I'm back, I think...

I  have had some recent health issues that are finally coming to a resolution.  It's been nearly 2 months since they started which means our D/s lifestyle has taken a back seat.  I have been fortunate however that it hasn't been completely eliminated.

A little over 2 weeks ago I was fortunate enough to have Mistress give me a bondage session.  It was Sunday and we went to brunch.  We came home, and continued our Sunday - Funday.  I was sent upstairs to our bedroom to get the room and myself ready.  I put on my pink leather cuffs and pulled the straps out from under our bed.  I stripped, put on some music and some toys from the night stand.

I was in a particularly naughty mood and wanted to give Mistress some ideas when she got to the bedroom.  I took 2-25 clothespins and put one on each nipple and the rest on my cock and balls.  I also took our spider gag strapped it around my head to force my mouth open.  I attached both legs and one arm to the straps under the bed and pulled my blindfold down over my eyes.

Mistress came in and proceeded to tie down my remaining arm and then she went around the bed tightening the straps.  She alternated between using the Hitachi on herself, pulling off a clothespin at a time, hitting me in the balls and stroking my cock with coconut oil.  I was in absolute heaven.  The clothespins hurt, but in the right way.  The spider gag made it so I couldn't talk, it hurt in the right way and made me feel very vulnerable.  She could put anything in she wanted to in my mouth and I couldn't stop it.  It had been 48 days since my previous orgasm so I was delirious with desire when she stroked my cock and edged me.  Mistress kept asking me if I wanted to cum.  I did, but there was no way I was going to tell her.  I wanted her to keep edging me until I broke and begged her to let me cum.  Instead she forced me to have an orgasm against my will.  I was very powerful and I had a bunch of cum after such a long wait.  Mistress surprised me and scooped the cum from my orgasm and fed it to me through the ring gag.  It was disgusting, and I would have stopped it if I could, but at the same time I was thrilled Mistress was doing this to me.  I love it when she does things to me I don't like.

I was spent afterward but we spent some time in the hot tub, and some dinner and then watched some TV.  I was still worked up from such a hot scene that I initiated sex with Mistress again.  It had been a long time since I got to orgasm twice in one day.

The very next day I had to go in for another procedure and since then have been recovering.  My libido has been close to zero, but that is quickly changing.  I have been playing the scene above in my head a lot lately.  I have been fantasizing about clothespins a bit, but the spider gag much more.  I was able to get Mistress to give me some wine that she spit from her mouth into mine.  While wine or champagne are an erotic way to use the gag, my fantasies run darker.  I dream of spit, piss and lots of cum being forced into my mouth.  I think of having lemon juice, hot sauce or other irritants put into my mouth against my will.  I also fantasise about being tied in sitting or face down or locked in the dog cage and the gag forcing me to drool all over myself.

Not me, but how the gag fits

I am not 100% healed yet, but my mind is back in the game.  While I can't take a hard beating for a few more weeks, I can certainly start working on my femininity again as well as any other things Mistress wants me doing.  I am back!              

Orgasms and Tightening the screws

Toward the end of last week Mistress used me well.  2 days in a row she had me pleasuring her with my cock as long as I could stand it and then my fingers.  Mistress told me to cum both days, but I begged her to not make me cum.  She asked me how long I wanted to wait.  I told her 90-180 days. She threatened to tie me down and make me cum sometime soon.  She doesn't understand why I don't want to cum.

It's taken me a few days but I think I figured out a way to explain it.  Mistress can orgasm easily and she can orgasm multiple times.  She can orgasm multiple times several times a day.  She loves orgasms.  I too can orgasm easily.  I can only orgasm once (so far) at a time.  In many cases my libido is gone for hours to days.  Now getting super close to orgasm is the closest I can get to being multi-orgasmic.  I can get 90-95% of the feeling of an orgasm without actually having to cross the line.  I would much rather edge 20-30 times and not have an orgasm than have just one orgasm.  I get all of the benefits of an orgasm without any of the negatives.

I am starting to think of an orgasm as a punishment rather than a reward.  I am riding a wave of sexual energy that keeps me super aroused.  It keeps me focused on being subservient to my Mistress.  It makes me want to serve.  It makes me want to get naughtier and nastier.  It makes me much easier to manipulate.  If I were to cum, these things would be much harder.

In fact I imagine Mistress telling me I need to be punished.  She would tie me to the bed and make me cum without even one edge.  Then she would untie me, lock me in chastity, make me dress in women's clothes, beat my ass and then lock me in the cage.  All of that happening after a forced orgasm would be brutal for me to deal with.  I would have no libido to mentally get me through it.

Even just having a regular orgasm in the course of making love, takes me down too far.  I hate the rest I have to go through, but Mistress makes the rest happen faster.  By making me dress and serve, I can get my libido back rather fast.  I just prefer to not have to start over.

Switching topics.  Tightening the screws.  We have been making great strides in advancing our Female Led relationship.  Spending time in the cage was huge for me mentally.  On Friday Mistress added a bra, stockings and heels to my attire around the house.  I felt like an office secretary.  Mistress has also been pushing me when I slack off a bit.  Last night I was wrapping up work (still in my male clothes) and she told me dinner would be ready after I changed.  I love that she is keeping up with my tasks.  It would be easy to let things slide, but she hasn't, which I appreciate greatly.  This is becoming more and more real.

As we progress I look forward to Mistress tightening the screws on me.  I love the idea of her making me feel more and more controlled.  At bedtime every night I would get to make her orgasm multiple times while my cock is ignored.  If she doesn't like my outfit for the day, she would make me change.  She would pick my daily outfit for me.  She would add to my discomfort and humiliation whenever possible.  Making me wear a bra more often (with inserts).  Plugging my ass. Making me wear heels more often, Putting me in the cage for no reason.  Making me go outside dressed up.  Pretty much anything just to fuck with me and challenge me.  I am in such a zone that I want to endure just for the sake of enduring.  Seeing Mistress get off on making me suffer makes me so horny.

Wearing heels and a corset in the cage is a brutal idea