Dildo training

Last night I took a shower before bed. I had used the restroom before and wanted to make sure my butt was clean so I soaped up couple of fingers and worked them inside my asshole about 20-30 times to make sure I was cleaned out.  As I did this I imagined Mistress starting me on a daily ass training session. I’d get a long and not too thick (yet) dildo with a suction cup base in it. Every time I’d take a shower I’d ask Mistress how many strokes I can have. I imagine a minimum number being around 100 stokes (about 2 minutes is all) up to 5 minutes for extra measure. 

I  also imagine having a second one for my mouth. Whenever I get mouthy Mistress would sentence me to several minutes of cock sucking as a way to deal with my attitude. Our shower is small enough I can imagine being forced to suck on one cock while taking another in the ass. Mistress would taunt me by telling me she is breaking me in for the real thing or making me tell her how much I loved cock between my ass and my throat getting impaled. She’d threaten bigger and bigger cocks so that I would be ready when she decided it was time for me to have real cocks. The mindfuck would be amazing. 

Nectar of my Goddess

Lately I’ve been fantasizing a lot about Mistress and her piss.  There is no reason for this as I think piss is disgusting. Or maybe that is the reason. It’s not about her piss, it’s about her doing something so degrading and taboo to me.  We just stayed in a hotel that had a large in-room bath tub. It had a safety handle on the side that would have been perfect to have my ankles tied to so that I couldn’t jump up to save myself from her pungent onslaught. I imagine my hands being tied to my side or behind my back.  I imagined a ring gag or some other way to force my mouth to stay open.  Mistress would either stand or squat over my open mouth and start verbally teasing me.  Asking me how much I wanted this. I’d tell her I didn’t as much as I could through the gag.  She’s ask why my cock was so hard then. She’d tease me about making this a regular occurrence unless I shaped up. Eventually she would release large gushes of urine over my face, stopping several times to prolong my humiliation.  Her smelly piss would go into my nostrils, eyes and ears.  I’d end up drinking about half of her piss and the rest would pool coldly around my body as she closed the tub drain before we started. Mistress would then proceed to get dressed and walk out of the hotel room tell me me she’ll be back when it’s time for her to relieve herself again. “You’re going to be my piss whore for the day or longer if you’re lucky” she’d say as the door slammed behind there.  

I’d sit there in my humiliation, with my hard cock straining, wishing I wasn’t such a submissive slut willing to endure more and more humiliation just to satisfy a very secret part of my soul. 

Mask Mischief

The whole coronavirus mask thing creates conflict in my brain. I don’t like wearing a mask but I understand it’s importance. Where the conflict arises is what happens in my brain. 

When I must do something I don’t want to do, I try to sexualize it in some way. Chores around the house, I sexualize it. Doctor and dentist appointments, I sexualize it. Wearing a mask is no different.  Here are some of the ways I envision turning mask wearing into a sexual event. 

Ball gag under a mask. I imagine wearing one of those neck gaiters so that the back of my head is covered.  It would be interesting to buy something at a store and not be able to converse with the clerk.

Here is another version.  A large penis shaped plug forced into the mouth, taped in and covered.  This one can be scarier since you can make the plug as large as you want.  The sheer terror of someone finding out.

My last fantasy has several variations.  The first it Mistress wearing my mask inside her panties for several hours.  Whenever we go out she pull my mask from her panties and makes me wear it. There would be her musky smell and traces of urine in the mask.  I would be in sub-space in no time.  

Other variation include having to wear my own mask in my pants and wear it so that I have to smell myself.  I also imagine Mistress taking a couple pairs of her dirty underwear and making me put one pair in my mouth and another pair over my nose before putting my mask on over my face.  Again my head would be spinning.  The final variation would be Mistress making me cum inside my mask or cleaning up after sex with my mask and having to wear it for several days.

All of these ideas makes wearing my mask a slightly more  tolerable.  Now if I just had the guts to tell her.  

