Addicted To Desperation

Last night I was in bed in my nighty waiting for Mistress to come to bed.  When she came into the room she told me to get some towels.  That's how she tells me she wants to be fucked and given a good orgasm or 3.  As I got out of bed I took off my nighty.  She told me to put the nighty back on, which made my dick swell.

I love having to wear feminine attire in front of Mistress.  I love the erotic humiliation.  I feel shame, but a the same time accepted, which makes the shame a turn on.  I love how being dressed makes me less likely to be disobedient.  I love being encouraged to wear something feminine.  I wish I could be OK dressing up myself, but I am not there yet. 

As I put the towels on the bed, Mistress told me that she didn't get a chance to read my post from that day.  She asked me what I wrote.  I told her I would tell her as soon as my cock was inside her.  Mistress was in bed and I got on top of her.  In no time, Mistress's hands were underneath the bra of my nighty and she was pinching my nipples.  As I eased my cock into her I started to tell her about my post from that morning.  I told her about LOCK-tober, NO-vember and DENYcember which is a thing nowadays with those practicing chastity.  I told her how this year I am running behind last year as far as my time locked up.  Mistress jumped on this immediately and told me that I would be participating in all 3 months of this unless we were traveling.  I assured her I can stay locked up while traveling as well. 

We continued to talk while having sex.  Mistress told me that I needed to start wearing my collar again.  She told me to get my toenails painted this morning.  She also told me that she soon would be tying me up.  All of this talk got me fucking Mistress hard.  In no time she had one of the strongest orgasms I have felt in a long time.  She squirted all over my cock and came hard.  It seemed like all of that talk was getting her going as well.

Mistress then closed her legs with me still in her.  This is the position she likes to tease me.  We continued to talk.  I told her how much I love it when she is mean to me.  When she hurts me.  When she makes me dress up feminine. When she locks up my cock.  Mistress then told me to cum.  I begged her to not make me cum.  I told her I would do anything she asked me to.  I told her I wanted my last 3 weeks of denial to still be with me.  I dreaded the idea of cumming and having to go straight into chastity.  I dreaded the idea that she might make me clean my cum up with my mouth.  Mistress relented and told me to get off of her without cumming.  I tried to stay inside her and enjoy the feeling I knew wouldn't be feeling any time soon.  Mistress told me to go put my device on immediately.

As I struggled to put my device on my still hard cock, my head was spinning.  It has been quite sometime since Mistress cared about whether or not I wore my collar.  I love wearing it as it's a constant reminder of me relinquishing myself to her.  I love it even more when she wants me in the collar.

I climbed back into bed, locked and still in my nighty.  I gave Mistress a series of kisses as I thanked her for the privilege of being inside her.  I thanked her for locking me up.  I thanked her for not letting me cum.  I assured her that she can do whatever she wants to me and I will love it, even if I don't at the time.

I had a tough time sleeping last night with my libido so high.  But it was exactly what I needed.  This desperation and desire is like a drug to me and I am addicted. 

   

LOCK-tober, NO-vember and DENYcember

In 2016 I spent 70 days in chastity.  In 2017 I spent 103 days.  So far this year, it's only been 64 days.  I need 40 more days to beat last year's record.  Here is my tracker https://missbossybitchsboy.blogspot.com/p/chastity-tracker.html

I had hoped to be in chastity for 365 days this year, but as usual, reality is different than fantasy.  Even if I was locked up the rest of the year, it would only be 150 days or 5 months total.  That would be hot.

While I haven't been locked, I have been much more faithful to my orgasm denial regiment.  Here is that tracker https://missbossybitchsboy.blogspot.com/p/history-of-orgasms.html

I have only had 11 orgasms this year and that includes my unauthorized ones.  Last year I had 21 that I admitted to and I am guessing another 5-15 that I cheated and didn't disclose.  My last orgasm was in a hotel pool 3 weeks ago.

All that being said, I have had increasing chastity fantasies.  That's when I am not fantasizing about being dressed in my feminine attire, which I do a lot. 

A couple weeks ago I dressed while Mistress was out.  I hate dressing up without being told to do so, but sometimes the urge is too strong.  I have a hard time with my feminine side without a bit of encouragement and preferably some coercion. 

Yes, LOCK-tober, NO-vember and DENYcember are a thing and have been for a few years.

If the tables were turned

I have been thinking a lot about how Mistress could be meaner to me over the last few weeks.  It's hard to be mean to someone you care about and want the best for them.  That got me to thinking.  What if the tables were turned.  What if Mistress came to me and said she was tired of being the dominant one?  What if she asked me to take control and to 'be mean' to her?  What would that look like? 

Now while I am submissive, I certainly have a switch side that I can call up when I want to.  If she wanted to switch places, I know I would be very, very good at it.  Here are some ideas of what I would do if I had control over her.

Every morning she would have to touch herself until her pussy was wet, and then she would have to start stroking my cock until I was rock hard.  Some mornings I would fuck her and other mornings I would tell her 'no' and to get her day started.

On days that she didn't have appointments, she would have a 'uniform' to wear.  I would requite her to wear secretary style clothes during work hours in our home office.  Heels would be required and stockings optional. 

Or even better.  A hobble skirt to make it hard to walk.

Throughout the day I would summon her to my office.  Sometimes I would have her do down on me at my desk.  Other times I would make her lift her skirt and show me her panties.  Other times I would just dismiss her.

