Things Running Through My Mind Almost Daily

Addicted to Denial

As I approach 7 straight weeks of being locked in chastity I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my chastity journey. I got my first device almost 20 years ago. For many years I hated chastity because my partner(s) we’re not overly involved with it. I also disliked it because I never really found a device that fit and was comfortable for long term wear including a super expensive custom device.  Here is what is running through my mind.

A shorter/smaller device is better. A lot of guys get a device thinking that it has to accommodate an erection. It does not. 99% of the time a guy is not hard.  A larger device just gets in the way of normal day to day life.  My current device cost less than $30 and is the best device I own for comfort and long term wear. For the last 7 weeks I have ridden my bike, been camping, gone hiking,  worked on vehicles and worked in the yard in 95-degree heat all without any issues.  I actually have a much, much smaller device that I want to endure for a few days but haven’t had the guts. Chastity doesn’t always have to be comfortable 😈

I was going back through my chastity logs. It turns out I am rarely in chastity in the summer months. This has likely been due to me not really having the right device. Trying to ride a bike or working around the house in the summer heat was always a challenge. Now my device is so comfortable and I’m so conditioned to wearing it that I often forget it’s there. I’ve worn my device so much this year that when I was unlocked it felt unnatural. I kept reaching into my pants to make adjustments and realized I wasn’t wearing it.

Much like one gets used to wearing glasses, a nightguard, a retainer a knee brace or some other device on their body I have gotten used to this.  I’ve worn a night guard for many years and wish I didn’t have to, but if I want to keep my teeth I have to. The same with chastity.  I want to give Mistress 100% control of not only my orgasms but also any pleasure I might receive.  I want to her to have absolute control over my cock and a device is the only way to do that.

Reading some other chastity aficionado's websites it seems that long term chastity and denial increases the same drugs in the brain as falling in love.  Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins increase and swim around in my brain giving me a sensual all-day buzz.  I’ve become addicted to these chemicals and really fear accidentally cumming or being forced to cum and losing the buzz. That’s why I’m dedicated to pleasuring Mistress while I stay frustrated and denied.

That’s enough for today. I have to get to work.

Not me, but a picture of the same device I have but haven't worn, it's about 1 inch long.

Another microdevice getting good reviews called "the nub"

Getting stimulation where I can

I am now 7 weeks without an orgasm and almost 7 weeks locked in chastity with no stimulation whatsoever to my cock.  My dopamine levels are off the charts.  I am consumed by submissive and desperate thoughts.  Mistress has been getting up before me lately which used to be my prime time for edging myself and possibly cheating and cumming, especially when I am denied this long.  I told her as much and she suggested that maybe we need to make my chastity forever to which my heart skipped a beat and my brain turned to mush.  Maybe we do...

This morning would have been an extra easy day to masturbate.  Mistress had an early meeting which would have given me ample time to get myself off in my home office.  But since I am locked, I cannot do that.  Because of this lack of stimulation to my cock, I have been craving other stimulation.  However, since Mistress and I work from home together, I can't really do much without her instructions or her permission.

After my shower this morning I put on a bit of extra perfume and lilac deodorant.  I then went to my feminine dresser drawers as my feminine closet in the extra room is currently inaccessible.  I put on a woman's pair of blingy Bermuda length jean shorts and a white tank top with lace around the collar and armholes.

I also put in my prostate massager, and the stimulation is amazing.  I did some chores around the house ensuring that my prostate got plenty of attention.  I am now sitting on it while I type this as well as wearing a clothespin on one nipple that I switch every few minutes when it the pain dulls.

I have allowed myself this indulgence for another 20 minutes while I work before going back to my male mode.  The stimulation is nice but it really isn't helping like I thought it would.  It is making my desperation even worse.  Ugh.

