Yearning to be used

Mistress didn't use me this weekend.  We worked a bit too much and had other stuff going on, so the timing wasn't exactly great.  That doesn't mean that I wasn't ready, willing and able.  I fantasized about being directed to the bedroom to prepare a session for her pleasure.  Blinds draw, candles lit, towels down, a few toys out.  I would stay locked in my chastity device.  Whether I was dressed or not would depend on how Mistress was feeling. I would use my fingers, mouth, tongue and toys to give her as many orgasms as she wanted.  She may or may not tell me about how this is my new life.  Serving her sexually without any regard for my sexual pleasure.  She would tell me that her new goal is to condition my brain to equate her pleasure as my only reward.  At some point she would be spent, she would tell me that she was done with me and that I was to clean up and join her when I was finished cleaning up.  That is the fantasy that was going through my head all weekend.

That wasn't my only fantasy.  After 7 weeks with no orgasm and being in chastity the entire time, my mind is a blur of sexual thoughts and images.  Mistress smacking my balls, breath play, putting more and more bruises on my body, butt plugs, spending time in the cage, using the dildo gag on Mistress.  Getting my ass fucked with the electric butt plug. Going back to my feminization routine.  Painted nails.  Using the fucking machine on us both.  Mistress finding ways to use humiliation on me.  Nipple torture that makes my nipples hurt for days.  Panties, piss play, adding some protocols to our life., Smell training in addition to my perfume.  Being smothered by Mistress.  Being spit on.  Having the strap-on used on me and using the strap-on with Mistress when I am locked up.  Tasks, tasks and more tasks. Torture.  The list goes on and on.  My mind is a mess.

Lastly, there was a comment the other day from a slave that gets a daily maintenance spanking with a cane.  I can easily imagine implementing this in our life.  We have a cane that is perfect for something like this.  I can imagine how getting a caning every morning would set the tone for the day.  Sitting in my office chair with my ass burning from a dozen cane strokes.  Having bruises that never go away.  Trying to fall asleep at night. on a day I acted like a shit, knowing that the next morning will be brutal.  I googled the term, and I came up with a term I like better than a 'maintenance spanking'.   Another couple calls is a reassurance spanking.  Here is his definition. They’re disciplinary in style, but they’re not punishment. That’s why we decided on the term reassurance, because they’re intended to reassure her that I’m there to spank her when she needs, whether she actually needs it at that moment or not.

Regardless of what it's called, it's pretty hot to my submissive mind. 

       If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can. 

Used by Mistress

Last night, Mistress and I were lying in bed, chatting before falling asleep.  Mistress was teasing her cock in it's chastity device when she asked when I was last inside her.  I told her it was 4 weeks prior.  She continued to tease me while commenting on how she thinks it is best if I don't have an orgasm at least once a quarter.  If I went a whole year without an orgasm, would it make that much of a difference?  I mentioned how it might be hot to orgasm once a quarter, but when I am allowed to orgasm, I will be forced to orgasm many, many times.  Until I can't cum again.  Until I am squirming with tears in my eyes and begging to be locked be back up.  And then we would start the whole process over.

Found this hot quote

Mistress then told me to get a towel.  This usually means we are going to have sex and the towel is because she is a squirter.  I got 2 towels to be safe.  As I was getting the towels, Mistress made no moves to go get the key to my chastity device.  That's when I realized that this was going to be different.  I placed the towels underneath Mistress and she was now naked.  She told me to make her cum with my fingers.  I put my middle finger in Mistress' already wet pussy.  I quickly found her G-spot.  I slowly teased her as I didn't want her cumming too soon.  As I stroked her G-spot we continued to chat.  Mistress mentioned how I probably needed to spend some time in the cage, and as much as I dislike it, I told her she was right.  She told me that I have been a good boy and that's why I haven't been in the cage.  I suggested that an hour a week would be beneficial for us as it would reinforce the rules as well as our dynamic.  An hour a week to maintain my good-boy behavior.

I continued to stroke her G-spot, now with the intention of making her cum.  After a short while Mistress came with a mild squirt.  I thought for sure that she would have me continue, but she told me she was done with me.

This is the first time Mistress has done this and I found it to be incredibly hot.  Mistress had zero concern about my pleasure.  Not only did I continue to stay locked, I even kept my boxer briefs on.  Mistress didn't have to get the chastity key.  She didn't have to deal with me being on the edge too soon.  She didn't have to worry about me having an accidental release.  She didn't have to have my laying on top of her.  She was selfish and used me and I absolutely love it.  I am thrilled with where this can take us.  I love that my only job is to make sure she is pleased.  I love that I am here, only for her pleasure.  I love that Mistress can be sexually selfish.  I am in heaven this morning.

                

Randomness

As of today I have gone 51 days without an orgasm.  I am still 21 days short of my record of 72 days.  February 3rd will be my new record which I really hope to surpass.  Today is also my 49th day or 7th full week of being locked in chastity.  This is 20 days more than my previous record.  I see no reason this record can't be indefinite.  It's been 13 days since my cock has had any stimulation.  That was when Mistress tied me down and wonderfully tortured me.  And it's been 4 weeks since I have been inside of Mistress.

Last night Mistress indicated that I would be serving her in some capacity.  I don't care what it is or how it is.  Due to Mistress period, her having a cold of some sort and just life in general, it's been awhile since we have had any sexual intimacy.  I look forward to pleasing her in any way she desires without regard to my needs.  She deserves some orgasms!

