Tease and Denial

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Erotic Humilation

Let me start by thanking MBB for making me wear a nighty to bed last night.  There is no way to sleep in a nighty and not think about kinky things.  Every time I moved positions I had to adjust the nighty and that would remind me of my place and my mindset.  The nighty is what made today's edging fantasy very easy to come up with.  Erotic Humiliation, here are things that while mild to very humiliating, I find very hot.

Panties
Wearing a bra any time but particularly in public
Wearing pantyhose
Wearing lip gloss or tinted lip balm in public
Clear mascara
Clear nail polish
Colored nail polish , I can actually feel it on my nails, but seeing it is extra humiliating
Fake nails - typing all day would be a mind fuck
Collar

Masturbating in front of MBB
Wearing anything feminine in front of MBB
Feminine jewelry - toe ring, anklet, piercing items

 

Wearing Pantyhose with shorts in the summer.  Being made to get out of the car (ATM, Gas)
MBB taking Sophia for a drive
Going on a trip together and finding only toys and femme clothes in my luggage
Anything to do with my cum, especially more humiliating after orgasm
Fucking myself in the ass with a toy in front of MBB
Femme fake tattoo on lower back - have temp tramp stamp in nightstand drawer
Temp Tattoo anything, anywhere

Using Sharpie Pen to write on my body - lot's of ideas come to mind here

Femme deodorant, perfume, etc.
Being outed
Dog cage

Sucking strap on
Shocking dog collar - because I am such a wimp when it's on me
Bikini sun bathing
Sleep in bondage
Webcam exhibitionism











Milking myself with anal toy
Shopping for embarrassing items
Standing in corner
Made to watch MBB masturbate while in chastity
Hogtied inches away from MBB pussy and can only watch
Fucked in the ass while in chastity

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotic_humiliation

Wow.  It's amazing what a little edging does to me.

Today's Fantasy - A Good Beating

This morning while edging I was thinking about how long it has been since I had a good beating.  I'm not big into pain, but there is something very cathartic about having to endure such a thing.  The endorphin release, the loss of control, and enduring such a thing does something.  Not to mention the marks that are left afterward.

I was imagining being tied face down to start.  MBB would start with medium smacks across my ass with a leather strap and an occasional harder hit.  From there she would start at my feet, smacking the soles until I yelped in pain.  Then she would move up and hit my calves and thighs and then my upper back.  A few well placed smacks to my cock and balls would also be added.  Once I was sufficiently warmed up, she would use a cane on me.  I imagined her hitting me hard enough to get me struggling and breathing nicely and then she would back off.  Alternating implements she would go from my feet to my ass.  I also imagined her telling me she wanted me to safe word 3 times before the beating would stop.  By now I would have so many endorphin's rushing through me that  I would do my best not to safe word no matter what.

I also thought about tortures other than beatings, electricity, ball busting, hot candle wax, clothespin zipper.  All things that would have me begging her to stop and a couple would put terror in my eyes.

Now I haven't done much recently to deserve such treatment.  As I said catharsis would be one good aspect of it, but if my Mistress didn't want to beat me just for the sake of beating me (or becuase it turns her on) then I know there have been a couple transgressions over the last year I still haven't paid for :-)

Today's Fantasy - Servicing Mistress

For this morning's edging exercise I fantasized about being Mistress' tool.  I got very hot and bothered about being made to service herr in any way she desired without any though of my own pleasure.  Different ways I thought of were...

• I awaken to her touching me to wake me up.  As soon as she can tell I am awake, she tells me she wants my cock inside her and to help her get wet.  She has me fuck her until she cums and tells me she is done with me.
• Before bed she tells me to pull out her glass dildo and use it on her while we make out. After she orgasms as much as she wants she tells me to cleanup her toy and get to bed, again denying me.
• On her way home from work I get a text to have the blind fold and dildo gag out by the time she gets home from work.  She calls me when she is close to home and tells me to be on the bed wearing my clothes as well as the gag and blindfold.  I hear her come home, come up the stairs, and get undressed and lie on the bed.  She then has me fuck her until she is done using me.
• She makes me lie in bed next to her with my eyes closed while she masturbates herself before bed at night.
• She has me go down on her while she watches one of her shows.
• She has me use my fingers to make her cum and cum, all the while teasing me about not getting any myself.
• Doing all of these while locked in chastity made it even more hot in my mind.

