Saturday, January 20, 2018

Thoughts On Humiliation

Lately, I have been absolutely fascinated by thoughts and ideas on humiliation.  Until now I didn't really know why, but I have found some posts that are making me understand more about it.

Some of the things I love to hate are...

  • Anything public.  Whether it's worrying about someone seeing a bra-strap under my shirt, shopping for feminine items at the store, or when someone asks about my collar necklace, being in public is my number one humiliation.

  • Anything to do with cum.  Having it smeared on my face or forced to eat it, I find cum to be very humiliating.

  • Crossdressing.  While I am much better at accepting it, every aspect of it hits my humiliation button.  Painted toenails, perfume, high heels clicking on the floor, all hit me hard.

  • Fashion Show. Trying on clothes for Mistress' approval shames me well.
  • Spit.  We don't use spit for play, but part of me wants to for the humiliation aspect.  I would hate it, but it would still turn me on.

  • Sexually pleasing Mistress while I stay locked up.
  • Making confessions while tied up.
  • When Mistress talks about making me do bi-sexual acts or cuckolding talk.
  • Simulated bisexuality.  Sucking a dildo, having anything in my ass, strapon play, etc.

  • Being called out on my attitude or when I disobey.
  • Being locked in a cage.

  • I'm sure we can find some other humiliation triggers if we do some exploring.

Here are portions of some posts that I find intriguing and helps me understand why I like the concept of humiliation so much.

Humiliation seems to be one of the kinks that gets a lot of people saying ‘oh no, I’m not into that’, when I think in reality a lot of us play with it without even knowing that is what we are doing. The spectrum of humiliation play is vast, and there are so many ways to play with it and not all of them involve stereotype phrases like ‘you’re a pathetic, snivelling, dirty little worm’, although I have used the word pathetic once or twice, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all, if your partner is receptive to it.

What I have discovered though is tone and context are everything. Calling your partner simple because they bought the wrong beans at the supermarket, not nice. Calling them simple because they are all sub-spacey and can’t use their words properly, super sexy. Pointing out they can’t use their words properly, and trying to get them to speak, even sexier. Continuing this until they’re completely incoherent and then highlighting how they’re not longer even a proper person but just a support system for a cock, insanely sexy.


Those kinds of things are only fun for me though because Bakji reacts well to them. It is not fun for me to make some cry because I’ve said something triggering and they are tears of genuine upset. It is however fun to make someone cry because they are desperate to come, extremely frustrated and mildly concerned that you’re going to drive them insane with your sexy FemDom sorcery. I haven’t actually made Bakji cry yet, but I will, and when I do it will be glorious, and I will laugh, and he will adore me for it.

When `I’m not embracing my monstrous FemDom ego, I’m lovely. I’m very nurturing and kind, I don’t say mean things and I don’t laugh at other people’s misfortune. Which means it is rather liberating to go against the grain and embrace my inner bitch. 

I also know where to draw the line. When our scene ends, words are of affection and affirmation. It is beyond important for Bakji to know that the things said during play, are part of our play and not part of our non-kink time together.


One of the common things that come up on forums about BDSM, or even about sex, is not knowing what to say. Whether that’s for humiliation play or for sexy talk. I would have said the exact same thing, I also would have said that the idea of speaking during intimate moments was a no go for me. When I started Topping Bakji though I noticed that I started doing this completely naturally. Often all I will do is point out how hard he is, or how badly he wants to kiss me and just the very act of pointing out his very obvious desire and arousal is enough to get the erotic humiliation ball rolling. For anyone who thinks this seems really low level kink and doubts it’s effectiveness I urge you to give it a go, with consent of course.

This all might sound a little bit stereotypical Dominatrix, and I think that probably stops a lot of people testing the waters with humiliation play, but I think it’s worth noting that I do all this with a smile on my face and joy in my heart. Even when you reach the realms of extreme humiliation and degradation, you can still embrace an element of fun when doing it and one would hope that you’re doing it to share an awesome and kinky experience with your bottom, and if that isn’t something to smile about then I don’t know what is.


