Well denied

I’ve been locked in Chastity for 83 of the last 85 days. 80 of those days have been in 2019. Last year I was locked 169 days so I am already locked close to half of what I was last year.  My last orgasm was over 8 weeks ago. I’ve only had one orgasm this year. Last year I was at 3 at this time of the year. 

Mistress had been surprisingly good with me being locked. We have been so busy that there hasn’t been a lot of time for any sort of physical intimacy so this chastity period is kind of convenient in a way.  My new attitude of if I’m unlocked that must mean I’m allowed to masturbate might also play into Mistress’s decision to keep me locked up.

Between work and our dog, one of us gets up way before the other.  Most days Mistress is up and I am left in bed. I used to be able to edge during these times and sometimes my edging would be a bit too much and I would leak quite a bit. There is no edging now.  The closest I get is getting super hard in my cage, over and over while I fantasize about Mistress tease torturing me.

I want to cum, but I really don’t want to cum.  If I were unlocked right now I would be in my home office.  I would be looking at some sort of porn where a guy is tied helplessly tight and edged over and over and over.  I’d get close enough to orgasm to leak, and I would lick up the small amounts. And I’m in enough of a mood that I would stroke myself to orgasm right into my office trash can. I wouldn’t consume that cum, even though I should. Being locked in chastity keeps me from having an occasional unauthorized orgasm, accidentally or on purpose.  It keeps me under control which is what I really crave. 

What I really crave is Mistress using me sexually without letting me have pleasure. I yearn to use my mouth and fingers to bring her to orgasm. I fantasize about fucking her with a strap on while my cock stays locked up. Fucking her for as hard and long as she wants as there is no over stimulation on my part. I fantasize about Mistress cumming every single day with my help or on her own while I stay denied. When she does masturbate she lets me know about it as it’s a great mindfuck.  I know that being used for her pleasure while I stay denied would really, really make me unbearably horny.  I want to be so desperate that I am nearly in tears...

Today's mood...

More and More Desperate - And Loving It

Every morning, I am sexually desperate.  A combination of testosterone, mixed with nightly feminization mixed with full-time chastity is driving me sexually mad.  Each day as my body slowly starts to wake up, my mind stirs with disturbing thoughts. My cock gets hard and strains against my chastity cage. I fantasize about having painful, humiliating or disgusting things done to me.  I yearn to be treated harshly and to be made to do things that challenge me. I fantasize about the idea of cumming and at the same time hoping that I remain denied. I fantasize and cringe at the same time about electric play.  Electric devices scare me but fascinated me at the same time. I also have fantasies I wish I didn’t have. Ones that I don’t want to happen but my mind still goes there.

Some mornings I am so desperate to feel more naughty that I will wear a feminine item under my male clothes.  A feminine tank top or camisole rubs against my chest as I take the dog for a walk.  Making me even hornier.  I’m erotically ashamed of this behavior and hide it from Mistress.

As the day goes on my horniness drops. I’m too busy to be hyper-sexualized. That doesn’t mean my desperation goes away, it’s just reduced. I have constant reminders of my situation. Chasity is always there. I occasionally get a whiff of the intoxicating perfume I wear.  Whenever I am barefoot, my pink painted toenails make my brain twitch a bit.

Each night the cycle starts over as I slip into a nighty before climbing into bed. Occasionally I try to skip the nighty but Mistress catches this and makes sure I obey. I love her for doing this to /for me.  Some nights I have dreams.  A recent one had Mistress reverse sitting on my face with the threat of me not breathing unless I licked her furiously.  Another had me going to a private executive suite dressed in my male clothes with instructions to change into my feminine attire once I arrived. Mistress would use a webcam to give me humiliating tasks and to ensure I stayed dressed in this busy office.

When I dream like this I am even more ramped up and desperate the next day. Thanks to chastity and orgasm denial I don’t see my frustration ever ending. That makes me horny, happy and eager to serve my Mistress in any way possible.

Today’s mood.

Making Chastity More Challenging and Frustrating

The last couple of days, I have woken up, extremely frustrated and horny.  Mistress was out of bed before me and I yearned for the days when I could edge myself and cum whenever I wanted.  It's been 3 weeks since my last orgasm and the need to cum is back up, but I can also see where I am yet again getting used to not cumming.  I was reminded of my recent post about how I believe that occasional orgasms "remind" me of what it is like to have one and that makes the denial more real.

As I was laying in bed this morning I started to wonder if it would be possible to increase frustration and desperation without the occasional orgasm.  Of course my early morning, testosterone-fueled libido took over and my mind took over.  Here is what I came up with.

