The Dress

All week I have been getting progressively more desperate, which is one of my goals with orgasm denial and D/s.  All week I have been upping my feminine dress.  Wearing bras, and my highest heels even though they are challenging to wear.  I have 2 dresses that most people would consider inappropriate for most women to wear in public let alone a middle aged man.  All week I have been wanting to wear one of them and have chickened out.  That ended this morning.  I had the perfect combination of horniness and testosterone so that when I sprayed perfume on my chest first thing, I was at the mercy of my libido.

I chose a peach form fitting dress with a cutout on the side, definitely the sluttier of the 2.

When Mistress came down the stairs and saw my I have a perfect rush of erotic humiliation.  I also really like the way the dress makes me feel.  It's squeezing me in a good way.  The height is perfect. I feel sexy in it.  I am also so horny I feel like outing myself a bit.  I need to get something out of the back of my car and the only way to do that is to open the garage.  I would never do it (during the day) but the temptation is there.  Or going out in the back yard just for the risk of being seen.  This combination of chemicals running through my body has me all worked up wanting me to push my boundaries.

This dress also makes me feel very slutty.  It's the kind of dress I imagine myself in, on my knees sucking on a huge cock.  Or being fucked like the slut I am.  A fake cock but a huge one nonetheless.  

This is one of those dresses that I feel I should be punished for wearing.  It's not appropriate and a 'girl' like me knows better.  

It's also one of the dresses I fantasize about Mistress making me wear when she ties me up so that she can cut it off of me.  

It's amazing to me how the right a dress can make me feel.  Actually, many items of clothing make me feel this way but with different fantasies.  Like they say, 'the clothes make the man' :-)

Getting Caught

I woke up this morning feeling incredibly horny.  The thoughts running through my head day-in and day-out are really starting to escalate.  I have to get out of the house early this morning and had contemplated skipping my feminine dress.  However, I am so under a spell right now that I couldn't resist putting on a skirt that is a little too tight, heels that are a little to high, and an unnecessary bra.

That brings me to one of the things I have been fantasizing about.  Getting caught and being penalized in some way.  I like the idea of Mistress searching for ways to catch me disobeying.  One example is doing a "panty check" at all times. The punishment could be severe or it could be something as simple as being forced to go put on panties.  Skipping perfume could be punished with a squirt of something undeniably feminine and over powering.  Not voluntarily going into chastity when Mistress announces her period would result in a punishment (some Mistresses make their slaves wear pads during this time.  Being punished for an outfit Mistress doesn't like.  When she notices that things she requires of me are being ignored or neglected, being called out on it, punished and the expectation put back in place puts butterflies in my stomach.

I fantasize that a lot of times I would be set up to fail, just for the purpose of punishing me.  Being given a task that she knows I will forget or not do and be dealt with appropriately.  I am fantasizing right now about pulling up my skirt, pulling down my panties and stroking my cock.  I imagine Mistress quietly coming down the stairs and catching me.  What would the punishment be?  How humiliated would I feel?  The thought of this is intoxicating.

         

Desperation

I am getting to that really good part of being denied for so long.  It's been 5.5 weeks since my last orgasm.  The yearning.  Turning every thought or situation into something sexual.  Becoming desperate to be treated harshly.  Mmmm.

Mistress used me the other day and didn't let me cum, not that I wanted to.  I love her using me solely for her enjoyment.  Going back and forth between my cock, my fingers and my mouth, giving Mistress multiple orgasms.  I keep edging myself in her pussy and really, really want to physically cum even though I mentally don't.  

Because Mistress is using me so well, I am in heaven.  My desires are more for me being used than for Mistress to do anything to me.  But I surely have my desires to have things done to me as well.

Recent fantasies are as follows.

Mistress has me dress up.  I could be feminine or in men's clothes.  She ties me down and then cuts my clothes off of me.  I have a fair amount of men's clothes that I don't wear, and some that I do wear that I am pretty sure Mistress would like to throw away.  I imagine her cutting those off of me before torturing me. As we like to say, "2 birds".  I also imagine having to get dressed up in my women's clothes.  She would pick out my outfit, one that she doesn't like or is "too slutty" and cut it off of me after I am tied down.  

 Another fantasy is Mistress using me orally several times a day.  Not just in our bedroom but on the sofa, at one of our desks, on the stairs.  Anywhere she wants to have an orgasm.

I have a couple more fantasies that I'll write about over the next few days.  

   

Today's Mood - Dildo Gag

This morning as I was trying to wake up, I was fantasizing about how well Mistress has been using me lately.  A combination of my cock, fingers and mouth working on Mistress's pussy with the sole intent to giving her as many orgasms as possible.  Unfortunately my cock is now so sensitive after a month of being denied that I have to be very careful about not going to far.  I have to use my fingers more and more.

