to hold it there and if it comes out my balls will take another beating.  Mistress then strokes my cock until I let her know I am close cumming.  She stops stroking my cock and starts deep throating me with the dildo.  I am choking on the cock and tears are streaming down the corners of my eyes.  I quickly come down from the edge due to the mouth fucking and Mistress leaves the cock in my mouth while she edges me again.  This repeats several times along with Mistress getting herself of many times.  She again leaves the bedroom with me watching porn and a dildo sitting in my mouth.

After a short while Mistress comes back in the room and takes a picture of me with the cock in my mouth and the TV screen very visible in the picture.  She starts stroking my cock until I get to the edge.  She takes the dildo and tells me to repeat after her.  For the next 30 minutes she makes me repeat over and over what she wants me to do with a guy.  She edges me time and again while making me repeat it with my eyes on the screen.  Once she is satisfied that this session has had a mental impact on me she unties me and tells me to put my device back on.  I then spend the next few days humiliated and turned on at the same time about all the things Mistress made me contemplate.  Mistress texts that picture of me sucking cock to my phone whenever she wants to make me blush.  When she does, my cock throbs in its cage.

Here is a post I recently found about T&D that I found particularity hot.

Ms. Rika’s Tips for Tease and Denial:

Quoted from Ms. Rika, accomplished author:

T&D is one of my favorite playtime activities :) Here are a few tips:

• I don’t tell him I’m going to tease him…I just do it.
• I don’t say, “I’m not going to let you come”. Rather I say, “Maybe this time…” Keep him hoping. The more he thinks that THIS TIME he gets to come the better - the spin off is all about making him think he’s going to get off and then suddenly, stimulation stops and he’s left hanging on
• If I want him to do something humiliating, I tell him to do it early - before I tease him in earnest. Hopefully, he’ll refuse. Then it becomes a challenge to get him to change his mind - which he will.
• When I do get that challenge, then I can take it to the next level. Using your example: If I want him to lick my ass, and he refuses at first - then after an hour of repeated denials, he says he’ll do it - I’ll tease him a few more times until he’s literally begging me to let him do it. I might tell him that his begging isn’t sincere enough and tease him again. Then I might let him do it - then tell him he did a good job so he can come…and STILL not let him come.
• Which brings up the next point, as a rule, you don’t need to be fair. The situation is not fair. You are totally in control and being “not fair” is one way to demonstrate it. You can lie. You can tell him that he’s going to get to come and then not let him. You can deliberately confuse him. You can do whatever you want to him and he will let you…because ultimately, you and only you will decide if and when that orgasm comes. Pushy victims might just suffer longer! He might suffer longer just because you feel like it. Tough!
• I never feel like a T&D session has to end - I can PAUSE a session - untie him, go about my day and then pick up later in the evening and start all over again - or even the next day. The impact of a good T&D session lasts…it’s a cumulative thing. If you tease and deny him over several days, the tension will continue to build up and the ultimate release will be that much sweeter.
• I personally don’t like the number system. I feel it gives him in too much control. I use a “beg me not to let you come” system with a failsafe. Rather than him begging to come, I tell him I want him to beg me to stop - when he’s getting close. Personally, I love the irony of him screaming, “Please stop, I’m going to come” and me saying, “OK…” :) But here’s the trick - if I choose to NOT stop, he has to come within 5 seconds - or he will not get to come at all. This way, he will not be able to cheat. He has to be REALLY close before he asks me to stop - Realize though, that this means, sometimes, you have to not stop when he begs you to stop. Sometimes you need to let him come. You have to keep him honest - which means that some sessions will be quick, because you let him get off earlier than he may have expected. It’s a payment up front for more fun later.
• Lube is your friend. A lot of lube will make him so slippery that your motions won’t create as much stimulation. As the lube wears down, you’ll see him start to feel it more and you know you’re creating that build up.
• Read up on “polishing the apple” aka “palming the knob” - a great technique for prolonging his orgasm while keeping him stimulated. A word of advice, I have found that lube is NOT your friend for this technique - the drier your palm, with just a little moisture, the more intense the stimulation seems to be. The more intense the stimulation, the “worse” his experience will be! :)
• I make a point to stop every once in a while. I’ll let him recover a little before stimulating him again. I blow on his penis, I’ll let him eat me for a while. I take my time.
• I am aware of the “power of three”. I mention this in my first book - we are accustomed in our lifestyle to things in threes: 1-2-3, a-b-c, red-yellow-green, ready-set-go, win-place-show, etc. The natural tendency is to deny twice and allow to come on the third try. I’m aware of these tendencies and try to avoid them. Or, I use them to my advantage by playing on his natural feeling that the “third time’s a charm”…but it isn’t.
• Last thought: I’ll create a fun situation where he’s begging me to stop, so he’s really close - and I’ll say, “Go ahead…Come”, but I’ll remove all stimulation. If I time it right, he won’t have reached the point of no return - and without stimulation, he won’t be able to get off. Then, I can either say, “Maybe you don’t want to come? I told you to come!” and decide to put it off to another day - or just let him beg some more to get me to start again :)

T&D is SO much fun…I hope this list gives you some good ideas!
- Rika

    

The Key

Mistress didn't want to lose the key to my device, so it's sitting in the kitchen drawer.  It's not hidden as we recently had an issue with the key and don't want to lose it.  Eventually I would like to keep it in a lock box, but the one we have is currently being used for guests.  That being said it's a mind fuck to know where the key is and to have to have the self discipline to not use it.  A real mind fuck.

