The email MBB sent me on Sunday was scary and hot at the same time. I haven't posted since September 15th and for all practical purposes it's been 3 and a half months since we had led much of a Fem Dom relationship. I was going to say it was 90% due to life circumstances, but in reality it's 100% due to that.
While I have enjoyed the freedom to do as I please, when I please, how I please, at the end of the day I am not fulfilled. Relinquishing control of my cock, my wardrobe, my wallet to some extent, etc. while difficult and not "natural" seems to give me an inner peace. I know I will either forget things or rebel in some ways, but I am fully aware this is what I want and need. The hardest thing for me will be doing things without being told to do so. It's very hard for me to put on my nighty or dress in feminine clothes without being specifically told to do so each time. The financial penalty phase makes it so I mentally decide if a fine is worth "forgetting" to do something. For some reason a painful punishment didn't work the same way. Also the financial punishment takes no effort on MBB's part whereas a pain punishment requires her to take time to restrain me and deliver the punishment.
While I am dreading my time in chastity, the mere thought of having to do something I hate so much gets me going. There is really something hot (that I can't explain) about being coerced into doing things that are very low on my list of turn ons. The thought of having my own cum forced into my mouth or other disgusting things, being locked into a cage or just being locked in the dungeon for hours or days would piss me off to no end. However, to have control taken from me and to know MBB has the confidence to take it to such an extreme gets me all hot and bothered.
Also, the thought of not cumming (or should I say not having an orgasm) until the middle of February gets me pretty ramped up too. I have gotten way to used to cumming the last few months and am looking forward to the mental sexual fatigue and lack of sleep that comes with tease and denial. I am also looking forward to having many of the tools in the dungeon used on me as well as being MBB's sex slave and complete slut.
I will post later this week on what's going through my mind.
Almost forgot. Recent developments had me dig up a couple old posts I found online a while ago.
Since the dungeon is now up and running and the "horse" of out of storage. http://elisesutton.homestead.com/horse.html
And since we have acquired a fucking machine (read the last story from Janet W.) http://elisesutton.homestead.