Helpless

This morning I edged to the idea of true helplessness.  A place where I have no control and no say.  To wish and beg that what was happening would stop.  To use my safeword and be ignored.  Difficult, painful bondage.  Being held in a position so long muscle fatigue sets in and the body starts shaking.  Over stimulation.  Pure sensory deprivation.  Being gagged until the jaw hurts.  A good beating.  Wearing heels for an extended time or in a difficult position.  Being shocked until I am nearly in tears.  Being written on, marked, etc.  Breath play until panic sets in.  Caged.  Chastity.  Cum eating. Forced multiple orgams.  Straight Jacket. Ball torture.        

Electric torture.

Being marked up

Girl Spanking Girl

Today I edge to the following story  http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2013/10/trainer-trained.html?zx=e88ece1fc81f892b

An excerpt.

"Well I don't think you've learned your lesson yet. You're liable to go right out and spend your and Brian's money without consulting him. Another hundred, harder than the last, will make you think twice about overspending!"

With that I threw my right leg over the backs of her thighs. I asked Brian to hand me her white and red polka-dot panties that were bundled in with her pants.  I took the panties and stuffed them into her little mouth. "Oh Nooooooo" she said.

"Are you ok with this, Brian?" I asked him.

"Yeah, absolutely. Spank the brat." He said. Ha Ha! this would work out well!

"Do you hear that, Michelle? Brian thinks you're a brat and that you need this spanking."

She responded with a little plaintive "Ohhhhhh" through her panty gag.

I then started in on her second set of one hundred. I made these all harder and faster than the first, and went in groupings of twenty or so at a time, giving her only enough time to calm down a bit between the groupings. There was a lot of struggling under my leg and left arm, and almost animal-like grunts coming out of her mouth at the climax of each grouping of twenty. I got to the end of the second hundred, with Michelle bravely holding on right to the end. somewhere in there she had spat out the panty gag in order to hyperventilate. After the spanking, she lay across my knee, sobbing, sniffling, and vocalising little sounds like "uh uh uh uh uh".

I helped her up to her feet, which she did gingerly, and I guided her over to the wall, and made her stand facing it with her hands on her head. Without being asked, she stood up high on her tiptoes. I wondered if this was something a Dom had once made her do? She stood there very submissively, dark, dusky red bottom on display for Brian and I.

Today's Edge - Akasha

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Femme Tuesday

This morning I got an email from Mistress that told me I was to wear femme clothes for my workout and to wear sexy (top and bottom) undergarments today.  I got an instant hard-on when I got that email.

Normally I would have waited for Mistress to leave before putting on my workout clothes.  As I am working hard to put my male resistance away, I decided today would be a good way to demonstrate that.  I put on workout shorts, tank top, socks and a pull over - all femme in front of Mistress.  It was humiliating, but necessary for me to start really allowing myself to submit without question.  While writing this my head is swimming in subspace.

Last night Mistress went out after work.  I took the time to organize my drawers so that I could have all of my femme clothes within easy reach for Mistress to pick out or for me when ordered.

I haven't edged in several days due to being busy, but couldn't help it today.  I edged imagining this morning's order was more intrusive.  I edged to the thought of Mistress adding in more and more feminization (and anything else she desires) into my life.  Especially in front of her where the full psychological effect could take place.  I allowed my thoughts to get away from me and almost had an unauthorized orgasm.  I stopped it in time, but did have some leakage.  Where I almost went to far was me thinking of Mistress telling me for X amount of days she didn't want to see me in any male items of clothing in the house.  Of course I would have to wear male clothes out of the house for work, but I would be required to be in feminine clothes the rest of the time.  The amazing part is those thoughts that pushed me so close to the edge only took a split second to get me there.

 

Some random pics that piqued my interest the last few days.

Change in mindset

Last night Mistress and I had, for lack of a better term, and argument.  It was really nothing, but we argue so rarely now that it was a bigger deal than it should have been.  We went to bed, maybe not angry, but frustrated.  The old me would have rebelled against my standing orders, but with my change in mindset, I sucked it up and put on my nighty before bed.  Wearing it all night and waking up in it made me feel like I have crossed another boundary.  By putting aside my male pride and submitting to my Mistress (especially when I didn't want to) proved something to myself.  I am proud I am becoming stronger in my submission, and feel that much better prepared to handle submitting or doing something I really don't want to do. It was a powerful thing for me to experience.  We woke up this morning, and all is well, so I'm really happy I didn't rebel.  

No edge, but mind filled with stuff

I was looking for something to edge to and nothing tuck in my mind, so I decided to post a bunch of random pictures I have like that haven't had a place in my blog.

Love the toe rings

For me control can be far better achieved using nothing more than the pressure of a fingertip. The power of touch can turn the most strong willed, calculated woman into a wanton, thrashing, cursing, begging mess. Having a woman’s total focus being consumed by nothing more than my touch, her total being down to her racing heartbeat and her panting breaths dictated by me, now that’s control.

Today's Edge - Switcheroo

As I have written many times is that I am not a good initiator of sex.  I find that when I imagine initiating, I almost always end up imagining D/s with me in a dominant position. In my mind, I can't be turned down if I am the bossy one.  Of course, real life isn't that way, but that is where my mind goes. Here are some stills of the videos I edged to this morning.  I can get pretty worked up thinking about Dom'ing my Mistress (if she'd let me ever again).