• Occasionally being required to take viagra while locked up
• Having to send Mistress pictures of myself locked up
• Verbal teasing and taunting of me being a chastity slave
• Going down on Mistress while staying locked up
• Using my mouth and fingers on Mistress as much as she wants while staying locked up
• Mistress masturbating herself and telling me how many times she cums every day without me
• Using a strap-on to fuck Mistress while my chastity device smacks helplessly against Mistress
  
        
• Unlocking and being tied down to endure a long teasing session and locking back up afterward
• Frequent anal stimulation (plugs or strap on) to ensure only pleasure is anal
• prostate stimulation while locked
• Bedtime teasing through my cage
• Being released and made to fuck without cumming.  This is the riskiest as I almost always leak too much.
• Rough BDSM scene while locked the entire time.
• Feminine attire to enforce the emasculating effect of chastity.

All in all, I think there could be a lot of ways to increase the frustration of chastity while still keeping me denied.  The best part is Mistress should have all of the orgasms she can handle and we can still be intimate and make sure she is pleased.  

  

The Ten Commandments

Every morning as I am starting to wake up, my mind typically goes to a kinky place.  As I drift in and out of sleep, my mind wanders.  It almost feels like a dream, but I have some control where my mind wanders. 

This morning Mistress was out of bed before me.  If I wasn't locked in chastity I would have edged a few dozen times and then I would have proceeded to give myself an orgasm.  I would have logged it in the orgasm log and in a few days confessed that I came without permission.  Not to be disobedient, but because the honor system is imperfect.  As I fantasized about having an orgasm I fantasized about the rules I have to follow.  I came up with the idea of the Ten Commandments although I don't have 10.

1. Thou shalt be locked in chastity at all times.
2. Thou shalt wear a nighty every night.
3. Thou shalt keep body shaved at all times.
4. Thou shalt wear perfume and women's deodorant every day.
5. Thou shalt keep toenails painted at all times.
6. Thou shalt prepare and/or serve Mistress coffee every morning.
7. .
8. .
9. .
10. .

I am in need of 4 more commandments.  I love the idea of having to have these memorized and be able to recite each one by number.  I love the idea of being punished (severely) any time a commandment is broken.  If my toenails are not kept up, or Mistress has to prepare her own coffee, I would be dealt with harshly.

Additional commandments I fantasize about.  Collars, feminine attire requirements, chores, tasks, toys etc.  A commandment doesn't have to be necessarily a daily one, but something such as every week thou shalt do X task.  

No more time to post for today.  If you wouldn't mind suggesting commandments in the comments section that you think are appropriate, I would be very appreciative.    

Also an obligatory picture for this post.  Here is my mood today.

Ramped Up!!!!

I am a huge fan of orgasm denial.  That doesn't mean I don't like orgasms.  In fact, I would love to cum every day if not a couple times a day.  In my previous marriage, I would cum at least once a day and 3-4 times a day if I was traveling.  Unfortunately, 99% of those orgasms were solo and left me unaroused.

The reason I love orgasm denial is precisely because I want to cum so badly all of the time.  I love the mind fuck aspect of not being allowed to cum.  While I am not a fan of having to wear a chastity device, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being forced to wear a chastity device.  I am tired of the honor system, where I willfully don't cum.  I was pretty good at it, but still had accidents.  I was able to edge.  I didn't feel like I was being controlled, which is what I really crave.  I am now of the mindset that if Mistress leaves my cock unlocked for any period of time it signifies permission to do as I please with my cock.

While I am a fan of orgasm denial and my fantasy is 100% denial, I realize occasional orgasms are essential in making the denial more frustrating.  I came 4 days ago.  In the couple of weeks before I came, I got used to the idea of not cumming.  Not that I have had an orgasm, I can't get the thought of having an orgasm again.  It's a delicious mind fuck.  In fact the few days after I have an orgasm are the hardest for me.  It's when I would cheat the most in the past.  Mistress would leave me unlocked and I would generally have an extra one or 2 unauthorized orgasms.  I was too weak to resist the siren call of another orgasm.  That's what happened to me the day after my last orgasm, I needed another one and I wasn't locked.  I fought it, but won't fight it the next time the situation happens.  I'll admit it and deal with any punishment Mistress deems appropriate.  That's why chastity is such a great tool to enforce control over my orgasms.

Last night was a night on the couch watching TV.  Mistress will grab me something comfortable to wear while we lounge around.  Sometimes its men's PJ bottoms and a t-shirt.  Other times it's something feminine.  I'm torn when she does this.  In the evening my libido is lower than in the morning.  When she brings me male clothes I am released, but also missing the forced feminization.  When she brings me female clothes, my anxiety peaks, I get mildly humiliated, but I also get incredibly aroused.  It's another mindfuck, which I love.  Last night Mistress picked out pink yoga pants and a thin white camisole with spaghetti straps.  I can see my nipples outlined very well in the top and I feel super exposed in the cold air.  I absolutely love how slutty it makes me feel.  The other side benefit to wearing feminine attire in the evening is that it ends up on the floor next to the bed which is what I will put on in the morning.

