Making things more difficult

This morning I could have chosen to wear something comfy  and casual and likely not been questioned on it.  Instead I chose my skirt and a top to go with it.  I could have just worn that, but I decided to add a bra.  Not because I like wearing a bra, but because it's more difficult.  Feeling the straps digging into me.  Making me aware of my every movement.  Making me feel humiliation at this extra feminine item of clothing.  I can ignore panties, but not a bra.

Then I decided to make my life even more difficult.  Instead of wearing my black platform heels I decided to wear my black strappy pumps.  The heels are 5 inches on both pairs of shoes, but the platform on the other pair makes the net heel height only 3 inches.  In my pumps, my heels are raised a full 5 inches.  I have to walk with smaller steps, making me that much more aware of my situation.  These shoes hurt my feet more than the others.  It's not about the shoes, as much as it's about the difficulty.

This concept explains why I wear a nighty.  I'd rather not.  However, the challenge, the difficulty, having to do something I don't like; that makes it all worth while.

The hornier I get, the more difficult I want things to be.  Today is 3 weeks since my last orgasm, so the more difficult the better.  Some of the thoughts I had about how to make life more difficult.

• Having to wear a thick leather collar when home

• Shackled all day

• Corset
• Stockings, garters, hose, etc
• Makeup
• Sitting on a spiked mat 

There are obviously lots of ways to make a slaves like more difficult.  I love/hate the thought of it!

      

In one of those moods

This morning I woke up in an extra horny mood.  I don't know why it is, but some mornings I wake up ready and willing to do anything.  The naughtier the better.  Today is one of those moods.  I got up and put my perfume on which took me to an even deeper level of desire.  I went to the extra bedroom where I keep those clothes and picked out my shoes first.  As soon as I did I knew I wanted to wear my shortest skirt.  The challenge was finding a top and when I did I decided to wear a bra with it today.  My panties are in the main bedroom where Mistress was still sleeping so I chose to go without, secretly hoping for some sort of consequence for not wearing panties.

So here I am typing this post with m head spinning. Sitting at my desk trying to keep good posture which forces the cups on my bra out.  Sitting like a lady with my knees and ankles together.  My perfume drifting up into my nostrils making me swoon.  Fantasizing about being Mistress little slut.  Mistress making me change outfits.  Mistress making me walk into the back yard.  Mistress making spend time in the cage.  Mistress making me do some chores around the house in my outfit.  Mistress making me perform with our sex toys.  Mistress teasing and denying me all day until I am in tears.  Mistress making me wear shackles all day long.  A nice long beating.  The list goes on.

In short, I am in one of those moods where I would do anything, even those things I would later regret. Sometimes it's good to be in this head space.       

Bondage As Punishment

I wasn't sure if my dressing feminine was expected to be back full time or just yesterday.  Last night Mistress indicated that it was not just for yesterday.  It's back on.  I can honestly say I wasn't it expecting it to be full time.  There are some challenges to it, but I want Mistress to challenge me more than I can put into words.  And by the hard-on in my pants I can tell you it's a good thing she is getting strict with me again!

Now for the post I created yesterday for today since I am out all day.

I am a huge fan of being tied up.  That really is #1 at the top of my list.  The tighter the better.  The other day I ran across a video of a woman tied up in an impossible position (for me at least).

http://asianastarr.com/asiana/category/whats-inside/

Listening to the banter between her and her Master you learn that she has been in this position for around 35 minutes.  She is pretty much wrecked.  It hurts to stay in this position and it hurts to move as blood moves back into numb parts of her body.  She is in tears and her breathing is labored.  I am absolutely fascinated.  Fascinated by her flexibility.  Fascinated by his sadism.  Fascinated by the concept.

He keeps taunting her.  Asking her questions.  She is in such distress she can't answer him.  He threatens her with more time and she finally answers him.   At one point he removes the rope that runs behind her neck that is keeping her keens toward her face.  While the release should be a relief, it's excruciating.  After the initial shock wears off you can see some relief, but not near enough.

The beauty of this is that he doesn't have to do anything else.  Time is the enemy.  He doesn't have to hit her or hurt her in any way although he could.  All he has to do is sit and get in her head.

