Today's Edge - Feminization

There is this thing that happens at different levels of orgasm denial.  The longer I go without an orgasm, the more into feminization I get.  This morning had me imagining winter with painted toe nails again as well as fantasizing about panties, nighty's, makeup, heels and all things Femme.  It also had me thinking about some pictures we have taken of me in the past as well as some hot pictures I found online.  The first set of pictures are of me, and the 2nd set are ones I wish were me.  This is what I edged to this morning.  I was actually leaking cum without even being close to the edge.

Posing for Mistress

On web cam performing

Posing for Mistress

Pictures found online...

Love the hair and outfit

Awesome Corset

Nice Bondage

what a slut

 

Jealous!!!

Today's Edge - Captions

I was going through my blog list which I haven't been through in some time.  Normally I hate pictures that have text in them.  Often times they take a picture and in my opinion, change the mood of the picture.  I found one blog today that did a better job than most regarding text in the picture.  As such, I edged to these fantasizing it is my Mistress in the pictures. I got pretty worked up.

Today's Edge - Shocking

I don't know what is going on with me this week.  All of my fantasies this week have been on the edge of what I actually like.  Today is no different.  I edged to the thoughts of electricity play.  I imagined a few different scenarios.

• Tied down with an electric butt plug in, and pads attached to my cock and balls. MBB would then set the Erostek to a setting and hit the "ramp up" button.  She would then adjust it so at the bottom of the ramp I am feeling uncomfortable and then she would sit back and watch it go from 70% to 100% while I struggle.  I imagine her masturbating and squirting while watching me struggle reminding me I asked for it.

• We also have a shocking dog collar that goes around the balls.  I recently read a story where a woman tied up her man in a way he could masturbate.  She made him stroke and she would give him random shocks.  The goal for her was to keep him from cumming and the goal for him was to cum.  I imagine the shocks would make it hard to get to the edge, but once at the edge the shocks would push me over.  The other variation on this was she would use a leather strap and spank him trying to accomplish the same goal.

• I also imagine wearing the shocking dog collar and made to masturbate to orgasm or have sex to orgasm.  Once the orgasm was complete MBB would give me 10 seconds to start cleaning up the mess with my tongue or I would get shocked.  Out of all my cum eating fantasies this would be the worse, because I would have to choose to do it.  

• Lastly we have a toy called a Tazapper.  It's like a mini cattle prod, and in the scheme of things not very strong, but for some reason it puts the fear of Goddess in me.  I does hurt, and can actually hurt quite a bit, but I think it's the loud noise and the visual shock it makes that makes it so scary.  I actually go between teary from fear and anger when this toy is used.  Fight or flight really.  I imagine her just mind fucking me with it, all the while giggling.  Making me admit to nasty things and agree to just about anything to make the torment stop.  

Today's Edge - Vacuum Bed

This morning I edge to the thought of being in our vacuum bed.  The vacuum bed is unique in that you aren't tied up, but you can't move a muscle either.  I imagine it would be like being drugged so you can't move a muscle, but you are aware of everything.  I fantasized about tying my balls in a neat little package before getting in the bed.  I would then get in and position my legs tight together with my balls on top of my thighs.  My hands would be at my side and slightly under me to keep my body weight on them and to keep my profile thinner.  MBB would then turn on the bed and let it crush me before turning it off (our bed holds air very well so a vacuum doesn't need to keep running).  She would then block off my breathing with a finger on the air tube and make me squirm for air.  She might take a drink of wine and spit some down the breathing tube for me to drink.  I then fantasized about her smacking me in the balls and there would be nothing I could do about it.  I also thought about her using the Venus 2000 on me to tease me, but realized that wouldn't work for my final nasty thought.  I thought about MBB either putting a condom on my cock, and then she would ride my cock until I came inside her.  Then I would hear her next idea.  She would tell me she is going to scoop all of my cum out of her pussy and feed it to me down the tube.  There would be nothing I could do to stop it.  I also imagined her getting me to cum in a condom and feeding that to me down the tube.  I would be so pissed off, but for some reason that idea gets me so hot.

Today's Edge - Helpless

I haven't been able to edge as much lately, but did today.  This had me thinking about the helplessness of his situation.  I am not sure why being completely helpless makes me so hot.

