Last night I made a bit of a confession to Mistress. I confessed that I have been downplaying the level of horniness I am experiencing. While I have certainly been saying that I am a desperate mess, those words don't necessarily man anything.
The longer I go into my orgasm denial period, I become more and more obsessed with deeper and darker things. I am almost constantly fantasizing about serving Mistress. The more I serve her, the more bitchy and demanding she becomes of me. As we move along, I fantasize about her requiring more and more of me. I fantasize about her showing less patience with me and making me jump through increasingly difficult hoops just for the sake of making me do it. She would be waited on hand and foot both in and out of the bedroom without any concern my my needs. She would have unlimited orgasms if I had my way.
I also fantasize about being restrained and confined in multiple ways. Obviously, I am always to be collared and locked in chastity. However the hornier I get, the more I think about being caged, or hanging by my wrists from the ceiling in the basement. I think about sleeping restrained, or in the strait jacket. I fantasize being restrained in many of our dungeon devices for long periods of time. I fantasize about daily beatings or having other pain inflicted on me.
My last overwhelming fantasy is that when Mistress isn't using me and abusing me, I spend the rest of my time at home heavily feminized and humiliated and feminized under my clothes when I leave the house.
To someone observing from the outside, my fantasies would look like I was in an abusive relationship with a brutal and uncaring tyrant. This is where I can see how being mean to me is hard for Mistress. The truth is that my submissive heart flutters (and my cock gets harder) at the thought of all of the above. The appearance of my needs not being met would absolutely fulfill me. There would be no downside to her being more demanding and cruel as I would communicate if there were any issues for me. We could find a happy medium.
As far as downplaying just how horny and desperate I am becoming, there are a few reasons for this. The first is that I don't want Mistress to feel bad about denying me. I fear that she will make me cum, with the intent of being nicer to me, when in fact I would prefer the teasing to be cruel and to intensify. Another reason is that this level of horniness has so many hormones running through my system that I am becoming addicted to them. I fear an orgasm would remove so many of the hormones that I would go through a sort of a withdrawal. I tend to be a difficult person for a few days after I am allowed to orgasm. If I am allowed to cum once a month, that means for 36 days a year, I am difficult to deal with. Cumming every 60 days that's still 18 days or 2.5 weeks a year of being a shit. Once every 90 days is still 12 days of difficulty. I want to be a good slave to Mistress, and denial is a good way to achieve this. Another reason is that I fear I will have to eat 70+ days of cum. Just the thought of it makes me wince in disgust, but at the same time, my cock just got hard again. Lastly, I don't want to cum because I know the first orgasm after a long denial period just ins't that great. It's the one after the first orgasm that is mind-blowing. It's like I need 2 to feel the full effect of experiencing an orgasm.
Regardless of when Mistress decides I will orgasm again, I hope that there will be no delay in locking me back up chastity. I want all of my orgasms to be authorized and observed by Mistress. I want to keep my goal of an entire year locked up regardless of how often I cum. I want the fast recharging of my libido that only chastity can provide. I want to feel the control and despair of having to go back into chastity when my libido has just been drained from me. I want any physical pleasure that I receive to be because of Mistress. I want my pleasure to come from pleasuring Mistress, and I don't want my thoughts of cumming to get in the way of taking care of her.
Please leave a comment on your beliefs on orgasm denial and chastity. Mistress sees all comments left here. Thanks!
The longer I go into my orgasm denial period, I become more and more obsessed with deeper and darker things. I am almost constantly fantasizing about serving Mistress. The more I serve her, the more bitchy and demanding she becomes of me. As we move along, I fantasize about her requiring more and more of me. I fantasize about her showing less patience with me and making me jump through increasingly difficult hoops just for the sake of making me do it. She would be waited on hand and foot both in and out of the bedroom without any concern my my needs. She would have unlimited orgasms if I had my way.
I also fantasize about being restrained and confined in multiple ways. Obviously, I am always to be collared and locked in chastity. However the hornier I get, the more I think about being caged, or hanging by my wrists from the ceiling in the basement. I think about sleeping restrained, or in the strait jacket. I fantasize being restrained in many of our dungeon devices for long periods of time. I fantasize about daily beatings or having other pain inflicted on me.
My last overwhelming fantasy is that when Mistress isn't using me and abusing me, I spend the rest of my time at home heavily feminized and humiliated and feminized under my clothes when I leave the house.
To someone observing from the outside, my fantasies would look like I was in an abusive relationship with a brutal and uncaring tyrant. This is where I can see how being mean to me is hard for Mistress. The truth is that my submissive heart flutters (and my cock gets harder) at the thought of all of the above. The appearance of my needs not being met would absolutely fulfill me. There would be no downside to her being more demanding and cruel as I would communicate if there were any issues for me. We could find a happy medium.
As far as downplaying just how horny and desperate I am becoming, there are a few reasons for this. The first is that I don't want Mistress to feel bad about denying me. I fear that she will make me cum, with the intent of being nicer to me, when in fact I would prefer the teasing to be cruel and to intensify. Another reason is that this level of horniness has so many hormones running through my system that I am becoming addicted to them. I fear an orgasm would remove so many of the hormones that I would go through a sort of a withdrawal. I tend to be a difficult person for a few days after I am allowed to orgasm. If I am allowed to cum once a month, that means for 36 days a year, I am difficult to deal with. Cumming every 60 days that's still 18 days or 2.5 weeks a year of being a shit. Once every 90 days is still 12 days of difficulty. I want to be a good slave to Mistress, and denial is a good way to achieve this. Another reason is that I fear I will have to eat 70+ days of cum. Just the thought of it makes me wince in disgust, but at the same time, my cock just got hard again. Lastly, I don't want to cum because I know the first orgasm after a long denial period just ins't that great. It's the one after the first orgasm that is mind-blowing. It's like I need 2 to feel the full effect of experiencing an orgasm.
Regardless of when Mistress decides I will orgasm again, I hope that there will be no delay in locking me back up chastity. I want all of my orgasms to be authorized and observed by Mistress. I want to keep my goal of an entire year locked up regardless of how often I cum. I want the fast recharging of my libido that only chastity can provide. I want to feel the control and despair of having to go back into chastity when my libido has just been drained from me. I want any physical pleasure that I receive to be because of Mistress. I want my pleasure to come from pleasuring Mistress, and I don't want my thoughts of cumming to get in the way of taking care of her.
I found this post interesting because what you described seems to happen to many guys that are either in chastity, being denied and other elements of sexual female domination. Same phenomena...the more they're denied, the more they obsess. :)
ReplyDeleteThe obsession is real. I hate to admit how much time I spend thinking about being treated poorly.
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