Watching this I am extremely jealous.  To take something that is my favorite activity and make it my worst enemy is such a hot idea.  The most I have felt this way is with Mistress.  When we first started dating there were a couple times I was suspended to the ceiling by my wrists.  It's a difficult position but it can allow for too much movement so it because more predicament bondage than I am thinking here.  The other time I was put into the straight jacket and into the cage.  The jacket really limited my ability to reposition but I was still able to relieve the major discomfort.  I have been tied to the bed spreadeagle for quite some time, to where it hurt to be untied, but I have never been tied so long or so difficult that I have needed to use my safeword.

After watching this videos I found some more ways to use bondage itself as punishment.  I tried to find pictures of guys, but there just aren't enough.  Also, any of these positions are made much harder by being made to wear high heels.

Super Simple.  The back, hips and shoulders will start hurting in no time. This one is of the chest tied to the ankles.

I have looked and looked for the male version of this but couldn't find it.  It's the same, but the balls are tied to the ceiling to prevent movement.  

A ball gag that is way too big, forced keeling, neck restrained.  Not only will her body hurt, her jaw will fatigue badly.

Trying to gain some relief.  It doesn't work.

  

Those clothespins just add to the helpless feeling.

Knees to neck is what make this so hard.

I imagine myself in this position in my office.  

He's only restrained by one thing

High heels would make this much worse.

I love how he gets in her face.

I found one with a guy.  There is nothing he can do but wait for the pain to set in.

I love how the leather straps tie her ankles to her thighs.  The knees will feel that soon.

  

Completely helpless with 3 pieces of restraint.

   

She's not tied, but she can't move either.  That will hurt soon enough.

     

Dressed Again

This morning was a 'moment of truth' time.  Was I going to obey and dress up in feminine attire or was I going to wuss out and revert to my male side?  To be fair, I was planning on obeying 99% percent of the time.  The 1% where I thought about disobeying wasn't because I didn't want to get dressed up. I did.  It was because I wanted to see if Mistress would do anything to me for disobeying.  Actually it wasn't that I wanted to see if she would do anything, it's that I wanted to force her hand to do something to me.  That 1% feeling wasn't worth spending an entire night in the cage, nor did I want to be a pushy bottom, so I relented.

As I said, I was 99% ready to get dressed up this morning.  So much so, that I pre-planned my attire while trying to fall asleep last night.  I didn't know what I was going to wear, but I set myself one rule, it had to be a dress.  I wanted something summery since I hadn't been dressed since much colder days a couple months ago.  I wanted to wear a bra as well , but didn't make that one of my rules.  I thought about possibly wearing my office attire as well as a nice long maxi-dress.  As I dozed off in my form fitting nighty, I fantasized about Mistress pushing my limits in many ways.

I started waking up about 4 am.  I remembered that today I would be dressed feminine all day.  My cock was hard.  I thought about wearing my highest heels.  I thought about wearing my bra inserts.  I managed to doze off.  For the next couple hours I went in and out of sleep.  I fantasized about some images/videos I saw recently that made me very jealous.  That post will be tomorrow.

Mistress got up before me.  That's always tough when I get dressed.  If I get up before her I can get used to my humiliation and hide out in my office before serving her coffee.  When she gets up before me, I can't prepare. I walk into the room dressed and embarrassed (in all the right ways).  I can feel her eyes on me, judging my outfit.  The humiliation is perfect even though difficult.

When I got out of bed I went to go to the bathroom.  I hiked up my nighty and sat like a girl.  If you are new to this blog, I sit when I pee and have done so for over 8 years ever since I got my Prince Albert piercing.  It's far too difficult to pee standing and risking peeing all over the place is not worth it to me.  Sitting to pee also reinforces my submissive and feminine feelings.  After that I hung up my nighty on one of the robes hooks in the bathroom.  Seeing a nighty hanging there is good for subtle humilaiton.  I proceeded to put on some lavender Secret for Women deodorant as well as my perfume.

I still can't believe how powerful the perfume is.  Not in a 'strong scent' sort of way, but in how powerful it is when it hits my brain.  It's a major amplifier for my submissiveness, and sluttiness.  There was no turning back at this point.  I went into the spare bedroom where my feminine attire resides.  I only have about 8-10 dresses so there wasn't a lot to choose from.  I decided against the maxi-dress as I was feeling way sluttier than that.  I almost went for one of the more cocktail looking dresses when I came across a short summery dress.

As I went looking for my high white heels I ran across a pair of white wedges I forgot I had recently purchased.    

I had planned on wearing higher, less comfortable shoes.  I love how much more carefully I have to walk in them.  I love the way I have to take small feminine steps.  I love/hate the pain I eventually end up in.  I love the humiliation of them. However since I haven't been in heels for 2 months and I was working from home all day I decided to be practical and wear the wedges.