That's what got me going early this morning!

Starting Up Again

I have decided to start doing a daily posting again.  I also started my daily edging again.

Today's edging had me fantasizing about being tied on my back.  MBB is fucking me in my ass with her strap-on and at the same time a large dildo is in my mouth.  MBB would push down on the dildo occasionally, while verbally teasing me about taking two cocks.  When she wasn't pushing on the dildo in my mouth, she was expecting me to push it out and then suck it back in.  She would then stroke my cock in rhythm with my sucking of the cock.  She tells me that if I want to cum I had better go faster as she will not stroke me any faster than I suck. She also tells me not to give up, because if I don't suck enough to get an orgasm I will go into chastity for a week without being let out.  After I orgasm she teases me about "sucking cock just to get an orgasm".

Here are a couple pictures that are part of the equation.

In my head

Wow.  Last night was a huge surprise that I can't get out of my head.  I absolutely loved the lack of control and the vulnerability I experienced.  I didn't like the smacks inside the thighs or on my cock and balls, but I kept my legs open to receive them.  I have marks today I love and wish I had more of.  I didn't like sleeping in a nighty or in chastity, but I wanted to endure it.  A side benefit was all the thoughts that ran through my head each time I woke up with a hard on that had no where to go.  Even though you forced me to have an orgasm, I am on 10 today because of how you treated me.  

I'm sorry I get pushy.  I love being abused (in both good and bad ways) by you and don't appreciate that enough.  Just thinking about it has me all sub spacey right now.  Thank you for hurting me.  I love you!

Your slave, whenever you want.

Christmas Shaming (a story)

An excerpt from this hot story... link here  A Massage Parlour Shaming for Xmas

I told David I was taking him out for his early Christmas present today, and that he needed to dress appropriately. Maybe he was thinking a Christmas recital or something? I doubt it! I told him that "appropriately" meant in his pretty frilly pink panties underneath. He knew now that I had something kinky and humiliating up my sleeve for him, but he did not know what. Good thing is that he's always game, so he groaned a bit (he wasn't serious) and did as he was told.

It's tough to stay updated

With colds, work, travel, and everything else in life it can be hard to keep a blog or diary updated.  It's especially difficult when D/s thoughts are not at the forefront of the brain.  Today is an exception to that as I woke up in mood.

MBB got up very early today to get things done at work.  That was part of the reason I couldn't sleep, but the main reason was all the naughty stuff going through my mind.  It was like a switch flipped this morning for some reason.  I am thinking that since I started working out again and started eating more/better, my testosterone must be rising.  Apparently not working out and eating very little or crappy causes testosterone to drop quite a bit.  It probably also has something to do with my last orgasm being 13 days ago as listed on the right side of this blog page.

Here is some of the stuff that was running through my mind.

Last week I traveled out of town.  I had been fantasizing that MBB would have tied me down (or up), and gave me a good beating on my ass.  That way my entire trip I would remember it every time I sat down, especially in an airplane seat.  I had also fantasized about her packing my underwear for the trip.  MBB and I had talked in the past about using panties as cum towel that would eventually find it's way in my mouth as a gag. This morning I replayed what that would have looked like in my mind and wished I had the balls to ask for that before I left.

A recurring fantasy has also been about being tied up in uncomfortable, stressful ways.  Ways that would make me wish I wasn't tied up (if that's at all possible).  Being put in the stocks in heels keeps running through my mind, and for some reason this morning I thought about having the ring gag in my mouth at the same time, drooling all over embarrassingly.  I also think about predicament bondage where I get to choose what happens, and both options suck.  When MBB and I first met, I put her in a predicament position with the legs in the air tied to a string above her with clothespins on her nipples.  She had to choose when her legs hurt enough to pull the clamps.  It was hot!

I have also been thinking about a long teasing session where every time I tell MBB I am about to cum she causes some sort of pain to me.  A hit to the balls, removing a nipple clamp, a rubber band snapping my skin.  Something that would bring me back from the edge and frustrate me that I couldn't cum either.

And as always, femme ideas some into my mind whenever I go this long without cumming.  There is something about wearing taboo items that escalates the process.

Back to work...