Ball Busting

MBB loves to hit me in the balls, and I hate it, especially if I am not restrained.  This looks fun from pure helplessness standpoint, but it's also damn scary for the same reason.

Lessons Learned

Friday night Miss Bossy Bitch tied me to our bed as promised.  She tied me about as tight as I have ever been tied.  While I was tied, she sucked my cock, and gave me an amazing teasing hand job.  In between strokes she would smack my balls with some sort of implement.  I hate my balls being smacked, but because I am tied down and there is nothing I can do about it, I love it.  As part of the torture, MBB asked me lots of questions and made lot of suggestions.

Some of the suggestions that came out (that I remember) were as follows...

• I should wear the ones I have and buy some additional female workout clothes to work out in (including sports bras - humiliating).  This would reinforce my working out for my Mistress, especially looking in the mirror.  I noticed Target had some cute inexpensive workout clothes in all sizes.
• MBB is planning on having me wear a butt plug when we go out.  I have rarely worn a plug in her presence so I am sure that would be a nice mind fuck.
• More focus on me wearing feminine clothes.
• She plans on taking more control over me.
• She is planning on including chastity in as part of that control.
• I still need to be punished for past transgressions.  Side note, I still feel that punishments (earned or for maintenance) are a good way to keep the dynamic real.  It sets the hierarchy in our relationship and reinforces our positions.

Now as far as the title of this post, Lessons Learned, This is what I have learned in the last few years.  While I have a lot in my mind about how a female led relationship should work, it really doesn't matter.  Obviously D/s is something I need, but it's not something MBB has to do for me.  In reality if I want her to dominate me I have to do it on her terms and without fail.  MBB has taught me that forcing my ideas on her only keeps me  from what I need.  She has taught me that no D/s is worse than having to do things I may not want to do.  In fact I have learned I would rather do 10 D/s things that I dislike than go too long without any D/s.  I have learned that if MBB wants me in chastity full time, and it turns her on and we get to play more, then I need to be in chastity full time.  I need to do whatever she wants me to do if I plan on getting my D/s needs met.  At the end of the day, that is what submission is all about.  

As far as my edging today, I didn't edge about any fantasy.  I edged about the topic above.  I edged thinking about D/s on MBB terms and not mine.  Needless to say I got to the edge much quicker. I even leaked some...

I love you Miss Bossy!

No Edge Today

Mistress told me we were going to have a session in the dungeon over the next few days.  To save myself, I didn't edge today.  What I did do was go through my Tumblr account.  Holy Cow!  I must have been in some crazy horny moods when I posted some of those.

Old Times

This morning I got an email that I was to remain plugged for a minimum of 2 hours today.  I held off on posting so I could report that I am currently at 4 hours of being plugged.

I did edge this morning, but it is much more challenging to know where the edge is when I am on “10” like I am and with a massive plug rubbing up against my prostate.  I hit the edge much faster and with a fear of massive leakage, but I did stop in time.

My edge today had me going back almost 2.5 years ago when Miss Bossy Bitch were dating for a while.  We went out a few times a week, and during those times MBB would make sure she used me sexually.  Almost every night after a date, MBB would have my cock inside her.  A lot of times I got to cum, which meant I could last long enough to give her multiple orgasms.  Other times, she would have me wear stockings and garters under my jeans.  She would run her hand along the garters when we were out and make me feel self-conscious, which just made me hornier.  At the end of those nights she would tie me to the bed and use my cock for her pleasure. Sometimes she would fuck my in my stockings with her strap on.  If I were to stay the night, I would have to sleep in the wet spot.  Some nights MBB would have me fuck her to multiple orgasms and then she would push me off of her and tell me she was done.  Sometimes she would let me stay, other nights she would make me put on my chastity device and send me home.  I never knew what was going to happen.  MBB made sure she got her orgasms though.   I got my fair share of orgasms which helped keep my stamina up compared to now.  Needless to say, reliving those days got me all worked up this morning.

Deeper and Naughtier

I guess it was inevitable that I was going to get to this stage.  It has been 16 days since my last orgasm.  I am edging again and writing about it.  Mistress has been putting me in a nighty.  All of that plus the 2 of us have been getting along pretty well has me in such a submissive head space right now.  

Today's edge had me edging to the idea of our D/s relationship being more hard core.  Some of the things I was getting super turned on by were as follows.