I don't normally like drawings, but this one made me a bit jealous of his situation as well as the outfit she is wearing to go to sleep :-)

  

Sex while locked

Thursday night I stayed up working late. Mistress was exhausted and went to bed while I stayed up and finished working on a problem deal we have in our business. When I wrapped up what I was working on I was too energized to sleep.  Being as horny as I am, I decided to surf some porn.  I turned to my old Tumblr feed https://mbbsboy.bdsmlr.com/

I hadn’t been on Tumblr since they decided to no longer allow posts of adult sexual content. Boy was I wrong. Apparently, they have not had much success getting rid of this content. Within a couple minutes, I came across a video of a couple. The guy was lying on his back and he was locked in chastity. He was wearing a strap-on with a dildo that I’m guessing was about twice as large as he was. He was locked so there is no way of knowing for sure.  His Mistress proceeded to climb on top of his fake cock in the same way I have seen Mistress climb on top of my cock many times. She proceeded to make love with her man and his substitute cock. For about 12 minutes she rode him hard, having multiple orgasms. She never stopped moving her hips.  If she was riding his real cock the same way I can’t imagine him not coming in just a few minutes, ending her fun. During and after this scene she kept telling him how much she loved this new cock and how much she was loving a proper fucking. The other thing I noticed is that it looked like they were having real sex. His hands caressed her body like nothing was different. He was moaning, but I’m sure it was out frustration and not stimulation. As I sat there watching this I was extremely turned on. I was on my 2nd glass of wine after Mistress went to bed and was wishing I could drop my pants and stroke my cock and cum into the trash can beside my desk. But there is no more sneaking orgasms any more for me.  I am owned. 

Since I saw that video my mind has been racing with ways for Mistress and me to have sex while still denying me.  The scene above is one way. The nice thing about a strap on is that all sex is still possible (for Mistress) and we can still hold each other and be close. The other nice thing is that a strap-on can last longer than me. As long as I’ve been locked I’d be lucky to last more than 4-5 minutes and I would have to keep stopping to last that long. Another option is our cock sheath. It’s thick enough that I shouldn’t be too stimulated, but the risk is that I could be because I am just so sensitive right now. Lastly, we always have the fucking machine.  I don’t have any cuckold fantasies other than watching this machine fuck Mistress while I stay locked.  That would be such a mindfuck. 

Going back to my last post, the ladies lounge pant that Mistress bought me and the tank I was wearing has really gotten me going. Yesterday we had to get up early and get the house ready for the cleaning people. Instead of putting in my make clothes when I woke up, I put on my new outfit and got to cleaning. I fantasized that our new routine would be that on the night before the cleaning people come, I am to wear something feminine and clean up the downstairs while Mistress goes to bed without me. There is something about starting my day dressed in something feminine. 

Today is my 45th day in a row of being locked up. I have been locked 139 days YTD which means I have only been unlocked for 55 days all year. 30 more days and I will have surpassed my most locked up year ever. The best part is that Mistress really does seem to be enjoying my situation and she’s done an amazing job of reminding me of her control over me and that by days of cumming without permission are over.  Her enjoyment of my predicament is a dream come true for a guy like me.

Feminization Obsession

Out of all of my fetishes, feminization is the one I have the toughest time accepting. From the time I was a kid and wished for feminine items in the Sears mail-order catalog or trying on some of my mom’s clothes, there has been shame involved.

As a young adult, I would acquire panties, pantyhose and other feminine items. I would go a period of time with them and eventually toss everything in the trash, due to the shame issue.

In my previous marriage, my wife condoned and even facilitated forced feminization, but it was mostly with a slutty, trashy take on it which does push a lot of my buttons, but it also kept the shame involved.

Fast forward to my current marriage to my Mistress. As soon as she found out about my feminization fetish she embraced it.  Mistress had me get all of my feminine clothes and try everything single thing on for her. Mistress made me throw away anything that was gaudy, trashy or didn’t fit.  Mistress purchased me 3-4 nighties in addition to a couple I already had.  I still wear these to this day.  Mistress took me to the salon for pedicures and manicures. Mistress had me dress up on different occasions and we’d have date nights. She took pictures which I still occasionally run across. I looked pretty damn good. She blended my feminization kink with my bondage kink and I was hooked on this new take on my fetish.

