Friday, June 29, 2012

Realization - I can't manipulate like I used to

Posted on Fetlife

I have spent a majority of my adult life trying to get women to dominate me sexually.  I have had mild temporary successes, but after some time things go awry.  If I wasn’t getting dominated, I would retreat, and when I retreated, my partners would try to use D/s as a tool to get me back into the relationship.  It would work, but because the dynamic was manipulated, it was temporary.  Eventually it became a downward spiral to where nothing worked.  On the way down there would be attempts to bring D/s back into the relationship, but it was always temporary and eventually failed

My current partner won’t put up with my withdrawal.  If I withdraw, she calls me out on it.  She doesn’t allow me to manipulate D/s out of her.  She then puts verbal pressure on me to be a partner in the relationship and tells me the only way I will get what she wants is to give her what she wants.  I am stubborn by nature, however my need for kink always draws me back in.  By her not allowing me to withdraw and let our relationship spiral out of control, she waits for me to come back and express my needs.  When I do she tells me I can have whatever I want, I just need to do the few little things that make her happy.  She’s right.  It’s easier to do what she wants and in turn I get my needs met.  I wish my brain could connect those 2 when I am not feeling submissive and not let me screw things up.  I’m very fortunate to have found someone that can push through my BS.

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