There is a little devil in my ear telling me to let myself out until this afternoon and relock just before Mistress comes home.  He tells me that even though I can let myself out that I still can't touch myself, or can I?   That same devil is telling me how I can wear whatever I want under my clothes since I will have the freedom to wear something tight and feminine.

Then another little devil whispers in my other ear about being faithful to this experience.  It tells me to read all I have written over the last couple weeks.  How much I have enjoyed learning to submit.  It's not about the device as much as it is about the concept of the device, to be locked no matter what.  To give complete control over to my Mistress and how important to me that is.  To truly be her slave.

With both devils in my ear I have to admit I am a little insecure this morning.  Does Mistress like me locked?  Does it still give her a rush to see my locked cock sticking out from my nighty?  Does it make her wet to think about me not being able to touch myself?  Is the control important to her or is she just placating me?  I hate feeling insecure about my submissiveness.  It's one of those things that makes my macho side rear its ugly head.

Switching gears, I had another gay sex dream last night.  There was a younger guy and from what I remember we were in a bar.  I called him a cutie (which is weird because there was nothing cute about him).  The next part of the dream is I remember being in a room and me having him on his back, legs together and I was fucking him in the ass, but as I did it I went soft.  I pulled out of him and my cock was only half hard.  I remember leaving the room but didn't dressed as I wanted to clean off first and couldn't.  He wanted me to stay and I didn't.  I then woke up wishing I hadn't had a dream like that.  I've had two dreams like this in the last year which are the only ones I can ever remember having.  I think Mistress' wish to see me with a man is allowing my brain to at least try it out.  I can only imagine if she was pushing the idea with videos, images and other conditioning.  The mind is an amazing thing.



      

Conditioning

Last night Mistress mentioned she might soon free my cock and not let me make me wear a nighty so that I will sleep in which in turn lets her sleep in.

A nighty I forgot how much I like.  Comfortable and cute with just the right amount of erotic humiliation

The thing is I am now conditioned to be in this state.  I am linking chastity to this amazing feeling I get whenever I think about it.  I am wearing my nighty under my clothes right now because of the chemicals pumping through my brain makes it feel so good.  By changing my mindset, I am relishing the thoughts of servicing Mistress, chastity, orgasm denial and extended feminization.  I have allowed myself to believe this will go on for a long time, so to think it will be taken away (even for a short while) is kind of a mind fuck.  Of course I will do whatever Mistress wants but wanted her to know I am still doing amazingly well with being locked up for so long.

This got me thinking about conditioning in general.      

Conditioning: to bring (something) into the desired state for use.

Conditioning is a behavioral process whereby a response becomes more frequent or more predictable in a given environment as a result of reinforcement, with reinforcement typically being a stimulus or reward for a desired response.

Conditioning is a form of learning in which either (1) a given stimulus (or signal) becomes increasingly effective in evoking a response or (2) a response occurs with increasing regularity in a well-specified and stable environment.

Conditioning is something that is in every single relationship.  In a vanilla relationship there are verbal and physical ways a person can get their partner to behave.  A man might come home and he will hang up his coat and put his things away.  He didn't do this when they first started living together, but he has been conditioned to do it.  Or how a certain look can get the other partner to change what they were doing.  These are all learned responses.

I have been thinking about conditioning in a D/s relationship.  There are many articles, mostly about training, but not a lot of real world examples.  Here are some that I found that was male submissive focused.

• Classical conditioning works on a subconscious level. If you experience A and B at the same time, and A causes C, then after enough paired repetitions, B will cause C. For example, if you jerk a man off while licking his nipples, and only lick his nipples when jerking him off, eventually you can give him an erection just by licking his nipples. The possibilities are endless.

• My favorite thing to do is to condition a sub to want something he wouldn't normally want, something that pushes or tests his limits. With enough work you can get him to anticipate and even ask for such things. Pick something within your pet’s hard limits he wouldn’t want, something he would never ask for. Perhaps something you use as a punishment that you happen to enjoy. Maybe just something humiliating. When playing with your sub, and I mean physically stimulating him in some way, tell him what you are going to do to him. Don’t be skimpy on the details, elaborate as best you can. You want his mind focused on it. After you go through the of details of how, tell him what it’s going to feel like. You can repeat yourself if you run out of things to say about it. Keep him as hard as you can while you’re telling him all this. When your sub is all worked up and eager for orgasm, and fully anticipating his fate, make him ask for it. Don’t give in though, make him keep asking. After a little while, make him beg for it. Tell him to make it convincing. Have him tell you how much he wants it, and why. Only once you are really convinced do you follow through. This works surprisingly fast compared to the other examples because it uses a secondary trick. Just as people who are forced to smile tend to feel happy even if they weren’t happy before, a person begs for something, finds themselves really wanting it.