Over the years I have acquired a half closet of women’s clothes as well as several drawers of lingerie, stockings, silicone breasts, makeup, heels, etc. We have gone on shopping trips together and she has occasionally sent me out alone to buy something for myself (always a mind fuck). There have been streaks of daily feminization and streaks of nothing at all which is what happens in real life.  I still have some troubles accepting this fetish. Mistress had been amazing at not only accepting and accommodating it but actually pushing me deeper into it which I absolutely treasure.

So here I am today. It’s been over 6 weeks since I’ve had an orgasm. I’ve been locked in chastity for almost 6 weeks. My cock has had zero stimulation in that time. I’ve had dreams the last few weeks of being dressed in public. Mistress just bought me some very feminine lounge pants and had me pair them with a pink tank top that she had me wear last night around the house.  I like the outfit so much that I put it on again this morning along with my perfume and I am over the top in feminization mode. As I woke this morning I could not get feminization out of my mind. My mind raced.

I thought about being dressed up and made up. Being on my knees and sucking on a strap on Mistress was wearing, lipstick smearing up and down the cock. Deep-throating it with tears in my eyes.  Once Mistress decided I sucked well enough she would take me with it.

I fantasized about Mistress telling me I would stay locked until I came from an anal orgasm.  I would try my prostate stimulator to no avail. Mistress would try fucking me with a strap on and I would not be able to cum. Eventually, I would turn to our fucking machine and that would end up giving me my first anal orgasm. In my fantasy Mistress would tell me that since I can now have orgasms with my cock locked up, there would never be a need to unlock me. We could both use the fucking machine for satisfaction and that I should move it into the bedroom.

In another fantasy, Mistress has me dress up and we lay in the bed together and make out like girlfriends.  Soft, gentle, making out, touching, rubbing, licking, etc. I would stay dressed up and locked and give Mistress as many orgasms as she could handle as she verbally pushed my feminization buttons.

In closing, I want to thank Mistress for helping push me more and more in this direction.  For taking what used to be true shame turning it into something erotic and fun.  For taking what I’m comfortable with and making me take it even further.  I am so much better with her pushing my buttons and pushing past my pre-conceived limits.  My feminine brain is spinning.


Pics of me and my Amazon cart.

Chastity and Orgasm Update

I have been tracking the amount of time I spend in chastity for almost 5 years.  I have also been tracking my orgasms for almost 7 years.  My chastity tracking is pretty accurate as that was never a secret with Mistress.  My orgasm tracking, on the other hand, didn't become accurate until last year when I started tracking the times I have cum without permission.  I wasn't about to put in writing all of the times I came without permission to avoid punishment. 

Nowadays, I am to the point of wanting very strict orgasm control.  Notice that I don't say orgasm denial, but orgasm control.  Do I want to be denied?  Absolutely.  I want to be more denied than I ever have, but that's not up to me.  I want Mistress to control my pleasure or preferably my lack of pleasure 100%.  I was fairly good on the honor system, but not good enough.  Chastity is keeping the control portion of my desires intact. 

So we are almost half way through 2019.  Here is where things stand. 

Orgasms

  

By this time last year, I only had 5 orgasms.  None of them unauthorized.

Feb 20th - Full 

March 3rd - Full 

March 24th - Full 

April 23rd - Full 

May 28th - Ruined/full 

So far this year I have had 7 orgasms, with Mistress only giving me permission to cum 3 times.

Jan 22nd - Full  

April 7th - Full 

April 8th - Full - Unauthorized 

April 10th - Full - Unauthorized 

April 13th - Full - Unauthorized 

May 22nd - Full 

May 28th - Full -  Unauthorized 

3 of my 4 unauthorized orgasms happened on a trip we were on.  Once I had that orgasm (with permission) on April 7th, I was unable to control myself.  Hotel rooms make it extremely difficult for me to want to be denied without being locked up.  Mistress likes having easy access to my cock when we travel, apparently, so do I. 

Last year I had a total of 14 orgasms, so I am on track to have more orgasms this year than I did last year unless Mistress helps me with my cheating. 

Chasity 

At this time last year, I was locked in chastity for 55 days. 