As I put them on my feet I admired my shaved legs.  I admired my calves and the shortness of my skirt.   I was wishing my fingernail and toenails were painted.  I was quickly falling into sub-space.

I came down the stairs and walked into the living room where Mistress was working on the couch.  A wave of erotic humiliation came over me.  We spoke for a bit and I headed to my home office.  Mistress asked if I was wearing panties, and I lifted the back of my dress to show off a pair of polka dot panties.  I was in sissy heaven.

Soon I will be working out in our basement.  I will go down the stairs fully dressed and in the spare bedroom I will find my feminine workout clothes.  Today I will likely wear an outfit like this with pink socks and pink running shoes.

Mistress just left to go to the gym.  It would be so easy to pull my cock out and stroke myself.  It's all I can do to not touch myself and get close to the edge, but I digress.  I did not touch myself at all.

The last couple months I had been able to revert back to my masculine side and avoid a large part of my sexuality.  The last couple days, everything is rushing back to me.  Apparently being dressed is a large part of it.  If I wear boxers and t-shirts around the house I can avoid it.  I can be an obnoxious, entitled dude.  I can be annoying.  Unfortunately it can also become normal.

However, being dressed in heels and a dress there is no avoiding what I feel inside.  Having to wear perfume and panties instead of male deodorant and boxers forces a change in mindset.  I always wondered why so many Mistress's throw away or lock up their husband's underwear and such.  It's to force the mindset.  

In a lot of ways summer is great for dressing up.  I can wear skimpier clothes and not freeze.  I can sunbathe in a bikini as well as wear toenail polish for months on end.  In some ways it's not convenient.  I can't run outside to water the plants without a wardrobe change.  I can't cook on the grill at 5:30 at night in pink clothes. I can't do more of the more labor intensive chores at the drop of a hat.  Nail polish and flip flops don't go together.  However maybe that's a good thing.  Toenail polish forces me to wear socks and shoes, which is good for my cracked heels.

As we work back toward more D/s, I am reminded of how happy I am when I am challenged physically and mentally.  Whether it's being feminized, locked in chastity, wearing a butt plug, being locked in the cage, humiliated, tied down and beaten, the more I am pushed, the deeper my submission is.  When I feel this way, I just want to spend the day in bed making Mistress cum over and over and over.  I want to spend hours with my face between her thighs.  I want to use toys and my fingers on her until she can't walk.  I want to be her complete sex slave with no rights.  That sounds like heaven to me right about now.  

Flipped Switch

My blog post from Friday has given Mistress and I a bit of a kick start.  The nighty rule is back in force.  I have spent the last 2 nights wearing a nighty.  I also put on a small spray of perfume yesterday and Mistress reacted so positively to it I gave myself a full spray this morning.  As I sit here typing this post, my nostrils are filling me with the feminine scent and my brain is spinning.

Yesterday Mistress and I had some of the best sex we've had in quite a while.  I gave her countless orgasms and she soaked the sheets from her orgasms.  At first Mistress wanted me to cum, but I resisted long enough to where she could see the benefit in keeping me denied for the time being and hopefully for quite a bit more.  The hormones running through my system this morning have me in such a mood I'm pretty much helpless right now.

I have been ordered to dress feminine tomorrow.  I haven't been dressed feminine for nearly 2 months.  I am excited about it and am really looking forward to the erotic humiliation that comes with me being feminized.  Typing this paragraph has my cock so hard right now.

Ever since yesterday afternoon, my mind has been racing.  All I can think of is pleasuring Mistress in addition to being tormented.  I can't get the idea of being helpless for hours while Mistress has multiple orgasms.  In my morning grogginess as I tried to wake up I had a series of thoughts running through my mind.  The topic was "restrictions".  I thought of all the ways a slave can be restricted.  Here are some of those thoughts.

• restricted movement with bondage
• restricted to the cage
• restricted in a straight jacket
• restricted form speaking without being spoken to
• restricted to panties
• restricted to other clothes
• restricted to no clothes
• restricted from seeing with a blindfold
• restricted from speaking with a gag
• restricted from hearing with white noise
• restricted from feeling my cock with chastity
• restricted from sitting on furniture
• restricted breathing with a plastic bag over my head
• restricted to only using my fingers and mouth on Mistress's pussy
• restricted to sleeping restrained or on the floor
• restricted to eating all ejaculations
• restricted to anal orgasms
• restricted to cumming in humiliating ways

Lastly I have also been fantasizing about teasing and pleasuring Mistress.  She recently got a taste of me stopping her from orgasm just before she would cum.  I was able to hold her off a few times before giving her an even better orgasm.  There is a concept called "pleasure torture" and I so want to do this to Mistress.  Here are some pictures of what I would like to do.

