Ramped Up!!!!

I am a huge fan of orgasm denial.  That doesn't mean I don't like orgasms.  In fact, I would love to cum every day if not a couple times a day.  In my previous marriage, I would cum at least once a day and 3-4 times a day if I was traveling.  Unfortunately, 99% of those orgasms were solo and left me unaroused.

The reason I love orgasm denial is precisely because I want to cum so badly all of the time.  I love the mind fuck aspect of not being allowed to cum.  While I am not a fan of having to wear a chastity device, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being forced to wear a chastity device.  I am tired of the honor system, where I willfully don't cum.  I was pretty good at it, but still had accidents.  I was able to edge.  I didn't feel like I was being controlled, which is what I really crave.  I am now of the mindset that if Mistress leaves my cock unlocked for any period of time it signifies permission to do as I please with my cock.

While I am a fan of orgasm denial and my fantasy is 100% denial, I realize occasional orgasms are essential in making the denial more frustrating.  I came 4 days ago.  In the couple of weeks before I came, I got used to the idea of not cumming.  Not that I have had an orgasm, I can't get the thought of having an orgasm again.  It's a delicious mind fuck.  In fact the few days after I have an orgasm are the hardest for me.  It's when I would cheat the most in the past.  Mistress would leave me unlocked and I would generally have an extra one or 2 unauthorized orgasms.  I was too weak to resist the siren call of another orgasm.  That's what happened to me the day after my last orgasm, I needed another one and I wasn't locked.  I fought it, but won't fight it the next time the situation happens.  I'll admit it and deal with any punishment Mistress deems appropriate.  That's why chastity is such a great tool to enforce control over my orgasms.

Last night was a night on the couch watching TV.  Mistress will grab me something comfortable to wear while we lounge around.  Sometimes its men's PJ bottoms and a t-shirt.  Other times it's something feminine.  I'm torn when she does this.  In the evening my libido is lower than in the morning.  When she brings me male clothes I am released, but also missing the forced feminization.  When she brings me female clothes, my anxiety peaks, I get mildly humiliated, but I also get incredibly aroused.  It's another mindfuck, which I love.  Last night Mistress picked out pink yoga pants and a thin white camisole with spaghetti straps.  I can see my nipples outlined very well in the top and I feel super exposed in the cold air.  I absolutely love how slutty it makes me feel.  The other side benefit to wearing feminine attire in the evening is that it ends up on the floor next to the bed which is what I will put on in the morning.

All of these things added up have me in quite a state.  Last night I dreamt that Mistress started making me wear body suits under my clothes during the day and at bedtime.  Some of them were so high cut on the side that they went above my pants.  I had a see-through black one, a see-through striped one a white see through one and assorted others in a drawer.  Mistress would make me show her friends what I was wearing by lifting up my shirt and the body suit would show when I bent over.  I was humiliated and that humiliation made me super horny.

So this morning I woke up with my hornniess at a level 10.  I put on my perfume, my pink yoga pants, and my white slutty camisole.   My head is spinning with ideas of how much I like being treated like a slutty nympho that is not allowed to cum.  I'm in heaven!

  

Full Orgasm

Just a quick post here.  I finally had a full orgasm yesterday.  It was my first non-ruined one since December 5th (48 days).  I was also released from chastity after 27 days.  I was not let out once.  Not to change devices, not to clean, not to shave.  I got so used to it that I keep trying to adjust it and realize I'm not wearing it.

Speaking of chastity I spent 169 days in chastity in 2018.  That is 5.6 months or nearly half the year.  It's also a full 66 days more than I spent locked in 2017.  I also had only 14 orgasms.  A true 14, no cheating.  In previous years I had 21-37 reported orgasms but didn't keep track of my secret ones. 

The last 4 weeks I have been particularly interested in feminization.  Both fully dressed at home as well as having to wear items under my male clothes 24/7.  I can't explain it, but I have been yearning for it.  I believe it has something to do with chastity and my horniness needing to have another outlet besides my cock.  It also likely has something to do with Mistress enforcing a strict nighty and painted toenail policy.