What does it mean if you desire humiliation play?


“But I raised you to be a nice girl…”

My mother has said this a few times during conversations about the last 16 years of a career in kink. I’ve been lucky to be able to be open with her and while I definitely don’t go into specifics, she knows that humiliation play has been a big part of my kink experience and that I’ve written a book about it.

So my usual response is something along the lines of;

“And no one can say ‘Lick this floor!”‘ as nicely as I can!”

The assumption that someone has to be cruel or mean or insecure to enjoy humiliation play is probably the most common stereotype associated with “enjoying” feelings that most people spend their lives trying to avoid. But the interest in adventuring in the darker side of life doesn’t make you a bad or broken person. Instead, you’re likely to be confident, creative and probably at least a little confused about the meaning of your own desires.

Let’s break it down.

You’re probably pretty confident.
This is one that goes against the stereotype in a major way. One of the most frequent concerns/questions I hear is whether those who enjoy sexual-psychological torment (on both sides of the play) have issues with confidence, including low self-esteem or the need to “bully” others. But in reality, those that want this kind of play tend to be plenty confident, if not more so than others. And that’s true for BOTH sides of the humiliation dynamic.

“The humiliation for me does not come from a lack of confidence or self esteem, but from the interplay between knowing I am strong, smart, capable, and knowing I get turned on from being told I am none of those things and less.” – Em the Sissy

You’re probably pretty creative.
Even if you struggle to come up with specific ideas for humiliation play, you probably have a tendency towards creative fantasy. You’re also probably pretty smart. One common thread I’ve noticed between kinksters is that they’re thinkers, you have to be willing to dream outside of the box to come up with an unorthodox desire like this!

“I like the psychological reading of people. Finding those mental please-pain buttons and trying to find the perfect time to press them.” – EQ

Not all types of erotic humiliation will “work” for you.
Your kink is super personal! You can’t expect to just throw experiences at the wall and hope they stick. Just because you’re turned on by one type of erotic humiliation play (for example being turned into furniture) doesn’t mean you’ll like other types (such as chastity or orgasm control.) I talk all the time about how ‘erotic humiliation’ is a state of mind, not a specific activity. For some, spanking is liberating and for others it inspires (sexually arousing) embarrassment.

“Here is the thing, anything can be humiliation with the right people and the right context. What may be innocent and sweet to me may be devastatingly humiliating to you.” – Kk

“I find it somewhat problematic that a large part of my sexuality is associated with shame and humiliation since I don’t actually think there’s anything shameful or wrong about what I’m doing. On the other hand, I’m happy that I do have the fetish to play with, and I find it extremely fulfilling to.” – Ella Notte

As I’ve mentioned, even among kinksters a desire for humiliation can be tough to talk about, and even tougher to implement. There’s plenty of myths to battle and a lack of language to contend with. It can be tough to articulate your desires, limits and fears. Even with someone who’s totally on-board, the execution of psychologically kinky play is much harder to orchestrate than a simple spanking or light bondage. You and your partners will have to be willing to use your words and to bring compassion for each other into your play in order to dance on the edge together safely.

“I sometimes balk at sharing my fantasies of erotic humiliation with my Master for fear that He will judge me (even though this has never happened and He eagerly embraced and allowed me to explore other erotic humiliation fantasies).” – Ashley Rose


I happen to be someone who enjoys a type of kink known as erotic humiliation.  Even in the realm of BDSM, sexual humiliation can still be an uncomfortable topic.  Everyone is used to spanking, flogging, and bondage by now. These subjects can sometimes seem — dare I say — pedestrian.  Unfortunately, I don’t particularly enjoy pain play. Not on its own anyway. Even with an experienced Dom I only come close to the edge but not over it.  What takes me to that place involves hands intertwined in my hair, my head pulled back, being forced to my knees, being told what I can and cannot do, and having to ask or even beg for release ...  And it all starts with the words, “Are you my dirty whore?”

