Control

Last night Mistress and I had sex before bed.  Mistress was pinching my nipples delightfully hard while asking me if I had been a good boy.  I asked her to define good boy.  She said that I knew and pretended that I didn't and asked her to define it again.

Eventually it came out that I have been edging quite a bit and that I have also leaked.  Sometimes I have licked it up and other times I haven't.  She didn't like my answer and I joked, 'if only there was some way for me to keep from touching myself without permission'.  She hinted that when we get back from a short trip next week I will be going back into chastity and that she will be exerting more control over me.

This reminds me of something currently going on in our household.  We recently got a puppy and have hired a trainer.  The trainer is drilling into our head that we need to be alpha to the dog.  If not, you lose control and your dog rules over you.  I feel the same way about a relationship.  Even in "balanced" vanilla relationships, someone is in control.  Maybe not 100% of the time, but certainly over certain aspects of their relationship.  When both people try to be the one in control of a certain aspect of their life, conflict arises.  While I am submissive, I am also a male which sometimes tries to take control of things even if they are not mine to take control of.  When I do this, it creates conflict.

Now in dog training you don't punish the dog.  However as a submissive male, punishment can have a powerful effect.  D/s can be used for reward and punishment depending on the what Her/our goals are.  In the end, I deserve some sort of punishment for many of my behaviors over the last few months.  New rules, tasks and expectations would also benefit us greatly.  I want Mistress to be my Alpha for everything unless she assigns me to be Alpha for something specific.  Now that we have this puppy the dog kennel is his.  We will need to come up with a new way for Mistress to be able to lock me away as punishment.  I have many terrible ideas.  I do not deserve to have control of even myself.  

Now onto my last couple of days.  I have manged to edge myself upwards of 30-40 times with no leakage.  I have been so worked up I have been dominating myself a bit.  I have worn my chastity device a few hours a day.  I have worn a cock ring as well.  I have been wearing panties.  I painted my fingernails and toenails with a shade of nail polish one shade darker than clear.  I can't really see it, but I can feel it.  When I am working out I wear feminine clothes and practice a bit of self bondage during my rests, all while fantasizing about being subjected to far worse treatment.  I've also been fantasizing about wearing something feminine on my bike rides but haven't had the guts, yet.  

We have lots of chain and other hardware to make someone completely helpless.

Even though we had sex last night I was not allowed to cum.  It's been just over 6 weeks since my last orgasm.  Maybe that's why I am in such a desperate mood.

Drunk, Denied and Desperate

Yesterday was an interesting day.   I woke up super horny and put on a pair of panties.  I got some work done and edged myself a few times.  After that I had to go visit a client.  I put a cock ring on before I left the house.  When I got home I worked out and still wore the cock ring.  I took a shower and Mistress and I went to a movie and drinks later.  Wearing a cock ring all day got me very worked up.

When we got home we watched some TV and Mistress fell asleep on the couch.  I headed to bed and when I was brushing my teeth I got the idea to wear my perfume to bed.  That did it.  The scent over powered me and my horniness shot through the roof.  That scent makes me so desperate.

As soon as the scent hit my nostrils, I knew I had to edge myself a couple times.  I used the Hitachi and was edged in less than 10 seconds.  Since I was in the toy drawer I used a few toys on myself.  Clover nipple clamps, inflatable dildo gag, spider gag, and clothespins, all while edging myself.  That and the scent made my head spin.

I then decided to try on some feminine attire while continuing to edge.  For each outfit I edged 2 times and changed outfits.

A little bit of leakage

 

I ran a real risk of Mistress waking up and coming into the bedroom.  Part of me wanted to get caught and to have to deal with the consequences.  Another part of my wanted to fall asleep dressed and to get caught and humiliated.

I also covered my cock with 16 clothespins.  It hurt, but it got me very worked up.  The ones around the head were the worst.

Lastly, I edged myself, want to put a few drops into a pair of cum stained panties in the toy drawer.  Unfortunately a bit too much leaked out and it was enough for me to stop playing and to go back to bed.  I should have licked it up, but I left it to dry in the panties.  The good news is that I didn't leak too much to take the edge off however so today will be another extremely horny day.

Denial, Edging & Inescapable Bondage

Recently I have been wondering just how few orgasms I have had this year.  So far it has been 5.  That number is a bit deceiving because I had a long period of chastity and denial at the end of last year.  To be more accurate I have only had 5 orgasms in the last 7 months and 12 days.  Last year at this same time I had 15 orgasms.  Talk about a serious drop. 

This morning Mistress got out of bed before me.  I was able to edge a few times before getting up myself.  I got myself so worked up that I leaked a bit and licked up what I could.  Some still leaked that I was unaware of and it ended up on the sheets.  It would be interesting if Mistress found out and punished me for it.

Since I was so worked up, I locked myself in chastity.  It kind of back fired as when Mistress went to the store I could have edged myself, but didn't want to go get the key.

