Yearning For Meaner

A dial inside my brain has been turned up.  My desire to be treated poorly is getting stronger.  Much stronger.  I crave the idea of being pushed physically and especially mentally, to my limits.  I yearn to have freedoms taken away from me.  To have to earn things in life that I now take for granted.  To be given tasks and orders just for the cruelty of it. To endure private humiliation.  To wear bruises at all times, not necessarily because I have been disobedient, but because this is the life we have chosen.  To have a weekly day of worship, where I worship my Mistress in any way she desires.  To have an endless list of chores.  To have my work inspected and critiqued.  To have restrictions.  To be taken to a place of true servitude.

As I write the above I obviously have my fantasy built into much if it, but deep down that's not what I am looking for.  I really and truly want to be of service to Mistress.  To be trained to be a benefit and not a burden.  To have her be able to tell me to do something with 100% confidence that I will to it to her standards. To truly fear her wrath when I fail.  For me to be more of a true slave than I am at this time.

Here are some GIFs from TV shows where the Owner and the slaves are real...

     

Vacation

Mistress and I went on a week long trip to somewhere tropical.  Last Saturday morning Mistress let me out of chastity for our vacation.  I packed my teeny tiny device just in case. 

The first hotel we had was a very nice place.  On the first night I gave Mistress several orgasms and had to beg her to not make me cum.  It was then that I had agreed to wear a nighty every night for the rest of my life and to keep my fingernails and toenails painted for the rest of my life.  Mistress said I had to keep them nice as well, no slacking.  I am looking forward to other life long D/s enhancements to our life.  After we went to bed, I locked myself up as I was so horny and I didn't want the temptation.

The next morning I went up to the private patio on the roof. I wish I had known our room had this as I would have brought my bikini bottoms.  Instead I improvised with a pair of thong underwear and did some private sunbathing.  I am getting a nice feminine bikini style tan.

The rest of the trip I did my best to try and get Mistress to let me pleasure her, but she kept me wanting and extremely horny.  I wore a nighty every night which also kept my horniness at a level 10.

One night we were out for dinner after a few too many drinks.  There was an attractive woman that was waiting for a table and she was standing behind me.  Mistress is ok with me checking out other women, but apparently I over did it this time, although it didn't feel that way.  We got in a bit of a tiff.  I wished I didn't get so defensive.  I need to be punished for gawking and for getting defensive.  In the future, I'd also like to have a protocol where Mistress says something likes "eyes down" or "eyes, front and center" as a command to stop gawking.  She would practice it in public on a regular basis to make sure I don't hesitate and I don't react poorly.

Yesterday Mistress and I were hanging out in a small private-ish plunge pool.  We started making out and I was telling her how I needed to buy her another gift so that I can get another torture session.  I rubbed her clit through her bating suit and she rubbed my cock.  In short order, my swimsuit was unzipped and Mistress had full access to my cock.  She stroked me all while I begged her to get meaner and meaner with me.  I hinted we needed to pull out the fucking machine as well as the sucking machine.  I was soooo horny.  In no time at all I was on the edge of cumming and asked Mistress if I could cum.  I had hoped she would say no and would stop stroking me, but instead Mistress made me spew a month's worth of cum into the pool.  I was shocked and spent all at the same time.

I would have thought the orgasm would have reduced my horniness and my desire to be tortured, but it only amplified it.  I did have a tough time this morning.  Typically on vacation I would have sneaked off and given myself another orgasm, but I stayed true and did not. 

As I sit in the airport and type this I am reminded of a conversation we had before bed last night.  Mistress said she wanted to buy me some more chastity friendly underwear.  I am guessing I will be locked up sooner rather than later.  I love my Mistress and how she brings out my desperation.



  

Chastity Effects

I am horny.  So very horny right now.  I woke up at 3 AM with a raging hard-on.  From 3 to about 4:30 all I could do was fantasize and let my mind run wild with ideas.

I am starting to think that chastity is the ultimate aphrodisiac for me.  There is absolutely no way in the world for chastity to not make me horny.  Even when I really, really don't want to be wearing a device, I am horny.  Maybe part of the reason I get horny is because I am relinquishing control of my cock to my Mistress even when I don't want to.

Having a device on can get easier, but there is no forgetting it.  It's not like a pair of panties or a collar that you can forget at times.  A chastity device is 24/7 restrictive bondage. 

I can tell that chastity is very powerful as my fantasies get more involved and darker.  My blog posts are much more frequent.  My desire to be feminized is much, much stronger.  I crave something in my ass so that I get some sort of stimulation since my cock can't feel anything.  It also makes me want to stay in chastity - indefinitely.