It’s not just pain or forceful physical dominance that get me going. The power is also in the words — in the triggers.  In the real world I don’t approve of the words “whore” or “slut” being used to shame someone. I also don’t like being told what to do. Tell me not to do something, say something, or wear something and I’ll immediately want to do it.  In the realm of play, though, the things I can’t abide in real life become eroticized. Strongly delivered, these words are a major turn on.  I long to be told what to do. I want to give my Sir complete control of me. I enjoy every “Please, Sir” and “Thank you, Sir” I utter.

I’m aroused by the fear of being punished for not completing a task or forgetting to ask permission. These triggers are strong and can even work when written. I’ve been reduced to a wet mess with just a text.  It’s not about the smack on the ass or a cane across the thighs. It’s about the power exchange. It’s the ultimate mind f*ck.  At its core, erotic humiliation is about using embarrassment, fear and shame. These aspects can run the spectrum from verbal to physical.

It’s also important to note that humiliation and dominance are not exactly the same thing. Humiliation doesn’t always involve being ordered about. Strict humiliation without dominance is when words and actions are used to belittle, not to dominate. The Domme, in the absence of dominance, is sometimes called a Humiliatrix.

Personally, I like humiliation along with dominance and good dose of bondage thrown in. It’s less about embarrassment for me than it is about giving up control.

Erotic humiliation itself can be broken down into two varieties: verbal and physical.

1. Verbal humiliation.

This can mean any of the following:

Use of words like slut or whore.
Being mocked, ridiculed or having your appearance belittled.
Having to ask permission to eat, to go to the bathroom or to have an orgasm.
Being confined to the dungeon or house.
Being treated like a pet or an object.
Being treated or scolded like a child.
Made to use honorifics such as Master, Mistress, Sir, Ma’am or Daddy.
Examples may include using demeaning language with the sub within forced feminization, pet play or slave scenes.

2. Physical humiliation.

This can mean any of the following:

Being slapped or spanked.
Having your movement restricted.
Participating in orgasm denial or being made to orgasm on demand.
Sexual denial by command or use of chastity device.
Having an enforced dress code (i.e.: forced cross dressing) or being required to wear nothing.
Deprival of privacy, such as being watched using the toilet.
Being required to wear a collar.
Performing acts of body worship.
Performing tasks or acts of service.
Being used as furniture.
Being ejaculated on or spit on.
Being used as a human toilet.
Cuckolding.
Performing sexual acts without reciprocation.

Examples may include be the use of spanking to humiliate a sub as though he or she is a child, using someone as a chair or footrest, or asking the sub to do something embarrassing in public.

Erotic humiliation, just like pain play, requires discussion and negotiation beforehand to state desired play, set limits and agreement on safe words.  It's important to establish a clear safe word in play, as words like “No," “Stop," “Ouch,” or “Help” may actually be part of the scenario.  You also need to decide whether these experiences take place only as scenes, or whether they will be a part of your everyday life.  It is vital to have a Top you trust and feel comfortable with. Erotic humiliation is about discovering erotic triggers. Constant communication on both sides of the D/s relationship helps to know not only what works, but also what doesn’t.

It can be difficult to understand from the outside why someone would find the eroticization of humiliation such a turn on.  It can look frighteningly like abuse to someone else. It’s important to know that both the Dom/Top and the sub/bottom are engaging in play that arouses the other. Humiliation is not just about pleasuring yourself, but pleasuring your play partner as well.  The sub tells the Dom what they would and would not like to do, and vice versa, so it is always consensual. Even rape play that looks non-consensual is negotiated ahead of time, with safe words and limits.


Sources: https://flossdoeslife.com/2017/12/06/1952/
http://www.enoughtomakeyoublush.com/blog/
https://www.yourtango.com/2016297004/why-strong-women-love-kinky-bdsm-sexual-humiliation



Friday, January 19, 2018

Heading in the right direction

After many years of fits and starts I truly believe we are heading in a direction that will put me further and further under Mistress' control.  I'm very excited.