This year so far, I have been locked up 124 days, which 69 days more than last year at the same time. 

If I stay locked for at least another 45 days through the end of the year, I will break my annual chastity record.  If I remained locked for the rest of the year, I would spend over 10 months in chastity. 

Now all of this is clearly fantasy land for me.  Mistress indulges me when I really wish she forced it on me.  I love the idea of being locked while Mistress uses me.  I want to give her orgasms every single day.  I want to use my fingers on her G-spot and use her favorite glass dildo, and the Hitachi, and the fucking machine.  I want to wear a thick cock sleeve so I can fuck her properly with no chance of me cumming.  I want to use a strap-on with her while my cock is helplessly locked away. 

Mistress has done a great job lately, of keeping me aroused while locked in chastity.  She grabs at my cage, she pinches my nipples a few times during the day, and she will make comments on either me being locked up or about something feminine.  I fantasize about her ramping up the teasing and flirting all while I am locked up.  I dream of scenes where my cock is ignored completely or I am teased until I have tears in my eyes with frustration.  The goal is to make me so sexually frustrated that I want this chastity game to end - and it doesn't...

  

Chastity Works

I am going on my 24th day of being locked in my chastity device. My last orgasm was 26 days ago. My last orgasm was selfish and a secret from Mistress until I was tied to the bed and teased until I confessed. 

Since then, Mistress has done a good job of keeping me motivated while I’m locked up. She has threatened to lock me in the dog kennel a few times when I become argumentative. She pinches my nipples and/or grabs my locked cock almost daily. She comments on my perfume when she can smell it. She bought me some feminine loungewear and has shown me a picture of another feminine item I could wear in football Sunday’s. She has also said we could convert the basement bedroom back into a dungeon.

The title of this post is Chastity Works. I would have snuck off and given myself unauthorized orgasms at least 2 times and I would have stroked a bit, almost daily. I haven’t been able to do this at all. Friday night was the last time I would have taken advantage of the opportunity if I weren’t locked. Mistress had gone to bed. I stayed up to prep some food for a party we had on Saturday. I sexualized this work by imagining Mistress touching herself in bed while I was her slave working in the kitchen.

After the prep work was done I had too much energy for bed. I decided to look at some porn on the internet until I got tired. I was searching for pics of predicament bondage, tease and denial, and forced feminization. While doing this my cock would swell and fill chastity cage.  I was able to put the tip of pinky into the opening of the cage just enough to be able to tease the tip of my cock. Now there is no way I could edge or get off by doing this, so all I did was manage to frustrate myself. If I wasn’t locked I would have masturbated into the trash can under my desk. I would have felt a little guilty about it and I would likely not confess to this transgression in a timely enough manner for Mistress. 

I finally was ready for bed so went upstairs and brushed my teeth and put on a clean nighty before sliding into bed next to Mistress. The nighty I chose is Mistress’ favorite one. It’s pink cotton and form-fitting if not a little tight. It affects me more than most of my nighties. That made me think about more restrictive night clothes. I’ve been fantasizing about teddies and bodysuits so I grabbed my phone and looked on Amazon to see what I could find. I ended up putting one in my cart, but I didn’t buy it. I put down my phone and finally crashed.

The next morning our dog got me up way too early. I went downstairs in my nightie and went back to sleep on the couch. As I laid there trying to fall asleep I instinctively reached for my cock to give it a few strokes. I groaned in frustration that I was unable to stroke my cock.

Even last night, Mistress and I had a bit of an argument.  If I wasn't locked I likely would have rubbed one out.  As it was, I was owned and there was nothing I could do about it.  I am owned even when we don't get along. 

As I write this I realize that chastity is a constant reminder of how much my Mistress loves me. Every time I sit to pee in a public bathroom. Every time I have to adjust my device. Every time I see my device. Every time I feel my cock twitch inside the device. Every time Mistress does something Domme-y to me.  Every night when I lay in bed and fell the device.  Chastity keeps my head in a submissive fog.  Chastity makes me want to sexually satisfy Mistress while remaining denied. Chastity keeps me in check.  Chastity reminds me of my rank in our relationship. Chastity keeps me from being selfish by orgasming by myself. Chastity ensures that my pleasure can only come from Mistress.

