Sleepwear

Last night I wore a nighty. It’s been months since I wore a nighty.  When Mistress asked, “where’s your nighty?” as I was crawling into bed, I got instantly aroused. I happened to be wearing panties at the time so l left them on as well.   I’ve never slept in both a nighty and panties before. The panties had an added effect on me. I had forgotten what it’s like to sleep in a nighty.  Normally I sleep naked. Wearing the nighty was a constant reminder of my feminine/submissive side. The straps digging into my shoulders. The satin rubbing my freshly shaved body as well as my nipples, arousing me further.  The restriction of my movement, all working together to turn me on more than I already was.

Adding the panties even pushed my buttons more. The panties restricting my normally free cock. Slightly riding up into the crack of my ass. The panty and nighty combo were certainly more powerful than either one by itself.

It’s 4AM and I can’t sleep.  I am sooooo horny. I don’t know the last time I had an orgasm, but it’s been weeks.  I want to edge myself so badly but I am afraid I’ll have an accident.  I’ve been obsessed with my eventual birthday beating, watching videos of guys and girls getting brutalized far harder than I would ever want with canes, whips, etc. It horrifies me as much as it arouses me.

The last couple of mornings, under my male clothes, I wore the swimsuit that I stole from Mistress’s donation pile. The swimsuit is very tight and restricting  The bra strap on it dug into my skin.  My cock and balls were severely confined. The bottoms rode up in the back. The front of the swimsuit is full coverage. The back of it is just the bottoms and the bra strap which left my back completely exposed. The thighs were cut high enough that I could see the skin of my hips over the top of the waistband of my shorts. In addition to wearing it around the house, I also wore it when I took the dog for a walk and while running errands. I was VERY self-conscious.  I felt like everyone could tell I was wearing it under my clothes.  I was very careful to not let it be seen while getting stuff done around the house. It was fairly uncomfortable, which in my mind was what it should be. Essentially being punished for being so desperate and horny that I was wearing a woman’s swimsuit under my clothes.  I’m always amazed by how much of my feminine side is awakened the longer I go without an orgasm.

That’s enough for now.  I’m going to try and drift off to sleep in my panties and nighty.

 

Panty Thief

Mistress and I are moving soon, into a much smaller space. We’re downsizing quite a bit. One thing we’ve learned is that we have far too many clothes.  We tend to wear no more than 5-10 of any one item, but for some reason have 30, 40, or more of a particular item.

I’ve had to get rid of a lot of my male clothes as well as all of my female clothes that were hanging in the closet.  Things such as dresses, skirts, and blouses.  Things I could wear around the house, but sadly haven’t in some time. Next, I have to tackle my female clothes that are in the dresser. These are panties (far too many), pantyhose, stockings, bras, nighties, and some lounging around attire. I’m going to get rid of the majority of these and just keep a few things of my favorites and Mistress’s favorites.

Mistress has also had to downsize a lot.  She has filled bags and bags of clothes to donate to charity. Every time I see a black trash bag with her clothes in it, I am overcome with a need to investigate. A few weeks ago it was panties and other lingerie that hadn’t been worn in nearly a decade. I browsed through the bag sitting in the garage waiting to be donated. I couldn’t help myself.  I just had to keep a few choice items for myself. Mistress almost caught me during my hunt. I had to pretend I was organizing the trash.  I kept going back to the bag over the next few days, making sure I didn’t miss anything.  Mistress is much smaller than me so I can’t wear many of her clothes unless they are very stretchy. Over the weeks since then I’ll slide into a pair of her recycled underwear.

I have my own panties (lots of them), but there is something taboo about taking a woman’s underwear and sneaking around wearing them that adds some excitement. It reminds me of when I was 15 years old and would go to one of my friend’s homes. He had a very hot older sister and I once stole a couple pair of her panties and wore them when I got back to my house. It was exciting and a turn on. I would fantasize about her catching me stealing her panties and my fantasy had her blackmailing me into being her slave by threatening to tell everyone what I had done.  She would verbally taunt me about being a panty thief and would spank me as punishment.  Stealing Mistress’s panties and sneaking around about it reminds me of that thrill I got way back then.