Earlier this week I was reading one of my blogs in which a submissive was asking to play again with her Domme.  She asked to play, and halfheartedly asked for it to not be so painful.  The Domme essentially said that if they were to play again it was going to hurt more and for a longer period of time.  The concept turned me on quite a bit.  Escalating scenes until the sub used her safe word or truly asked for it to not be so painful.  I love the idea of my situation being escalated until I truly beg for mercy.  I want to be begging for Mistress to be nicer as opposed to me begging for her to be meaner.  

Lastly, I saw the picture below and it spoke to me.  I love the schoolgirl outfit.  It's a perfect balance of naughty and nice without being too fetishy.  The shoes and socks are not sexy, they skirt is bordering on being too short and the blouse is very modest.  I want this outfit. 

I love the idea of her having to write on the chalkboard, but I imaging having to fill the board with the phrase in small letters until the board is full.  It reminds me of my own childhood punishments in the classroom.  I can still smell the chalk.  I fantasize about when she is done writing the lines, that the 'teacher' has her bend over the desk. Her skirt is lifted to find a pair of very non-sexy, white cotton panties.  The panties are left up as this is a punishment, not a sexual act, and she receives 20 hard strokes of the cane for being such a slut.  Afterward she is sent to stand in the corner until detention is over.   Hmmmmm.    

Remote Control

I have mentioned that we have a remote control shocking dog collar that has been adapted to be locked around my cock and balls allowing Mistress to punish me at a distance.  It's a very simple device as in it only shocks and the levels have to be manually changed.

Yesterday I ran across a blog for a couple that is in a Female Led Relationship.  She uses a newer more advanced shocking collar.  This one has a function to beep and another function to vibrate. This is nice because it can be used to summon  slave or warn them, before actually shocking them.  It can be used as a real training device vs a punish only device.  The severity of the shock has 100 levels and can be changed on the remote.  They are rechargeable, waterproof and surprisingly inexpensive.

Mistress also has the ability to monitor my location 24/7 from her phone.  It's surprisingly hot to know that Mistress can keep tabs on me like that.

We also have security cameras in the house that can be moved around so that if Mistress wanted to she could keep close tabs on me.  Now that we both work form home the cameras aren't as much of a control device.

That brings me to remote control sex toys.  For years there have been cheaply made but expensive remote control sex toys.  These toys such as butt plugs, vibrating panties, and vibrating eggs were great in theory, but terrible in the real world.  They cost a lot of money, they were noisy, they didn't have great range and they tended to stop working very quickly.

That has all changed.  The latest versions of these toys are extremely well made.  They are rechargeable,  they are very quiet, and they can work at incredibly long distance so long as you have a smart phone.  I have seen them in the past and though they would be fun, but when I saw the video below, I realized all of the potential uses for toys like these.



The device above is called the Lovense Lush.  It's controlled by Bluetooth and an app from your phone.  You can control it manually, or you can use one of the many patterns.  There is also a library of over 5,000 patterns from other users.  The device can also be sound activated or synced to music.  Some of the devices can be synced so when one device moves, the other reacts.  The best part is that it can be used around the world since it syncs to your phone.  It's like text messaging a sex act.

They make many more devices.  A male masturbating sleeve, a more traditional vibrator, a prostate massager, a Hitachi style device, and a few more similar variations.     

I would love to tie Mistress down and edge her with the lush for as long as possible.  Lying next to her, and being able to drive her crazy.  I would love the same treatment with a butt plug or prostate massager in my ass.  This would be especially hot when I go out of town for work, or when when one of us leaves the house.  I think the funnest thing would be for us each to be wearing a device and for us to go out to dinner or a movie or shopping.  It would be a battle, with each of us trying to mess with the other person or even better giving the other person an orgasm in public.  Lastly, I could see the butt plug or prostate massager being used on me to summon me when Mistress wants something.

Has anyone used a device like this?

   


  

Random thoughts of an incredibly horny guy

The last couple days I wasn't feeling well, and with it my libido dropped quite a it.  Tuesday was my worst day and for a split second I had considered asking to be released from chastity, but I instantly knew that is not something I wanted.  Being locked in chastity when it's difficult and when I don't want it, is precisely when I need to be locked up.  That's when I really feel controlled.  Apparently this morning, I am feeling better as my libido came roaring back.

Yesterday was 6 weeks since my last orgasm and tomorrow will be 6 weeks straight that I have been locked in chastity.  Mistress is doing very well as far as keeping me locked up and not feeling any sort of pity for me.  I hope she is starting to see how good it is for me to be locked up at all times.  The other night she said '365 days bitch', in reference to my desire to be locked up 24/7/365.  Just her saying it and reminding me of it, made my cock get hard.

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Mistress has either started her period or will soon.  I had a standing order that whenever she was having her period I was to be locked in chastity.  Now that I am locked full time we need to come up with another reminder of her period.

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In just less than 4 weeks, I will need to go on a work trip.  I have created a way for me to be both locked in chastity and for my collar to be locked on even though I will be flying.  It will be the first time I will be locked in chastity while on a business trip and I am looking forward to it.