Mistress would go through my wallet and take all of my debit/credit cards and hide them from me.  She would have me fill my gas tank each weekend and give me a cash allowance (something small like $5-$20).  She would forbid me to make any purchases without her permission.  Anything I would want to buy I would have to ask for money to do it. 

Mistress would make me start taking naughty pictures of myself and posing them on the blog or on my Tumblr page.  Each month about 450 people visit the blog and I wouldn't know who was seeing them.  I'm sure it wouldn't be long before they showed up in other places online.

On Saturday Mistress had her nail appointment, and I enjoyed a bike ride.  This morning I dreamt of being given a task list of things to do or to be locked in the dungeon while she was being pampered.  As I typed that, I thought of going on her appointment with her, but I would have a plug in my ass and would be wearing other kink items.

I did imagine my cock locked up in Chastity.  Stupid Libido.

I imagined Mistress taking me to Drag Shows or other venues to get me conditioned to the idea

I imagined Mistress would make me pay her for sessions

Mistress would tell me what to wear or ask if my wardrobe is ok

I imagined Mistress using the rotisserie that I already converted to BDSM usage to pull a clothespin zipper off of me.

I imagined Mistress whoring me out online to a Master.

I imagined Mistress letting me cut her name or initials into my body

I imagined having all of my feminine clothes back in our room. 

My mind is spinning just thinking of it all

If I were a girl

There is no doubt about it.  75-85% of straight D/s porn out there depicts women as the submissive.  So many of the Tumblr's I see have these amazing bondage scenarios, tortures, outfits, etc where the woman is the submissive, it sometimes makes me wish I were a girl.  Even gay porn has some really great scenes, but I am not gay or bi, so I am always imagining the Dom is a Domme.

Search for porn where the guy is a submissive is a challenge unless it's chastity or cuckolding.  Google or Bing something like "predicament bondage" or "outdoor bondage" and it's less than 20% of male subs.

That got me to thinking.  If I were a girl, with the same brain I have now, what would I want?  Since MBB is a little bi, I would still want her as my mistress.  And since I would have the same brain as far as kink is considered, I would be lesbian and not bi.  If I were a girl, Mistress would make me...

Wear heels all the time

Make me dress slutty when punishing me

Corset punishment


Force multiple orgasms from me until I was crying



Make me go without panties in public

Make me play with myself while in the car


She would use toys on me and make me clean them off with my mouth


She would tie me up in impossibly tight positions


She would use the fucking machine on me non-stop

  
She would make me sock cock until I choked


Torture me with another girl


Use my mouth

Gush all over my face


What I realized on this post was 2 things.
1.  These are all things I wuld like to do if I was dominating a girl.
2. Most of thhese things I don't have to be a girl.  Most could be done to a boy, it;s just that there is little imagery that supports this.

Nighty Night & Today's Edge

Last night Mistress had me wear a nighty.  She told me a few hours before bed that I had to wear one and she didn't remind me at bedtime.  Thank goodness I remembered on my own.

There is no way in the word for me to sleep in a nighty and not think about very nasty stuff.  First, putting it on in front of her is humiliating.  Humiliation is good to put me in a certain space.  Then every time I wake up, I have to situate the nighty, and that in turn makes me think about what a slut I am and the things I love to do when I am in this frame of mind.

That got me thinking about a blog post I found the other day. Below is what I edged to today.  They are some highlights from this page http://girlscanbesocruel.com/Overview.html

3. NAKED DAYS. About 10 days per month I use my power as "Queen" to declare it a "Naked Day."  What that means to my slave is that he is naked all day that he is home.  Despite the fact that we have been married for many years, he finds being naked in front of me to be quite humbling.  At the end of each Naked Day I allow him an orgasm as a reward for all of his hard work..  When he orgasms at the end of a Naked Day, it is always through some form of humiliating masturbation.

5. HIGH PROTOCOLS.  I never really felt drawn to "High Protocols" like a lot of Doms however I do insist on certain rituals that keep him in his place and on his toes. My goal is to keep him in sub space and strip him of his dignity because I know that is what he wants.