Mistress and I are about to go on vacation.  I different fantasies about being locked up while we are away.  In one fantasy, Mistress leaves the keys at home, and I end up spending all week pleasuring Mistress with my tongue and fingers.  In another Mistress and I go to a semi-private beach and I have to suntan in my bikini bottom or a skimpy swimsuit.  Even in swim trunks I would be paranoid about someone figuring it out.  A good paranoid.   

However since Mistress loves penetration I fantasize about being locked up and only released when she wants cock.  The rest of the time I am locked.  This also keeps me from masturbating without permission while on vacation which is my most frequent cheating time.  Of course nighties and panties are good vacation accoutrements.

I know I will eventually re-adapt to being able to sleep more soundly, but I will never get 'used' to it.  That's the way it is meant to be.  I am a lucky man!

 

 

  

Things I like to/want to hear

Last night was a rough night.  The roughest since I went back into chastity last week.  I kept waking up with my cock erect and straining against my chastity device.  I would wake up, think of things to take my mind off of my cock (hard to do when you sleep in a nighty) and as soon as I realized I wasn't hard any more, I would get hard again.  As I tried to go to sleep I tried to make lists to get myself bored enough to fall asleep.  The opposite happened.  I ended up making kinky lists and one of them is the topic of this post.  Here are things that Mistress says to me that I love or things that I would love to hear in the proper context.

• Strip
• Kneel
• Kiss my shoes
• Go put your chastity device on

• Go plug yourself for 3 hours
• Go upstairs, get the bed ready tie yourself up.
• You will not be getting out of chastity any time soon
• Don't you dare cum
• Lick your cum out of my pussy
• I want your toenails painted until I tell you otherwise

• Put on your collar, lock it and give me the key
• Come here, bitch
• Put your fingers inside me
• You're grounded
• Put on your nighty

• I want you fully dressed, now
• Wake up, make me cum
• Driver slower, or else
• Get me another drink
• Bitch, go upstairs and get me...
• Get into the cage
• Lick me
• Go stand in the corner until I tell you to can stop
• Wear something feminine under your clothes today

• You will not speak unless spoken to
• Tell me all of your naughty thoughts
• Deep throat my strap-on until your eyes water
• Wait until I take you out in public dressed up

Readers, please comment and let me know what things you like to say/hear from your Owner/slave.  

Randomness

This post is going to be a bit of a rambling one.  You see, I am in such a horny state right now that my mind keeps jumping from one naughty thought to another and I can;t do much to stop it.

It's been several months since we had engaged in anything very kinky.  However last week Mistress tied me up, beat me and teased and denied me and left me in an incredibly horny state.  Now I am locked in chastity, wearing perfume, wearing nighties every night, and back to serving Mistress her morning coffee.

All of that makes me even hornier.  My mind can't stop about thinking about going further.  Staying in chastity indefinitely (especially when we go on vacation).  Wearing nail polish, fingers and toes.  My ass plugged or fucked frequently.  Dressing feminine as much as possible.  Giving Mistress orgasms every day with my mouth and fingers while I am locked.  When I am given the very rare pleasure of an orgasm I must eat it, every drop, no exceptions.  Collared again.  Frequent punishments, even if I am doing well, just to reinforce our dynamic.  Mistress ignoring my needs to make sure hers are met.  Her being bossier.  Much bossier.  No longer allowing me to direct my own time. Her being mean just to test my obedience.  List of chores and consequences for not doing them or doing them poorly.  Mistress punishing be for driving in a way she doesn't like.  Bruises.  I love it when Mistress gives me bruises.  Taking naughty pictures of me that I have to post on this blog.  The list goes on and on.

Now for the obligatory pics of things that get me going today.

     

Today’s Mood

I got tied up last night!!!

Last night I got tied up!  It was a reward for a gift that I recently gave her.  The last time Mistress had restrained me was on January 29th, when she strapped me face down to the bed to give me a quick caning before a business trip.  208 days (nearly 7 months) without being tied up and I sure did miss it.

Mistress had put our session on the calendar the day before.  I made sure to have my body fully shaved, a nice spray of the perfume she bought for me and I even wore panties, although I don't know if she noticed.

Mistress had me put on my restraints while she pulled implements of pain out of the night stand drawer.  Once I was secure to the bed and blind folded, she used some liquid coconut oil to stroke and tease my cock.  Mistress alternated between causing me pain and teasing me to the edge.  To cause pain she used rubber bands on my inner thighs (cheap and effective) and other instruments on my inner thighs and on my balls.