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Recently we watched a TV series and in it there were 4 big tough cowboys.  They came upon the hero of the show and a Native American boy.  They questioned the hero of the show as to his intentions and let him leave, but not before one of the cowboys spit on him.  The hero should have reacted, but knew that was exactly what they wanted.  He was emasculated and humiliated.  You can see these types of scenes in many movies and TV shows.  The common element is that a bully of some sort (male or female) does something mean to a person and the person has to suck it up.  The reason is twofold.  One is to assert their power over the other.  The 2nd is to get a reaction, so they can cause greater harm and feel justified with it.  The instigator in these scenes is a true mental sadist and you can see the pleasure they get from treating other this way.  Ever since seeing that scene I have fantasized about the concept in a D/s way.  I fantasize about Mistress spitting on me.  Either when I am tied up, or even worse if I wasn't tied up and was told to let the spit stay until it dried.  I think of the same thing with cum or other bodily fluids.  I think of Mistress shocking me with either the shocking dog collar or the Tazapper, not because of anything I have done, but to get a reaction and enforce her power over me.  Being locked in the cage for no reason or being made to stand in a corner or having to kneel 'just because' is a unique way to do this.  I love the sadistic cruelty in it and I love the idea of having to submit and suck it up.

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When I have been having my feminine fantasies, I have imagined more ways to be reminded of my feminine side.  I wear a masculine looking wedding ring, but have recently been thinking of a feminine wedding ring to wear around the house.  It's amazing how many feminine rings come in a size 10/11.

     
Mistress received a cheap necklace as a gift.  I tried it on yesterday and realize that in addition to it being a necklace, it can be connected in a way that it can be worn as a choker.  A very slutty choker.

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Since I am now locked in chastity and in my collar, I fantasize about other ways to make my body look 'owned'.  Nail polish is good on the nails, but not the skin.  Neither Mistress or I are tattoo people but I do fantasize about being permanently marked whether by tattoo, branding, another piercing, or scarring.  I doubt that will ever happen but I still fantasize about it.  We have some black henna dye that works pretty well.  Then there is always magic marker.

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Lastly, I don't have any reason where I MUST leave the house for nearly a month.  The ideas that go through my mind thinking of being a house slave for Mistress make my head spin.




If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can. 

The year in review

2017 was tough for me professionally and financially, but on the D/s side of things I was very fortunate.  As I was waking up this morning with Mistress cock straining against its chastity cage, I realized my kinky side had a lot to be thankful for.  Here is a rundown of my submissive 2017.

• I had only 21 orgasms in 2017.  This is a new record for me.  18-20 years ago when I traveled for a loving I came at least 2-3 times a day if not 4-5.  I would estimate I have 900-1000 orgasms per year back in my younger more sexually selfish days.

• I had zero orgasms in February, July and December.

• I had only one orgasm in March, September, and November.

• In May I had 6 orgasms or more than 25% of the whole year.

• I set a new record of 72 days straight with no orgasm.

•  I spent 103 days in chastity.  That beats my previous best year by more than a month.  That is far more than any year in my life.  It is also a great starting point to try for 365 days in 2018.

• I just no realized that I am now in the longest period of continuous chastity in my life at 37 days and counting.  My previous record was 28 days, 2 years ago around this same time of year.  I am very excited to find that out.

•  I was dressed in feminine attire more in 2017 than all of my previous years combined.  Not only was I dressed more, I wore perfume more, I wore heels more, I wore bras more, and I stayed dressed for entire days, not just a couple of hours.  2017 was not a record year for nighty wearing however.

• I embraced my feminine side.

• I embraced wearing a chastity device.

• I spent more hours locked in a cage than I ever have.  This is not pleasure at all, so accepting it has been good for my submissive development.

• Mistress has started using me for her sexual pleasure while not concerning herself with my pleasure.

In so many ways 2017 was a banner year for me in my submissive mind.  I am very fortunate to have a Mistress that accepts me for who I am and wants to help push me further.  So that being said, here are my submissive goals for 2018

• My #1 goal is to break my nasty attitude and demeaning manner when communicating with Mistress.  This part of me is the only part of my father I have in me.  It's part of who I am unfortunately.  It doesn't mean it can't be corrected.  I cannot break it by myself, so I have requested Mistress to do whatever it takes to help me make it go away.  We are coming up with a plan to help me, but I want to reassure her that she can do whatever it takes to break me of this nastiness. I need to fear the consequences.

• Fewer orgasms.  I think something in the 2-6 range would be good, although an entire year without one sounds very exciting.

• 365 days of chastity.  I don't know if this is possible, but it is something I am serious about making happen.

• Being collared 365 days.  This morning I locked my collar back on.  I will have a plan for being able to travel with my collar on as well.

• I would like to be dressed feminine much more, but it's been so long since I have been fully dressed than I am insecure about it and need Mistress to coerce me a bit.  It's not just dress either, just something to keep enforcing my feminine side.

• Becoming more of a servant to Mistress.  From serving her wine, to helping her bathe, I want to truly serve her like a servant in ancient Egypt would serve his Mistress.

• Being used by Mistress for sexual pleasure much more.

• Starting to play in some darker areas.  Exploring things like temporary banishment, public feminization, forced-bi, and cuckolding.  These last 2 are not something I want for real, but I do think being verbally taunted and threatened with them are kind of hot.  I love a good mind-fuck.

• Now that Mistress and I both work from home, Mistress can fully control me in ways she couldn't working from an office.

• To be more owned then ever before and for Mistress to be more pleased than ever before.   

In closing, I want to wish everyone a Happy New year and a prosperous 2018.  I'd also like to thank Mistress for a record breaking 2017!