Cock Rings & Panties at the pool

 Mistress and I are on a quick vacation. We’ve both been reading erotica and I’ve gotten myself so worked up that I’ve been trying to be secretly naughty. 

The last couple of days I’ve been wearing panties and a cock ring under my swimsuit. The panties are tight and the cock ring keeps my cock hard when the erotica turns me on. 

I’m big into FemDom but the best story I’ve read all week has been a Male Dom story. It makes me realize that although I skew submissive I have a very creative Dom side. Here is the 1st of the series. 

https://www.literotica.com/s/change-of-control-ch-01

Now I’m off to mentally torture myself some more. 

Dream about cum

 Last night I had a dream that I very much want to share with Mistress and at the same time scared to do so. Scared because it might happen. Excited because it might happen even though I don’t want it to. 

Recently I got Invisalign braces. I have pretty straight teeth in the front but my bite is no longer straight.  I thought Invisalign was an elegant solution, but in reality they glue a bunch of attachment points to your Terry to quicken the correction and to hold the trays in place on both your upper and lower teeth.  There is no way to remove them without them with my tongue and they are locked in until intentionally removed.  

In my dream, Mistress has me take out my Invisalign and tells me to get naked. She then ties me down spread-eagle and naked to our bed. She is naked as well and stroking my cock. After a but she mounts my cock and puts me inside her. As she rides up and down on my she tells me she is tired of me begging for sex all the time. How she’s tired of me egging her on to do bad things to me. She says I need to bite my tongue more often and watch my mouth.

Mistress continues to ride my cock and she gives herself a couple of her squiring orgasms using my cock. She then starts pinching and biting my nipples which she knows will push me over the edge. I ask for permission to cum and she grants it allowing my to fill her pussy with a couple weeks worth of cum. 

As I come down from my orgasm Mistress mistress proceeds to pull my Invisalign braces from behind her back. Mistress scoops my cum out of her drenched pussy and starts filling the trays with our mixed bodily fluids. I figure out that these nasty trays are going in my mouth and I force my lips closed. Mistress tells me to open my mouth and I shake my head “no”.  Mistress wastes no time punching my balls quickly 3 times while telling me to open my mouth. I gasp in pain willing to do anything to avoid another smack to my balls. Mistress snaps the the tops one in first and while snapping in the second she tells me this will be my new normal as long as my mouth pisses her off.

She proceeds to explain that she’s going to leave me tied up to contemplate my situation.  Moving forward, every time we have sex I will be expected to fill my trays with our cum and wear them until my next meal.  She further explains that doesn’t necessarily mean we are going to have more sex.  If I piss her off she will make me take out the trays, and masturbate in front of her, in my hand and fill the trays with my cum only.  She knows how much I hate my cum after an orgasm.  She says she’ll make me wear cum filled trays in public as an added punishment.  

I thought for sure that this dream was unique, but a quick internet search proves this was thought of a long time ago. 

https://www.reddit.com/r/IsThatCUM/comments/f55jfy/cum_in_invisalign_braces/

P.S.  I have been driving myself mad this week with reading erotica.  So mad, I couldn’t fall asleep, so I decided I would masturbate as I really needed to sleep.  I wanted to cum quickly, so I was thinking about this dream  I snapped one of my Invisalign out of my teeth and proceeded to masturbate into it.  Half way through my orgasm I knew there was no way I could put my cum filled tray in my mouth.  I truly need to be restrained or seriously coerced into doing this until I get used to it.  Be careful of what you wish for.   

Sleepwear

Last night I wore a nighty. It’s been months since I wore a nighty.  When Mistress asked, “where’s your nighty?” as I was crawling into bed, I got instantly aroused. I happened to be wearing panties at the time so l left them on as well.   I’ve never slept in both a nighty and panties before. The panties had an added effect on me. I had forgotten what it’s like to sleep in a nighty.  Normally I sleep naked. Wearing the nighty was a constant reminder of my feminine/submissive side. The straps digging into my shoulders. The satin rubbing my freshly shaved body as well as my nipples, arousing me further.  The restriction of my movement, all working together to turn me on more than I already was.