While I was edging I was thinking about being tied in extreme ways.  Here are some images as to what I would love to try.

A lot of sneaky edging

The last few days I have been edging quite a bit.  Mistress has been running errands and when she leaves I edge a few times.  Yesterday, before I could even get to an edge I was leaking.  I have never been a leaker.  I managed to lick up most of it, but apparently I didn't get it all.

I was edging to poor guys getting ruined orgasm after ruined orgasm when they are tied up and not able to move a muscle. 

The woman in the video below has a very good torturous technique.  It's so firm yet so slow.  When she ruins his orgasm at the end, I know his exact response as I have felt that same way.  The swear words can't come out enough.



  

Another Edging Morning

Mistress and I have been extremely busy and Mistress has been sick for over 3 weeks now.  We haven't been able to be intimate and I haven't been able to keep my body shaved like I normally do.  Yesterday I shaved everything (eyebrows are the only hair on my body).  I instantly felt submissive and feminine.  I added my feminine deodorant and small spray of perfume.  I almost wore panties but decided against it.  

This morning Mistress was out of bed before me.  I edged myself 40-50 times.  The first edge I wasn't even hard and I leaked a bit.  Mistress walked in 90 seconds after I was done edging, I almost got caught.  I'm curious how that would have gone.  While I edged I imagined being tied down to where I couldn't move a muscle.  Mistress would then tease and keep me on the edge until I was literally in tears, begging to do anything to get the chance to either cum or to release me.  To be driven crazy with pleasure, but not enough pleasure is such a turn on.

Today I also logged my last orgasm which was 3.5 weeks ago.  I have only cum 5 times all year.  Last year at this time I have already cum 15 times.  Since Mistress and I haven't been intimate, I have told myself I would cheat and give myself a full orgasm, especially since my last one was mostly ruined.  I haven't done it.  I have been very chaste.

So a few more edges before Mistress gets home and some images of the way I imagine being restrained and tease tortured.

  

Chastity

This morning chastity was on my mind.  I woke up and found my plastic device but I couldn't find the key.  I remembered the latest Chinese knockoff device that I received that I mis-ordered.  I found the device and put it on underneath my white and black polka-dot panties.  When I ordered this I was looking for an extremely small device, but accidentally ordered the bigger of the two.

I wanted the smaller device because the more I read and learn about chastity it seems that the larger the device, the more issues you have.  I also wanted the device to be punitive.  The device did come with punishment spikes, but those are more fantasy than reality.  This is my first time in the device, even though I got it back in January.  It measures 3 inches long and in my current state I fill every inch of it.  I will wear it the rest of the day to see how it fits when I am not aroused.  I estimate the smaller version would be about 1.5 inches in length.  I would love/hate to be locked into a 1.5 inch device.  I'm pretty sure this pic shows the device I meant to order. Wow!

I love being in chastity for Mistress but I am not a big fan of self locking.  Although right now this device is keeping me from edging while Mistress is at another meeting.  I could take it off though... 

Hopefully we get back here soon.

  

Here are a few more super small devices.  One of these say it's only 1 inch long.  

Latex and a penis pump

This morning I worked out and was feeling a bit naughty.  Our toy closet is right next to our home gym.  Since Mistress went to a meeting, I looked for something kinky to add to my workout.  I found a penis pump and also ran across a latex outfit I own.

I gave myself a nice few pumps to my cock and when I was nice and hard, I slid on the latex shorts.  Slid on is a bit of a misnomer.  Anyone that owns latex knows you have to wiggle into it.

Once I was in I started my workout.  When I was done I was a hot and sweaty mess in the shorts.  I loved the feeling of everything being slick and squishing around.  The shorts have a zipper in the front.  I imagined wearing the entire outfit, lubed up with my cock and balls hanging out and being tied to the bed while Mistress fucks me.  She doesn't let me out as she wants to see me sweat and squirm.

I got out of the shorts and gave my cock a few good pumps with the penis pump and got dressed.  I wore pink panties the rest of the day and got to work.  Nothing like being all horny when Mistress is out.

Another Day, Another Edge

Mistress got out of bed before me this morning which means I got to do some edging.  I edged to fantasies of outdoor bondage on our patio.  About being dressed feminine outside.  About breath play, chastity, using our fucking machine (giving and taking), and some sort of daily D/s.  After about 30 edges with no leakage, I went to my panty drawer and without looking grabbed the first pair I touched.  I pledged to wear whatever I grabbed.

This pair is small to begin with and a size too small as well.  My cock is crushed while wearing them so it's perfect for the mood I am in today.

As I was getting dressed, I realized just how much my submissive side takes over when it shows up.  After having no submissive thoughts for the last 3 months, my libido is in submissive overdrive.

After putting on my panties I went downstairs and got online.  I got caught up on my blog reading while waiting for Mistress to wake up.  Here are the images/posts that spoke to me today.  I Am in such a mood!