This morning was a 'moment of truth' time. Was I going to obey and dress up in feminine attire or was I going to wuss out and revert to my male side? To be fair, I was planning on obeying 99% percent of the time. The 1% where I thought about disobeying wasn't because I didn't want to get dressed up. I did. It was because I wanted to see if Mistress would do anything to me for disobeying. Actually it wasn't that I wanted to see if she would do anything, it's that I wanted to force her hand to do something to me. That 1% feeling wasn't worth spending an entire night in the cage, nor did I want to be a pushy bottom, so I relented.
As I said, I was 99% ready to get dressed up this morning. So much so, that I pre-planned my attire while trying to fall asleep last night. I didn't know what I was going to wear, but I set myself one rule, it had to be a dress. I wanted something summery since I hadn't been dressed since much colder days a couple months ago. I wanted to wear a bra as well , but didn't make that one of my rules. I thought about possibly wearing my office attire as well as a nice long maxi-dress. As I dozed off in my form fitting nighty, I fantasized about Mistress pushing my limits in many ways.
I started waking up about 4 am. I remembered that today I would be dressed feminine all day. My cock was hard. I thought about wearing my highest heels. I thought about wearing my bra inserts. I managed to doze off. For the next couple hours I went in and out of sleep. I fantasized about some images/videos I saw recently that made me very jealous. That post will be tomorrow.
Mistress got up before me. That's always tough when I get dressed. If I get up before her I can get used to my humiliation and hide out in my office before serving her coffee. When she gets up before me, I can't prepare. I walk into the room dressed and embarrassed (in all the right ways). I can feel her eyes on me, judging my outfit. The humiliation is perfect even though difficult.
When I got out of bed I went to go to the bathroom. I hiked up my nighty and sat like a girl. If you are new to this blog, I sit when I pee and have done so for over 8 years ever since I got my Prince Albert piercing. It's far too difficult to pee standing and risking peeing all over the place is not worth it to me. Sitting to pee also reinforces my submissive and feminine feelings. After that I hung up my nighty on one of the robes hooks in the bathroom. Seeing a nighty hanging there is good for subtle humilaiton. I proceeded to put on some lavender Secret for Women deodorant as well as my perfume.
I still can't believe how powerful the perfume is. Not in a 'strong scent' sort of way, but in how powerful it is when it hits my brain. It's a major amplifier for my submissiveness, and sluttiness. There was no turning back at this point. I went into the spare bedroom where my feminine attire resides. I only have about 8-10 dresses so there wasn't a lot to choose from. I decided against the maxi-dress as I was feeling way sluttier than that. I almost went for one of the more cocktail looking dresses when I came across a short summery dress.
As I went looking for my high white heels I ran across a pair of white wedges I forgot I had recently purchased.
I had planned on wearing higher, less comfortable shoes. I love how much more carefully I have to walk in them. I love the way I have to take small feminine steps. I love/hate the pain I eventually end up in. I love the humiliation of them. However since I haven't been in heels for 2 months and I was working from home all day I decided to be practical and wear the wedges.
As I put them on my feet I admired my shaved legs. I admired my calves and the shortness of my skirt. I was wishing my fingernail and toenails were painted. I was quickly falling into sub-space.
I came down the stairs and walked into the living room where Mistress was working on the couch. A wave of erotic humiliation came over me. We spoke for a bit and I headed to my home office. Mistress asked if I was wearing panties, and I lifted the back of my dress to show off a pair of polka dot panties. I was in sissy heaven.
Soon I will be working out in our basement. I will go down the stairs fully dressed and in the spare bedroom I will find my feminine workout clothes. Today I will likely wear an outfit like this with pink socks and pink running shoes.
Mistress just left to go to the gym. It would be so easy to pull my cock out and stroke myself. It's all I can do to not touch myself and get close to the edge, but I digress. I did not touch myself at all.
The last couple months I had been able to revert back to my masculine side and avoid a large part of my sexuality. The last couple days, everything is rushing back to me. Apparently being dressed is a large part of it. If I wear boxers and t-shirts around the house I can avoid it. I can be an obnoxious, entitled dude. I can be annoying. Unfortunately it can also become normal.
However, being dressed in heels and a dress there is no avoiding what I feel inside. Having to wear perfume and panties instead of male deodorant and boxers forces a change in mindset. I always wondered why so many Mistress's throw away or lock up their husband's underwear and such. It's to force the mindset.
In a lot of ways summer is great for dressing up. I can wear skimpier clothes and not freeze. I can sunbathe in a bikini as well as wear toenail polish for months on end. In some ways it's not convenient. I can't run outside to water the plants without a wardrobe change. I can't cook on the grill at 5:30 at night in pink clothes. I can't do more of the more labor intensive chores at the drop of a hat. Nail polish and flip flops don't go together. However maybe that's a good thing. Toenail polish forces me to wear socks and shoes, which is good for my cracked heels.
As we work back toward more D/s, I am reminded of how happy I am when I am challenged physically and mentally. Whether it's being feminized, locked in chastity, wearing a butt plug, being locked in the cage, humiliated, tied down and beaten, the more I am pushed, the deeper my submission is. When I feel this way, I just want to spend the day in bed making Mistress cum over and over and over. I want to spend hours with my face between her thighs. I want to use toys and my fingers on her until she can't walk. I want to be her complete sex slave with no rights. That sounds like heaven to me right about now.