Today's edge

I edges for just a couple minutes this morning.  I planned edge the full 10 minutes later, so my whole day was thinking about what I could egde to later.  While I was working out the dungeon was 10 feet away.  My mind kept drifting to thoughts of the dungeon.  The only thing I could think of was a good long beating.  My mind was drifting to the thought of a cathartic beating.  One that would hurt like hell, but would release an enormous amount of endorphins.  Then I thought about another way Mistress could hurt me without me being face down.  I have recently been thinking of being tied up on the bed in my normal spread-eagle position.  One difference this time is I would have tied my balls into a tight package.  There would be a loop that Mistress could hook to one of the bondage straps at the bottom of the bed in the middle.  She could then pull the tightening strap to anchor me to the bottom of the bed.  This tight package of testicles could then be tortured with little effort.  Having the balls tied up makes them much more sensitive as well keeping them immobile and under pressure.  Instead of a hard slap, a small flick or tap would be 10-50 times more powerful.  Consecutive light tapping quickly ramps up to excruciating pain, and since it is a light hit, damage is rare. There is also the benefit that if my bod is writhing and struggling, my balls would stay in just one place.  Stupid libido.

Last Night

Last night was one of the hottest D/s sessions Mistress and I have had.  Not because of anything extraordinarily kinky, but because of how wet Mistress got.  It started after work, we went to happy hour and had a bite to eat and a couple drinks.  We had been talking about having sex for a couple days, but hadn't made time to fit it in.  Mistress went on an overnight trip this morning, so last night was out last chance before she left.  We got home, did a couple quick things around the house then we went upstairs.  I got naked, Mistress through my wrist and ankle restraints at me and didn't need to tell me wht to do with them.  In short order I was tied down tightly to the bed and blindfolded.  She teased my cock with the Hitachi, her hand and hit the insides of my thighs with a couple of our nastier implements.  She then got on top of me and put my cock inside of her.  She came in less than a minute and she gushed quite a bit.  She immediately went back to stroking my cock, using the hitachi and hitting me everytime I would get worked up.  She then used the Hitachi on herself while hurting me and then brought herself to another orgasm while completely ignoring mine (5 stars for that).  She verbally taunted me about telling me about all of her orgasms she has without me around as well as taning me about making me listen or watch her have orgasms while I get none.  One of the implements she used was a thin rod called an "evil stick" and got me a few times on my inner thighs. I was in such sub space I asked her to use it on my cock and balls.  The cock barely felt it, but the balls certainly did.  While it hurt badly I could have certainly taken more from her.  Between a little bit of a buzz from our drinks as well as the space I get into when restrained, I was ready to endure whatever she had in mind.  I asked Mistress if any of my recent blog posts stuck in her mind, and she mentioned there were a few, but at the time could only remember one, about being meaner which I think is this one http://missbossybitchsboy.blogspot.com/2013/09/what-does-mean-mean.html

I told her I thought the hottest thing about her being meaner, was that she loves me enough to do things to me that even she may not be comfortable with.  I lamented about how I messed up in the beginning of our relationship by not submitting fully.  We would be so much further along had I just let her have her way.  I told her how I am wanting to do her bidding more than I have ever wanted to in my entire life, and how I have learned to let go of my macho male pride and accept my desires (no matter how depraved they may be).  I told her how she has trained me to not be a pushy bottom and how to do as I am told or I won;t get what I need.  After her hurting me some more and us talking about hurting me more, she got back on top of my cock.  She came many times and squirted like I haven't felt in over 2 years.  There was so much of her cum running down my ass crack, she probably could have fucked my ass with no lube.  She got off em again and started stroking me.  I bit my tongue and didn't say all the things running through my mind. I assumed if she wanted to know what I was thinking I she would have asked.  She then asked me to ask her to cum, which I did.  She brought me off very quickly and I spasmed from the joy of it all.  She untied me and we had a nice soak in the hot tub.  It was a perfect night.

As I wrote this many things came into my mind.

• I thought about how much Mistress gushed.  I immediately fantasized about being tied on the floor underneath our St. Andrews Cross or a low bench we have.  I would be tied face up with a ring gag in my mouth.  Mistress would use the fucking machine and soak my entire face.  I imagine her finishing up and then just leaving me in her juices.  She would tell me she isn't untying me until I dry out.
• Mistress had mentioned about making me webcam dressed in women's clothes tonight.  She instead decided I should go out.  While I am happy to be able to go out, I would have happily done her bidding.  There is a certain hotness to thinking I am under "house arrest".
• I tried to imagine the mean things she could do to me that would just make her drip.  I am dying to see what goes through her mean, naughty mind.
• Lastly, Mistress had talked about me being in chastity while she is out of town.  It's amazing how much I wanted to do that for her, but at the same time am thrilled I am not in chastity.  While I dislike the comfort part of chastity, the control part of it is very hot.  Obviously some part of me likes chastity or I wouldn't own such an expensive device, but being locked up and not also have other D/s going on is maddening.  Such a dilemma.

I Love my Mistress So Much!

Marks from the ugly stick