  

Wrecked

This morning I woke up with the lingering effects of a tease and torture session with Mistress last night.  Mistress and I went out with friends for happy hour and on our way home Mistress told me she was going to make me pay for recent transgressions.  When we got home, Mistress instructed me to put on some music and for me to take off my chastity device and clean up her cock.  While I did that, Mistress got out some implements for pleasure and for pain.  

As I was putting my restraints on, Mistress had me put the big rubber bands on my thighs.  I really wish I never introduced those evil rubber bands to her.  Once my restraints were on, Mistress tied me down spread-eagle to the bed and blindfolded me.  The first thing Mistress did was put her lips on her cock.  It had been so long since I have had any sensation on her cock, the sensation was kind of confusing, but it did feel good.  Next Mistress clamped my nipples with something but I wasn't sure if it was clothespins or clover clamps, but the first one she put on was just on the tip and it hurt for more than the one that had a bit more skin.  I tried to suck it up and deal with it but I had to ask her to reposition it which she did.  Mistress didn't leave them on very long and when she removed them the pain was intense.  Unfortunately I can't feel any residual pain this morning.  There is something very hot about having nipple pain for a day or 2 after a scene.

Mistress also put a glass dildo up my ass and held the Hitachi to it.  It seems like it was against my prostate. I thought for sure that I was going to have cum milked out of me or have an actual anal orgasm.  I think Mistress' goal was to have me leak enough to have something to eat, but I was able to resist.  I forget how much I love having something in my ass.  I feel like such a slut as I try to take it deeper.

The rest of our scene is a blur to me as I got super high off of the combination of happy hour drinks and the endorphins from her abuse.  For about an hour, Mistress edged me multiple times.  She also snapped the rubber bands multiple times of which I have some nice residual marks.  My balls were smacked multiple times while I got scolded for my recent attitude.  The worst part is that Mistress kept me from enjoying any part of her body.  I begged for kisses, or to taste her but she refused my requests.  As best as I can tell she didn't even pleasure herself.  

During this time we discussed a plan for correcting my recent attitude.  Mistress and I are now working together in a new business venture.  I have a lot of experience in this industry and Mistress is new.  I find myself getting frustrated and I end up speaking in a disrespectful manner as well as talking down to Mistress.  This is a behavior that I hate about myself and I seriously want it corrected.  Once the plan is formalized, I will post it here.  

When Mistress was done torturing me, she undid 2 of my limbs and went to the rest room.  I undid my right hand and proceeded to edge myself one more time before she got out of the bathroom.  She had me lock myself back in chastity and then had me clean the room.  While cleaning the room I had to try something out.  I was able to edge myself one more time by holding the Hitachi against my cock cage.  We might have to disable the Hitachi 😊  

The rest of the night I was an absolute mess.  The bondage, the pain, and the edging left me in a hyper sexualized state.  I kept feeling the urge to grab her cock and get myself off, but I couldn't due to the device locked on my cock.  I don't think I will ever be unlocked again.  

We proceeded to discuss the plan to correct my misbehavior while working together.  I assured her this is something I not only want, but I need.  I have agreed that whatever she needs to do me I will accept.  I want to be owned and I cannot be owned if I treat her this way.  I said I doubted her resolve to do this.  Mistress assured me that she did, so long as I was serious about changing.  Mistress commented that she will start making me kneel when I get out of line.  That's probably one of the hottest things she has ever said to me.  Mistress isn't a big fan of kneeling but I now believe she sees how it can 'take me down a notch' and put her in a superior position.

As I was waking up this morning, I was still feeling the powerful effects last night.  I am so horny and desperate, it's making my head spin.  I so want to touch Mistress' locked cock.  I so want to service Mistress all day long with massages, painting her toenails and by giving her orgasms.  I so want to be dressed up as a little whore sissy.  I so want to be locked in a straight jacket and put away for the day.  I so want to have my current state used to push me further into submission.  I am wrecked and I love it.  

           

Chastity. Device vs. No Device

I have been locked in chastity now for 36 days.  Out of those 36 days I have been out of chastity for about a total of 1 hour for Mistress to use her cock.  That's 864 hours that I have been locked with one hour of freedom.  This is a record for me as far as continuous wearing of a device.

It's been 38 days since I have had an orgasm.  That's my 4th longest orgasm free period in my life and a bit more than half way to a new record of denial.

This recent experience has reshaped my ideas on chastity devices.  Here is a synopsis.

Chasity without a device.  I have gone long periods of denial without a device.  As I have stated previously, I am pretty reliable when it comes to the honor system.  But even 99% reliable is still for 3-4 unauthorized orgasms a year or a 25% failure rate if allowed to orgasm 12 times a year.  Without a device, denial without some sort of constant reminder, becomes easy to forget.  It's easy to feel asexual instead of hyper sexual.  Without a device I am occasionally tempted to touch myself, especially when I am in bed alone after Mistress has already gotten up or when Mistress leaves the house for work.  While I do my best to avoid an unauthorized orgasm I sometimes go too far and end up with a ruined orgasm.  I know for a fact that I would have edged myself on at least 4 different occasions over the last 36 days if I were not locked up.  I would also be highly tempted to masturbate as soon as possible after a long denial period or a ruined orgasm.  One benefit of not wearing a device is that my wardrobe choices are unlimited.  Sexual spontaneity is another plus for not wearing a device.