This morning was interesting.  It was the first morning I could touch my cock in 4 weeks.  I took full advantage.  Well, almost full advantage.  I edged myself about a dozen times.  My brain kept telling me to go ahead and cum.  Mistress will never know.  She will just think it's part of my normal post orgasm drop.  I'll "confess" it on my Orgasm Tracker (Orgasm Tracker) but other than that, I was going to keep it a secret until I got horny enough to confess in a scene.  The only reason I didn't give myself an orgasm was that my dog was scratching at the door to get in.  Dog blocked.

Now I am sitting here and Mistress just left for an hour or 2.  Whatever will I do?  Below are pictures of my current mood.

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Locked, painted and sleeping in a nighty

We’ve been busy.  Very busy, so I am not able to post as much as I would like to.  Here’s a quick update on the last few weeks.

I have been unlocked from my chastity device since November 30^th which means I have been free for 3.5 weeks.  I also haven’t worn a nighty or had my toenails painted for the same amount of time.  I have been occasionally wearing a pair of panties when I am overcome with naughty thoughts.

Since I have been unlocked I have been touching myself a fair amount.  Mistress has been getting out of bed before me and when I can’t fall back asleep I reach down and edge myself over and over.  In some cases, I edge 40-60 times before getting out of bed.  That's not as much as it sounds as I can edge a few times a minute.  I don’t leak much, but when I do I lick it up.  That’s one way to start my day, with the taste of cum in my mouth.  Ick.

While edging I have many, many fantasies.  My more frequent fantasies are predicament bondage and extreme edging, denial and forced orgasms. 

I love the idea of being tied in a way that makes me uncomfortable and where I have to choose between 2 bad choices.  Nipples tied to feet.  Tied bent over in heels.  Tied in a squat position.  Clothespin zipper that I inevitably have to rip off myself.  So many ideas. 

I also long to be tied for hours upon hours being edged.  Of course this long of a scene would be somewhat boring for Mistress so I dream of automating it on some level.  Using the Hitachi and cock sleeve on an intermittent timer that I have.  I can set it to run 30 seconds and off for a minute or any variation of those times.  It can run indefinitely.  If I cum?  Too bad.  The vibrations don’t stop.  I imagine similar treatment with the Venus 2000 sucking machine.  For this, I imagine it being on a very slow sucking motion and I am kept on the edge for hours.  Once I cum, the machine is turned up and the sucking gets stronger and faster.  The goal being,  to make me cum as many times as possible, and when I do cum, to have a brutal post orgasm torture.  I imagine this treatment being used as a punishment instead of a reward.  The first orgasm would feel good, but I would fight having it knowing what would happen after I came.  Mistress could certainly use my mouth or masturbate next to me, but to be able to do this for hours she would need to be able to leave me.  We have a baby monitor app that could be used to monitor me.

 

As I stated it’s been almost a month since I had any kink/chastity/feminization.  That changed yesterday.  Mistress had me give her an orgasm with my cock.  As I was pleasuring her, Mistress commanded that I lock myself up in chastity, paint my toenails and start wearing nighties again.  That put me over the edge.  I tried to keep from cumming and ended up ruining my orgasm in the process, right before asking for even more tasks.  Thank you Mistress! Please feel encouraged and emboldened to add extra torments, tortures, tasks and humiliations to my world. I yearn to suffer for you.

Good thing Mistress had me lock back up.  There is nothing like a ruined orgasm that makes me want to masturbate to orgasm.  This morning would have been the time to do it too, as Mistress got up before me.  I’m fairly certain I would have had an unauthorized orgasm. I have been planning on getting myself off after my next orgasm. Chastity is keeping me honest.   

