I recently told Mistress how much I needed to have her control me. The conversation was good and I am doing things to make her life easier, but we still aren't hitting on all cylinders. Below are my notes and things that spoke to me when I had this conversation. They are here in case Mistress wants to see them. Many of these notes are copied verbatim from different blogs, mostly Miss Christine. Her way of dominating is something I strive to experience.
For the purposes of this blog, a submissive is someone who cannot be truly content both sexually, and as a whole, unless they feel helplessly in the power of another.
IT IS A SEXUALITY; in the same way being a gay male is a sexuality. It is not a choice. A submissive will usually discover he or she is a submissive before they reach puberty. Most often between the ages of 7 and 11.
The submissive mind is at first difficult to understand and seemingly paradoxical. The submissive MUST be coerced to endure things they do not like in order for them to feel truly dominated; validation that they are not in control. If a man consents to everything you do to him, then he is really the one that is in control, and he will feel discontented and ill at ease being the one in control.
I will tell my husband that I will not be dominating him that evening or weekend of vanilla activity and I will be using him for his vanilla company. He will not act submissively and I will enjoy his company.
Even when there is a great deal of vanilla time and vanilla interaction in the relationship overall, BUT, when it is domination/submission time, there is no ambiguity that the dominant is truly in charge, wielding real power, (and enjoying doing so).
It is important you get to feel what true power is like. That decadent, naughty feeling of being in charge. Almost ironically, the seat of your power comes from one simple fact. Your submissive NEEDS you to be dominant from time to time and he knows that. So you can utilise that in two ways.
First, if he does not obey, you can say, ‘Obey, or I will not dominate you.’ [He will be in awe of you just for saying that, AND MEANING IT.]
Second, if you want him to do a boring housework chore, and he moans, you can say, ‘Doing chores is part of being my submissive. If you don’t do the chores I tell you to do, there will be no domination of any kind.‘ [He will be in awe of you just for saying that, AND MEANING IT.]
So many women initially say to me, ‘…but I love him so much, I can’t be mean to him.’ Well the fact is, while never being mean to him or dominant, you truly hurt him – every single day. He is a submissive and you could so easily bring him and you, an amazing life of joint contentment, but you not being mean or dominant ever, hurts him every single day. This is an unarguable fact. A truth. You may think you should feel guilty for being mean to him, but the simple truth is, you should feel guilty for not ever being mean to him.
I dominate you my way or not at all. Again. This is paramount. I dominate you my way or not at all. This brings me to the bathroom needing a proper clean. I’m going to relax while you go and give the bathroom a proper clean. Come back to me here when its done.‘ He is most likely to look at you as though you are a sex goddess and be in awe of you. He may show nothing, but be feeling these things. He may however try to get out of it because this is real and not fantasy and his male pride becomes an unexpected problem for him. If he procrastinates or objects just keep saying,
‘I dominate you my way or not at all. You give the bathroom a proper clean or I stop dominating you, including in the bedroom.’
Once he is cleaning the bathroom while you relax, you will again be feeling real power. Revel in it. It feels wonderful! He will also be thinking he is the luckiest man in the world.
DO NOT ask if he liked having to clean the bathroom. For him, it is not about liking how you dominate him, it is about whether you made him feel submissive. So do not care if he likes it, but, did it make him feel submissive. He will confess wholeheartedly this fact.
Because a submissive needs things to happen to them they don’t really like in order to feel they are truly under the control of another, when you are seeking feedback, don’t ever ask, ‘Did you like that?’ or, ‘Do you like that?‘ Always ask, with words to the effect of; ‘Does that make you feel submissive?‘, or, ‘Did that make you feel submissive?’
It is critical to be able to provide an INTENSELY (brutal) emotional event from time to time. Intensely emotional for both the submissive and the dominant. Now and again, I will push one of my submissives well past what they think they can cope with. A LONG, LONG WAY PAST! The result of this level of cruelty is usually very considerable arousal for me and, once the event is over, the submissive holds me in awe and feels a compelling need to worship me. Perfect symbiosis. And they probably sleep more soundly than ever in submissive contentment.