Chastity with a device.  Now that I have fully submitted to the idea of wearing a device I can be a lot more candid about it.  First off, a device makes me hyper sexual.  I cannot stop thinking about my situation.  From the second I wake up, to using the rest room, to bathing, to dressing, to sitting, to standing, to driving, to shopping, to going out with friends, to staying at home and watching TV, to sleeping, there is barely a minute that goes by that I don't feel sexually submissive.  The accommodations I have to make, makes it certain that I cannot forget that I am a chastity slave.  I cannot absentmindedly touch myself, therefore any sensation my cock gets, can only be because Mistress allows it.  Just yesterday morning, Mistress was out of bed before me.  Without thinking, I reached down to give my cock a little squeeze.  Instead of the feeling I was expecting, my hand grabbed my device.  My brain was confused for a split second as the expected sensation wasn't there.  Instead of a physical sexual response, I ended up with a mental submissive/slave response.  I groaned in frustration while at the same time being highly satisfied that I was locked up and under Mistress' control.

I can also not discount the mind-fuck aspect of being locked in chastity.  Last weekend Mistress and I were out and we ran into a woman that we knew from our circle of friends.  We were chatting and she joked and asked us if we wanted a threesome with her.  It may not have been a joke, as we strongly believe that she has been in a couple of threesomes with other couples we know.  While I might fantasize about being in a threesome, the biggest thrill I got out of it was being propositioned for a threesome while being locked in chastity.  If she only knew.

Another mind-fuck aspect is being locked when Mistress and I are not getting along.  It's hard to have the upper hand in an argument when she holds the hey to your cock.

I cannot be trusted on the honor system if total control is what Mistress wants.  While I strive for denial and can achieve it, I don't have enough self control.  While edging on my own and having an accident can likely be forgiven, my biggest chastity crime cannot.  When I am granted an orgasm after long denial periods, Mistress feels generous and will let me stay unlocked for a period of time.  Overnight or even a few days.  This is actually the most dangerous time to let me out.  After a long denial period and especially after a ruined orgasm I am at my most disobedient.  I will sometime purposely give myself a quick, full, satisfying orgasm.  Being locked up immediately after an orgasm does 2 things.  It keeps me from cheating and it gets me ramped back up much faster.     

For those Mistresses that want to completely own their slave, I am of the opinion that a device is necessary.  Even if your slave is 100% honest and chaste, a device makes being chaste a 110% situation.  You can always unlock your slave every day for teasing or for pleasing, and lock him right back up. 

Here's a question for those reading this post.  How do you feel about chastity devices and what other aspects of being chaste can you expand on?         

  

Behavior Modification

The other night I had a dream about our D/s lifestyle.  I was going to write about it yesterday, but by the time I got home my libido was worn off and I didn't have the guts to do it.  This morning, I am in an extra state of horniness and my perfume has amplified it, so now I an recount my dream.

In my dream Mistress has me sitting on the floor in front of our couch.  I don't know if I am sitting or if I am keeling.  Mistress alternates between walking around me lecturing me and sitting on the couch looking me in the eyes.

She says something to the effect of "you need more control in your life and I am going to give it to you.  I am going to use my position over you to change your behavior.  I am going to start with 3 behavior modifications, but don't worry, it will be many more than that very soon."

She continues, "the first thing we are going to change is your foul mouth.  Starting now you are forbidden from swearing.  I don't really care whether you swear or not, but this is about control.  I want you thinking at all times to be careful what comes out of your mouth.  Anytime you swear, you will be punished.  If you swear and use a derogatory word for a woman, you will be punished in a much more extreme fashion.  Male slaves don't get to call women names."  Apparently me being called out by Mistress for calling a bad woman driver a twat got into my dreams.

She continued with her speech.  "The 2nd behavior we are going to change is your driving.  I am no longer going to beg and plead with you to drive in a manner that doesn't scare me.  Starting today, when I tell you to drive safer you will not talk back and you will immediately change the way you are driving.  Your driving often scares me.  If you try to drive that way any more, it's you who will be scared and fearful."

"Lastly we are going to change how much you drink.  I am not anti-alcohol, this is again about my control over you.  Starting today, you will ask for permission to drink any alcohol.  This includes when we go out.  You will also ask for permission any time you would like a refill.  Expect me to say 'no' often.  Expect me to let you have one or 2 and then no more.  Expect me to have you serve me wine while you are forbidden to drink anything.  The best part is that we will use D/s to make you healthier."

The dream has one more element to it, but it kept changing as I had the dream.  Mistress told me that I would be wearing a uniform around the house at all times.  The uniform started as something you would expect a guy to wear in gym class or basic training.  A white shirt, white shorts white socks and tennis shoes.  It was meant to signify my training.  The other outfit was a maids dress, but not the kind one would fantasize about.  It was meant to signify my service to her in a non-sexual way.

Mistress also told me that I am to wear a pink collar with a bell on it whenever I am home to remind both her and me of my place in our relationship.  

I awoke from the dream aroused but confused.  The dream was completely non-sexual.  There was no real D/s element to it other than what was threatened.  I am certain the arousal came from the control aspect of it since it was not really sexual in any way.  It's also possible the arousal was due to my chastity device that has not been removed for nearly a week, and that was just to change devices.  

As I tried to fall back to sleep, my mind raced with the thought of Mistress implementing these changes or others she may have up her sleeve.  The idea of using my submissiveness to her (and our) benefit is hot.  Changing some of my core behaviors to make them less annoying to her or even non-existent is a submissive man's dream.  Or at least this submissive man's dream.     

       
If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can. 

Chastity Dilemma

Mistress and I are heading out of town for a couple days for Christmas.  We've done the family Christmas and are going to a hotel for a couple of days.