A Dream

Sorry for the delay in any postings.  This time of year is by far the busiest for us.  D/s is not on the back burner, it's on the counter.  That being said, my submissive side is starting to make itself known to me again after a long hiatus.  Keeping my Tumblr feed updated has been good for my imagination.

What prompts this post is a dream I had last night.  Now I don't remember my dreams that often.  Sexual dreams are even more rare and D/s dreams are bar far the rarest.  Last night I had a D/s dream.  As best as I can remember, I was in a very plush bed and bedroom, more of a boudoir.

Dream bed was bigger and plusher, but the decor similar.

I found myself tied to the bed by a woman I didn't know.  I was being teased.  Not teased in an overtly sexual kind of way, but more of a not being touched kind of way.  Mistress was there as well.  Initially in a plush chair next to the bed and eventually in the bed with me and this other woman.  And women.  It turns out there was many woman here and it seems Mistress was either teaching them D/s or she was using them to torment me.  I was tied and re-tied many times by these women.  Mistress would have them sit on my face with their panties on and smother me so I couldn't breathe.  Mistress would instruct them on how to tie me.  She also had them lock me in a chastity device so that I couldn't receive any real pleasure.  The woman were into each other as well so that was also a good part of my dream.

All in all I don't remember much of the dream, but figured it was a pretty good reason to make a post.        

Trouble Getting Back Into The Swing Of Things

It's been about a week and a half since I have worn anything feminine.  It's been over a week since I have worn my collar.  It's been 3 weeks since I was in chastity during Mistress last period.  It's been since March 26th since I have been tied down.  

Why?  Many reasons.  Summer is coming around which means more time outside especially during daylight hours.  I don't have very many clothes that are both feminine and deniable, so I have casually been letting it slide.  We recently went on a trip.  Unfortunately since it was a beach trip I had to remove the nail polish on my toes.  Also, I tried wearing my collar but it gave me a white ring around my neck.  The idea of a permanently tanned collar is kind of hot, but it looked stupid so we decided against it.  Mistress didn't enforce feminine attire on this trip which was sad but also a relief.  It was super hot and the kind of panties I have would have been super annoying.  Although me being uncomfortable and inconvenienced for Mistress pleasure is part of the appeal as well.

Since we started embarking on be being feminized as much as possible it's gotten easier for me.  However Mistress has been having me wear male clothes on the weekend which makes it much harder for me to go back to femme on Mondays.  Now that I have had almost 2 weeks off, I am finding it that much harder to go back.  This morning as I started to wake up, I thought about getting up and putting on my perfume.  I thought about what I would wear.  My cock got hard as I thought about putting on my heels and a dress.  I fantasized for a quick minute and then I felt stupid.  My insecurities came up (bigger than usual) and I couldn't force myself to do it.  

Officially I am disobeying existing rules.  But I don't want to be disobeying.  I want to obey.  I want to do what I am told.  I want to feel the shame and humiliation of being dressed in a feminine manner.  I want to be Mistress's desperate, needy slut.  

Unfortunately this is where my insecurities are overriding my submissiveness.  It happens and I don't like it. At this juncture, the "forced" part of forced feminization is what is needed.  To be forced (or coerced) tells me that it is OK for me to be vulnerable again. Being reminded that Mistress wants this from me is all of a sudden, very important again.  I have to override my insecurities about what society considers masculine.  I am reminded of the term "recalibration" that Mistress likes to use.  I have drifted and I need to be brought back to our reality.  To do what Mistress requires of me.  To be held accountable.  

Writing this post is giving me butterflies.  I feel like I am being a pushy bottom.  I feel like I am asking Mistress to do something she doesn't want to do.  I have no reason to feel this way, but I do.         

While on our trip Mistress and I had some really good sex.  We spent a lot of great time together.  We didn't venture into too much D/s talk.  I didn't look at any porn unless it shot across my twitter feed.  When I came home I had a bunch of Tumblr feeds to get caught back up on.  I was so far behind that I had to only look at a handful of posts and delete the rest.  This certainly got me back into a state of mind.

Here are a handful of pics I found hot while cleaning up my blog list.

     

Fear

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