Adding the panties even pushed my buttons more. The panties restricting my normally free cock. Slightly riding up into the crack of my ass. The panty and nighty combo were certainly more powerful than either one by itself.

It’s 4AM and I can’t sleep.  I am sooooo horny. I don’t know the last time I had an orgasm, but it’s been weeks.  I want to edge myself so badly but I am afraid I’ll have an accident.  I’ve been obsessed with my eventual birthday beating, watching videos of guys and girls getting brutalized far harder than I would ever want with canes, whips, etc. It horrifies me as much as it arouses me.

The last couple of mornings, under my male clothes, I wore the swimsuit that I stole from Mistress’s donation pile. The swimsuit is very tight and restricting  The bra strap on it dug into my skin.  My cock and balls were severely confined. The bottoms rode up in the back. The front of the swimsuit is full coverage. The back of it is just the bottoms and the bra strap which left my back completely exposed. The thighs were cut high enough that I could see the skin of my hips over the top of the waistband of my shorts. In addition to wearing it around the house, I also wore it when I took the dog for a walk and while running errands. I was VERY self-conscious.  I felt like everyone could tell I was wearing it under my clothes.  I was very careful to not let it be seen while getting stuff done around the house. It was fairly uncomfortable, which in my mind was what it should be. Essentially being punished for being so desperate and horny that I was wearing a woman’s swimsuit under my clothes.  I’m always amazed by how much of my feminine side is awakened the longer I go without an orgasm.

That’s enough for now.  I’m going to try and drift off to sleep in my panties and nighty.

 

Panty Thief

Mistress and I are moving soon, into a much smaller space. We’re downsizing quite a bit. One thing we’ve learned is that we have far too many clothes.  We tend to wear no more than 5-10 of any one item, but for some reason have 30, 40, or more of a particular item.

I’ve had to get rid of a lot of my male clothes as well as all of my female clothes that were hanging in the closet.  Things such as dresses, skirts, and blouses.  Things I could wear around the house, but sadly haven’t in some time. Next, I have to tackle my female clothes that are in the dresser. These are panties (far too many), pantyhose, stockings, bras, nighties, and some lounging around attire. I’m going to get rid of the majority of these and just keep a few things of my favorites and Mistress’s favorites.

Mistress has also had to downsize a lot.  She has filled bags and bags of clothes to donate to charity. Every time I see a black trash bag with her clothes in it, I am overcome with a need to investigate. A few weeks ago it was panties and other lingerie that hadn’t been worn in nearly a decade. I browsed through the bag sitting in the garage waiting to be donated. I couldn’t help myself.  I just had to keep a few choice items for myself. Mistress almost caught me during my hunt. I had to pretend I was organizing the trash.  I kept going back to the bag over the next few days, making sure I didn’t miss anything.  Mistress is much smaller than me so I can’t wear many of her clothes unless they are very stretchy. Over the weeks since then I’ll slide into a pair of her recycled underwear.

I have my own panties (lots of them), but there is something taboo about taking a woman’s underwear and sneaking around wearing them that adds some excitement. It reminds me of when I was 15 years old and would go to one of my friend’s homes. He had a very hot older sister and I once stole a couple pair of her panties and wore them when I got back to my house. It was exciting and a turn on. I would fantasize about her catching me stealing her panties and my fantasy had her blackmailing me into being her slave by threatening to tell everyone what I had done.  She would verbally taunt me about being a panty thief and would spank me as punishment.  Stealing Mistress’s panties and sneaking around about it reminds me of that thrill I got way back then.