Mistress has already commented that she plans on using her cock while we are away.  She mentioned that she may unlock me for the whole time we are gone, but I'd rather that not happen. In my world, the best case is for me to be locked and only taken out for her use.  In Mistress case, having my cock right there whenever she wants is her best case.  Since I have already confessed that I have masturbated on trips without her knowledge, this is not the best scenario.  Here are some of the options that I see for our weekend.

• Mistress unlocks me for the entire trip.  I want to remain orgasm free as long as possible, so cheating will not be something that happens.  What could happen however, is that when Mistress is asleep, I will be feeling the cock I haven't felt for an entire month.  That will progress into edging that I may not be able to stop in time.

• Mistress unlocks me just for sex.  We lose some spontaneity, but I have no way to touch myself and we Mistress maintains 100% control over my cock.  My only fear in this scenario is accidentally orgasming while having sex.  

• Mistress leaves the keys at home.  We take the Hitachi, a strap-on and any other toys she wants and I can pleasure her while I get nothing.  I could use the strap-on and fuck her for as long as she wants with no risk of me cumming.  Also, I could spend a lot of time with my face between her legs.  As a bonus, Mistress could use the strap-on on me while I am locked.  Talk about a mind-fuck.

• Lastly, Mistress could keep me unlocked during waking hours and locked when she is sleeping.  She could wear the key on a necklace or safety pin it to her pillow so that she has readily access to the key.  The only downside to this is if she fell asleep before me.

I am always amazed at how going to a hotel seems to release inhibitions and make sex much easier to accomplish that when we are at home.  I am sitting here fantasizing about the above items as well as other things such as wearing some naughty items under my clothes.  Me bringing some restraints on our trip and Mistress tying me to the bed while she goes to the lobby bar.  It makes me think of us finding a 3rd person for a threesome or making me dress in full femme and being made to walk down a hall and back.  Hotels seem make my already depraved brain even more depraved.  No matter what happens we will have a great time!

Merry Christmas to all of my readers. 

Desperation

It's now been 31 days since my last orgasm and I have been in chastity 100% of the time for the last 29 days.  My only release was for about 20-30 minutes 2 different times, when Mistress wanted to use the cock she owns for her pleasure.  I was wisely locked back up immediately after each use.  The longer I go, the more desperate I become and the more I want to be treated cruelly.

This morning I put a light spray of the perfume Mistress bought for me last year around this time. I have worn it nearly every day since then and it still has an amazingly powerful effect on me.  For example with morning I sprayed it on and within seconds my libido went up, my head spun in a sub-space-y kind of way and I immediately linked it having to do something feminine.  I am very much conditioned to equate the smell of the perfume with having to wear something feminine.  It also goes deeper and triggers a drop in my male attitude.

All of that being said, I live for not being in control of something so basic as my own pleasure. I love the idea of being fully owned. I am intoxicated on hormones and endorphins.  I am becoming addicted to the mix of it all. Addicted.



If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can. 

Staying the course

Yesterday I had an overwhelming day.  Work is busy.  I had tech issues which frustrate me to no end because I am fairly tech savvy.  The day went too fast.  I was in a super foul mood.  Unfortunately I was frustrated and short with Mistress for no good reason.

Mistress and I were supposed to go out yesterday afternoon for an evening networking event for her business.  Logistically it wasn't going to work for me, but with my attitude it wasn't going to work for Mistress either, so she ended up going alone.

Not long after she left the house, I got a text from her.  "If I had more time, you would have been locked in the cage all night"

"I could see that" I replied.

"The dry cleaning should be ready" she texted back, which I took to be an order as well as a test.

"I'll go get it" I texted back.

I ran that errand and picked myself up something to cook for dinner.  In addition to that errand I made sure to straighten up the kitchen, do dishes, and get her coffee pot ready for this morning in case she got up before me.  I thought there was a good chance that I was going to be locked in the cage or banished to the spare bedroom if she had enough reason to do so.  Instead, Mistress had a great evening and seems to have forgiven me for my attitude yesterday.  However she did mention a caning is certainly possible moving forward.

When we were getting ready for bed, she indicated that her first inclination was to text me and tell me that D/s would ending until things improved.  She decided that instead of that she could punish me, instead of changing our dynamic.  I thanked her for changing her mind and staying the course.

It's tough when things aren't going right.  When I get mad, I want out of chastity, I push back on anything feminine Mistress wants me to do and I revert back to my macho side that I hate.  Mistress gets frustrated and wants no part of owning me.  We lose lots of ground in our female led relationship.

What is really cool is when we overcome this challenge.  I stay locked in chastity, I suck it up and dress however I am supposed to, I lose my ability to resist.  Mistress punishes me or turns the screws on me even more, to enforce her ownership over me and her intolerance of my insubordination.  Our D/s dynamic gets stronger because we pushed through.  It's not easy, but I am glad we are getting better at doing it.  I am owned more than I ever thought possible.

If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can. 

 

A car ride

Yesterday morning I had dressed up in comes casual but feminine clothes.  They were not overt items, unless someone was paying attention.  I had a few hours to myself before Mistress got up.  When she did get up she asked to run a couple errands.  Both errands were just going through the drive through of 2 different establishments.  I started to change clothes and Mistress said I should go as I was dressed.  I thought about it for a second and decided it was worth a try.  I did put on a jacket as it was pretty cold, but looking back I wish I didn't have that option.  I took my SUV which sits higher and has tinted windows.  Looking back (in my current, super horny state), I should have taken her car for added humiliation.  Her car sits much closer to the ground and the windows aren't tinted.  Someone would have easily been able to see my denim cropped pants.  Between the 2 places I went to, I would have been much more self-conscious of my situation.  Since I was dressed in a manner that would have been obvious had I had to get out of the car, I made sure to drive slow, and very carefully.  No need to get pulled over or end up in a fender bender and have the police called.  The riskiest part of my adventure was walking out to my SUV as I have to walk behind it with the garage door open to get into it.

