Today's Edge - Shocking

I don't know what is going on with me this week.  All of my fantasies this week have been on the edge of what I actually like.  Today is no different.  I edged to the thoughts of electricity play.  I imagined a few different scenarios.

• Tied down with an electric butt plug in, and pads attached to my cock and balls. MBB would then set the Erostek to a setting and hit the "ramp up" button.  She would then adjust it so at the bottom of the ramp I am feeling uncomfortable and then she would sit back and watch it go from 70% to 100% while I struggle.  I imagine her masturbating and squirting while watching me struggle reminding me I asked for it.

• We also have a shocking dog collar that goes around the balls.  I recently read a story where a woman tied up her man in a way he could masturbate.  She made him stroke and she would give him random shocks.  The goal for her was to keep him from cumming and the goal for him was to cum.  I imagine the shocks would make it hard to get to the edge, but once at the edge the shocks would push me over.  The other variation on this was she would use a leather strap and spank him trying to accomplish the same goal.

• I also imagine wearing the shocking dog collar and made to masturbate to orgasm or have sex to orgasm.  Once the orgasm was complete MBB would give me 10 seconds to start cleaning up the mess with my tongue or I would get shocked.  Out of all my cum eating fantasies this would be the worse, because I would have to choose to do it.  

• Lastly we have a toy called a Tazapper.  It's like a mini cattle prod, and in the scheme of things not very strong, but for some reason it puts the fear of Goddess in me.  I does hurt, and can actually hurt quite a bit, but I think it's the loud noise and the visual shock it makes that makes it so scary.  I actually go between teary from fear and anger when this toy is used.  Fight or flight really.  I imagine her just mind fucking me with it, all the while giggling.  Making me admit to nasty things and agree to just about anything to make the torment stop.  

Today's Edge - Vacuum Bed

This morning I edge to the thought of being in our vacuum bed.  The vacuum bed is unique in that you aren't tied up, but you can't move a muscle either.  I imagine it would be like being drugged so you can't move a muscle, but you are aware of everything.  I fantasized about tying my balls in a neat little package before getting in the bed.  I would then get in and position my legs tight together with my balls on top of my thighs.  My hands would be at my side and slightly under me to keep my body weight on them and to keep my profile thinner.  MBB would then turn on the bed and let it crush me before turning it off (our bed holds air very well so a vacuum doesn't need to keep running).  She would then block off my breathing with a finger on the air tube and make me squirm for air.  She might take a drink of wine and spit some down the breathing tube for me to drink.  I then fantasized about her smacking me in the balls and there would be nothing I could do about it.  I also thought about her using the Venus 2000 on me to tease me, but realized that wouldn't work for my final nasty thought.  I thought about MBB either putting a condom on my cock, and then she would ride my cock until I came inside her.  Then I would hear her next idea.  She would tell me she is going to scoop all of my cum out of her pussy and feed it to me down the tube.  There would be nothing I could do to stop it.  I also imagined her getting me to cum in a condom and feeding that to me down the tube.  I would be so pissed off, but for some reason that idea gets me so hot.

Today's Edge - Helpless

I haven't been able to edge as much lately, but did today.  This had me thinking about the helplessness of his situation.  I am not sure why being completely helpless makes me so hot.

Ball Busting

MBB loves to hit me in the balls, and I hate it, especially if I am not restrained.  This looks fun from pure helplessness standpoint, but it's also damn scary for the same reason.

Lessons Learned

Friday night Miss Bossy Bitch tied me to our bed as promised.  She tied me about as tight as I have ever been tied.  While I was tied, she sucked my cock, and gave me an amazing teasing hand job.  In between strokes she would smack my balls with some sort of implement.  I hate my balls being smacked, but because I am tied down and there is nothing I can do about it, I love it.  As part of the torture, MBB asked me lots of questions and made lot of suggestions.

Some of the suggestions that came out (that I remember) were as follows...

• I should wear the ones I have and buy some additional female workout clothes to work out in (including sports bras - humiliating).  This would reinforce my working out for my Mistress, especially looking in the mirror.  I noticed Target had some cute inexpensive workout clothes in all sizes.
• MBB is planning on having me wear a butt plug when we go out.  I have rarely worn a plug in her presence so I am sure that would be a nice mind fuck.
• More focus on me wearing feminine clothes.
• She plans on taking more control over me.
• She is planning on including chastity in as part of that control.
• I still need to be punished for past transgressions.  Side note, I still feel that punishments (earned or for maintenance) are a good way to keep the dynamic real.  It sets the hierarchy in our relationship and reinforces our positions.