6.  BE YOURSELF.  At first I tried to be like what I thought a Dominatrix was supposed to be and it never felt right.  I am not into the Dominatrix thing at all.  That's just not me.  I'm a demure girl from a small town in Rhode Island. Whatever you do create a style that you feel completely comfortable in.  My style is quiet but very strict.  I never raise my voice.  It took some practice and research however trust me when I say that I can be the cruelest of girls ever! He has told me that in the times I have pushed him beyond his comfort zone and made him regret that he was in this predicament that these later became his best masturbatory fantasies.

7.  MASTURBATION.  If it were up to him he would have two orgasms every day.  I use masturbation as his primary reward for being a good slave. Masturbation requires no work on my part and it is very embarrassing for him.  At the end of each Naked Day, I never offer to let him masturbate. Instead if he wants to cum, which of course he does, he must ask permission. When I am done with his service and nakedness I will tell him that I am ready for him to get showered, get dressed and return to his role as my husband.  I don't say it however if he wants to cum which he always does, he must kneel in front of me and with flaming red cheeks he says, "Mistress, may I please masturbate?"  I give him permission to masturbate every time or he seems unable to function back in the role of my husband until he cums so I never withhold orgasm as a punishment or he drives me crazy. 

8.  BACK UP TASKS.  Some days he has more time than other days.  In the Slave Journal I maintain a list of things that need to be done around the house, but not necessarily that day.  Thus, when he has extra time he can complete some of the optional tasks.  If he does something that really pleases me in a timely fashion, he gets a pleasure reward.  If too much time goes by and I notice he has not completed an undesirable task, he is punished with work that is twice as hard as the original task that he procrastinated with.

9.  BREATHERS.  Breathers are critical to our Dominance/Submissive (D/s) dynamics.  I call them "Breathers" because they are a breather for me in terms of dominant energy.  I use Breathers when he wants to play and I don't have the time, interest, or energy.  I use Breathers sometimes when he is horny and I am on my period.  I also use Breathers on Naked days as a reward of sorts.  Breathers are ways for him to suffer for up to two hours but can never take more than 10 minutes of my time.  Like many submissives that I have read about, my husband has a very rich fantasy life.  I gave him one week to come up with a list of 25 tasks that he would find to be humiliating.  The Breathers are kept in an envelope in the back of the Slave Journal.  On Naked Days, or sometimes when he has indicated that he wants to play that night, I draw a "Breather" from the envelop and make him perform the Breather while I read, nap, eat ice cream or watch TV.  I generally pick the Breather from the envelope a day or two before I am going to actually use it so I can let it bake in my brain as I always try to expand on his fantasy so it has my own flavor to it.

10.  PUNISHMENT. In order for the D/s scenes and lifestyle to be real he must have the fear of genuine punishment looming over his head.  Let's say he has done a good job cleaning the house but not a great job, I punish him. Let's say he had a bad attitude, I punish him.  Let's say he forgets to do something, I punish him. I love to find reasons to punish him.  Here are some of the methods I use that have worked really well for me.  A)  I make him bend over, touch his toes and I paddle him with a ping pong paddle.  I reserve this for serious infractions and I give him very hard swats. He hates it and therefore rarely makes the same mistake twice.  B)  We have a tool shed that is as hot as a sweat box on some days.  I banish him to the shed, tie his wrists to the rafters and leave him in the dark for one hour with an overly ripe banana smeared all over his groin, ass and underarms as bait for the flies! D) I think this is a fairly common punishment based on things I have seen in fem dom chat rooms, however making him write punishment lines is very effective, i.e., "I promise to put the toilet seat down."  My twist on this is that I have him use the toilet as a table

Today's Edge, The Darker Side

So yesterday's edge had me thinking about the nicer, funner side of D/s.  Yesterday afternoon and this morning I have been thinking about the darker side.

Over the last year or so, I have done a few things that I have not been proud of and has upset MBB.  From losing my collar, staying out too late, being too rough in bed, and occasionally being disrespectful, I have been less than stellar.  Now MBB has been forgiving and that has been very much appreciated.  However in  my somewhat twisted fantasy world, she would have exacted some sort of retribution.  After being forgiven I would have to redeem myself in any way she chose.  Now what I am about to write is stuff I probably would not like, but because I was forced to do them I would eventually come around to be turned on about it.  There is something about not being able to say NO.