My morning fantasy started to formulate like this.  Mistress has be tied down to the bed.  I have the inflatable dildo gag strapped tightly to my face.  Mistress mounts my face so that she is facing my cock.  As she commands me to fuck her with my face she relentlessly smacks my sensitive balls.  Several times Mistress would sit all of her weight on the dildo attempting to smother me.  My nose buried in her ass, me gasping for air.  My muffled screams vibrating the dildo causing Mistress to cum harder and harder.  Me being edged while Mistress has multiple squirting orgasms.  I get a buzz just thinking about it.

A nice video clip

 https://www.xvideos.com/video4169906/tall_brunette_fucks_tied_guy_with_dildo_gag_on_his_face

A non bondage way to use me.

 This last image and caption is particularly hot. Thinking about being fully feminized  and chasitzed and doing this to Mistress make my head spin.

Perfume and Orgasm Denial

I am consistently amazed at what a spray of perfume can do to me.  This morning I woke up, not really in a mood for femininity.  That changed within a few seconds of me putting on my morning perfume.  I went from trying to figure out the least feminine thing I could get away with wearing to getting dressed up in something classy and sexy.  I had initially gone without a bra, but I went back upstairs to put one on.  As I was putting my bra on I fantasized about Mistress adding items to my attire on particular days.  Something to up the stakes and make me much more aware of my situation.  Deodorant, perfume, panties, bra, inserts, heels, stockings, corset, anklet, bracelet, wig, clip on earrings, feminine ring, mascara, lipstick, nail polish, temporary fake nails, choker, etc.  There is something very hot about being given specific instructions.

I made sure to do the dishes this morning, as I like the way I look and feel when I am doing chores while I am dressed up.

The other day we had a spill in the refrigerator and I had to clean it up before it spread.  It was certainly harder being fully dressed and in heels.  Add to that, Mistress was in the next room working on something, so it totally made me feel like a slave.

As this post started I am amazed at how well the perfume works.  I can smell it almost all day as it drifts from my chest into my nostrils.  Every time it does it scrambles my brain a bit.  It's certainly more potent in the morning when it mixes with the testosterone that has built up all night.  Just thinking of how powerful it is made me fantasize of being tied to the bed and having Mistress spray perfume into a cloth or a pair of panties and secure it over my nose for an extended period of time.  Or adding a spray of perfume into a plastic bag before some breath play.  Or having my clothes in the drawers and in the closet sprayed with perfume.  I can also imagine other scents being used for this type of domination.

Lastly, my last orgasm was 3.5 weeks away.  I am loving the build up of desire.  I want to make Mistress cum, and cum, and cum, all while I am teased and denied.  I want her to be absolutely spent and worn out.  My fear is Mistress will make me cum too soon and I have to start all over again.  I am so pliable when I am this way.  So needy.  So willing to do anything.  It's a great place to be.    

  

Making things more difficult

This morning I could have chosen to wear something comfy  and casual and likely not been questioned on it.  Instead I chose my skirt and a top to go with it.  I could have just worn that, but I decided to add a bra.  Not because I like wearing a bra, but because it's more difficult.  Feeling the straps digging into me.  Making me aware of my every movement.  Making me feel humiliation at this extra feminine item of clothing.  I can ignore panties, but not a bra.

Then I decided to make my life even more difficult.  Instead of wearing my black platform heels I decided to wear my black strappy pumps.  The heels are 5 inches on both pairs of shoes, but the platform on the other pair makes the net heel height only 3 inches.  In my pumps, my heels are raised a full 5 inches.  I have to walk with smaller steps, making me that much more aware of my situation.  These shoes hurt my feet more than the others.  It's not about the shoes, as much as it's about the difficulty.

This concept explains why I wear a nighty.  I'd rather not.  However, the challenge, the difficulty, having to do something I don't like; that makes it all worth while.

The hornier I get, the more difficult I want things to be.  Today is 3 weeks since my last orgasm, so the more difficult the better.  Some of the thoughts I had about how to make life more difficult.

• Having to wear a thick leather collar when home

• Shackled all day

• Corset
• Stockings, garters, hose, etc
• Makeup
• Sitting on a spiked mat 

There are obviously lots of ways to make a slaves like more difficult.  I love/hate the thought of it!

      

In one of those moods

This morning I woke up in an extra horny mood.  I don't know why it is, but some mornings I wake up ready and willing to do anything.  The naughtier the better.  Today is one of those moods.  I got up and put my perfume on which took me to an even deeper level of desire.  I went to the extra bedroom where I keep those clothes and picked out my shoes first.  As soon as I did I knew I wanted to wear my shortest skirt.  The challenge was finding a top and when I did I decided to wear a bra with it today.  My panties are in the main bedroom where Mistress was still sleeping so I chose to go without, secretly hoping for some sort of consequence for not wearing panties.

