Saturday, April 7, 2012

What I have learned...

Over the last few months, but particularly in the last month, I have figured out a lot about myself.  1st thing is I am not a submissive. That doesn't mean I'm not submissive whatsoever.  It means I go through submissive periods.  These periods can be long, intense and extreme.  They can also be short and lighthearted.  The more intense periods I almost liken it to going on a bender.  I am all about it, I will do anything to get my fix and can go for days or weeks.  Other times, it's just fun for the time.  All of this makes it hard on me and certainly hard on my current partner and partners in the past.  This lifestyle almost requires labels.  While I have labeled myself a submissive for the most part, I would now label myself as a submissive/bottom/switch/do me submissive, depending on my mood or life circumstances.  So what does this all mean?

Obviously D/s is a big part of who I am.  I feel D/s should be about 99% of my sex life, but that isn't necessarily practical.  In my mind if I was a dominant or switching but in a dominant role, I would be more inclined to initiate sex, but it would be D/s as well.  Since D/s is important to me, but 24/7 is impossible I am trying to figure a way to make it all work.  Some ideas that have come to mind is that I wear my collar when I am open to being ordered around and following rules.  However I imagine that if I were to put in the collar that it would be of the mindset that I would agree to wear it for a certain amount of time and do whatever I was told to do without limits.  Maybe a few days or a week or a month.  Maybe you would say, don't put on your collar until you are ready to commit to a month or I would like to own you for an entire weekend, will you put on your collar?  I am just throwing out ideas here and am open to any suggestions.  Of course, any time you want to tie me up, I am game.  There doesn't have to be a collar, or protocol or anything elaborate, we could do it just for fun.  I would also agree to rules such as telling you when I am approaching orgasm, whenever you did have me tied up.  I guess what all of this is about is tying to find a win/win without all the BS my flakiness introduces.  Lastly, some of the things I have been thinking about this week.

Sophia as well as being femme when working from home.
Subtle femme stuff in public
temp tattoo
dungeon time
cum play
being outed in some way

I love you and appreciate you always trying to make this work.

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