Chastity Works.

Here are a few recent posts that I have seen that make my cock twitch in its cage...

Happy Place

I’m back in my happy place. Waking up early because I’m so horny and my cock is straining against its cage. The last few hours with increasingly submissive thoughts and fantasies going through my mind.  Today I’m grateful to be locked in chastity. I’d be edging over and over and over. I’d justify masturbating to orgasm since I’m not locked up.

Getting out of bed and sitting to pee while still wearing my nighty from the night before. Then I spray perfume on my upper chest and neck. The smell going deep into my brain and flipping a feminine switch inside me.  I love it when this happens.  I remove my nighty and hang it up in plain view. I get dressed in something more appropriate and masculine, deep down wanting to dress in something feminine and less appropriate but too insecure to do so without help.  As I go through the morning the perfume keeps weakening the masculine side of my brain.

I’m back to making sure Mistress’ coffee is ready before she gets up.  I have fresh flowers in the house. I’m staying on top of the dishes.

Throughout the day, whiffs of perfume and my locked cock remind me of what deep down, I desire and need.  To serve a strong woman.  To be owned. To be denied. To be controlled. To follow orders.

In the evening I try to do all of the meal preparation. I keep Mistress’ wine glass full and jump whenever she needs me to do anything. I’m back to making sure no dishes are in the sink overnight.  Some evenings Mistress will pick out my attire for me and it’s often something feminine.  Having to wear something feminine this late in the day is always a challenge for me. My libido is lower and I am extra humiliated by it.  However, when this happens, it pushes all of my buttons the right way and puts me back into my subservient mindset, which is good for both of us.  My very last act of the night is preparing Mistress’ toothbrush. It’s a small task but it’s a good way to end my day with a final act of servitude.  Then I put a nighty on and crawl (I don’t actually crawl, but would like to) into bed next to the woman I love and cherish.

As I said, I’m in my happy place. I love serving Mistress and yearn to have additional duties placed upon me.  Chasity, feminization and the possibility of punishment are strong motivators for me and I’m grateful Mistress indulges me with these things.

This spoke to me.  Especially about making me admit secret and guarded desires.

Randomness

Here are some images that I’ve saved over the last few days in my terribly horny condition.

I've been begging for a HARD birthday caning.  The above picture is only 30 strokes and I really want 50 hard ones.  I'd love for my ass to look like this or worse.  I'd love to not be able to sit for a couple of days. 

Mistress is pretty good at busting my balls, but I saw this and loved how inventive it is.  His balls are bound and forced between his thighs.  His thighs are then tightly tied together.  His balls are a perfect target, especially with his hands bound.  Would love/hate to try this sometime. 

 

Apparently, I need it.

 

Birthday confession

Today was a milestone birthday for me. Tonight I got a preview of my upcoming birthday sex. I was tied to the bed, teased to the edge more times than I could count. Since I wasn’t able to control the edging and Mistress demanded confessions I quickly found myself making embarrassing confessions.

I confessed to masturbating to orgasm without permission, which ended up with me having my balls excruciatingly smacked dozens of times. I was also sentenced to immediate chastity as well as unknown upcoming feminization. I also confessed to my dark desire to be forced to clean Mistress piss after she pees all the way up to consuming an entire wine glass of her urine. Not because I have any desire to do the actual act (it doesn's sound pleasant) but rather to be forced (or coerced) into such a nasty situation is the real turn on for me.

I also confessed my desire to be feminized more as well as having to wear a chastity device forever other than when the am to service Mistress. I also begged for cruel punishment and correction, the harsher the better. I now have to create my own system for all of my proclivities, to include feminization, chastity, household chores and other acts of servitude. Penalties for infractions include seclusion for hours, electro punishment, cage time, strict and painful bondage and loss of privileges which I begged for all of these harsh treatments. I really hope we can get there.

Marks from last night...  I love wearing her marks...