So here I am typing this post with m head spinning. Sitting at my desk trying to keep good posture which forces the cups on my bra out.  Sitting like a lady with my knees and ankles together.  My perfume drifting up into my nostrils making me swoon.  Fantasizing about being Mistress little slut.  Mistress making me change outfits.  Mistress making me walk into the back yard.  Mistress making spend time in the cage.  Mistress making me do some chores around the house in my outfit.  Mistress making me perform with our sex toys.  Mistress teasing and denying me all day until I am in tears.  Mistress making me wear shackles all day long.  A nice long beating.  The list goes on.

In short, I am in one of those moods where I would do anything, even those things I would later regret. Sometimes it's good to be in this head space.       

Bondage As Punishment

I wasn't sure if my dressing feminine was expected to be back full time or just yesterday.  Last night Mistress indicated that it was not just for yesterday.  It's back on.  I can honestly say I wasn't it expecting it to be full time.  There are some challenges to it, but I want Mistress to challenge me more than I can put into words.  And by the hard-on in my pants I can tell you it's a good thing she is getting strict with me again!

Now for the post I created yesterday for today since I am out all day.

I am a huge fan of being tied up.  That really is #1 at the top of my list.  The tighter the better.  The other day I ran across a video of a woman tied up in an impossible position (for me at least).

http://asianastarr.com/asiana/category/whats-inside/

Listening to the banter between her and her Master you learn that she has been in this position for around 35 minutes.  She is pretty much wrecked.  It hurts to stay in this position and it hurts to move as blood moves back into numb parts of her body.  She is in tears and her breathing is labored.  I am absolutely fascinated.  Fascinated by her flexibility.  Fascinated by his sadism.  Fascinated by the concept.

He keeps taunting her.  Asking her questions.  She is in such distress she can't answer him.  He threatens her with more time and she finally answers him.   At one point he removes the rope that runs behind her neck that is keeping her keens toward her face.  While the release should be a relief, it's excruciating.  After the initial shock wears off you can see some relief, but not near enough.

The beauty of this is that he doesn't have to do anything else.  Time is the enemy.  He doesn't have to hit her or hurt her in any way although he could.  All he has to do is sit and get in her head.

Watching this I am extremely jealous.  To take something that is my favorite activity and make it my worst enemy is such a hot idea.  The most I have felt this way is with Mistress.  When we first started dating there were a couple times I was suspended to the ceiling by my wrists.  It's a difficult position but it can allow for too much movement so it because more predicament bondage than I am thinking here.  The other time I was put into the straight jacket and into the cage.  The jacket really limited my ability to reposition but I was still able to relieve the major discomfort.  I have been tied to the bed spreadeagle for quite some time, to where it hurt to be untied, but I have never been tied so long or so difficult that I have needed to use my safeword.

After watching this videos I found some more ways to use bondage itself as punishment.  I tried to find pictures of guys, but there just aren't enough.  Also, any of these positions are made much harder by being made to wear high heels.

Super Simple.  The back, hips and shoulders will start hurting in no time. This one is of the chest tied to the ankles.

I have looked and looked for the male version of this but couldn't find it.  It's the same, but the balls are tied to the ceiling to prevent movement.  

A ball gag that is way too big, forced keeling, neck restrained.  Not only will her body hurt, her jaw will fatigue badly.

Trying to gain some relief.  It doesn't work.

  

Those clothespins just add to the helpless feeling.

Knees to neck is what make this so hard.

I imagine myself in this position in my office.  

He's only restrained by one thing

High heels would make this much worse.

I love how he gets in her face.

I found one with a guy.  There is nothing he can do but wait for the pain to set in.

I love how the leather straps tie her ankles to her thighs.  The knees will feel that soon.

  

Completely helpless with 3 pieces of restraint.

   

She's not tied, but she can't move either.  That will hurt soon enough.

     

Dressed Again

This morning was a 'moment of truth' time.  Was I going to obey and dress up in feminine attire or was I going to wuss out and revert to my male side?  To be fair, I was planning on obeying 99% percent of the time.  The 1% where I thought about disobeying wasn't because I didn't want to get dressed up. I did.  It was because I wanted to see if Mistress would do anything to me for disobeying.  Actually it wasn't that I wanted to see if she would do anything, it's that I wanted to force her hand to do something to me.  That 1% feeling wasn't worth spending an entire night in the cage, nor did I want to be a pushy bottom, so I relented.

As I said, I was 99% ready to get dressed up this morning.  So much so, that I pre-planned my attire while trying to fall asleep last night.  I didn't know what I was going to wear, but I set myself one rule, it had to be a dress.  I wanted something summery since I hadn't been dressed since much colder days a couple months ago.  I wanted to wear a bra as well , but didn't make that one of my rules.  I thought about possibly wearing my office attire as well as a nice long maxi-dress.  As I dozed off in my form fitting nighty, I fantasized about Mistress pushing my limits in many ways.