On weekends I would have her wear a skirt as much as possible.  We would go out to and I would have her go into a bathroom, remove her panties and hand them to me.  Later I would give them back for her to put on.

She would have to wear a nighty every night and a long restrictive night gown would have to be worn on occasion.

Occasionally I would do something called "Power Hour".  It would be an hour that I showed her how much power I had over her.  The scene that sticks in my mind is one with her in the pillory in our basement.  

Once her head and hands were locked up I would spread her legs and attach them to the frame.  I would tell her she would remain in this position for the next hour.  At first I would just walk around and touch her.  I would smack, pinch, prod and do things to make her feel more exposed.  I would sit in a chair in front of her and stroke my cock.  Eventually her legs would start shaking from the stress of being bent over and spread out.  Then I would clamp her nipples and hang weights from them.

Depending on my mood I may give her multiple orgasms.  Other times I may turn off the lights and leave her in the dark, watching her from in infrared camera.  Other times I would put my cock in her mouth and force her to suck my cock.

I might change it up and instead of power hour, have contemplation time.  I would tie her to the bed, blind fold her, and put headphones on with white noise or porn playing in them. I might put a vibrator inside her and either leave it on really low or really high for as long as I wanted.  Other times I might put the e-stim in her and on her and have her randomly tortured.  Other times I might make her stand in the corner and make her contemplate her new found desire to submit.

And I would be remiss if I didn't say that the fucking machine would be put to regular use on her.

This is just a tip of the iceberg of what I can imagine doing to a needy desperate submissive (like myself) if given the opportunity.

   

Yearning For Meaner

A dial inside my brain has been turned up.  My desire to be treated poorly is getting stronger.  Much stronger.  I crave the idea of being pushed physically and especially mentally, to my limits.  I yearn to have freedoms taken away from me.  To have to earn things in life that I now take for granted.  To be given tasks and orders just for the cruelty of it. To endure private humiliation.  To wear bruises at all times, not necessarily because I have been disobedient, but because this is the life we have chosen.  To have a weekly day of worship, where I worship my Mistress in any way she desires.  To have an endless list of chores.  To have my work inspected and critiqued.  To have restrictions.  To be taken to a place of true servitude.

As I write the above I obviously have my fantasy built into much if it, but deep down that's not what I am looking for.  I really and truly want to be of service to Mistress.  To be trained to be a benefit and not a burden.  To have her be able to tell me to do something with 100% confidence that I will to it to her standards. To truly fear her wrath when I fail.  For me to be more of a true slave than I am at this time.

Here are some GIFs from TV shows where the Owner and the slaves are real...

     

Vacation

Mistress and I went on a week long trip to somewhere tropical.  Last Saturday morning Mistress let me out of chastity for our vacation.  I packed my teeny tiny device just in case. 

The first hotel we had was a very nice place.  On the first night I gave Mistress several orgasms and had to beg her to not make me cum.  It was then that I had agreed to wear a nighty every night for the rest of my life and to keep my fingernails and toenails painted for the rest of my life.  Mistress said I had to keep them nice as well, no slacking.  I am looking forward to other life long D/s enhancements to our life.  After we went to bed, I locked myself up as I was so horny and I didn't want the temptation.

The next morning I went up to the private patio on the roof. I wish I had known our room had this as I would have brought my bikini bottoms.  Instead I improvised with a pair of thong underwear and did some private sunbathing.  I am getting a nice feminine bikini style tan.

The rest of the trip I did my best to try and get Mistress to let me pleasure her, but she kept me wanting and extremely horny.  I wore a nighty every night which also kept my horniness at a level 10.

One night we were out for dinner after a few too many drinks.  There was an attractive woman that was waiting for a table and she was standing behind me.  Mistress is ok with me checking out other women, but apparently I over did it this time, although it didn't feel that way.  We got in a bit of a tiff.  I wished I didn't get so defensive.  I need to be punished for gawking and for getting defensive.  In the future, I'd also like to have a protocol where Mistress says something likes "eyes down" or "eyes, front and center" as a command to stop gawking.  She would practice it in public on a regular basis to make sure I don't hesitate and I don't react poorly.

Yesterday Mistress and I were hanging out in a small private-ish plunge pool.  We started making out and I was telling her how I needed to buy her another gift so that I can get another torture session.  I rubbed her clit through her bating suit and she rubbed my cock.  In short order, my swimsuit was unzipped and Mistress had full access to my cock.  She stroked me all while I begged her to get meaner and meaner with me.  I hinted we needed to pull out the fucking machine as well as the sucking machine.  I was soooo horny.  In no time at all I was on the edge of cumming and asked Mistress if I could cum.  I had hoped she would say no and would stop stroking me, but instead Mistress made me spew a month's worth of cum into the pool.  I was shocked and spent all at the same time.

I would have thought the orgasm would have reduced my horniness and my desire to be tortured, but it only amplified it.  I did have a tough time this morning.  Typically on vacation I would have sneaked off and given myself another orgasm, but I stayed true and did not. 

As I sit in the airport and type this I am reminded of a conversation we had before bed last night.  Mistress said she wanted to buy me some more chastity friendly underwear.  I am guessing I will be locked up sooner rather than later.  I love my Mistress and how she brings out my desperation.