Control

Last night Mistress and I had sex before bed.  Mistress was pinching my nipples delightfully hard while asking me if I had been a good boy.  I asked her to define good boy.  She said that I knew and pretended that I didn't and asked her to define it again.

Eventually it came out that I have been edging quite a bit and that I have also leaked.  Sometimes I have licked it up and other times I haven't.  She didn't like my answer and I joked, 'if only there was some way for me to keep from touching myself without permission'.  She hinted that when we get back from a short trip next week I will be going back into chastity and that she will be exerting more control over me.

This reminds me of something currently going on in our household.  We recently got a puppy and have hired a trainer.  The trainer is drilling into our head that we need to be alpha to the dog.  If not, you lose control and your dog rules over you.  I feel the same way about a relationship.  Even in "balanced" vanilla relationships, someone is in control.  Maybe not 100% of the time, but certainly over certain aspects of their relationship.  When both people try to be the one in control of a certain aspect of their life, conflict arises.  While I am submissive, I am also a male which sometimes tries to take control of things even if they are not mine to take control of.  When I do this, it creates conflict.

Now in dog training you don't punish the dog.  However as a submissive male, punishment can have a powerful effect.  D/s can be used for reward and punishment depending on the what Her/our goals are.  In the end, I deserve some sort of punishment for many of my behaviors over the last few months.  New rules, tasks and expectations would also benefit us greatly.  I want Mistress to be my Alpha for everything unless she assigns me to be Alpha for something specific.  Now that we have this puppy the dog kennel is his.  We will need to come up with a new way for Mistress to be able to lock me away as punishment.  I have many terrible ideas.  I do not deserve to have control of even myself.  

Now onto my last couple of days.  I have manged to edge myself upwards of 30-40 times with no leakage.  I have been so worked up I have been dominating myself a bit.  I have worn my chastity device a few hours a day.  I have worn a cock ring as well.  I have been wearing panties.  I painted my fingernails and toenails with a shade of nail polish one shade darker than clear.  I can't really see it, but I can feel it.  When I am working out I wear feminine clothes and practice a bit of self bondage during my rests, all while fantasizing about being subjected to far worse treatment.  I've also been fantasizing about wearing something feminine on my bike rides but haven't had the guts, yet.  

We have lots of chain and other hardware to make someone completely helpless.

Even though we had sex last night I was not allowed to cum.  It's been just over 6 weeks since my last orgasm.  Maybe that's why I am in such a desperate mood.

Drunk, Denied and Desperate

Yesterday was an interesting day.   I woke up super horny and put on a pair of panties.  I got some work done and edged myself a few times.  After that I had to go visit a client.  I put a cock ring on before I left the house.  When I got home I worked out and still wore the cock ring.  I took a shower and Mistress and I went to a movie and drinks later.  Wearing a cock ring all day got me very worked up.

When we got home we watched some TV and Mistress fell asleep on the couch.  I headed to bed and when I was brushing my teeth I got the idea to wear my perfume to bed.  That did it.  The scent over powered me and my horniness shot through the roof.  That scent makes me so desperate.

As soon as the scent hit my nostrils, I knew I had to edge myself a couple times.  I used the Hitachi and was edged in less than 10 seconds.  Since I was in the toy drawer I used a few toys on myself.  Clover nipple clamps, inflatable dildo gag, spider gag, and clothespins, all while edging myself.  That and the scent made my head spin.

I then decided to try on some feminine attire while continuing to edge.  For each outfit I edged 2 times and changed outfits.

A little bit of leakage

 

I ran a real risk of Mistress waking up and coming into the bedroom.  Part of me wanted to get caught and to have to deal with the consequences.  Another part of my wanted to fall asleep dressed and to get caught and humiliated.

I also covered my cock with 16 clothespins.  It hurt, but it got me very worked up.  The ones around the head were the worst.

Lastly, I edged myself, want to put a few drops into a pair of cum stained panties in the toy drawer.  Unfortunately a bit too much leaked out and it was enough for me to stop playing and to go back to bed.  I should have licked it up, but I left it to dry in the panties.  The good news is that I didn't leak too much to take the edge off however so today will be another extremely horny day.

Denial, Edging & Inescapable Bondage

Recently I have been wondering just how few orgasms I have had this year.  So far it has been 5.  That number is a bit deceiving because I had a long period of chastity and denial at the end of last year.  To be more accurate I have only had 5 orgasms in the last 7 months and 12 days.  Last year at this same time I had 15 orgasms.  Talk about a serious drop. 

This morning Mistress got out of bed before me.  I was able to edge a few times before getting up myself.  I got myself so worked up that I leaked a bit and licked up what I could.  Some still leaked that I was unaware of and it ended up on the sheets.  It would be interesting if Mistress found out and punished me for it.

Since I was so worked up, I locked myself in chastity.  It kind of back fired as when Mistress went to the store I could have edged myself, but didn't want to go get the key.

While I was edging I was thinking about being tied in extreme ways.  Here are some images as to what I would love to try.