Thursday, January 19, 2017

Thoughts While Feminzed

For the last 3 or so months, Mistress has had me dressed feminine as much as possible.  Because it is nearly 24/7 that I am wearing something feminine I have a ton of thoughts that go through my mind all day long.  Here is a synopsis of one of my days.

I sleep in a nighty every night and have been for over a year.  I am also one that tosses and turns quite a bit as I like to flip from sleeping on my right and left sides.  I frequently wake up while doing this and without fail I realize I am a submissive man sleeping in a nighty.  I'm more or less used to it physically but mentally it still makes me swoon a bit.

When I get out of bed, I could take off my nighty immediately, but instead I choose to prolong my feminization, so I stay in my nighty for a few more minutes.  I go to the bathroom first thing.  My cock is pierced, so I sit to pee when I am at home.  It's much cleaner that way.  I raise my nighty and sit on the toilet and it makes me feel very feminine.  I then stand up and go into the close to weight myself.  as I look down to see what my weight is I am looking down my body and the nighty that is on it.  If my toenails are painted I also get a rush from that view.  I take off my nighty and hang it on the hook in the closet for all to see.

I then go to my vanity and put on some women's deodorant and the new perfume Mistress bought me.  I then head to the spare bedroom with my women's clothes.  Many mornings I have a very shy mindset about getting dressed.  I plan on wearing women's jeans and a t-shirt or something equally mundane.  However, as soon as I spray the perfume on it starts working. By the time I hit the bedroom closet my mind is wanting me to dress more feminine than I had planned.  In short order, the perfume, mixed in with my morning hormones has me picking dresses and skirts instead of jeans.  I find myself putting on my highest heels, no matter how uncomfortable they are.  You can pretty much tell how horny I am by what I am wearing.  Some days it's a challenge picking out my outfit and wish that Mistress would occasionally do it for me.  Being told to wear stricter or more elaborate           outfits are a turn on and it's just not something I can do to myself very often.

After getting fully dressed, I then head downstairs.  I am already in my heels and descend the stairs being careful not to trip.  I have a certain sense of helplessness in heels, and more-so the higher they are.  I like that feeling.  I then feed the dog, prepare Mistress' coffee and do some dishes if she's not up yet.  I can see my reflection in our many windows.  Windows that don't have window coverings.  It's weird and exhilarating to see myself this way.  I used to be very paranoid about being seen by a neighbor, but as I have gotten conditioned to being dressed this way, that has mostly gone away.

When I do anything in the kitchen I am very aware of my situation.  I am 4-6 inches taller depending on the shoes I am wearing.  Being a half foot taller in a space that I am used to my normal height is a constant reminder that I am in heels.  In my higher heels I have to focus on my balance as well as not clomping around.  When I put something in the bottom rack of the dishwasher, I have a view of my shoes, feet, and skirt or dress.  It turns me on quite a bit.

If Mistress is up before me I walk into the kitchen with just the right amount of erotic humiliation.  I am embarrassed, but turned on at the same time.  I just want to be used right then and there.  If I am up before her, I am hidden behind my desk, so it has less of an effect.  

On days that I work out, I go into our basement gym and get dressed into my feminine workout clothes including my pink gym shoes.  We have lots of mirrors so I am constantly seeing myself dressed this way.  After working out, I get dressed back into my feminine office clothes.

I spend the rest of my morning getting caught up on work.  As I sit at my desk I can kind of forget my situation.  Having to get up and walk around brings thoughts of my situation flooding back.  My perfume also makes it much harder to forget my predicament as it's constantly filling my nostrils and my brain is constantly aware of just how feminine I feel.

Depending on the day of the week, I may stay like this the rest of the day.  Other days I have to go to work.  On the days I have to go to work, I head upstairs a few hours after waking.  I undress and take a shower.  While the shower gets warm I pick what feminine clothes I have to wear under my male clothes.  I'm a little fuzzy on the rules here but this is what I think they are.  I cannot wear just panties.  If I wear panties I have to wear something on my upper half like a bra, camisole, etc.  If I wear something like stockings or pantyhose on my power half I can skip the upper half.  After picking out my clothes, I take my shower. After drying off I reapply my deodorant and perfume and get dressed.

Depending on what I am wearing I am either barely aware or super aware.  Panties barely phase me.  Bras and garters with stockings are a constant reminder.  Pantyhose are somewhere in between.  This is again where the perfume does it's job.  No matter what I am wearing underneath, the perfume leaks out and fills my head with feminine and submissive feelings.  Thinking my customers can smell my perfume is a mindfuck.  As I go about my day I am constantly aware of my situation.  My bra may be digging into me or the strap could be sliding down my arm.  My stockings or pantyhose might need to be readjusted after walking down the block.  When I go to the bathroom I have to work around my situation.  I also have to send Mistress a pic of my feminine attire so she knows I am wearing it out of the house.  I love the shame I feel when I do it.

When I get done with my day I come home.  I have 30 minutes to change clothes and I am not very good doing it in time.  This is where I fail the most.  If I get home early, I proceed to put on the outfit I was wearing earlier, like I am still at work.  If I get home a bit later I put on something more casual.  If I spent the day at home I try to stay dressed until 5 pm just like a regular work day.  On the days I am home all day, I love getting out of my heels, but at the same time I am so turned on that I just wore them for 8+ hours.  I am a shoe whore.

At night, dressing casual is the most comfortable I feel, but it's also the least feminine and submissive I feel.  I don't know if it's that I hit a low in the testosterone or not.  I actually think that it's my limited amount of casual clothes.  I have one outfit that is my favorite (black workout pants and a pink pullover top) but I can't wear that every day.  I keep fantasizing about wearing leggings or yoga pants and super feminine tops that are warm and comfy.  Something that makes me feel like a young woman at a slumber party.

At bedtime I get ready for bed.  My perfume has mostly worn off so I can't really smell it.  I put on my nighty just before crawling into bed.  This used to be so difficult for me due to the shame factor, but I am so conditioned now, I pretty much do it without thinking.  I try to mix up what I wear to bed.  I have 3 nighty's that are so comfortable I can forget I am wearing them until I feel a shoulder strap.  I have one that is tight but still comfortable.  I think it's Mistress favorite.  I have 2 with padded cups that make me very aware.  The last one I wear only when Mistress makes me has padded cups and is very sheer and humiliating.  It's something out of the eighties and when I wake up in it, erotic shame comes over me.  I love/hate it.      

So that is more or less the feelings I go through every day.  I am becoming much more comfortable with Mistress' requirements.  Even though I am becoming more comfortable I am also insecure.  Does Mistress really like seeing me this way?  Does it do something for her?  She assures me that it does, but that doesn't stop the occasional doubting.  Both my comfort and my insecurity makes me fantasize about additional rules, requirements and restrictions.  I sometimes feel I have a little too much latitude in what I wear, especially underneath my outfits.    

In closing, I love the restriction and helplessness I feel in my heels.  I shudder when I go to the bathroom.  I raise my skirt, and lower my panites and sit on the seat.  My knees are 4-6 inches higher than normal and I feel like such a slut.  My perfume is a constant reminder of my femininity.  Thinking I am Mistress girlfriend or slutty slave gets me so hot.  Even though I have some insecurities, I love feeling controlled the way I do nearly 24/7.       

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