    

Girl on Girl

I think I found my new favorite site.  There is something so hot about 2 women together, especially in a D/s way.

http://mistressanastasia.tumblr.com/

Fits and Starts and CBT

For the last month my MBB and I have been sick.  We have sex a couple times, but very little D/s.  D/s takes some work and effort, and I don't think either one of us has been up for that (as you can tell by my missing posts).

In the interest of getting started again I was going to write about the idea of doing some breath play, but with my cough, it doesn't sound very fun.  As a back up, I have been thinking about this for some time, but haven't had the guts to post it.

MBB and I have some fun with teasing and orgasm denial.  Part of the deal is, if I cum without permission we don't play or I get punished.  I am also to tell her anytime I am close to cumming.  This allows her to decide what to do with me.  Recently she started ruining my orgasms by stopping them just as they start.  I really do believe they are worse than no orgasm or an orgasm that goes too far.  I have been thinking about MBB tell me to prepare myself on the bed y restraining myself.  As an added touch, I would either put on my neoprene ball stretcher witch put my ball in a tight little package (ripe for abuse) or to tie my balls with a thin rope to the foot board nice and tight so they stay in one place, or a combination of the stretcher and the rope.  MBB would then finish restraining me.  In my mind I would be blindfolded and gagged.  MBB would then tell me that I had to tell her when I was about to cum while she stroked my cock.  She would get me to the edge several times.  One of these times she would stop stroking and start smacking my balls.  I start screaming and struggling.  She would scold me saying I must not have been very close since I didn't cum, and then she explaina to me that the only way I can cum is from my balls being smacked.  She advises me to tell her when I am a little closer but if I cum without her smacking my balls, she will still smack them but not until after I am all sensitive.  I beg her to stop (gagged or not) and she starts stroking me again nice and slow.  The next time I tell her I am close she stops to make sure I didn't already start cumming.  The next time I tell her I am cumming, she strokes until she knows it's a sure thing.  She stops stroking my cock and starts smacking my balls.  The pain is intense, but it pushes me over the edge.  The orgasm is amazing, but so is the pain.  She doesn't stop smacking until the cum stops and I am screaming and almost in tears.  She has done it.  She has given me an orgasm, but made it terrible at the same time.

The above excites me but scares me too.  The excitement is more exciting than the fear though.

Delayed post

Due to recent colds, and life happening, I haven't posted in a little over a week.  Although D/s isn't big in our life right now, it still exists in small ways.  Sunday I was tied to the bed and had a ruined orgasm.  Yesterday I had to update my toenail polish.  Today found me wearing crotch-less fishnet pantyhose with no panties when I did a presentation at one of my customer's offices.  In the next hour or so I will be wearing my butt plug until my Mistress gets home and tells me it's ok to remove my plug. Considering my cold, I am surprised how horny I am. I am certainly in a mood.  It's nice to not have any say in what MBB wants from me.  It's actually kind of freeing.  I am so in love with her.

Dungeon equipment - suspension

MBB have a dungeon in our basement.  It's small, but has lots of items.  A winch suspended from the ceiling is one of these items.  Here are some things that can be done with a winch.

Weekly Post

I am very glad MBB and I discussed getting our Female Led Relationship back on track.  We have been ramping back up nicely.  It seems to me that MBB is getting more comfortable bossing me around.  As her confidence increases, she will be demanding more and more of me as her submissive.  We have had sex 3 times in the last week, and only one of those times have I had an orgasm.  I can easily see us having sex 4-6 times a week with no release for me.  I like the idea of being her tool for pleasure.  There is nothing hotter than being told to take off my pants and to fuck her as long as she wants.  It reminds me of our first 6 months of dating where she would tell me "when we get home, go upstairs, get naked, and get the ropes out."  While ropes would be nice, I have committed to pleasing Mistress on her terms.  It turns me on immensely to see what her idea of a D/s relationship is without her being too influenced by what I want.  The more I think about doing it her way and how it might be much different than a fantasy I have built up in my head, the more real it seems.  Submitting to her on my terms is play.  Submitting to her on her terms will be a great way to get deep into my soul.

This week also brings something new.  Every day, I am to have my butt plug in before Mistress gets home from work.  Normally she will have me plug myself during the day, which is fine, but to be plugged in her presence will definitely be more interesting.  My head is spinning just a tad at the thought of preparing myself for her in this way.  My mind quickly starts thinking about the future and other things she may have me do before she gets home from work.  It's very easy to deny wearing women's clothes, wearing butt plugs or any other task she has me do when I am by myself.  It's a whole other level for me to do these things in front of her and impossible to deny.  I think it's more mentally effective for me to do these things in her presence.

