This morning I was thinking of what I was going to write about when you asked me to go ahead and list what has been going through my mind. While I thought of lots of things you could do to me, it was missing something. Add that to what we have been recently going through, it dawned on me, and thus this proposal.
Obviously when we first me you knew little about D/s let alone that you thought you were submissive. For the last year and a half, you have learned a lot, you have seen what you like and what you don't like. You have also seen me on my best behavior and my worst. We also both realize that 24/7 is a better dynamic for us than anything else. On Monday when you talked about moving out, and I thought about what that would look like I came to a realization. You most likely would look for a partner that would be submissive to you. I certainly would be looking for one that would be dominant to me. It's also likely that if I did find a new dominant partner, that I wouldn't be able to pick and choose the things I wanted in this type of a relationship. If I tried to manipulate things to fit what I wanted, I would either be punished severely or I would be kicked to the curb. If you found a submissive partner and he (or she) tried to twist the relationship to their needs instead of yours, you wouldn't tolerate it for long. I'm starting to realize that when I try to make our relationship fit into what I think is right for me, I keep losing the one thing that is what I yearn for deep down. That is not being in control. By acting the way I do, I get things I want short term, but at the expense of long term happiness. I'm realizing I am responsible for my own unhappiness. By trying to get you to do what I want instead of what you want, I am sabotaging us.
So here is what I am proposing... A trial of a minimum of 30 days and a maximum of 60 days (you choose), I will promise to not say no, or to act in a manner that would indicate that I wish I could say no to you. I would like for you to think if we had just met and we didn't have my baggage, what would you require of me. If that is hard, think if we didn't work out and you found a new submissive partner and you could train them the way you wanted, how would that look? If you actually did move into the other room, and I begged you to come back, what would you require of me? In your minds eye, what is YOUR ideal lifestyle for MBB and me? Think about what you would like and I will do it without attitude. Some things to consider...
Would your new slave wake up with you or even wake you? Would he be required to help you in the mornings? Would he have chores to do? Would you have any protocols? Opening all doors? Chastity? Other Fetish Items? Bruises or other markings? Preparing myself for you? Sexual servitude? Feminization? Foot massages? Kneeling? Sleeping on the floor? Journal? Maintenance punishment? Calling out to me for trivial things? How much or how little D/s do YOU want? Imagine how you would have it and I will do it.
What this will do for me is to take my wants and needs out of the equation. It will allow me to see what happens if I truly give myself up to another. While I suspect there will be things I won't like, I would like to think it will make me stronger as a person, a partner and a submissive. It will allow me to see that by doing things I don't think I want may actually be want I am needing. In the past when I have had to do things I didn't want to do, they have been a good experience long term even though I hated it short term. It's usually a source of arousal for me when I reflect back on it.
What I hope this will do for you, will be to get you back to where you are comfortable bossing me around. Where you are aroused by the thought of me doing your bidding. Where you are sexually and emotionally satisfied. Where you can say to yourself that you own me and that I am your bitch.
If this doesn't interest you or you have concerns, please let me know. I thought this was a better approach then me writing a list of what I want. I love you very much and long for what we used to have in the D/s world.