The reason this is coming up now is that Mistress has another trash bag of her clothes in our upstairs closet. It’s mostly swimsuits but has some other clothes in it. I have been in that bag at least a half dozen times. The first time I quickly squirreled away a half dozen items in case the donation happens too quickly. Since then I’ve gone through the bag, tried in some items (most don’t fit) but got lucky on a few. The other day I wore her too small for me bikini bottoms.  My cock and balls all crushed up. It was exhilarating.  I almost got caught going through the bag the other morning. The fear and excitement of possibly getting caught made my heart skip a beat. A couple items I wish I could keep, but space will be limited so I have to be extremely choosy. As I write this post, I’m dressed in a one-piece swimsuit under my shorts and polo shirt. It’s several sizes too small but I was able to stretch into it. It’s constricting, making me aware of every breath. It feels so forbidden and that turns me on.  I’ll wear it for the next few hours until my morning libido wears off. My mind will be spinning. One side of me is wanting to be caught by Mistress. She’d march me upstairs and make me undress down to the swimsuit. She’d verbally taunt me as she’s tying me down to the bed before using the cane on my swimsuit covered ass. She’d make me promise to never steal one of her items again while I screamed out in pain. She’d taunt me about making me sunbathe in the swimsuit to give me obvious tan lines to humiliate me. She’d threaten to make me buy my own women’s swimsuit to wear.  Just thinking about it makes my confined cock spring to life.

Reflection

This morning I woke up, fantasizing about getting a birthday beating. I started thinking about how much it’s going to hurt. I realize that if done the way I am begging for,  I’ll have bruises for a week, it will hurt to sit down for several days and it will take me past my limit.

I’ve also been fantasizing a great deal about Mistress getting stricter with me. Making sure I always have something feminine about me.  Punishing me for talking back,  being disrespectful or failing at tasks that need to be done. Pushing my submissive buttons to manipulate my behavior in a way that favors her.

Why do I want to be hurt?  Why do I want to wear uncomfortable panties and other clothes, or nighties that are difficult to sleep in?  Why do I year to suffer at the hands of my Mistress? 

I truly believe that I need to have control taken away from me. Being tied down and beaten harder than ever isn’t about being beaten.  While I am certainly sexualizing it, I know that the eroticism will quickly go away and I’ll have to deal with non-erotic pain. It’s deeper than a sexual fantasy, it’s psychologically driven. It’s about relinquishing all control to the woman I love with all of my heart.  It’s about me making myself vulnerable to her. Being tied down will force me to remain vulnerable while I try to stop the inevitable.  Being physically hurt will break down my domineering and controlling walls.  I need to be taken down a peg.  I need to be less in control. I’m not good at it. I need to serve my Wife and my Mistress. She’s my everything and me trying to be the boss or have things my way just doesn’t work very well.

Rarely do I give much thought to the why of my fantasies. For the last few weeks I’ve been fantasizing about the sexual aspects of this, but usually, that fades away. The fact I am still so focused on it has made me examine where this need is coming from.  I’m surprised by the results of my self-examination.  I want to serve.

Nervous Anticipation

I had dreams last night, but I don't remember any of them. What I do know is that I woke up extremely horny today.  Mistress and I still have to coordinate my birthday spanking.  I really mean birthday beating as spanking seems to tame to me.  I am to receive at least 51 strokes of the cane or other implement.  A stroke doesn't count if the stroke doesn't cause me to make a verbal response, nor does it have to stop at 51.  One of my readers left a comment that in addition to his birthday spankings, he also gets spanked for his wife's birthday. In my case, Mistress just had her birthday and that would mean an additional 46 spankings.  Just typing that last sentence made my cock hard.

My mind has been a bit consumed with the anticipation of this happening.  The problem is that we are moving soon and we are so unbelievably busy that we haven't had time to make this a priority.  It doesn't stop me from thinking about it when I can.  I imagine all sorts of variations.  Dressed up in a feminine matter. Gagged with a ball gag, a ring gag, a penis gag or Mistress's dirty panties.  A thick buttplug inside me or not.  In my chastity device to keep me from rubbing my cock against the blankets or my cock tied to the bedframe to keep me from squirming.  Legs tied together vs being totally spreadeagled on the bed.  Mistress ignoring my pleas to stop.  I would purposely be quiet, even though a stroke hurts immensely or I would fake a sound to stop the pain early.  Taking lots of pictures to post here in this blog  At the end of the day, I really want to endure the hardest spanking of my entire life. 