Also, I am back to my morning schedule of 10 minutes of edging before getting out of bed.  It's an effective way of getting my head back in the game after my orgasm a couple days ago.  I was also instructed to move the webcam in my office so it shows me and my monitors.  There is a certain mind fuck about knowing I can be watched at any time without my knowledge.  Lastly, I have been told that today is a no porn day.  MBB thought it would be tough for me to edge without porn, it's not.  All I have to do is replay some of our scenes in my head, or imagine things MBB may have me do in the future.  My brain is pretty good about making it's own porn.

I am a very lucky man indeed.

Blogs that I look forward to reading...

Here are a few blogs that I can identify with.  They are inspirational of how a Female Led Relationship could work. The thing I like most is they seem to be based on relationships or concepts that work in real relationships, not some fantasy world that is too hard to maintain.

#1 A Lazy Domme's Guide -  I chose "Lazy Domme" not because I don't enjoy topping, but because I have to fit my play into a busy life.

http://lazydomme.blogspot.com/

Posts of Interest (that I haven't already shared)
http://lazydomme.blogspot.com/2011/07/classical-conditioning.html
http://lazydomme.blogspot.com/2011/04/punishments-done-right.html
http://lazydomme.blogspot.com/2011/06/erotic-blackmail.html
http://lazydomme.blogspot.com/2011/07/humiliation-in-private.html

#2 Becoming a Mistress - A Blog for the Average Woman by Mistress Ivey

http://mistressivey.blogspot.com/

Posts of interest
http://mistressivey.blogspot.com/2011/12/what-about-your-fantasies.html
http://mistressivey.blogspot.com/2011/09/it-about-you.html
http://mistressivey.blogspot.com/2011/10/pushing-envelope.html
http://mistressivey.blogspot.com/2012/09/teasing-with-tenga.html

#3 Strict Julie Spanks - One day my husband came to me and asked to be spanked. I tried it, and liked it! Now he may be getting more than he bargained for! 

Posts of Interest

http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2012/04/strict-ball-gagging.html

http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2012/07/i-spanked-trina.html

http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2012/07/good-little-cock-sucker.html

http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2012/07/husband-taught-his-place-in-front-of.html

#4 Miss Marie – Her Blog has been removed.

I really liked her and her subs dynamic.  Too bad she gone…

Some Eye Candy For Mistress

More than a few times MBB has told me she would love to see me with a man.  She likes gay porn and even TS porn.  I can see the appeal of it for her, but try and try as I might, I can't reconcile actually doing it in my brain.  I am not gay or bi, so it doesn't do anything for me.  I can see the fantasy part of it, (especially how brutal some of the gay BDSM porn I have seen can be) but if I was actually in that situation I would freak out badly  That being said, I am all for strapons, and anything a guy can do to another guy, I would be ok with MBB doing it to me with a strap on.  It's also pretty hot when she teases me about making me be with a man.

The pics below are situations I think MBB would love to see me in...

Fitting - found online

He felt so conflicted; at once excited by the novelty of her ‘little game’, and at the same time apprehensive as to how far it might go.

The week of self denial had been easier than he expected. It had been harder when she had teased him earlier in the week, but mercifully she had refrained for the last couple of days. This evening however, as she stroked and teased, he realized how easily she had used his frustration. How smoothly he had been maneuvered into apparently playful bondage. As her touch made him involuntarily strain against the wrist straps he was startled at how securely he was held, how helpless she made him feel.

Most embarrassing were the questions, and his involuntary responses. She was peeling away the secret layers of his soul, and each new revelation was being used against him. It was no use denying his desire to be humiliated. She had almost made him explode when she started to tease him about dressing him up and letting her friends come over and have him serve them drinks and snacks. And now, even as she quickened her pace again, she was suggesting that he didn't deserve to cum this week, and as his excitement grew he found himself agreeing.  How far will she go?

today's thought process

Last week, Mistress told me this weeks scene would not be pleasurable for me.  It would entail pain and most likely some bruising on my part.  Last night she indicated to me that my full balls were on her list of targets as well.  That has had me nervously thinking about what will happen.  These pictures came to mind.