If I stay in chastity the rest of 2018, I will have been locked up for almost 4.5 months in 2018.  For short of 365 days, but  I will be locked up almost a month longer (29 more days) in 2018 as I was in 2017, and locked up 2 times as much as I was in 2016.

All in all, 2018 has been good.  I don’t ‘like’ being locked in chastity, but I LOVE being made to wear a device as much as possible.  I don’t ‘like’ sleeping in a nighty, but I LOVE that I have to wear it or any other item of Mistress’ choosing.  I don’t ‘like’ painting my toenails, but I LOVE the rush I get when I see my painted toenails and what that means.  In short, I LOVE doing many, many things I don’t ‘like’. 

Here’s to a naughty 2019! 

Orgasm Denial Reset

I was finally allowed to orgasm after 89 days of denial. Unfortunately the orgasm after that long of denial isn’t as good as you would expect.  Don’t get me wrong, it was great, just not what 89 days of denial make it. That makes it my 12th orgasm for the year.  

I was locked in chastity for 63 days. Not a record, but still one of my longest lockup’s. 

All of this chastity and denial ended last week when Mistress and I went out of town for the week. Mistress unlocked me for the flight and hasn’t locked me back up yet. Mistress chose to not have me wear nighties while we were traveling ☹️. 

One night Mistress fell asleep while we were watching TV. It was the first time I was unsupervised in the trio and the first time I was able to touch my own cock in over 3 months. I was very sensitive to say the least.  I edged myself numerous times before rolling onto my stomach and humping a pillow like a desperate little slut. This pushed me so close to the edge that I was afraid I would have a ruined orgasm all over my bed. I was fortunate that I had stopped in time.  I stopped that night but edged a few more time over the course of the week. I was very tempted to go into the bathroom and get myself off.  That’s why I preorder to stay locked when we travel.  I get drunk and horny and want to sneak off and cum. 

A few days later Mistress came over to my bed at 6 am with a couple of towels. She wanted me to fuck her.  I wanted to fuck her too. We had stayed out late partying with co-workers and both had hangovers. Because of this I was able to fuck without stopping. I was finally able to give Mistress the orgasm(s) she deserved. While we had sex I let my mouth run a bit. 

Mistress and I talked about her being meaner to me. We talked about me being dressed feminine more, much more. We talked about me starting my day with a quick caning to help with my attitude. I begged to be treated more harshly by Mistress and held accountable. These words resonated deeply with me and my wish is for them to be more than just words. I yearn to be a total slave. 

That night, I wanted to give myself an orgasm. This is one of my biggest cheating issues. After a long period of denial, my orgasm is less than perfect. I’m also reminded how good it feels to cum. I also figure that since I just came Mistress won’t notice another orgasm.  I usually cheat and get myself off. It’s why I prefer to be locked up right after an orgasm, especially a ruined one, especially in a hotel room.   I did not cheat this time, but the temptation was strong. 

The next morning Mistress came to my bed and teased my cock and hit me in the balls for about 2 hours. I was in heaven but also very frustrated. I wanted to plead my case again about all of the things I’d love to have done to me. The humiliation, pain and degradation I want to be out through. Mistress teased about keeping me tied up and teased.  I added how hot it would be to be tied to a bed for an entire day and driven mad with teasing.  Eventually Mistress stopped and we headed home from our trip.

We’ve been back for a few days. Yesterday Mistress got out of bed before me. I was able to edge myself 40-50 times.  I fantasized about all the things we talked about as well as some deeper desires. The entire time my brain telling me that I could sneak an orgasm and Mistress would never know.  I was soooooo tempted to just get it out of my system.  I stopped edging before getting too close for comfort. l didn’t cum.

So that’s where we are today. After being allowed to orgasm last week, I have been reminded of just how awesome an orgasm can be. It’s the main reason I think that being denied longer works in reverse. I need to be reminded of what an orgasm feels like so that when I am denied, the desire is that much stronger. 

Here are a few pictures of my mood this morning.