Now as far as the title of this post, Lessons Learned, This is what I have learned in the last few years.  While I have a lot in my mind about how a female led relationship should work, it really doesn't matter.  Obviously D/s is something I need, but it's not something MBB has to do for me.  In reality if I want her to dominate me I have to do it on her terms and without fail.  MBB has taught me that forcing my ideas on her only keeps me  from what I need.  She has taught me that no D/s is worse than having to do things I may not want to do.  In fact I have learned I would rather do 10 D/s things that I dislike than go too long without any D/s.  I have learned that if MBB wants me in chastity full time, and it turns her on and we get to play more, then I need to be in chastity full time.  I need to do whatever she wants me to do if I plan on getting my D/s needs met.  At the end of the day, that is what submission is all about.  

As far as my edging today, I didn't edge about any fantasy.  I edged about the topic above.  I edged thinking about D/s on MBB terms and not mine.  Needless to say I got to the edge much quicker. I even leaked some...

I love you Miss Bossy!

No Edge Today

Mistress told me we were going to have a session in the dungeon over the next few days.  To save myself, I didn't edge today.  What I did do was go through my Tumblr account.  Holy Cow!  I must have been in some crazy horny moods when I posted some of those.

Old Times

This morning I got an email that I was to remain plugged for a minimum of 2 hours today.  I held off on posting so I could report that I am currently at 4 hours of being plugged.

I did edge this morning, but it is much more challenging to know where the edge is when I am on “10” like I am and with a massive plug rubbing up against my prostate.  I hit the edge much faster and with a fear of massive leakage, but I did stop in time.

My edge today had me going back almost 2.5 years ago when Miss Bossy Bitch were dating for a while.  We went out a few times a week, and during those times MBB would make sure she used me sexually.  Almost every night after a date, MBB would have my cock inside her.  A lot of times I got to cum, which meant I could last long enough to give her multiple orgasms.  Other times, she would have me wear stockings and garters under my jeans.  She would run her hand along the garters when we were out and make me feel self-conscious, which just made me hornier.  At the end of those nights she would tie me to the bed and use my cock for her pleasure. Sometimes she would fuck my in my stockings with her strap on.  If I were to stay the night, I would have to sleep in the wet spot.  Some nights MBB would have me fuck her to multiple orgasms and then she would push me off of her and tell me she was done.  Sometimes she would let me stay, other nights she would make me put on my chastity device and send me home.  I never knew what was going to happen.  MBB made sure she got her orgasms though.   I got my fair share of orgasms which helped keep my stamina up compared to now.  Needless to say, reliving those days got me all worked up this morning.

Deeper and Naughtier

I guess it was inevitable that I was going to get to this stage.  It has been 16 days since my last orgasm.  I am edging again and writing about it.  Mistress has been putting me in a nighty.  All of that plus the 2 of us have been getting along pretty well has me in such a submissive head space right now.  

Today's edge had me edging to the idea of our D/s relationship being more hard core.  Some of the things I was getting super turned on by were as follows.

Mistress would go through my wallet and take all of my debit/credit cards and hide them from me.  She would have me fill my gas tank each weekend and give me a cash allowance (something small like $5-$20).  She would forbid me to make any purchases without her permission.  Anything I would want to buy I would have to ask for money to do it. 

Mistress would make me start taking naughty pictures of myself and posing them on the blog or on my Tumblr page.  Each month about 450 people visit the blog and I wouldn't know who was seeing them.  I'm sure it wouldn't be long before they showed up in other places online.

On Saturday Mistress had her nail appointment, and I enjoyed a bike ride.  This morning I dreamt of being given a task list of things to do or to be locked in the dungeon while she was being pampered.  As I typed that, I thought of going on her appointment with her, but I would have a plug in my ass and would be wearing other kink items.

I did imagine my cock locked up in Chastity.  Stupid Libido.

I imagined Mistress taking me to Drag Shows or other venues to get me conditioned to the idea

I imagined Mistress would make me pay her for sessions

Mistress would tell me what to wear or ask if my wardrobe is ok

I imagined Mistress using the rotisserie that I already converted to BDSM usage to pull a clothespin zipper off of me.

I imagined Mistress whoring me out online to a Master.

I imagined Mistress letting me cut her name or initials into my body

I imagined having all of my feminine clothes back in our room. 

My mind is spinning just thinking of it all