This last one is too tame.  

Birthday Beating

I have a birthday coming up and last night Mistress told me she didn't buy me anything.  I told her, "thank you for not buying me anything".  We are fortunate enough to pretty much buy what we want, presents for holidays and birthdays are more stressful than rewarding so we tend to skip them.  As far as my birthday goes, I prefer birthday shenanigans way more than any gift or special meal out. 

When Mistress told me that she didn't get me anything I told her that I would much rather have a birthday spanking than any gift.  You can't really buy a spanking, wait, you can, but that's a different story.  I told her I would love to get a minimum of 51 swats, stokes, etc for my birthday.  Mistress asked if we still had the cane in the bedroom and I assured her we did.  I then said that a stroke doesn't unless I make a sound.  She said, "oh, I'll make sure you make a sound".  My cock instantly got hard.  That was pretty much the end of the conversation and we went to sleep after a long day.

This morning I was stirring awake when I really wanted to be falling back to sleep.  As I tried to go back to sleep, my mind kept wandering to last night's conversation.  I imagined my Birthday Beating.  I won't be able to be beaten on my actual birthday as we have other things going on, so we will have to make alternate plans.

Now I am not really into pain for pain's sake.  It's kind of like spicy foods. I love spicy food however, there are some spices that are hot just for the sake of being hot.  There is nothing else to them.  If a portion of food is super spicy, yet it's very flavorful, I will gladly suffer through the pain.  Same thing with pain from BDSM activities.  Pain for pain's sake is not fun.  Pain that comes with the loss of control, or with a certain goal in mind, or for the arousal of the pain giver, those all make enduring pain worth it.  In this case, knowing I will get at least 51 stokes, and that there is nothing I can do to stop them (unless it's a real emergency) is a massive turn on. 

Of course, my dirty mind had to find ways to make the beating more interesting.  I imagine having to wear my butt lifting panties.  They create a nice target for Mistress to focus on, but then that might not spread out the pain enough (shudder).  I can also imagine other feminine additions.  Schoolgirl skirt and top.  Eye makeup so that it runs as tears fill my eyes.  A penis gag or dirty panties in my mouth while I get beat.

I imagine having to wear my largest butt plug.  Each time I would get hit, my natural tendency to clench my butt would stimulate my prostate.  This, in turn, would confuse my senses by connecting the intense pain to the pleasurable feeling in my prostate.

I imaging Mistress taking breaks from beating me to masturbate while I lay there with my ass throbbing.

I imagine Mistress taking out recent frustrations on me. We have had a particularly stressful couple of months.  I have had some very dickish moments, and deserve to be punished for them.  Nothing like being able to add some payback onto the birthday present I asked for.

Suffice it to say, I am fearfully and excitedly looking forward to the best beating of my 51 years.  I imagine begging Mistress to stop, but not actually using a safe-word.  I imagine purposely trying not to make a sound so that I can get hit longer.  If I end up looking like the poor guy below, I won't regret it.   

Back for now

Mistress and I have had a ton going on.  We started a business a little over a year ago and we have been busier than our wildest dreams.  It's been stressful so we have had more arguments than usual.  Nothing serious, but enough that we haven't engaged in kink in quite some time.

We also went on an extended road trip without any toys, feminine items, etc. 

Lastly, my extended time in small chastity devices appears to have caused my penis permanent damage.  I now have a medium upward curve to my penis from something called Peyronie's disease LINK. It doesn't affect much, but it means extended chastity is more or less off the plate.