Still Denied

It's now been 82 days since I have had an orgasm.  I have been locked in chastity for 62 days with a one day break.  Needless to say I am horny and desperate.  My early morning mind is consumed with lot's and lot's of dirty thoughts, but I am too busy to do anything with these thoughts.  Here are a few pictures of what I have been fantasizing about.

Ruined

Mistress and I went away for the weekend.  I was given the key to release myself from chastity on Friday morning so that Mistress could have access to my cock.  It was nice to be able to shave everything without being blocked by a device.  On Friday night Mistress was getting tired and I asked if she had any intention of using me at that time.  She said no so I locked up so I wouldn't be tempted.  That was a good idea. 

You can see my device peeking out through the lace

Being drunk in a hotel with Mistress asleep in the next room is my 'go to' time for masturbating.  Not so on this trip  The next morning Mistress didn't say anything about the device so I was locked up all day and night, including the hot tubs at the hotel.

Sunday morning Mistress told me to unlock myself.  I went into the bathroom, raised my tight pink nighty and removed my device.  I sprayed a bit of my perfume on me and went back to bed.  Mistress teased my cock with her hands and it felt amazing.  It had been so long since my cock had felt anything in week so I was in heaven.  After about 10 minutes Mistress had me put my cock inside her.  The feeling was indescribable.  Her previous teasing was probably not a good idea.  After about 20 slow strokes I was ready to cum.  I had to stop.  Mistress flexed her vaginal muscles and that was enough to keep me on the edge.  She reached up under my nighty to pinch my nipples.  I was so close to exploding.  And then she started talking.  She said I needed to start dressing feminine at home again.  Skirts and heels, etc.  I had to pull out.  Her fucking words put me over the edge.  I leaked a bit. 

At this point my cock was worthless.  I was so hyper-sensitive that it served no sexual purpose for Mistress.  I felt bad about it, but also was surprised how my of a sissy chastity slave I have become.  This is when it hit me that my mouth and fingers were better than my cock as far as being able to take care of Mistress needs.  Talk about a mind-fuck. 

Once I gained my composure, I entered Mistress again.  In no time I was on the edge again.  Mistress spoke about improving my treatment of her.  We brainstormed on ideas to improve my behavior in a D/s context.  Keeping the cane out so I can be beaten immediately upon was one idea.  Another was to keep a pair of my highest heels out so that I can be placed in the corner for time out until I can learn to behave.  Again, a combination of words and stimulation brought me over the edge.  I had to pull out again.  This time I did everything I could to not cum.  I clamped down with my kegel muscles to try and stop from leaking.  I tried so hard that I felt nothing.  No orgasm and no leaking although it was a apparent that I leaked. 

As soon as I regained my composure, I was able to enter Mistress and fuck her properly.  My leaking took my arousal down enough to allow me to fuck her and not cum.  I was finally able to give her an orgasm with my cock which is the first time I had been able to do so in over 2 months.  Mistress kept egging me on with promises of making me dress feminine and keeping my discipline up.  I was so worked up, but also frustrated.  I really tried to cum at this point, but my previous leakage left me exhausted and I pulled out unsatisfied.

Mistress had me stay unlocked the rest of the day.  That night I should have gone back into chastity, but Mistress didn't reverse her previous stance that I stay unlocked.  I went to bed in my nighty and woke up with something I hadn't had in nearly 2 months: an unrestricted hard-on.  Lying next to Mistress I stroked my cock many times.  It felt amazing.  It was weird to have my cock feel my own hand.  It was like it had been disconnected for all of this time.  I got out of bed and went downstairs.  Mistress got up before I could get myself any further stimulation.

Last night before bed I put on my nighty and went to bed.  Mistress said "you're forgetting something".  I pretended to not know what she was talking about.  She told me to lock myself back up which I did happily.  I LOVE it when she "makes" me do things.  I also confessed that I had cheated and touched myself. 

This morning I woke up, back into my submissive extremely horny state with feminization and torture over taking my thoughts.