From last night's session

I went back and forth from extreme ecstasy and extreme pain.  The endorphins built up quickly and I was high off of them.  Mistress kept me on the edge very well and the frustration was maddening.  When I get high like that, I can't control myself from talking too much.  I begged Mistress to lock me in chastity afterward.  Not because I wanted to be locked up, but because I tend to cheat and masturbate after an orgasm or a ruined orgasm.  Mistress mentioned that my toenails would soon be painted 24/7.  That prompted me to ask for night-time feminization which she readily agreed to.  She also mentioned that I should be tanning in a g-sting before our upcoming vacation.

The back is much smaller and gives naughty tan lines

As Mistress kept torturing me, she made sure to mention that her coffee needs to be ready to go before we go to bed at night.  My desperate mind made me yell out "and the dishes too".

As we progressed I thanked her for being mean and implored her to increase her control over me.

Mistress said we had 2 minutes let to play and that instantly got me to the edge.  I'm pretty sure Mistress knew it but she stroked a few strokes longer than what I thought she would.  That did it.  I leaked an unknown amount (I was blindfolded) but I soon found cum covered fingers in my mouth feeding my cum to me.  I didn't even come close to an orgasm but Mistress was done with me.  She untied me and told me to get cleaned up and into chastity.  

At bed time I was torn on what to do.  I wanted to be told to put on my nighty, but I also wanted her to know how desperate I am to do anything she tells me to do so I put it on.  

I had a rough night of sleep.  I hadn't been overnight in chastity in 6 months.  My mind was racing with erotic thoughts.  I had a dream that Mistress hired a personal coach to help her push me even further.  I also dreamed that I was serving a ladies group in a cocktail outfit.  

This morning I woke up so very horny.  My inner thighs hurting.  Still in chastity.  I put on a bit too much perfume and went about my day.  My head is spinning due to the smell and the left over libido I have.  It's all I can do to keep from begging Mistress to torture me some more. 

   

Dressing up, edging and ball busting.

Yesterday after my post, I decided to do a bit of self feminization.  I put on a pair of black panties, black bra, my silicone inserts, a dress and a pair of heels.

It had been some time since I had worn heels so they hurt fairly soon.  Apparently I need to keep my feet conditioned for heels.  I worked for a few hours and then went to shave.  Before shaving I wanted to see if I could edge myself with the Hitachi with such a small chastity device on.  I could.  

I took turns running the Hitachi on the chastity device and on the prostate stimulator in my ass.  I think I could have milked myself if I had time.

I got ready and met up with Mistress.  I snuck off my device when she wasn't looking.  She's got a lot going on and I didn't want to bring any of this to her without her asking for it.

Mistress is occupied today as well, so I decided to do a bit of self-bondage.  I put on my humbler device on the front.  I also tied up my ankles, below my knees and above my knees.  I promised I was going to hit my balls 100 times with the thick plastic paddle or the thick strap.  My stroke #20 on my balls I could feel an orgasm starting.  I had to stop.  Holy cow.  I am so horny I could come from a ball busting.

You can see a bit of cum that leaked out.  I hungrily licked it up.  I hit my balls another 10 times and the same thing happened with a bit more leakage.  I decided to stop before I went over the edge.  

As I write this I have the shocking dog collar on my balls.  I edge myself and then give my balls a quick shock.  I stop doing this as I can feel the pain is going to push me over the edge.  My goodness  I am so horny.

Gotta Run!

Punitive Chastity, Prostate and Play

Mistress will be occupied during the day for the next few days.  This gives me some time to be a bit naughty.  This morning started with me trying out my new impossibly small chastity device. I just got back from a bike ride wearing it.

My goal is to wear it at least until bedtime tonight.  I'd love to be forced to wear it for a few days.

Next I put in my prostate massager.  I'm hoping this will rub my prostate into a frenzy and possibly get me leaking a bit without any stimulation to my cock.

And now I am deciding whether or not to dress a bit feminine today or to try some self bondage, or both.  It's been quite a while since I have done either. 

Control

Last night Mistress and I had sex before bed.  Mistress was pinching my nipples delightfully hard while asking me if I had been a good boy.  I asked her to define good boy.  She said that I knew and pretended that I didn't and asked her to define it again.

Eventually it came out that I have been edging quite a bit and that I have also leaked.  Sometimes I have licked it up and other times I haven't.  She didn't like my answer and I joked, 'if only there was some way for me to keep from touching myself without permission'.  She hinted that when we get back from a short trip next week I will be going back into chastity and that she will be exerting more control over me.