All of these things added up have me in quite a state.  Last night I dreamt that Mistress started making me wear body suits under my clothes during the day and at bedtime.  Some of them were so high cut on the side that they went above my pants.  I had a see-through black one, a see-through striped one a white see through one and assorted others in a drawer.  Mistress would make me show her friends what I was wearing by lifting up my shirt and the body suit would show when I bent over.  I was humiliated and that humiliation made me super horny.

So this morning I woke up with my hornniess at a level 10.  I put on my perfume, my pink yoga pants, and my white slutty camisole.   My head is spinning with ideas of how much I like being treated like a slutty nympho that is not allowed to cum.  I'm in heaven!

  

Full Orgasm

Just a quick post here.  I finally had a full orgasm yesterday.  It was my first non-ruined one since December 5th (48 days).  I was also released from chastity after 27 days.  I was not let out once.  Not to change devices, not to clean, not to shave.  I got so used to it that I keep trying to adjust it and realize I'm not wearing it.

Speaking of chastity I spent 169 days in chastity in 2018.  That is 5.6 months or nearly half the year.  It's also a full 66 days more than I spent locked in 2017.  I also had only 14 orgasms.  A true 14, no cheating.  In previous years I had 21-37 reported orgasms but didn't keep track of my secret ones. 

The last 4 weeks I have been particularly interested in feminization.  Both fully dressed at home as well as having to wear items under my male clothes 24/7.  I can't explain it, but I have been yearning for it.  I believe it has something to do with chastity and my horniness needing to have another outlet besides my cock.  It also likely has something to do with Mistress enforcing a strict nighty and painted toenail policy.

This morning was interesting.  It was the first morning I could touch my cock in 4 weeks.  I took full advantage.  Well, almost full advantage.  I edged myself about a dozen times.  My brain kept telling me to go ahead and cum.  Mistress will never know.  She will just think it's part of my normal post orgasm drop.  I'll "confess" it on my Orgasm Tracker (Orgasm Tracker) but other than that, I was going to keep it a secret until I got horny enough to confess in a scene.  The only reason I didn't give myself an orgasm was that my dog was scratching at the door to get in.  Dog blocked.

Now I am sitting here and Mistress just left for an hour or 2.  Whatever will I do?  Below are pictures of my current mood.

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Locked, painted and sleeping in a nighty

We’ve been busy.  Very busy, so I am not able to post as much as I would like to.  Here’s a quick update on the last few weeks.

I have been unlocked from my chastity device since November 30^th which means I have been free for 3.5 weeks.  I also haven’t worn a nighty or had my toenails painted for the same amount of time.  I have been occasionally wearing a pair of panties when I am overcome with naughty thoughts.

Since I have been unlocked I have been touching myself a fair amount.  Mistress has been getting out of bed before me and when I can’t fall back asleep I reach down and edge myself over and over.  In some cases, I edge 40-60 times before getting out of bed.  That's not as much as it sounds as I can edge a few times a minute.  I don’t leak much, but when I do I lick it up.  That’s one way to start my day, with the taste of cum in my mouth.  Ick.

While edging I have many, many fantasies.  My more frequent fantasies are predicament bondage and extreme edging, denial and forced orgasms. 

I love the idea of being tied in a way that makes me uncomfortable and where I have to choose between 2 bad choices.  Nipples tied to feet.  Tied bent over in heels.  Tied in a squat position.  Clothespin zipper that I inevitably have to rip off myself.  So many ideas. 

I also long to be tied for hours upon hours being edged.  Of course this long of a scene would be somewhat boring for Mistress so I dream of automating it on some level.  Using the Hitachi and cock sleeve on an intermittent timer that I have.  I can set it to run 30 seconds and off for a minute or any variation of those times.  It can run indefinitely.  If I cum?  Too bad.  The vibrations don’t stop.  I imagine similar treatment with the Venus 2000 sucking machine.  For this, I imagine it being on a very slow sucking motion and I am kept on the edge for hours.  Once I cum, the machine is turned up and the sucking gets stronger and faster.  The goal being,  to make me cum as many times as possible, and when I do cum, to have a brutal post orgasm torture.  I imagine this treatment being used as a punishment instead of a reward.  The first orgasm would feel good, but I would fight having it knowing what would happen after I came.  Mistress could certainly use my mouth or masturbate next to me, but to be able to do this for hours she would need to be able to leave me.  We have a baby monitor app that could be used to monitor me.

