Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Clarification on disobedience

Lately I have not been following some of the rules set forth by MBB.  The main one is the lack of dressing feminine while at home.  The reason for this is not that I don't want to do it, but without acknowledgement, and support of doing this I get very insecure.  I have internal battles about dressing and when I don't get the proverbial "pat on the head" I get self concious and feel stupid about doing it.  That's not to say I don't like being forced to dress.  I actually find the forced part of it to be pretty hot.  When I dress myself and do it without reminders or much comment, it feels like I am Domming myself and it doesn't feel forced or submissive.  It makes feels like I am a cross dresser or transvestite for myself and not a slave being forced to dress to please my Mistress.  It may not make a big difference to the outside, but in my brain the difference is huge.  I am writing this to express where my mind is and not to complain.  I really have nothing to complain about, but need to communicate what my male brain needs to consistently dress as my Mistress requires. 

I love you and love having you push my buttons.  I just need some afirmation as your slave. 

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