The reason this is coming up now is that Mistress has another trash bag of her clothes in our upstairs closet. It’s mostly swimsuits but has some other clothes in it. I have been in that bag at least a half dozen times. The first time I quickly squirreled away a half dozen items in case the donation happens too quickly. Since then I’ve gone through the bag, tried in some items (most don’t fit) but got lucky on a few. The other day I wore her too small for me bikini bottoms.  My cock and balls all crushed up. It was exhilarating.  I almost got caught going through the bag the other morning. The fear and excitement of possibly getting caught made my heart skip a beat. A couple items I wish I could keep, but space will be limited so I have to be extremely choosy. As I write this post, I’m dressed in a one-piece swimsuit under my shorts and polo shirt. It’s several sizes too small but I was able to stretch into it. It’s constricting, making me aware of every breath. It feels so forbidden and that turns me on.  I’ll wear it for the next few hours until my morning libido wears off. My mind will be spinning. One side of me is wanting to be caught by Mistress. She’d march me upstairs and make me undress down to the swimsuit. She’d verbally taunt me as she’s tying me down to the bed before using the cane on my swimsuit covered ass. She’d make me promise to never steal one of her items again while I screamed out in pain. She’d taunt me about making me sunbathe in the swimsuit to give me obvious tan lines to humiliate me. She’d threaten to make me buy my own women’s swimsuit to wear.  Just thinking about it makes my confined cock spring to life.

Reflection

This morning I woke up, fantasizing about getting a birthday beating. I started thinking about how much it’s going to hurt. I realize that if done the way I am begging for,  I’ll have bruises for a week, it will hurt to sit down for several days and it will take me past my limit.

I’ve also been fantasizing a great deal about Mistress getting stricter with me. Making sure I always have something feminine about me.  Punishing me for talking back,  being disrespectful or failing at tasks that need to be done. Pushing my submissive buttons to manipulate my behavior in a way that favors her.

Why do I want to be hurt?  Why do I want to wear uncomfortable panties and other clothes, or nighties that are difficult to sleep in?  Why do I year to suffer at the hands of my Mistress? 

I truly believe that I need to have control taken away from me. Being tied down and beaten harder than ever isn’t about being beaten.  While I am certainly sexualizing it, I know that the eroticism will quickly go away and I’ll have to deal with non-erotic pain. It’s deeper than a sexual fantasy, it’s psychologically driven. It’s about relinquishing all control to the woman I love with all of my heart.  It’s about me making myself vulnerable to her. Being tied down will force me to remain vulnerable while I try to stop the inevitable.  Being physically hurt will break down my domineering and controlling walls.  I need to be taken down a peg.  I need to be less in control. I’m not good at it. I need to serve my Wife and my Mistress. She’s my everything and me trying to be the boss or have things my way just doesn’t work very well.

Rarely do I give much thought to the why of my fantasies. For the last few weeks I’ve been fantasizing about the sexual aspects of this, but usually, that fades away. The fact I am still so focused on it has made me examine where this need is coming from.  I’m surprised by the results of my self-examination.  I want to serve.

Nervous Anticipation

I had dreams last night, but I don't remember any of them. What I do know is that I woke up extremely horny today.  Mistress and I still have to coordinate my birthday spanking.  I really mean birthday beating as spanking seems to tame to me.  I am to receive at least 51 strokes of the cane or other implement.  A stroke doesn't count if the stroke doesn't cause me to make a verbal response, nor does it have to stop at 51.  One of my readers left a comment that in addition to his birthday spankings, he also gets spanked for his wife's birthday. In my case, Mistress just had her birthday and that would mean an additional 46 spankings.  Just typing that last sentence made my cock hard.

My mind has been a bit consumed with the anticipation of this happening.  The problem is that we are moving soon and we are so unbelievably busy that we haven't had time to make this a priority.  It doesn't stop me from thinking about it when I can.  I imagine all sorts of variations.  Dressed up in a feminine matter. Gagged with a ball gag, a ring gag, a penis gag or Mistress's dirty panties.  A thick buttplug inside me or not.  In my chastity device to keep me from rubbing my cock against the blankets or my cock tied to the bedframe to keep me from squirming.  Legs tied together vs being totally spreadeagled on the bed.  Mistress ignoring my pleas to stop.  I would purposely be quiet, even though a stroke hurts immensely or I would fake a sound to stop the pain early.  Taking lots of pictures to post here in this blog  At the end of the day, I really want to endure the hardest spanking of my entire life. 

This last one is too tame.