• Allow your slave to play with himself when sucking your strapon only. After awhile your slave will be aroused by the thought of sucking cock. Any cock.

• Have your sissy watch gay-porn if you want your sissy to get bi-curious. Dress her up, talk in her ear about what you see and keep her on edge constantly during the scenes. You'll condition her to like it.

• This is not mandatory, but will speed up the success you will have in your training.  Google Femdom, cross dressing, sissy, or cock sucking hypnosis and find all that you can find.  Preview the files before putting them on his phone so you know what kind of training you would like him to have.  Try to build this library up all the time, and find the best ones that suit your training style and require him to listen to them every night and/or morning.

• My sub-hubby has been conditioned to be aroused only when he can smell my pussy.  Whenever we have sex, a tease and denial session or if I allow him to masturbate he must be breathing my scent through his nose.  Anytime his cock is being stimulated he either has his face in my pussy or he has a pair of my dirty panties over his nose.  I have done this long enough that he can no longer get off and sometimes he can't even get an erection without the smell of my pussy.  I own his brain!

• Frequent use of the strap-on, coupled with extended chastity can have the effect of essentially re-wiring the pleasure centers in his brain. By stimulating his prostate, while denying him any direct stimulation of his penis, he will, over time, begin to associate his own sexual pleasure with anal penetration.  What you want to do, about once every twenty days, is release him from chastity, proceed to fuck him with the strap-on and give him a good hard fucking. Initially you will stroke his cock a lot.  You want him to cum like that while you’re still all up in his ass. After his penis goes soft, immediately lock him back up. He needs to feel that immediate authority from you. As time goes on  you will reduce the amount of direct cock stimulation he gets until he is cumming from the strap-on only.  Keep this up and he will, over time, go from resisting the strap-on, to tolerating it, to enjoying it, to craving it. But only if you keep his penis locked up 24/7 and don’t otherwise allow him to cum. If you have the patience and determination to maintain the discipline, you will see how effective it is. After a while, he’ll start putting his ass up for you frequently and spontaneously, like a bitch in heat, because he needs and wants that stimulation. You can effectively cause the same physical/psychological conditioning regarding him sucking cock, if you want to. It’s a little more complicated, but can be just as effective. I’m currently in the process of doing exactly this with my hubby. By the end of the summer, my goal is to get him to the point where he associates sucking cock with his own orgasmic relief.

Adding a 3rd person

In the past, Mistress and I have discussed adding a 3rd person occasionally to our play.  Mistress is bi-sexual, and has played with women as well as group sex in the past.  Most of our conversations have revolved around her and another woman dominating me.  I have encouraged her plenty of times to have a girl on the side.  We kind of perused it years ago, but a one-night stand is more likely than her having an actual relationship.

Mistress will occasionally let me know that she would love to see me with a guy.  I am not bi-sexual.  I can certainly look at a guy and see that he has a good body or that he is good looking.  What I can't do is make the jump from thinking a guy is nice looking to wanting to do something sexual with a guy.  For the most part I think guys are kind of gross.  I don't like body hair which is one reason I shave.  I think cum is disgusting. Even if I could clone myself, I wouldn't have sex with me.

So where does this put us?  I can certainly imagine us occasionally playing with a woman.  Hiring a professional escort or Domme would make sense as it avoids the issue of emotional connections.  A great example is found on this blog Girl Sex with the Escort!!!!   Also, starting with a woman would break me into the idea of a 3rd person as I have never had that before.

But what about a guy???  I can't rule it out.  Mistress has been great at fulfilling my fantasies.  I would like to fulfill hers as well.  I try to keep an open mind and imagine how it would look.  Whenever I imagine it, it is somewhat of a process.  It starts with Mistress and I going deeper into a D/s relationship.  We would be going through some of my softer limits, getting me used to the idea of getting to my hard limits.  Some of my semi hard limits would be piss play, cross-dressing in public, etc.  Be crossing these limits and me being ok, would allow me to more easily consider crossing my hard limits.   She would be using a psychological term called conditioning.  The idea of conditioning would be to tie my pleasure to an idea.  The more I can link my pleasure to the idea of another gut the more likely it could happen.  Some ways I imagine she could use conditioning.

• During our teasing sessions she would tell me of her fantasies of me with men
• Any time I was let out of chastity I would have to be plugged.
• The only time she would stroke my cock is if I had a dildo in my mouth or ass
• Our fucking machine
• All edging would be with Mistress using her strapon.  The goal to make me cum from anal sex alone.
• Tying me down and making me watch gay porn while teasing me
• Making me perform oral sex on dildos before I was allowed to be unlocked
• Mistress pointing out men to me she would like to see me with
• Going to gay bars
• Cum eating, cum cubes, simulated cum, etc.
• Making me write male on male stories
• Finding an online Mater to get me used to sexual interaction with a male.
• "sissy conditioning" - Goole has many hits
• Erotic Hypnosis

In short we are a long way from doing something like this if we ever will.  It will take some time, but with a D/s dynamic I can see it possibly happening somewhere down the line.