Since we both work from home now Mistress truly has the ability to control me 24/7 if she so chooses.  Gone are the days where she would head off to work and I would be able to do whatever I wanted.  I am incredibly excited about the direction this can go and hope that there is no turning back.


Last night as Mistress and I were about to get into bed, Mistress threw something on the bed.  I looked down and it was a pair of keys.  Mistress told me to remove my chastity device as she wanted to use her cock.  I went into the bathroom and removed my device and used a wet wash cloth to clean any scent from her cock.  I went back into the bedroom and Mistress was lying on a couple of towels and was playing with herself.  Almost as soon as I climbed back into bed, I got very hard and I was inside of Mistress almost instantly.  I thought for sure that I would be in the edge in no time, but I was able to go longer than I expected.  Even though I went longer than expected it still wasn't long enough to get Mistress off.  When I stopped to keep myself from cumming, Mistress had me use my fingers on her G-spot.  I teased and edged her a couple times before giving her an orgasm. 

After her orgasm she told me to put my cock inside her.  I did and as I got closer to the edge, Mistress asked me when my last orgasm was.  I told her that it was November 22nd or 8 weeks and 1 day.  I added that I was in chastity the entire time less 2 days.  Mistress told me that she felt it was time for me to have an orgasm.  I pathetically begged her to not make me cum and that I would to anything to avoid that fate.  I then told her flat out that I was going to refuse her order and accept any punishment she decided to dish out.  After a few minutes of her telling me to cum with my cock inside of her and me refusing, Mistress  told me to giver her another orgasm with my fingers.  This time I got her off in less than 30 seconds.  I then put my cock inside Mistress and after a few strokes she told me to stop.  I didn't.  She commanded me to stop a few more times before I relented.  She told me she was done with me and to lock myself back up.  I offered to give her another orgasm but she refused.

I went into the bathroom, washed my cock off again and locked myself back into chastity under Mistress' supervision.  Mistress hid the keys as I went back to bed.  When Mistress got back into bed, she teased my balls and told me to put the cane on her bathroom vanity when I got up in the morning.  She plans on caning me and she also plans on restraining me for it.  I asked her to not restrain me and see how much I am able to take, but she refused saying she didn't want to have to deal with me being unrestrained.

To be fair, her concern is warranted.  I believe that a proper beating requires restraints.  A fight or flight response will happen if she beats me the way I need to be beaten.  I need to be pushed past that point and the only way is with restraints.  There will be a point where I will get mad and if I am tied up there is nothing I can do about it.  I need to stay tied up until I have recovered from the anger and frustration and am back into my submissive mindset.  I'm not big on aftercare, but some tenderness and discussion while I am still tied up and recovering is the way I imagine being the most beneficial.  Being given a verbal reminder that I have asked for this a long time and I am finally getting the cruelty I have begged for, for so long.

As we drifted off to sleep I thanks Mistress for not making me cum.  I didn't want to be the guy that I am after an orgasm  I also assured Mistress again that I am very excited about where we are headed and that no matter what, I am hers to do with as she pleases.  I let her know that she doesn't need to worry about pushing me to hard or being too cruel.  No matter what she does to me I will take it.  I am here to serve, be her domestic slave, her sex slave, her sissy slave and do whatever she wishes.

Side note.  For whatever reason I can't think about a spanking without thinking of a pair of panties I have like these.  It seems like the perfect target as the butt is framed and exposed.  However, I have been reading about how important the spot where the thighs meet the butt is such a good punishment spot and these cover that spot. 



          

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Submitting

This morning I am wearing pink yoga pants and a white fuzzy sweatshirt that is long enough to be worn as a very short skirt.  Mistress chose them for me last night to wear.  Putting them on this morning along with a nice spray of perfume has me sitting at my desk with a nice little sub-spacey buzz.  I love it when she chooses my attire or makes me dress and/or wear feminine items.