 

As I stated it’s been almost a month since I had any kink/chastity/feminization.  That changed yesterday.  Mistress had me give her an orgasm with my cock.  As I was pleasuring her, Mistress commanded that I lock myself up in chastity, paint my toenails and start wearing nighties again.  That put me over the edge.  I tried to keep from cumming and ended up ruining my orgasm in the process, right before asking for even more tasks.  Thank you Mistress! Please feel encouraged and emboldened to add extra torments, tortures, tasks and humiliations to my world. I yearn to suffer for you.

Good thing Mistress had me lock back up.  There is nothing like a ruined orgasm that makes me want to masturbate to orgasm.  This morning would have been the time to do it too, as Mistress got up before me.  I’m fairly certain I would have had an unauthorized orgasm. I have been planning on getting myself off after my next orgasm. Chastity is keeping me honest.   

If I stay in chastity the rest of 2018, I will have been locked up for almost 4.5 months in 2018.  For short of 365 days, but  I will be locked up almost a month longer (29 more days) in 2018 as I was in 2017, and locked up 2 times as much as I was in 2016.

All in all, 2018 has been good.  I don’t ‘like’ being locked in chastity, but I LOVE being made to wear a device as much as possible.  I don’t ‘like’ sleeping in a nighty, but I LOVE that I have to wear it or any other item of Mistress’ choosing.  I don’t ‘like’ painting my toenails, but I LOVE the rush I get when I see my painted toenails and what that means.  In short, I LOVE doing many, many things I don’t ‘like’. 

Here’s to a naughty 2019! 

Orgasm Denial Reset

I was finally allowed to orgasm after 89 days of denial. Unfortunately the orgasm after that long of denial isn’t as good as you would expect.  Don’t get me wrong, it was great, just not what 89 days of denial make it. That makes it my 12th orgasm for the year.  

I was locked in chastity for 63 days. Not a record, but still one of my longest lockup’s. 

All of this chastity and denial ended last week when Mistress and I went out of town for the week. Mistress unlocked me for the flight and hasn’t locked me back up yet. Mistress chose to not have me wear nighties while we were traveling ☹️. 

One night Mistress fell asleep while we were watching TV. It was the first time I was unsupervised in the trio and the first time I was able to touch my own cock in over 3 months. I was very sensitive to say the least.  I edged myself numerous times before rolling onto my stomach and humping a pillow like a desperate little slut. This pushed me so close to the edge that I was afraid I would have a ruined orgasm all over my bed. I was fortunate that I had stopped in time.  I stopped that night but edged a few more time over the course of the week. I was very tempted to go into the bathroom and get myself off.  That’s why I preorder to stay locked when we travel.  I get drunk and horny and want to sneak off and cum. 

A few days later Mistress came over to my bed at 6 am with a couple of towels. She wanted me to fuck her.  I wanted to fuck her too. We had stayed out late partying with co-workers and both had hangovers. Because of this I was able to fuck without stopping. I was finally able to give Mistress the orgasm(s) she deserved. While we had sex I let my mouth run a bit. 

Mistress and I talked about her being meaner to me. We talked about me being dressed feminine more, much more. We talked about me starting my day with a quick caning to help with my attitude. I begged to be treated more harshly by Mistress and held accountable. These words resonated deeply with me and my wish is for them to be more than just words. I yearn to be a total slave. 

That night, I wanted to give myself an orgasm. This is one of my biggest cheating issues. After a long period of denial, my orgasm is less than perfect. I’m also reminded how good it feels to cum. I also figure that since I just came Mistress won’t notice another orgasm.  I usually cheat and get myself off. It’s why I prefer to be locked up right after an orgasm, especially a ruined one, especially in a hotel room.   I did not cheat this time, but the temptation was strong. 

The next morning Mistress came to my bed and teased my cock and hit me in the balls for about 2 hours. I was in heaven but also very frustrated. I wanted to plead my case again about all of the things I’d love to have done to me. The humiliation, pain and degradation I want to be out through. Mistress teased about keeping me tied up and teased.  I added how hot it would be to be tied to a bed for an entire day and driven mad with teasing.  Eventually Mistress stopped and we headed home from our trip.

We’ve been back for a few days. Yesterday Mistress got out of bed before me. I was able to edge myself 40-50 times.  I fantasized about all the things we talked about as well as some deeper desires. The entire time my brain telling me that I could sneak an orgasm and Mistress would never know.  I was soooooo tempted to just get it out of my system.  I stopped edging before getting too close for comfort. l didn’t cum.

So that’s where we are today. After being allowed to orgasm last week, I have been reminded of just how awesome an orgasm can be. It’s the main reason I think that being denied longer works in reverse. I need to be reminded of what an orgasm feels like so that when I am denied, the desire is that much stronger. 

Here are a few pictures of my mood this morning.