It's been awhile since I have posted. Here is where I am at with things.
My past BS. I still need to read that full post MBB found on Fetlife regarding fighting the exact thing I want and need. That's exactly what I did and I wish I didn't. We had a great thing going and MBB was perfectly strict and demanding and we were well on our way to a true 24/7 D/s relationship. I miss that.
Since we are now working on getting things back to where they were, I have reluctantly enjoyed my current tasks. Wearing women's clothes on days at home (like today and last Friday), wearing a nighty at night and of course, only women's underwear. Panties are easy to forget, and nighty is since I am sleeping, but feminine wear all day is not easy to ignore.
Maintenance. To maintain our dynamic, I am looking forward to going back to weekly or even twice weekly maintenance sessions. They don't necessarily need to be "punishment", but they should reinforce our dynamic. Anything that puts me in a position of submission and MBB in a position of authority. It could be as simple as snap training or me keeling before her or a hard as a brutal beating or something else for me to "endure".
Chastity. Thinking about my previous BS comment above, I believe chastity needs to come back into play. Now I know that I have more or less taken it off the table. That wasn't fair of me. I have been thinking of ways to introduce it back into our relationship. Here is what I was thinking... Start with short periods (no more than 2-4 days to start) and work our way up. For now, not use it as a punishment as that is what triggered my attitude before. That being said, if punishment is what you want to use it for, I think it should be "my idea". Whether you tie me down and torture me until I agree to go into it as a punishment, or tell me once I complete my time in chastity then we can move onto the things I enjoy. Lastly you can use T&D to get me to agree to go into chastity. I don't think chastity should ever be brought up when we are not together or when either one of us is mad. I can be coerced into chastity and would prefer not to be "forced" into it. I believe it should be a tool in your tool belt, but not a hammer. Now this may sound like me being pushy, but I want us both to have all the things we want. Very occasionally I want chastity, and I know you would like me in it more than I am. I think this is a good way to get started for now until we are to a position to where I am ok being in it for any reason whatsoever. Whether I want to or not.
Intensity. When we play I feel you back off from hurting me sometimes. Now don't think I am asking for more pain, as that's really not what I am looking for. I am looking to be pushed to my existing limits which may include pain. At the same time I want you to enjoy pushing me which I think you do. I would like to be forced to use my safeword more than I have in our play. Now I know it's not easy to hurt someone you love, however this is the type of relationship we are in. Again, it doesn't have to be pain, it could be the cage, sleeping restrained, intense play, button pushing, feminization, etc. I imagine being pushed to where I get kind of pissy and possibly even mad at you, but like the demos we watched this weekend, once allowed to calm down (while still restrained) and focus back on things I think I/we will be much better for the experience. This isn't anything that has to happen right away, just something for you to think of. Let me know if I am wrong about you being ok pushing harder.
Our relationship in general. I am glad I got through my crap. I really like what we have. You are an amazing woman. I love your confidence, your openness and your willingness in our relationship.