Later Mistress asked me how it was, I told her it was perfect for a first try out in public.  She mentioned the word 'conditioning' as though she is conditioning me to get used to the idea of going out.  She said she was surprised that I went out dressed the way I was.  I like to think that I didn't have an option.  I like to think that if I told her I was still going to change into male clothes, that she would have forced the issue and made me leave the house like that. If I refused there would be consequences.  I like to think that my next trip out will have me in more feminine attire with something very obvious. My head is spinning in sub-space with the idea.

I spent the rest of the morning dressed feminine and after we ran an errand in the afternoon, I was dressed masculine the rest of the day.  Mistress is correct.  I am much more agreeable and considerate in my feminine attire.  There is something very powerful that happens inside my mind when the clothes go on.


I wish I would have remembered to take a picture of myself.  Instead I found a couple online.

If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can.  
       

Falling deeper

I's been 25 days since my last orgasm and 23 days since I have been locked in chastity 24/7 except twice when Mistress let me have sex with her.  I am now really starting to feel the desperation of teasing and denial.  Not so much because of the length of time I have been denied, but because twice in the last week Mistress has used me for her pleasure and locked me back up.  The edging and her comments have me very, very ramped up.  Add the hangover I have this morning from a late night Christmas party and I am an absolute hot mess.  My mind is spinning with some of the most depraved things I can think of.

When I woke up this morning I sprayed on my perfume and almost instantly I went from looking for my male pajamas to going into the spare bedroom and throwing on a pair of panties, capri length jeans and a feminine top.  I wanted to wear something much more feminine including heels, but am also back to being insecure without Mistress' encouragement.

While I was getting dressed I found a pair of black jeans that I forgot I bought.  They are tight and have sparkles on the back pockets. It's then that I thought of going out dressed in public.  I imagined having to go wash Mistress's car and having to dry it off.  I would wear and outfit and makeup that would could pass for male clothes unless someone was paying extra attention.  Starting me off slow and getting me used to the idea of being dressed in public vs having me go out full femme for my first time.

Then my brain, being what it is, had me fantasizing about going to a party later today with naughty items (clothes or toys) under my clothes. It's fantasizing about doing chores at Mistress command.  It's fantasizing about total surrender.  It's thinking about the next two weeks, us both working from home and me not needing to be anywhere and Mistress using me up.  It's fantasizing about what an orgasm would feel like, knowing I don't really want one.

All of that being said, it's a damn good thing I am locked up right now.  If not I know that I would be edging myself to all of the thoughts I am having.  It's starting to be a real mind-fuck when I reach down expecting to have my cock feel my touch and it feels nothing.  It's amazing knowing that my pleasure is 100% dependent on Mistress and there is nothing I can do to change it.

I am going to sign off now.  As a note to my readers, I truly appreciate the recent comments.  It makes my blogging much more fulfilling.

Here is my mood today.

   

A plan for my next orgasm.

Last night was another night of Mistress using me in a way that is good for both of us.  Our evening consisted of happy hour, and some time home with the pets.  We went to bed at a decent hour and while we were getting ready Mistress started asking me some questions. Mistress started by asking me how long I could go without an orgasm before I started having a bad attitude.  To me this was an interesting question. 

There are clearly examples of men that get resentful when they don't cum.  I am not one of those men.  I told Mistress so long that there was ample teasing and interaction that I could go a very long time without an orgasm.  And when I say teasing, it doesn't necessarily have to be physically teasing my cock, although that would be nice.  It could be mental teasing.  Comments, text messages, and other sorts of non-physical teasing are very powerful.  Without some sort of acknowledgement and encouragement of chastity play, then I would eventually get resentful, but not due to lack of cumming. 

She asked again how long I could go without an orgasm.  I told her I could likely go a year.  Then I lowered that to once a quarter.  Now it;s not that I can't go a year without an orgasm, I can.  My only concern with long term denial is that I may forget how good an orgasm feels, and then I won't be as motivated to chase that orgasm if I forget how they feel.  That being said, I do believe that frequent edging can make long term orgasm denial (longer than 90 days at a time) possible.  Edging does 3 things.  It reminds the body of what an orgasm will feel like, but at the same time it removes the let down of an orgasm.  The 3rd item is the mind-fuck that occurs by being edged and locked back up.  It's incredibly powerful.

Mistress told me to think about what dates I wanted to have my orgasms.  I suggested she might not have the dominant desire to keep me denied long term and that she would have to enforce 24/7 chastity.  She assured me that she can so long as she gets to have as much pleasure as she wants.  By this point my cock was straining against my chastity cage.  I was in heaven.  Here I was locked up and being told I was going to go a very long time without an orgasm, but she would be using me.

Mistress then told me to put some towels on the bed as she was going to use me.  At first she didn't unlock me.  That made my head spin even more.  She soon relented and had me unlock my cock.  As I entered her pussy, I was amazed at how good it felt.  It's only the 2nd time in 22 days that my cock has felt any sensation.  I slipped deeper into sub-space by knowing I was going to be used for Mistress' pleasure.

