Monday, October 12, 2015


pen•ance (ˈpɛn əns)


"A punishment for a sinful act or wrongdoing. It may be intended to serve as reparation for the act."

This morning I got out of bed to find Mistress had placed my chastity device on my bathroom vanity.  As required, I reminded Mistress that I was to start my week of chastity punishment this morning.  I wasn't 100% sure if she was going to go through with it.  Physically I would have been thrilled if she didn't go through with it, but mentally and emotionally I would have been sad.  It's a real conundrum to hate something so much, but at the same time need it at my very core.

The last time I was was locked up was last November, so apparently I had been pretty good up until now.  I keep a log of my time in chastity on this blog  Chastity Tracker and it appears my attitude might be seasonal.  From Sept 8th to November 7th 2014 I was locked up for a total of 14.5 days.  I went back and read some of the posts from last year.  They were very similar to my recent posts about wanting my limits pushed and for Mistress to be meaner to me.  There was even a post about Mistress extending my release date because I forgot to do something I was told to do.  As it should be.

As a reminder, I am in chastity because I have been a shit.  I have been snapping at Mistress and I have been short with her.  I needed a reminder of my place in our relationship, a place I crave to be. Since chastity is 24/7 and by it's very design, there is no way to forget about it.  I am constantly reminded of being locked, having no access and feel somewhat emasculated.  For as long as Mistress keeps me locked up, I will remind myself of my wrongs and how to be a better slave.  I will remind  myself that she didn't do this to me, I did it to myself.  I will embrace this punishment because I would much rather Mistress correct me with D/s than with no D/s whatsoever.  Being locked up, being beaten badly, being forced to stand in a corner with my pants around my ankles are all preferable to Mistress not using D/s to reward or punish me.

 I am a submissive at heart and am so grateful to have found someone that understands me enough to correct me when I falter vs. being resentful.   I am blessed.

P.S.  Follow Up to the other night.  Mistress asked me which was worse, the rubber band or the ugly stick.  Their pain is the same.  The difference is the rubber band is there as a constant reminder.  Also as a standard household item, it;s kind of a mind fuck.  As far as the ugly stick, its benefit is the surprise effect.  You know where the rubber band will hit you.  You have no clue where the ugly stick will hit.  They each have their benefit in the dominant's tool box.

Yesterday's marks from Sunday. 

Today' marks from Sunday.  Starting to bruise Yay!

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