Mistress and I have been home for a couple of weeks but I don't think it's appropriate to ask for D/s if she's not feeling it.  Because of that, I've been secretly doing things to myself.  I wear a silicone cock ring almost all day.  I have been locking myself into chastity for short periods of time (it's so addicting).  I have actually slept in chastity twice in the last week.  Mistress has fallen asleep on the couch and I've been a little drunk and extremely horny and that's how I have handled it.  I have worn panties almost every day since I have been home (I missed them more than I thought).  I wore a women's body shaper out of the house under my clothes to take the dog to the dog park and on the way home I exposed myself for the 5 mile drive through town.  I have never done anything like this before.  Scary but exhilarating!

As I type this I have my prostate massager in my ass.  It's the first time I have had anything in my ass for at least 6 months.  I missed this too.

My current fantasies are running through my head.

• Giving Mistress multiple orgasms while I have none.  
• Being locked in the dog kennel overnight.  Mistress has threatened this over the years, but I would hate/love to be forced to do.
• Long-term chastity.  Being locked regardless of the consequences.  Mistress likes my fingers more than my cock anyway.
• Public crossdressing. Now that the streets are so empty due to the coronavirus, I'd love to be forced to walk down a street dressed up.
• Secretary attire every day since we are sheltering in place.
• Fucking Machine Punishment
• Being tied down while the Venus 2000 penis pump gives me an orgasm, and then keeps going no matter how sensitive I am and keeps pumping until I cum again, no matter how long it takes.
• Crossdressing in a video chat room.

Have a great rest of your week.  Stay safe!

What I did

Mistress was out of town for a couple of days but is coming back this evening.  I had some alone time for the first time in over a year.  So what did I do?

First I wore my feminine outfit until I had to get ready to leave the house.  When I did leave the house I wore a vinyl thong with a built-in cock ring.  When I got home that night I put on my pink lounge clothes. 

When it was time to go to bed, I had one thing to try.  I have been wanting to see if it's possible for me to have an anal orgasm with no stimulation on my cock.  I have tried this before without success, but this time I had success.  I used my Aneros prostate massager as well as the Hitachi.  It took me quite a while to find the right combination of D/s items and vibration, but eventually, I did it!  I needed some extra stimulation so I used a spider gag to imaging being fore fed my cum.  I wore nipple clamps as well as a cock and ball strap.  Of course, I had to wear something feminine since I was trying to cum like a girl.

The next morning I had to run some errands and decided to dress up under my clothes. These look like grandma panties, but in reality, they are a thong in the back so my ass cheeks stick out.  Perfect spanking panties as the ass is framed perfectly for aiming a spanking implement.

When I got home I decided to play with my Venus 2000.  I ended up tease torturing myself, not allowing me to get close to the edge.  I wasn't able to do this very long as I wanted to cum very badly, which I did.  It was amazing!  If only I was tied up and Mistress kept me going like this for hours without cumming.

As I was getting the toys out of the storage area, I ran across a bullwhip I bought Mistress years ago.  I playfully smacked myself with it about 15 times.  Just enough to make it sting, but nothing I consider very hard.  Imagine my surprise when I see that I am marked by these fairly light flicks of the whip.  This really, really wants me to experiment more with the whip

Bummed it's out of focus

Well, that's it for playtime.  I have to put everything up and clean up the house before Mistress gets home.  I may have to wear something naughty to go pick her up at the airport.  I sure did miss her.  This kind of play is so much more fun with Mistress.

  

  

While Mistress is away.

Lilac women's deodorant and women's perfume fill my nostrils.  Eyelashes weighed down with mascara.  Lips heavy with red lipstick.  Dark pantyhose/tights worn for the 1st time in over 2 years.  Heels and a dress worn for the first time in over 12 months.  Heavy silicone bra inserts in my tight dress.  My head spinning as I walk in heels for the first time in months.  Every few steps having to pull down my skirt to keep it from riding up.  Clicking heels on the hardwood floors fill my ears. 

Mistress is away for a couple of days, so I am going to take full advantage while working from home.  Mistress also chose not to lock me in chastity.  I'm going to try not to cum, but with some of the toys I have access to, I don't think I will succeed.

Whatever will I do for the next 48 hours?  If you have any ideas, please comment.  I'll update a few times as things happen.  Soooo horny!