• Chastity.  Anyone that has red this blog knows that I really don;t like chastity, especially as a form of punishment.  MBB tends to not play D/s when she is upset with me so to be in chastity with no D/s, would suck.  I imagine a certain amount of days with no breaks as my sentence.
• Good old-fashioned beating.  I recently read a blog post where a mistress chained her slave face down to a bed, beat the slave well, threw a blanket over the slave and left the slave overnight chained to the bed.  The slave was not happy, but respected the situation eventually.
• Cage time
• Writing lines.  Just like in elementary school, writing lines for hours.  Some Mistresses add distractions like plugs, gags, restraints etc.   Others require reports or stories but they don't seem as tedious.
• Cum eating.  Not forced like I actually fantasize about.  Willingly eating my cum a certain amount of times before D/s happens again.  Whether is cleaning my cum out of MBB, cumming in my hand and eating it or some other way.  This would force me to debase myself to even things out.
• Hard Labor.  We have a rather large yard that always has work needing to be done.  I have read posts of some Mistresses that put their slave to work in the yard.  The dress him or undress him how they want and put him to work.  Some of it is meaningless like digging a hole on one end of the yard and filling one on the other end or moving large rocks just to move them.  They add collars,plugs, etc. To add the punishment most will sit in the shade or sun bathe while their slave works.
• Electricity.  We have a shocking dog collar as well as a TENS unit.  They can both be kind of fun, but they can also be excruciating.

Now I have known about a lot of these things for some time, but have never mentioned them due to how much they would suck.  However with the dark side of my brain working, I decided to post them.

It's been a while - today's edge

It's been sometime since I have edged.  MBB and I have been extremely busy for the last month or so with work and home.  Most everything is now back to normal, so hopefully we can get back to our normal.

My edging today was me imagining being tied to our bed very tightly.  MBB stroking my cock, and verbally teasing me about how she is not going to let me cum.  She gets me super worked up and takes nice long breaks while she just lightly teases my cock, keeping me hard, but not even getting me close tot he edge.  Then she would edge me again and go back to the slow agonizing tease.

While verbally taunting me she would ask me all sorts of questions.  Asking me if I want to wear panties again, asking me if I would wear a nighty every day for a month without being told to.  She would ask me if I wanted my cum filled panties in my mouth.  She would tell me to tell her nasty things I would do for her.  If it wasn't nasty enough she would stop stroking and start hitting my balls until I got nasty enough.  She would get me to agree to anything.

She then unties me, and makes me service her with her favorite glass toy.  After she cums again and again she tells me it's time for bed.  I don't get to cum, but I am worked up like nobody's business.  I sleep poorly with all sorts of naughty things going through my mind and by morning she has me eating out of her hand willing to do anything for an orgasm.

Today's Edge - Fucking Machine

Today's edge had me thinking about the fucking machine Mistress and I have.  I have used it once in my ass, but not with Mistress.  I imagined her telling me to make sure I am "cleaned out" an hour or so before we start.  I get myself ready and cleaned up.  I show up in the dungeon ready to go.  Mistress would either tie me down to the cross on up or down, or on the kneeling stockade.  She would then proceed to lube up my ass and work a finger or some of our smaller toys to get me loosened up a little.  She would then place the fucking machine ready to fuck my ass.  I imagined her telling me that my cock is not going to get any attention (except possibly pain) and my ass will be the focus of my ordeal.  I imagined it being a slow deliberate deep fucking, but of course Mistress could make it fast and furious.  I imagine her playing with the controls with an evil smile as well as making me beg for more lube when things dry out.

I imagine her using her glass dildo on herself as well as our Hitachi.  She would get multiple orgasms all the while teasing me about how I can't orgasm from my ass - or can I?

The dark side of me thinks about her making me cum in the 1st couple minutes of the session so my ass is getting fucked when I am not horny.  I would be cursing her and using my safe-word and having her ignore it. I would be pissy but know deep down it would make me horny thinking about it.

2 days worth

Mistress and I recently got back from vacation so I am back to edging.

Yesterday's edge had me imagining dominating Mistress and forcing her to cum over and over and over.  I would use my cock for the first few orgasms and then switch to the heavy machinery.

This is how I would like to do it.

Today's edge had me thinking about difficult bondage positions.  Looks hot, but would totally suck.  I would be pissed of during and then would likely edge myself to it for days.