Mistress isn't feeling well

Too bad Sophia doesn't have a nurse outfit or 2 to wear and take care of MBB...

Weekly Post

This last week was a good start.  MBB had me prepare our dungeon on Thursday night for some naughtiness.  I found myself tied to the cross with a vibrating inflatable butt plug in my ass while she stroked my cock and teased the fuck out of me. Between the buzzing in my ass and her expert hands that I have missed so much it wasn't long before I was ready to cum.  After extracting dirty confessions out of me, she stroked me to an orgasm...  But she stopped short.  Too Short.  I came, lots, but with no real orgasm.  With the plug still buzzing in my ass, she probably could have ruined a 2nd orgasm in short order.

I would have thought our scene would have taken the edge off.  Instead all it did was make we want MBB to be more of a Bossy Bitch.  I am getting a little sub spacey just thinking about it.  I am really looking forward to her doing things SHE wants to have me do or to do to me.  I want her pleasure to come first no matter that it means for me.  If it's vanilla sex, with or without an orgasm for me, that's what I want.  If she wants me to pleasure her with toys, and I get nothing, that's what I want.  If it makes her wet to beat me to tears and leave me locked in the dark, that's what I want.  I really am wanting to do what she wants.  I believe I can find happiness doing things she wants to do and things I don't think I want to do.  Just the idea is making me hard.  I am in love with my Mistress!      

Starting a daily post

I have recently decided to post every week on Monday.  This post is meant to reflect on my relationship with my Mistress as well as significant thoughts, wishes, desires or concerns.  To keep things interesting I am going to do my best to also post something every day.  This will be things I have found online that I feel are interesting or have significance.  It's also to reflect my mood on a daily basis vs. MBB having to try and see where my mind might be.  Here is today's item.

Found here http://lazydomme.blogspot.com/2012/09/ruined-orgasms.html  the text is copied and pasted  below.


Ruined Orgasms

Ruined orgasms are another one of those ironic and self contradicting kinks. People with this fetish enjoy not-enjoying their orgasm. Usually what it is they are enjoying is your control and dominance over their "ultimate" form of pleasure. This can also be one of those fantasies that people only want to experience once, and then have the threat of future ruined orgasms give you leverage during play or punishment. The fact that you can and are willing to do something so cruel is often a powerful turn on and motivator for your sub. There are however, some who like the idea so much that they actually have stronger orgasms when they think you're "ruining" their orgasm. I'll go over both; how to more completely ruin an orgasm, and how to make ruined orgasms more enjoyable.

The most completely ruined orgasm is one where, as soon the sub reaches the point of no return, he receives no further stimulation. You completely withdraw your hands from him, and leave him with nothing but air. But this can be trickier than it sounds. Having your sub tell you when he's just hit the point of no return not only feels like cheating, but it gives your sub the power to control how ruined his orgasm is by letting you go a little longer before he tells you he's there. The best approach is just to have your sub tell you when he's getting close to going over the edge. Test him by stopping right when he says he's close. If comes at this point then it's possible he was trying to get a less ruined orgasm from you. Punish as you see fit. Then try going just a few more strokes after he announces he's getting close. It might take a couple tries to figure out roughly how much more stimulation he can take when he's close. I suggest going only a stroke or two longer each time as to get the most fully ruined orgasm. I also suggest randomly stopping immediately after he says he's getting close just to keep him honest. This is a variance on the orgasm control game I wrote about last month. To judge how ruined an orgasm was, the best approach is to compare how much the sub came compared to normal. If there's a lot of cum, then he's either secretly enjoying it, or you've gone on too long after he's reached the point of no return. Subs with a strong fetish for ruined orgasms often enjoy them more than they would a simple vanilla orgasm.

If you look around for methods of ruining orgasm you'll find a lot of techniques other than the simple hands off approach I described above. When first learning about ruined orgasms I was put off by the multitude of options. In the name of science I set out to try as many different approaches as I could find, but almost immediately I realized that these variants don't ruin an orgasm more, they just make it more "fun" for you or your sub. In the same way some people like being "punished" with things they enjoy, some people like having their orgasms "ruined" in a way they enjoy. These people want to think they're giving up great pleasure to please you, but they secretly want enjoyment from it as well. Realizing this makes ruining orgasms much less complicated, if you're out to be crule or completely dominating, this is the ideal approach. If you're out for fun for you or your sub, try out some alternative approaches. While I still suggest you start by getting your sub to that point of no return, if you're just doing it for fun you can always just wait till you see him start to come before you do anything. There's also an off chance one of these variants will ruin an orgasm more than the hands off approach, but in general they make the experience more enjoyable. The best way to find out is to experiment.