As soon as I was inside Mistress she started being very rough with my nipples.  Not too rough as I am not feeling any residual pain this morning.  She started teasing me about the date I would choose for my next orgasm. Would it be Valentines day?  I said that day is for her, not for me.  Besides I want to make sure this period of denial would be the longest of the last 35 years of my life.  My current record of no orgasms was set on March 26th of this year when I went 72 days without an orgasm.  That means I would need to go to at least  February 4th to beat my old record.  So technically Valentines day could work, but I chose March 31st.  That would be 129 days or 4 months and 9 days.  Can we do it?

I wasn't inside Mistress for very long before I was on the edge.  Mistress had me use my fingers on her.  I made her cum in no time.  I was able to put my cock back inside we and we continued to discuss things.  I don't remember the order of things, but here are some of the things that came up.

• I expressed how happy I am to see Mistress embracing my chastity and her pleasure.

• Mistress mentioned that I need to start dressing feminine again.  We both believe I am much more submissive and respectful the more feminine I am dressed.  She will need to reset some ground rules for this as I am out of practice and insecure about it (meaner is better).

• Mistress wants to get me some more feminine outfits.  Looks like a trip to the thrift store soon!

• With us both working from home now, I can be at her beck and call sexually.  I can be on the floor under her desk with my tongue on her pussy, or I can meet her in the bedroom and make her cum until she is satisfied. 

Mistress again asked me what date I wanted to orgasm.  Then an idea hit me.  What if I didn't get to pick my orgasm directly, but I had to do something very difficult to signify that I was ready to orgasm.  What if I asked to be locked in the cage for 24 hours or longer to signify I wanted an orgasm?  What if I went in public fully cross-dressed to signify I wanted to orgasm.  I was going to mention some other limit pushing ideas, but Mistress jumped on that idea, a little too quickly.  She indicated that I will not be allowed an orgasm until I take her car to go get gas while I am fully feminized.  This idea scares the hell out of me while it excites me to no end at the same time.  A real challenge!

I was able to give Mistress at least 3 squirting orgasms before she was done using me.  I immediately cleaned myself up and locked my cock back up.  I thanked Mistress profusely for using me and denying me.  I went to bed feeling very horny, but also feeling very owned.  Every slaves dream come true.

As I write this I am realizing some challenges moving forward.  For me to get so horny that I will get myself dressed up and go out in public will take some effort on both of our parts.  I will need to again dress so often that I become more comfortable dressed in women's clothes than my male clothes.  Mistress will have to make sure I am aroused and teased out of my mind so that my libido overrides my fear of being dressed in public.  A strict Mistress that uses me for her pleasure while ensuring I don't drip even one drop of cum.  A battle of wills to make me cross this boundary I have in my mind.

Regardless of when my next orgasm is, my goal is to make sure Mistress is fully satisfied.  I would like to be inside her more often so that I can fuck her for as long and hard as she wants without the threat of me cumming to soon.  The lack of stimulation I now get makes me too sensitive to pleasure her properly.  If that doesn't work, I can wear a sheath or condoms to reduce my sensitivity.  The plus side to that is she can monitor if I have any unauthorized spillage.

 

       

      

Obsession and Distraction

Once in a while Mistress will make a comment that triggers something inside me that makes me obsess about it.  Not only do I obsess about it, it tends to take me to places I didn't intend on going.  Here is my latest obsession that drifted into something entirely different. 

A few days ago Mistress mentioned that I should watch my attitude, because being locked in the cage in a straitjacket with the shocking device locked on my balls doesn't sound like too much fun.  I replied something to the effect of "to you it might not sound fun".  Since then I have been obsessing about it.  Not so much about the cage, but about something similar.

My first real thought was me thinking of being put into the straight jacket I would lie in the center of one of our spare beds.  My feet would be tied so I would be forced to lie on my back.  I would be blindfolded with earplugs in my ears with white noise playing.  I would be left like this for hours.  Abandoned. 

Then of course, my mind kept going further down the path.  Instead of just being abandoned I imagined having the E-stim box hooked up to me with one set of wires going into a metal butt plug in my ass and bands around my cock.  Mistress would put the settings on the 'torment' function and leave me while my ass and genital are assaulted with electricity.

Then my mind shifted to back to being abandoned for long periods of time.  My mind went darker and realized that the need to go to the bathroom limits the amount of time a slave can be left alone.  It seems that for long term isolation bondage, diapers are frequently used.  Talk about a mind fuck.  Not only are you restricted from moving, but your can't see or hear.  Now your most basic body function is used in your punishment.  I can only imagine how long I would fight to not relieve my self in such a humiliating fashion.  One could be safely left for hours like this.  The inability to move would be excruciating, in a good sadistic way.  The mental anguish of not knowing the time, how long you will be left there and then having to relieve yourself is a very powerful reminder of the control you have given up.  

When I found the image above, I stumbled across another image that I assume only came up because of the diaper.  Apparently these onsies can be used with diapers for adult baby scenes.  These outfits are for people that have a 'little' fetish.  They are unisex and made for people of ALL sizes.  Now I am not into the adult baby fetish one bit, but these outfits do speak to my feminization and humiliation fetish.  I can imagine having to wear one around the house, to bed at night or in a scene of some sort.  The humiliation factor would be extremely high.  

So there you have a perfect example of how my brain works.  It obsesses, but it's also extremely diverse in what appeals to my submissive side.