Happily surprised and a little worried

Last night Mistress decided to tie me up and have some fun.  I found myself tied spreadeagled and blindfolded on the bed.  Immediately a couple swift smacks to the balls and then the Hitachi turned on under my balls.  I was in heaven.  Mistress undid each leg and slid 2 rubber bands designed for binders up each leg before tying me back down.  She then alternated between snapping the rubber bands and using a super skinny stick and a fat rubber stick on the inside of my thighs.  She has done this many times before, but this time was different.  I couldn't put my finger on it.  It hurt more than usual.  Frankly it sucked.  She would occasionally stroke my cock, but not with any real purpose so it didn't do much to alleviate the pain.  She said she was punishing me for recent transgressions.

It turns out there was a reason for the pain to be more than I was used to, more than just punishing me.  She had a plan.  After reading for the last 6 years that I felt she was too kind, and didn't push me to my limit, she was going to do just that.  She kept asking if I was enjoying it.  While I was enjoying the bondage and the cock stroking, the beating fucking sucked.  She kept asking me if I was ready to call red.  I really didn't want to.  I became annoyed and mad.  I was pissed off and irritated.  I didn't like it.  There was very little eroticism to the pain.  I kept begging her to stop without saying red.  I didn't realize it at the time, but now I see I was testing her to see if she would quit or pull back.  I'm happy to say she didn't.

After I called red, she released me.  I retreated a bit while I dealt with these new emotions.  To add insult to injury she told me to lock myself back up in chastity immediately.  Well played.

As I knew would happen, what I felt last night has gone away.  Writing about the above experience got me hard.  Not hard because I got a beating I didn't like, hard because I have a Mistress that is willing to push me as well as punish me.  Truly punish me.  That makes being in a D/s relationship much more real.  Last night I truly submitted.  I had no control other than "red".  This is what I have been asking for.

Moving forward, I love the idea of playing closer to my physical and mental limits.  There are some challenges however.  Last night I was in a fight or flight response.  Had I been untied I would have left the room or physically kept her from hitting me.  Since I was restrained I had to deal with it so I alternated between emotional fight and flight.  Dealing with me saying and acting like "i don't like this" will be a challenge for her.  Pushing through that attitude and making me deal with it will be hard, but also very rewarding.  I am excited at the prospect and a little scared.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night and replayed the scene in my head.  Knowing that Mistress is willing to go until I beg her to stop had my mind running with other scenarios that push limits.  Below are somethings that could really test my limit and make we want to say "red".  It's also hot to think that "red" might be ignored.  I now believe Mistress has it in her.

• Painful or uncomfortable bondage
• Electricity 
• Public Humiliation
• Breath Play
• Chastity
• Teasing and Denial
• Nipple Play
• Cum Eating
• Corner Time
• Time Out
• Cage
• Piss Play
• Strap on or fucking machine
• Cross dressing
• Public feminization
• Oral Sex
• Dildo sucking
• Ball busting
• Butt Plugs - extended wear
• Scent Play
• Edging

I know we can't always play to my limits.  It's her choice of when we do that.  I just want to end this by saying I am so happy she can be mean and sadistic if she wants.  I just hope it turns her on to be that way sometimes.