The most common variant to a ruined orgasm is to restrict the flow of cum. The most common way to do this is when your toy hits that point of no return, you squeeze his cock either at the very base, or just under the head. While unnecessary, if done tightly enough, little to no cum will come out. Another approach, sometimes called thumbing the orgasm, is to put your thumb over the top of his cock head as you would to control the flow of water from a garden hose. This can also be done with a finger or even tape. Less cum is often associated with less enjoyable orgasms, so this gives the appearance of a completely ruined orgasm. The discomfort from the semen backing up has the potential to make the orgasm less fun for your sub. If you are worried about this you can let more of the cum escape. But usually the fact you are touching him more than offsets any discomfort.

Physical pain can be added to a ruined orgasm. If you are rough enough it could take some of the pleasure out of the orgasm, but once a sub has hit that point of no return, his pain threshold goes way up. For most subs this will cause a much better orgasm than the hands off approach, and for those who like pain or CBT, they may even have amazing orgasms. The most common method for mixing in pain is flicking the head of the cock or slapping the cock itself. Balls are an option too; slap them hard and/or squeeze them tightly as he comes. Another "painful" method is palming. This is often done with post orgasm torture, but with subs who are sensitive enough, this can be painful before orgasm as well. Palming is just using your palm on the head of a well lubricated cock. For most, this will simply make it more pleasurable. I suggest you try palming your sub before it gets to this point to see how he reacts in a normal situation. Pain will largely benefit the sub.

There are a couple off the wall approaches that don't fit into the above categories  One is to have ice ready and ice his cock and balls once he hits that point of no return. I'm guessing the idea is numbness but it doesn't seem likely to have enough time to do that. If anything it's just distracting. I've actually heard someone suggest choking or covering the sub's mouth and nose. I'd guess the idea here is to try and scare them into a more fully ruined orgasm. To me it sounds like someone's excuse to indulge in a choking or breath control fetish. If someone is scared by this, I'm not sure it's even an ethical approach. And then there's a bunch which are designed to distract the sub. These include, at the point of orgasm, playing a loud sudden noise, shining a bright light in their eyes, pouring lemon juice in their mouth, or even going as far as holding up pictures of gay porn or their family members. These techniques are usually done by the top out of curiosity or for their own fun or amusement. The tops I see talking about these sort of distractions are usually treating it like a science project. This sort of distraction might actually serve to more completely ruin an orgasm.

Which brings me to the mental aspects of a ruined orgasm. If a sub has a ruined orgasm fetish, then the ruined orgasm will be better if the sub is told about it ahead of time and visa versa. The anticipation will make play beforehand more or less enjoyable depending on the sub's interests. Tying up a sub so he can't "finish" a ruined orgasm also adds to the orgasm, especially if you make it clear it's so he can't do anything about his upcoming ruined orgasm. This works even if the sub is well behaved and wouldn't do such a thing anyway because it makes the already dominant act feel out of their control and more absolute. Another trick is to get the sub to try and hold back the orgasm himself. This gives a more completely ruined orgasm and can take the fun out of ruined orgasms even for those who have a strong fetish for it. If your goal is a more completely ruined orgasm, you can tell your sub not to come or otherwise try and motivate him to try and hold back. This just feels mean to me, and since only well behaved subs will actually try to hold back when instructed, it rewards misbehavior. And that's something you should try to avoid. But if you're using it as a punishment or just really want to take any possible fun out of it, this will sometimes do that for you. Finally, ruined orgasms can potentially leave your pet feeling unsatisfied or horny. Sometimes the sub will be unable to do anything about it, while other times the sub will be able to have another orgasm right away. Several ruined orgasms in a row can be quite fun and frustrating at the same time. It depends on the sub and the orgasm, but is something to keep in mind and watch for.