I started waking up about 4 am.  I remembered that today I would be dressed feminine all day.  My cock was hard.  I thought about wearing my highest heels.  I thought about wearing my bra inserts.  I managed to doze off.  For the next couple hours I went in and out of sleep.  I fantasized about some images/videos I saw recently that made me very jealous.  That post will be tomorrow.

Mistress got up before me.  That's always tough when I get dressed.  If I get up before her I can get used to my humiliation and hide out in my office before serving her coffee.  When she gets up before me, I can't prepare. I walk into the room dressed and embarrassed (in all the right ways).  I can feel her eyes on me, judging my outfit.  The humiliation is perfect even though difficult.

When I got out of bed I went to go to the bathroom.  I hiked up my nighty and sat like a girl.  If you are new to this blog, I sit when I pee and have done so for over 8 years ever since I got my Prince Albert piercing.  It's far too difficult to pee standing and risking peeing all over the place is not worth it to me.  Sitting to pee also reinforces my submissive and feminine feelings.  After that I hung up my nighty on one of the robes hooks in the bathroom.  Seeing a nighty hanging there is good for subtle humilaiton.  I proceeded to put on some lavender Secret for Women deodorant as well as my perfume.

I still can't believe how powerful the perfume is.  Not in a 'strong scent' sort of way, but in how powerful it is when it hits my brain.  It's a major amplifier for my submissiveness, and sluttiness.  There was no turning back at this point.  I went into the spare bedroom where my feminine attire resides.  I only have about 8-10 dresses so there wasn't a lot to choose from.  I decided against the maxi-dress as I was feeling way sluttier than that.  I almost went for one of the more cocktail looking dresses when I came across a short summery dress.

As I went looking for my high white heels I ran across a pair of white wedges I forgot I had recently purchased.    

I had planned on wearing higher, less comfortable shoes.  I love how much more carefully I have to walk in them.  I love the way I have to take small feminine steps.  I love/hate the pain I eventually end up in.  I love the humiliation of them. However since I haven't been in heels for 2 months and I was working from home all day I decided to be practical and wear the wedges.

As I put them on my feet I admired my shaved legs.  I admired my calves and the shortness of my skirt.   I was wishing my fingernail and toenails were painted.  I was quickly falling into sub-space.

I came down the stairs and walked into the living room where Mistress was working on the couch.  A wave of erotic humiliation came over me.  We spoke for a bit and I headed to my home office.  Mistress asked if I was wearing panties, and I lifted the back of my dress to show off a pair of polka dot panties.  I was in sissy heaven.

Soon I will be working out in our basement.  I will go down the stairs fully dressed and in the spare bedroom I will find my feminine workout clothes.  Today I will likely wear an outfit like this with pink socks and pink running shoes.

Mistress just left to go to the gym.  It would be so easy to pull my cock out and stroke myself.  It's all I can do to not touch myself and get close to the edge, but I digress.  I did not touch myself at all.

The last couple months I had been able to revert back to my masculine side and avoid a large part of my sexuality.  The last couple days, everything is rushing back to me.  Apparently being dressed is a large part of it.  If I wear boxers and t-shirts around the house I can avoid it.  I can be an obnoxious, entitled dude.  I can be annoying.  Unfortunately it can also become normal.

However, being dressed in heels and a dress there is no avoiding what I feel inside.  Having to wear perfume and panties instead of male deodorant and boxers forces a change in mindset.  I always wondered why so many Mistress's throw away or lock up their husband's underwear and such.  It's to force the mindset.  

In a lot of ways summer is great for dressing up.  I can wear skimpier clothes and not freeze.  I can sunbathe in a bikini as well as wear toenail polish for months on end.  In some ways it's not convenient.  I can't run outside to water the plants without a wardrobe change.  I can't cook on the grill at 5:30 at night in pink clothes. I can't do more of the more labor intensive chores at the drop of a hat.  Nail polish and flip flops don't go together.  However maybe that's a good thing.  Toenail polish forces me to wear socks and shoes, which is good for my cracked heels.

As we work back toward more D/s, I am reminded of how happy I am when I am challenged physically and mentally.  Whether it's being feminized, locked in chastity, wearing a butt plug, being locked in the cage, humiliated, tied down and beaten, the more I am pushed, the deeper my submission is.  When I feel this way, I just want to spend the day in bed making Mistress cum over and over and over.  I want to spend hours with my face between her thighs.  I want to use toys and my fingers on her until she can't walk.  I want to be her complete sex slave with no rights.  That sounds like heaven to me right about now.