The other day, I took the cane from the dungeon storage closet and placed it on the bed in our bedroom before work.  It was where I left it when I came home from work so I moved it to a less obvious place.  I wasn't sure how serious Mistress was about having the cane readily available for her use on me.  Ever since then she keeps bringing it up so I am fairly certain I will soon be subjected an almost daily caning.  I'd like to say that it frightens me, but my cock is hard.  It's hard, not because I want to be spanked, but because I want her to wield her power over me, in all aspects of my life.

This last paragraph I'm calling my encouragement paragraph.  It's easy to doubt one's self playing in the D/s dynamic, especially the female led dynamic.  I want to let Mistress know that it't still very OK with me to keep me locked in chastity, collared, denied, and selfishly used for her pleasure.  It's OK to make sure I am doing all the chores she doesn't want to do, to keep me locked in the cage, to force me to do things I don't want to do.  It's OK to severely punish me for being disrespectful, to humiliate me, to have me serve you in any way you can dream up.  Don't worry about going too far or pushing me too hard.  We are a long way from my limits.  I just want you to to feel confident with your power over me.  I also want you to feel confident that I am here to protect you and love you as are my Queen.   




 


Tuesday, January 16, 2018

What Pillow Talk Escalates To In My Mind

Last night at bedtime Mistress has fondling my balls as we had some pillow talk.  As she teased my balls, her cock grew harder in it's cock cage, straining for release.  I got worked up quickly.  While the physical stimulation certainly got me hot, it was the verbal stimulation that really got me going.

Mistress mentioned that she needed to start picking out my outfits each night before bed.  I can only hope that means she is interested in pushing me back toward my feminine side.  There is something deliciously humiliating about every little feminine thing she has me do.



She also mentioned that out of all the caning pictures I posted yesterday, that none of the men were tied up.  I did that to show how simple a daily maintenance spanking can be.  Mistress indicated that she thought if we did it without restraints that I would get hit once and then I would stop her.  I told her that it would obviously depend on how hard she hit me, but I would do my best to take it.  She then told me to bring the cane to the bedroom the next day.  Uh-oh!

When Mistress decides to start this I will try as hard as I can to stay in place.  I believe that I could take a mild caning without needing to be restrained.  Mistress could add to my resolve to not move by threatening certain things if I moved.  Added strokes, starting over, corner time, cage time, sitting on something sharp, etc.  I could imagine Mistress hitting me harder with the intent of making me move so she could further add to my torment.

Spiked mat to protect carpet from office chairs used for recently spanked butts
 
If I move too much, either because she just wants to make me move, or because I truly deserve a punishment, I can make it so that she can easily restraint me in 30-60 seconds.  A caning where I have no choice but to move as the fight or flight response kicks in.

Now we haven't played with the cane very much so I hope we ease into this so that it becomes a growing experience for us both.  I am very excited to have Mistress feel super confident in doling out a proper caning.

Here are a few pictures of more extreme caning scenes where the subject has to be tied down.  These are not even close to some totally brutal ones I found.  After those are some fun infographics on spanking in general.       





















Monday, January 15, 2018

Yearning to be used

Mistress didn't use me this weekend.  We worked a bit too much and had other stuff going on, so the timing wasn't exactly great.  That doesn't mean that I wasn't ready, willing and able.  I fantasized about being directed to the bedroom to prepare a session for her pleasure.  Blinds draw, candles lit, towels down, a few toys out.  I would stay locked in my chastity device.  Whether I was dressed or not would depend on how Mistress was feeling. I would use my fingers, mouth, tongue and toys to give her as many orgasms as she wanted.  She may or may not tell me about how this is my new life.  Serving her sexually without any regard for my sexual pleasure.  She would tell me that her new goal is to condition my brain to equate her pleasure as my only reward.  At some point she would be spent, she would tell me that she was done with me and that I was to clean up and join her when I was finished cleaning up.  That is the fantasy that was going through my head all weekend.