Any top who has "lost" or otherwise had a ruined orgasm is probably confused by this fetish. To better understand a sub who is interested in ruined orgasms, see if it's the controlling aspect of a ruined orgasm your sub likes, or if he likes the idea of being disappointed and wants you to use the threat as leverage or punishment. And it can be both. If your sub isn't interested in ruined orgasms but you are, then using it as a threat or punishment is probably the best option. While different approaches fit different subs better, it's important to pick something that sounds fun or interesting to you. There's no need to go through extra work you don't enjoy or pass up something you might. There's also no reason to limit yourself to one particular technique, feel free to mix and match. Don't let it be a chore for you.

More Communication

It's been over 3 months since I have posted here.  I am going to start posting weekly what has been going through my mind the previous week.  This to make sure I am getting thoughts out of my mind as well as to ensure my Mistress knows my state of mind.  This is not intended to be me asking for things or to be a pushy bottom.

Over the last week and a half, I had edged several times.  The two things that ran through my mind the most while stroking was forced cum eating and forced feminization.  While in California, I was forced to cum even though I didn't want to.  It's really weird how years ago I used to masturbate and orgasm every chance I had, and now I don't do either unless instructed.  Even when instructed to masturbate, I don't want to cum by my own hand. I think I am addicted to being teased mercilessly.  Before my trip I had fantasies of Mistress packing my underwear for me.  Instead I chickened out and wore men's underwear. I had also fantasized about Mistress making me cum into a pair of panties while I was traveling and that I had to bring them home all crusted with cum.  Mistress would tell me she was saving them for later to gag me with.

Also over the last week, I have been fantasizing about wearing panties 100% of the time.  Mistress would make me show her my panties a couple times each day to reinforce the mindset.  Some days she would pick out the pair, or change it up by making me wear pantyhose or stockings or shaper underwear under my clothes.  If Mistress ever caught me in male underwear (including those to work out in) without permission, a very unpleasant punishment would be in order.  

I have also been fantasizing about pink toenails again.  But instead of removing toenail polish when we go to the mountains, I would have to swap out bright pink for flesh tone nail polish.  No one would ever notice, but it certainly would be a mind fuck for me.  I also think of being made to wear clear nail polish on my hands for the entire winter with no exceptions.  It would be the same mind fuck for me worrying someone would notice, but I could always say my nails are having issues.  Part of my nail fantasy lately is being forced to wear fake nails that are already painted.  Since for the time being I am rarely leaving the house, I imagine having to put on fake nails and keep them on for 2-3 days in a row.  Colored fingernails are somewhat easy to get used to, but long ones would change everything I do with my hands.

I have also been fantasizing about wearing nighties again.  Not every night as it seems to lose its effect, but whenever instructed to do so.  As I wrote that last line, I realize it's not my place to say when I would wear nighties.  If Mistress wants it to be every night, so be it.  It is my job however to tell her if something is losing its effect.  While I do like having no option when it comes to wearing things, I feel less insecure when Mistress is involved in the decision.

As much as I hate chastity, I have been thinking about being in chastity.  Again, it's not for me, it's because I think my Mistress likes me in chastity.  If she doesn't care one way or another, I am really OK not being in chastity.

I have also been fantasizing about being dressed femme more often.  While it's a turn on to be dressed at home during the day, I really like the mild humiliation that comes with being dressed in front of my Mistress.  There is something about it that makes me weak in the knees and knocks me down a peg.

Lastly, I have been fantasizing about being told to "be ready" when Mistress comes home from work.  Whether that means I am dressed up, tied myself to the bed in advance, prepared to give Mistress a massage, locking myself in the cage, or just being naked in bed ready to pleasure my Mistress.  Being told to "be ready when I get home" seems to just get my mind racing.

Now all of the above is my fantasy.  While I think it's important to communicate, this is actually secondary to me.  Primary to me is "what does Mistress want?”  I want to do things that make my Mistress want to dominate me.  I don't want my Mistress to dominate me because I want her to.  It's so much more fulfilling to me for her to be pleased, turned on, and excited at the thought of dominating me instead of me being dominated just because I want her to.  So even if all the above happened to me, it wouldn't be the same if my Mistress was doing it just to please me.  I would rather only do a small fraction of the above so long as Mistress was doing it in a way that turned her on.

So it's with this post that I tell Mistress I want to be or do whatever pleases you.