Its been awhile since I last posted, but not because I haven't wanted to. To the contrary, I have had lots of things going through my mind. I have been thinking a lot about what I had with MBB prior to me flipping out. It was the type of female led relationship with very strong D/s overtones that I had dreamed of. Of course it wasn't 100% perfect, because no submissive male should get 100% of what he wants. He should always be yearning. So while I am happy I have been unable to unravel some of the things I had a hard time with mentally (chastity) I do miss a lot of the feelings of being "owned" that I had. The term "be careful what you wish for" can go both ways. You should be careful when you ask for too much, but also be careful when you ask for less. You may just get it.
We have thunder in the mountains coming up soon. It will be our first time together in the scene. I am a little nervous, but very much looking forward to it. I went to the site and was checking out the vendors. One of them had a great deal on a "body bag". I google body bag and found these sites.
What an amazingly strict position to be in.
I have also been thinking of MBB having me cum on Friday night. Her thought being that by letting me cum, I wouldn't be too horny when we were apart Saturday night and that I would be a better behaved boy (at least that's my take on her intentions). In reality, the more she controls my orgasms, the more I am in tune to her and our dynamic. The more horny I am, the more I am into serving, obeying and doing whatever I can to keep the horniness going. That horniness is what got me so hot and bothered that I bought so many feminine things last week.
Lastly, I have been thinking of all the more intense things we have done or that we have talked about. Super restrictive bondage, painful positions, gags, cages or isolation, breath play, publishing photos, chastity (yeah I know), collars, electric shock (all sorts), feminization, not allowed to say "no", etc. Just a jumble of dark fantasies.
I am happy to finally have it in my mind that I have everything I want with MBB. I really think MBB and I can move on from my "ick" and we can have a deeper more meaningful relationship as well as a more D/s relationship. I am very excited.