This reminds me of something currently going on in our household.  We recently got a puppy and have hired a trainer.  The trainer is drilling into our head that we need to be alpha to the dog.  If not, you lose control and your dog rules over you.  I feel the same way about a relationship.  Even in "balanced" vanilla relationships, someone is in control.  Maybe not 100% of the time, but certainly over certain aspects of their relationship.  When both people try to be the one in control of a certain aspect of their life, conflict arises.  While I am submissive, I am also a male which sometimes tries to take control of things even if they are not mine to take control of.  When I do this, it creates conflict.

Now in dog training you don't punish the dog.  However as a submissive male, punishment can have a powerful effect.  D/s can be used for reward and punishment depending on the what Her/our goals are.  In the end, I deserve some sort of punishment for many of my behaviors over the last few months.  New rules, tasks and expectations would also benefit us greatly.  I want Mistress to be my Alpha for everything unless she assigns me to be Alpha for something specific.  Now that we have this puppy the dog kennel is his.  We will need to come up with a new way for Mistress to be able to lock me away as punishment.  I have many terrible ideas.  I do not deserve to have control of even myself.  

Now onto my last couple of days.  I have manged to edge myself upwards of 30-40 times with no leakage.  I have been so worked up I have been dominating myself a bit.  I have worn my chastity device a few hours a day.  I have worn a cock ring as well.  I have been wearing panties.  I painted my fingernails and toenails with a shade of nail polish one shade darker than clear.  I can't really see it, but I can feel it.  When I am working out I wear feminine clothes and practice a bit of self bondage during my rests, all while fantasizing about being subjected to far worse treatment.  I've also been fantasizing about wearing something feminine on my bike rides but haven't had the guts, yet.  

We have lots of chain and other hardware to make someone completely helpless.

Even though we had sex last night I was not allowed to cum.  It's been just over 6 weeks since my last orgasm.  Maybe that's why I am in such a desperate mood.

Drunk, Denied and Desperate

Yesterday was an interesting day.   I woke up super horny and put on a pair of panties.  I got some work done and edged myself a few times.  After that I had to go visit a client.  I put a cock ring on before I left the house.  When I got home I worked out and still wore the cock ring.  I took a shower and Mistress and I went to a movie and drinks later.  Wearing a cock ring all day got me very worked up.

When we got home we watched some TV and Mistress fell asleep on the couch.  I headed to bed and when I was brushing my teeth I got the idea to wear my perfume to bed.  That did it.  The scent over powered me and my horniness shot through the roof.  That scent makes me so desperate.

As soon as the scent hit my nostrils, I knew I had to edge myself a couple times.  I used the Hitachi and was edged in less than 10 seconds.  Since I was in the toy drawer I used a few toys on myself.  Clover nipple clamps, inflatable dildo gag, spider gag, and clothespins, all while edging myself.  That and the scent made my head spin.

I then decided to try on some feminine attire while continuing to edge.  For each outfit I edged 2 times and changed outfits.

A little bit of leakage

 

I ran a real risk of Mistress waking up and coming into the bedroom.  Part of me wanted to get caught and to have to deal with the consequences.  Another part of my wanted to fall asleep dressed and to get caught and humiliated.

I also covered my cock with 16 clothespins.  It hurt, but it got me very worked up.  The ones around the head were the worst.

Lastly, I edged myself, want to put a few drops into a pair of cum stained panties in the toy drawer.  Unfortunately a bit too much leaked out and it was enough for me to stop playing and to go back to bed.  I should have licked it up, but I left it to dry in the panties.  The good news is that I didn't leak too much to take the edge off however so today will be another extremely horny day.

Denial, Edging & Inescapable Bondage

Recently I have been wondering just how few orgasms I have had this year.  So far it has been 5.  That number is a bit deceiving because I had a long period of chastity and denial at the end of last year.  To be more accurate I have only had 5 orgasms in the last 7 months and 12 days.  Last year at this same time I had 15 orgasms.  Talk about a serious drop. 

This morning Mistress got out of bed before me.  I was able to edge a few times before getting up myself.  I got myself so worked up that I leaked a bit and licked up what I could.  Some still leaked that I was unaware of and it ended up on the sheets.  It would be interesting if Mistress found out and punished me for it.

Since I was so worked up, I locked myself in chastity.  It kind of back fired as when Mistress went to the store I could have edged myself, but didn't want to go get the key.

While I was edging I was thinking about being tied in extreme ways.  Here are some images as to what I would love to try.