That wasn't my only fantasy.  After 7 weeks with no orgasm and being in chastity the entire time, my mind is a blur of sexual thoughts and images.  Mistress smacking my balls, breath play, putting more and more bruises on my body, butt plugs, spending time in the cage, using the dildo gag on Mistress.  Getting my ass fucked with the electric butt plug. Going back to my feminization routine.  Painted nails.  Using the fucking machine on us both.  Mistress finding ways to use humiliation on me.  Nipple torture that makes my nipples hurt for days.  Panties, piss play, adding some protocols to our life., Smell training in addition to my perfume.  Being smothered by Mistress.  Being spit on.  Having the strap-on used on me and using the strap-on with Mistress when I am locked up.  Tasks, tasks and more tasks. Torture.  The list goes on and on.  My mind is a mess.

Lastly, there was a comment the other day from a slave that gets a daily maintenance spanking with a cane.  I can easily imagine implementing this in our life.  We have a cane that is perfect for something like this.  I can imagine how getting a caning every morning would set the tone for the day.  Sitting in my office chair with my ass burning from a dozen cane strokes.  Having bruises that never go away.  Trying to fall asleep at night. on a day I acted like a shit, knowing that the next morning will be brutal.  I googled the term, and I came up with a term I like better than a 'maintenance spanking'.   Another couple calls is a reassurance spanking.  Here is his definition. They’re disciplinary in style, but they’re not punishment. That’s why we decided on the term reassurance, because they’re intended to reassure her that I’m there to spank her when she needs, whether she actually needs it at that moment or not.

Regardless of what it's called, it's pretty hot to my submissive mind. 








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Saturday, January 13, 2018

Used by Mistress

Last night, Mistress and I were lying in bed, chatting before falling asleep.  Mistress was teasing her cock in it's chastity device when she asked when I was last inside her.  I told her it was 4 weeks prior.  She continued to tease me while commenting on how she thinks it is best if I don't have an orgasm at least once a quarter.  If I went a whole year without an orgasm, would it make that much of a difference?  I mentioned how it might be hot to orgasm once a quarter, but when I am allowed to orgasm, I will be forced to orgasm many, many times.  Until I can't cum again.  Until I am squirming with tears in my eyes and begging to be locked be back up.  And then we would start the whole process over.

Found this hot quote
Mistress then told me to get a towel.  This usually means we are going to have sex and the towel is because she is a squirter.  I got 2 towels to be safe.  As I was getting the towels, Mistress made no moves to go get the key to my chastity device.  That's when I realized that this was going to be different.  I placed the towels underneath Mistress and she was now naked.  She told me to make her cum with my fingers.  I put my middle finger in Mistress' already wet pussy.  I quickly found her G-spot.  I slowly teased her as I didn't want her cumming too soon.  As I stroked her G-spot we continued to chat.  Mistress mentioned how I probably needed to spend some time in the cage, and as much as I dislike it, I told her she was right.  She told me that I have been a good boy and that's why I haven't been in the cage.  I suggested that an hour a week would be beneficial for us as it would reinforce the rules as well as our dynamic.  An hour a week to maintain my good-boy behavior.

I continued to stroke her G-spot, now with the intention of making her cum.  After a short while Mistress came with a mild squirt.  I thought for sure that she would have me continue, but she told me she was done with me.

This is the first time Mistress has done this and I found it to be incredibly hot.  Mistress had zero concern about my pleasure.  Not only did I continue to stay locked, I even kept my boxer briefs on.  Mistress didn't have to get the chastity key.  She didn't have to deal with me being on the edge too soon.  She didn't have to worry about me having an accidental release.  She didn't have to have my laying on top of her.  She was selfish and used me and I absolutely love it.  I am thrilled with where this can take us.  I love that my only job is to make sure she is pleased.  I love that I am here, only for her pleasure.  I love that Mistress can be sexually selfish.  I am in heaven this morning.