The problem for sissy when I treat him this way is that, despite the terrible nightmare he endures during the event; when it is all over; he is even more in awe of me. Poor submissives really have no hope of escaping either their suffering or their addiction to their Mistresses do they?
Being waited on hand and foot.
Do not say please when giving the submissive an instruction. Do not say thank you when the instructed action has taken place. You may find this difficult if you already have the subconscious habit of saying please and thank you automatically. If so, practice makes perfect. (You can omit those words 24/7/365 if you wish and not just when you are dominating him.) Some dominants go one step further and have the submissive say thank you when the submissive has carried out an instruction of service. Below is an example exchange.
‘Get me a glass of white wine slave.’
‘Yes Madame.’ The slave returns and, with both hands, passes the glass of white wine to the Mistress. The Mistress looks expectantly at the slave, who then responds as he has been trained to do.
‘Thank you for the opportunity to serve you Mistress.’
‘You are a lucky slave aren’t you, now get back to your chores.’
I have also included in this exchange a default rule that I impose on my submissives. If passing me something, they must always do so holding the thing in both hands. This is a very respectful mode of behaviour, (Japanese in origin). Try it.
You can start taking advantage of your submissive’s needs by having them do some housework, or, chores of another kind.
If it is not going too far early on, a plain apron, a frilly one, or even more feminine attire (such a maids outfit) enhances the submissive’s feeling of serving a dominant during undertaking chores. Chores are a huge area of win/win in the dominant female / submissive male symbiotic relationship. Both parties get something out of him doing the chores. In a vanilla relationship, no one wants to do chores and they are a bind. In your new style relationship, you get freed up of any chores you do not want to do and your submissive gets a strong shot of contentment from being made to do them.
You can go a step further by inspecting completed work and having shoddy work done again, possibly with a punishment thrown in. What were mundane, boring chores become an enhancement to your lives! You can also immediately mess up the room and make him do it again. It’s not about the results, it’s about the control.
A Golden Rule
As I have mentioned, submissives absolutely need to feel they are truly helpless in the power of another. Not a game being played they can be in total control of. This brings us to a golden rule to ensure you achieve this. Go just a tiny bit further than they think they can cope with. Whether nipple pinching or spanking or edging, do not stop until there is a whimper or much better still some genuine begging.
This is a tricky area because you must not go so far, that the discomfort stops them feeling submissive. If you stop the first moment they indicate they want you to, they are in control, so they will not feel helplessly in your power afterwards, so you will not get the worship and awe you want, and he will not get what he needs. Do not stop too soon!
At his initial request I keep him on a strict diet. 24/7 during both non-vanilla and vanilla times. As I said, I discovered a dominant streak I never knew I possessed. But controlling his diet has also brought out some wickedness in me which has him in awe of me. I adore contrast; wine for me, water for him, fish for me, lettuce for him, dessert for me, fruit for him. I don’t starve him, of course. He gets his full share of calories, greens, protein and vitamins. But my job was to get his weight down and to keep it there. Whereas he now makes me feel really good about myself and my appearance, regardless of what I eat, drink or how much exercise I do.
In return I’m critical of him because that’s what HE needs. He is turned on by my control. He needs me to decide things for him. And he needs some of my decisions to be tough. That keeps his submissive soul contented. He’s 12 pounds lighter. He feels great about that too.
HERE ARE THINGS I TOLD MISTRESS I WOULD ENDEAVOR FOR.
What you can expect.
No dishes, no laundry, no vacuuming, no cleaning, anything that you think needs to be done should be assigned to me. Obedience. No talking back (need to end this once and for all).
How does a typical day look?
Wake up - no phone allowed. Work on betterment
As soon as you get up I feed the cat, the dog and prepare your tea.
Phone allowed for a minimum amount of time
Walk dog
Prepare and serve breakfast for you
Workout
Prepare my own breakfast
Do dishes
Work
Prepare and serve lunch
Dishes, laundry
Work
Prepare and serve dinner
Dishes, fold and put away any laundry
Chores (clean bathroom, clean fridge, clean Jeep, reorganize cabinets, etc) TV only allowed when Mistress wants my company. I should be at service at all other times.
Weekends. Bigger projects and chores unless vanilla time.
